by M. Clarke
Turning to him, I saw the bags under his eyes and the sexy stubble on his face, the stubble I loved to run my fingers over. Though he looked incredibly delicious in my eyes, he looked so worn and broken too. Oh my God! I didn’t know I could affect him this way. I did this to him. I didn’t leave him, but in his heart, he thought I did.
Before I could tell Max I was on my way to his place, Max flew to his left. “Max!” I screamed. Luke had managed to stand and fight back. As Max stumbled to get up, I guarded him with my body. I hated that Luke hurt Max. It felt as if he had done it to me. If Max wasn’t wasted, there would have been no need for my intervention, but I didn’t have to worry for too long. Matthew had been close by and pounded Luke with an even a stronger blow. “Don’t touch my brother, asshole.”
“What’s going on?” The bartender came around as the customers nearby scrambled for safety.
“Nothing.” Matthew said. “We were just leaving.” Without a word, Matthew threw some cash on the table, grabbed Max’s arm, and started to haul him toward the exit.
Standing there dumbfounded, I looked over my shoulder to see Max slumped over, obeying Matthew’s order with the most hurtful eyes looking back at me. It pained me greatly to see him this way. It hurt even more to realize he was walking out the door thinking I didn’t want him.
Tonight, I saw Max’s vulnerability for the first time. He had always been my rock, the one that held us together, but now he was lost. I didn’t think he needed me, but I had been wrong. I didn’t know our time apart would cause him this much heartache. I finally realized that if he had said the words I had said to him, I would have felt the same. The ball would have been in his court and I would not have gone against his wishes. Going to his place tonight was probably not a good idea, after what just happened here. I would have to wait until tomorrow.
Turning back to Luke, I gave him the most evil look I could. “You bastard. You knew he was behind me.”
“Looks like there’s trouble in paradise,” he gloated, dabbing the blood off his lips with a napkin. “I told you he was no good for you. You’ll come running back to me when they throw his sorry ass in jail.”
I don’t know what came over me, but I had become more aggressive these days. On an impulse, I smacked him hard across his face. The palm of my hand stung like hell, but I didn’t care. It was worth the pain. It wasn’t something I would normally do, but it sure felt good to do it. “That was for Max and the kiss you took without my permission. If you ever come near me again, I’ll call the police and get a restraining order.”
I heard Luke mumble a few words as I walked away. Just before I shut the door behind me, I looked to where Ethan and I had sat. My one connection to a possible witness to help end this lawsuit was gone. He was GONE!
Lying on my bed wearing Max’s T-shirt, I rubbed the lack of sleep from my eyes. Matthew had texted me to let me know he had taken Max to his place. He suggested I talk to Max the next day, since today they had a long meeting scheduled with his lawyer. It was the longest Saturday of my life and the day had barely begun.
Thinking of my meeting with Ethan again, I grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Mr. Shaw’s cell.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Mr. Shaw. This is Jenna Mefferd. I’m so sorry to bother you on a Saturday morning, but I needed to tell you something important that may help Max’s case. To make a long story short, I overheard a rumor that Crystal had done this before. She used to work at Rave Magazine, and I think—”
“Ms. Mefferd. Please don’t say or do anything else that might jeopardize this case. We are fully aware of Crystal’s past. We are working on it. I appreciate your wanting to help, but please let me do my job.”
“Of course, Mr. Shaw, but do you know who that person is?”
“Ms. Mefferd….”
“I know. You can’t disclose that information. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“That’s okay. I assure you, Max is in good hands and I will do everything in my power to stop this from going to court, if possible.”
“I’m sure he is. It’s just that—”
“You’re doing your part by attending our sessions. We’ve covered a lot of ground, and there might not even be a need to meet again. I thought you did much better the last time we met. If all goes well, we won’t be going to court. Of course, if you do find any new information, you are welcome to let me know. Have a nice day.”
Feeling a bit better about what Mr. Shaw was doing, I stared at the ceiling as thoughts ran through my mind. Of course, Max would hire only the best. What was I thinking?
“Jenna, come eat something.” Becky’s words went in one ear, out the other. “If you don’t get your sorry butt out of bed, I’m going to spoon feed you.”
Knowing Becky would keep her word, I paced toward the kitchen.
“So you’ll talk to him tomorrow. Everything will be fine. He’s not going to push you away when you apologize for acting like a big baby.”
“Oh, now it’s all my fault?” I plopped myself on a chair at the dining table. Becky had made me an omelet and a cup of coffee. “Thank you.”
“No. It’s both of your faults. He should have told you, but at the same time, you shouldn’t have punished him this long. It’s been more than a week. It must have been driving him out of his mind, thinking all sorts of crazy stuff. I know it would have made me nuts.”
“Matthew told me not to see him today because of their busy schedule. I’m going there tomorrow to set this straight. I’m sure Matthew will let him know.” Becky stiffened when I mentioned Matthew. “Are you sure there is nothing going on between you two?”
“No, why would you say that?”
“Just wondering.”
“Before I forget, we have a second fitting for our bridesmaid dresses. Nicole texted and left the date. If you haven’t already, you may want to check on that. I’m going to be out of town for a book convention. You know, the one I go to every year. I’m leaving in a couple of days, and I’ll probably visit my parents for a little while too. I really hate to leave you at a time like this.”
“Becky, go. I’m fine.”
“Relationships are difficult. If they weren’t, then everyone would do it. But seriously, if relationships went on without a hitch, there wouldn’t be any need for couples counseling or divorce court. Life would be boring and there would be no make up sex,” she winked. “And Jenna…” she paused. “Sometimes falling in love means letting go of the past…his past.”
“Okay.” I nodded. I knew she was right.
“I need to go pack.”
“I’ll clean up. Thank you for breakfast.”
“Always a pleasure, my dear.” Becky suddenly turned when she got to the door. “Oh, and go have some great make up sex tomorrow.” Her brow arched, giving me a playfully wicked smile.
“Becky!” I exclaimed. “Hey, I almost forgot. Matthew asked me why you haven’t returned his texts or calls. He’s wondering if you’re mad at him.”
Becky’s expression became stoic at first, then her lips slowly fell to a pout. “I’m always mad at him.”
Stepping out of the elevator, my pulse became unsteady. Max and I needed to get things straightened out, so why was I so nervous? I didn’t know what I was afraid of. I couldn’t even put it into words but I had to think this through. Seeing the door slightly ajar, I was just about to knock when I heard voices.
“Whatever you need, I will be there for you.” It was a female’s voice, and that alone made my heart sink. Someone else was comforting my Max when it should’ve been me. Guilt consumed me, fast and hard, and all I could do was stand there, contemplating what to do.
“Thomas and his team are working long and hard. They may have something to discredit Crystal. We may not even need to go to court, but this is all hearsay,” Max sighed heavily. “Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined being in this situation.”
“Oh, Max, darling. You know what you need right now? You need a good
lay.” Her tone was flirty and I could imagine her dirty hands touching Max on his fine chest. Who wouldn’t want to?
“You know I’m not with anyone right now,” she continued.
Oh God! Cringing from her words, I wanted to disappear. As heat flushed through my body with jealousy, I waited for Max’s response.
“You know I’m taken…I think.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“You really need to leave,” he ordered. “I have work to do. Crystal may have broken my spirit, but damn her to hell, she’s not taking anything else from me.”
“Like I said before, all the models will testify on your behalf. You’ve been nothing but kind to us, making sure we are always treated well. You’re always a gentleman. It’s the least we can do.”
“Thank you for stopping by, and for your support, Ella. Thomas will contact you if he feels it’s necessary.”
Hearing the smack sound of a kiss, I wanted to go in and let her know I was here before she tried anything else. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Max. I just didn’t want her hands on him any longer. Before I could make myself disappear and knowing she was about to leave, I was still caught up in eavesdropping as the door swung open.
Sucking in air, I was beyond embarrassed as both of their eyes set on mine in shock. Ella was beautiful, with long brown hair and a slim body; she looked exactly how a runway model should look.
“Jenna? What are you doing here?”
Max’s words stung me deeply, sounding as if I had no business being there.
“I came to talk to you.” My courage faltered. “I left you a message and texted to let you know I was coming.”
“I left the phone upstairs.” Max turned to Ella. “Ella, this is Jenna.”
“Ah, the ‘one.’ It’s a pleasure meeting you.” Ella was sweet, despite the fact she tried to jump into bed with Max. After shaking my hand, she walked out the door.
“Hope to see you both at the London Fashion Show.” With an air kiss to both of us, she made her way to the elevator.
Instead of welcoming me in, Max left the door open while he walked inside. Closing the door behind me, I placed my purse down on the kitchen counter and headed to the living room. The first thing I saw was Max’s shirt and the blue tie I bought him for Christmas, tossed on the sofa. This was not like him at all.
Max faced the grand window, where the beauty of the city shined below. Just looking down, he could get lost and forget about what was in front of him—me. He had his arms stretched out and his palms planted flat against the glass. I could see his chest rise and fall slowly. As his toned muscles straining under the sleeves of his T-shirt distracted me, I wondered what he was thinking.
Feeling my nerves wavering, I laced my fingers together to keep my hands from trembling as I gathered the courage to speak, but Max beat me to it.
“If you’re here to gather your things from upstairs, you’ve come at a bad time. You could’ve came when I was out. That way, I wouldn’t have to see you walk out of my life.” Max’s voice was soft, but I could feel the pain in it.
He really thought I was leaving him. Oh my God! How do I fix this? “Max, I didn’t come to take my things. I came to apologize. I was upset, hurt, confused, and I just needed time to catch my breath. You and I, well, it all happened so fast, and then all this stuff with Crystal. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about your past, or the things you did with her. A part of me felt like I wasn’t good enough for you.”
Max slowly turned his head, furrowing his brows. “Have I ever made you feel worthless?” he asked softly, looking drained.
“No, Max. But what am I supposed to think knowing you and Crystal did things you and I have never even tried? I’ve been so insecure. I’m afraid that I don’t satisfy you, and one day you’ll leave me because I don’t fulfill your needs.”
“You give me no credit, Jenna. I’m not that kind of a man. I’m glad we’re communicating, but I’m beginning to think you don’t know me at all. It took every ounce of willpower not to break down your door and bring you back here myself. But I wanted you to come when you were ready, on your own terms.”
“It’s not you, Max. I know you’re a good man. It’s me.”
“Then what do you want?” He asked sternly.
And there was that question that could make or break us. I knew what I wanted, so what was I waiting for? “I want you, Max. I want us. I’m sorry for being immature and stubborn. I’m sorry I put you through hell while I worked things out. I always knew what I wanted, but—”
“But….” he repeated my word. “You didn’t come faster because you knew I would be waiting for you.” He sounded angry, and it made me shudder.
I could see this was heading in the wrong direction, but he was right. I took my time because I knew. Maybe I was too late. “No,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know why, but I tortured myself too. But you have to understand that I was hurting. When I found out that Crystal had the same car, how do you think that made me feel? How do I know I’m not just another girl you’ll get tired of eventually? You told me that you kept things from me to protect me, but how do I know you weren’t hiding them instead?”
“You’re right. I didn’t realize I was hurting you until it was too late. I’m sorry for the things I should have done. I should have broken down the door and made you see how much you mean to me, instead of waiting for you to come to me. That was childish of me. For the record, I never leased a car for Crystal. She negotiated that in her contract.” Max exhaled a deep sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jenna. No one will ever love you as much as I love you. It’s not possible. I love you more than my own life. I would never hurt you.”
Just when I thought everything was going to be fine, his eyes darkened, filled with anger. He looked furious. “But you walked away from me. You walked away from us. There are times when you realize you’ve been defeated and sometimes you have to let go, so I’m letting you go.”
What?! Did I hear him correctly? He didn’t want me anymore? I was so stunned that it took a minute to register what he’d said. When the reality hit me, the voice in my head screamed…Noooooo! As tears stung my eyes, my heart dropped to the floor, and my body quivered inside from his words. Suddenly the air was too heavy and thick, and I could hardly breathe. His words sucked the air out of my lungs, as the shock shattered my world.
“You’re letting me go?” I whimpered, hoping I had heard him wrong, but when he spoke with the same angry tone, I knew he meant it.
“You fuckin’ left me when I needed you.” Trembling from his tone, his words cut so deep that it destroyed me, but again, he was right. I had pushed him away and slammed the door in his face. Oh God. What have I done? I’ve ruined us. Max had never used foul language at me before. Once again, that showed how upset and beyond angry he was.
“I know, Max,” I confirmed wearily. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for acting immature. I should have been there for you. You needed my support, my understanding, my forgiveness, and my love, but instead I turned away.”
Unable to handle the heart-wrenching wound, and knowing this was the end for us, I headed for the kitchen to grab my purse as tears dampened my cheeks. At that moment, overwhelming regret kicked in. I had waited too long. I let my pride and insecurity get in the way of a blooming relationship. I wanted to crawl into a hole and sob until I could forget this day, until I could feel nothing and forget Max and what I’d done to us. Before I walked out of his life, I needed to tell him how I truly felt.
“I know I haven’t said the word before, but I can say it without a doubt. I am in love with you, Maxwell Knight. I love you, and I want you to be mine. I want to belong to you, and only you. Do you hear me, Max? I love you. And I will say it a million times and shout it out to the world to make you hear me.”
As my words flew out of my mouth fast and loud, Max’s eyes sparkled and his blank expression turned into raw hunger. His stride was long and fast, with a purpose. Oh God! He
was coming for me! My body was already pulsating, reacting to him.
Before I’d lost any more of my dignity, I wanted to run out the door. When I reached the doorknob, Max swung me around.
“Jenna, we are not done, nor are we broken. I had to see how you would react. I needed to know. Now I see you truly love me.”
Confused, I peered up at him as I wiped my tears.
“No matter how many times you tear us down, I will build us back up. I will be patient with your insecurities and lack of experience in relationships. I will continue to show you time and time again, how much you mean to me. I will wait for you. You are everything to me. That is the reason I can’t let you go.”
I felt as if I had breathed in the sweetest air. He awakened me, making me feel high. His words went straight to my heart. He had torn me apart, but then he put me back together with his love. Max continued speaking, as his hands weaved through my hair, pulling me closer to his lips.
“I’m going to enjoy punishing you for what you put me through, but not in the way you think. I would never hurt you. I’m going to punish you with my lips, my tongue, my hands, and my body. You’ll be begging me to stop. I’m going to make you feel every single bit of worth. I’m going to strip you down naked to your soul, so you’ll feel everything I’m feeling. Until you know how much you mean to me and how much you turn me on. Until you understand how much I love every part of you, your beautiful body, your heart, your mind, and your soul.”
“I still wonder why me, when you can have anyone?”
“Why not you, Jenna? Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you. Only you. No one can control who they fall in love with. Just the sight of you drives me wild. And God help me, because I can’t control myself around you.”
His passionate words, hungry eyes and body so close to mine, made me lose all control. I slammed my lips to his so hard that it hurt. It felt as though we were kissing for the first time and we couldn’t get enough of each other. God, he tasted so good. I had missed kissing him, devouring him. I needed him NOW!