There were a few mentioning songs, but not by name. “I’m working on the song,” or “the song is nearly finished, I’ll play it for you tonight.” That didn’t help. I kept scrolling through.
There was a message to some guy called Richo, a few weeks’ before he died. That might say something helpful.
Jake: you holding?
Richo: Yeah, whatya want?
Jake: the usual, 2gs.
It took me a while for me to work out what that message meant. Drugs? He was talking about drugs? Maybe he’d sent the message for someone else?
I read the rest of the messages. More of the same. Then more messages to other people. He’d not been too careful about spelling out what he wanted either. Even the day that he’d died, he’d messaged someone, wanting to get hold of some coke.
Jake? Jake, my brother, was like that? I’d never seen him do drugs.
Pete’d not said anything after Alex had warned him off but surely he’d tell me if this was true or not. I grabbed my stuff and headed to Trouble.
I walked blindly to the club, not really sure what I was doing. The whole image I had of Jake had shattered. What other things didn’t I know? Hell, he could be a complete stranger to me. Maybe everyone in town knew. Everyone but me.
Pete was working downstairs when I arrived. I pushed through the crowded bar, so much noise, so many people. Definitely not the right situation for talking about private matters. I should’ve thought of that. Most times when I’d been in there, it’d been quiet.
I saw Sally and waved to her. She rushed to me.
“You look a mess,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” But the words came out as a sob and she put her arm around me.
“What’s that bastard done to you now?”
I shook my head. “Not Alex.”
“My office is behind the bar. Oh, you know that. Well, we can go in there.”
I think there was a bit of a barb hidden in that “oh, you know” but I went with her. For all Sally said that she’d be okay if I got with Alex, I knew she’d actually hate it a lot.
“Drew, get Dee a drink. Something strong.”
When I got to her office, I told her everything. All about Jake. She put her arm around me and patted my back.
“Why did Alex keep that from me?” I asked. “It doesn’t make what he did any better? He was still driving the car. It just makes me look like an idiot for not knowing.”
“Hell, girl, you were just a kid. People aren’t going to tell you that kind of thing. And then, after he died, they didn’t want to drag out the dirty laundry. Probably not many people in your hometown knew, anyway. And it could sound a lot worse than what it was.”
I nodded. That made sense. But Jake wasn’t the squeaky clean guy I’d believed in. He’d had secrets.
“I need to talk to Pete,” I said. “I need to get this sorted out.”
She nodded. “Wait a minute. I’ll relieve him at the bar so he can chat to you.”
“Hey, sorry I had almost sex in your office.”
She smiled and slipped out of the room. A moment later, Pete knocked on the door.
“I hope this is important,” he said. “I’m working.”
“Sit down.” I folded my legs, preparing myself for this conversation. “We need to talk about Jake.”
“Alex said he’d kill me if I told you anything.”
Which, in itself, meant there was something to tell. Pete was lousy at keeping his mouth shut.
“You aren’t telling me anything, you’re confirming what I heard elsewhere. Whole different situation.”
He nodded.
“The night that Jake died, was he doing drugs?”
Pete didn’t meet my eyes. He looked around for a moment.
“Do you really want to open all that up? It’ll be messy.”
Like Pete hadn’t already opened it up. He had some ulterior motive in wanting me to know this. I’m not sure if it was get in good with Alex, which had backfired anyway, or he just wanted to hurt me.
“I need to know.”
“Then, yes, he was. He was a god-awful mess. There’s no way he could’ve driven that car. It was up to Alex to drive. You probably don’t want to know this, Dee, but we were worried he’d overdose that night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this in the first place, after he died?”
“What? No way. You and your parents, you didn’t have to know anything. You were mourning. None of us wanted to mess with his memory.”
“So, why now?”
“Because Alex is crazy about you and you won’t give him a chance. Before, it was just about Jake. He could take his secrets to the grave. Then you wanted revenge on Alex, but I figured, once you came face to face with him, that would change. But the bitterness is still there. It’s not fair to Alex to blame him. It’s not just about you and it’s not about Alex. This revenge shit is going to ruin our band. This is my career, not a toy for you to play with.”
I didn’t want to ask Pete about the woman or the dick pics. My brother’s sex life was his own business. It’d be ick to get the details. I didn’t want to know any more about the drugs either.
This didn’t make Alex any less culpable.
“One thing, why didn’t you drive?”
Pete gave a strange grin. “You know I regret that, Dee. I’ve regretted it every day since.”
Alex
The time in the recording studio had been a dream. No false starts, no screw ups. I’d gone in knowing exactly what I wanted. The sound engineer was on the same page. Couldn’t be more perfect.
Saturday night, we had our support slot for Holden’s band. Not at Trouble but Mansgrove Arena. That place was huge and Holden would be able to pack it out. It’d be a massive boost. We’d win those punters over and be on the way.
I left the studio, feeling everything was right with the world.
When I got to Trouble, Holden was at the bar. The look on his face made me pause. He was an easy-going guy, it wasn’t often he didn’t have a smile.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“The opener’s pulled out for Saturday. Last minute thing. Apparently, their guitarist has a burst appendix. My manager’s been calling around but it’s such short notice.”
Hell, the last thing I needed was this gig to be cancelled. I’d been counting on it to create some pre-release buzz for us.
“Why don’t you have a chat to Sally? She might be able to suggest someone. She knows all the bands that play here and there’s got to be someone who’d jump at a chance like this. Hell, most of them would give their right arm.”
“I hope not,” he said with a wry grin. “They wouldn’t be able to play.”
I couldn’t talk to him after that. A couple of suppliers came in and then there was an emergency with the sound desk that needed sorting out.
Holden was gone when I came back down but I assumed the problem had been dealt with. It was a prize opportunity.
Dee
I’d been in a deep funk for days, ever since talking to Pete. Pete had pretty much kept out of my way at home and I’d been working as many shifts as I could to build up my bank account. We saw each other at rehearsal but then the conversation was about music and music only.
Pete occasionally shot me glances, trying to look apologetic. But he’d wanted me to know. He’d wanted to tear down that shrine I kept to Jake in my heart. The one who’d tried to protect me had been Alex. Maybe there was more to Alex than I’d thought. Not that it mattered. Alex hadn’t even made an effort to contact me and that stung like a whip. It stung my ego and it stung my heart. He was avoiding me. That’s all there was to it.
Then, in the middle of rehearsal, I got a phone call. Sally wanted to know if we’d support Holden’s band. It was a last minute fill-in. It wasn’t at the club but some big venue. He’d just asked Sally to get in touch with me.
“I don’t know if we’re ready for something like that. That’s way bigger than w
e’re used to. We’ve only played a handful of times.”
Pete shot me a look. He didn’t hear the first part but he was ready for anything, he thought. He’d never knock back an opportunity.
“Holden specifically asked for you guys. There’s one thing though, Dee. The other support band will be Zero.”
I grimaced. That was a problem. It was all problems but still, exciting as well. My stomach flopped around like crazy. I wanted to do this but I sure as hell didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of a huge crowd.
“I’ll think about it,” I said. “I’ll call you back soon.”
As soon as I got off the phone, Pete jumped on me.
“What? What aren’t we ready for?”
Could I lie to him? He’d never pass this up. I had to tell the truth, no matter what. I told him what Sally had said.
“Hell, you don’t think about something like that. You say ‘fuck yeah’. You jump on it. Call her straight back. NOW.”
I inhaled. I needed a moment.
“What if we screw up? We’ve played a few gigs, to a decent enough crowd. This is going to be thousands of people who’ve never heard of us. They’ll slaughter us if we’re shit.”
“So? We won’t be shit. If we have to rehearse 24/7 until Saturday.”
I turned to Ferdie. “What do you think?”
He put his head on the side, as though weighing it up.
“Hell, Dee. Let’s do it. If we fuck up too badly, we can change our band name, change our faces and reinvent ourselves. If we don’t fuck up, then we’re made.”
That settled it. Ferdie was always the level-headed one. I didn’t want to mention the Alex factor. That was my personal concern and the band didn’t come into it.
I called Sally back and told her we were all over it.
“Hell yeah, play the hell out of that stage and make Alex look like a chump.”
I doubted we could do that, but we’d give it a good try.
“We need t-shirts to sell. We need stuff.” Pete had put down his bass and paced the studio.
“We need to rehearse,” I said.
Alex
I wanted to be gone from the club before Dee came in. They were playing tonight.
My avoidance strategy had been working well. Except for those times when I remembered the taste of her on my tongue or the silky soft feel of her hair. The sway of her hips and the smell of her skin. She’d burrowed into me, deep inside my mind, and I couldn’t break free of her that easily. This bond between us was not something that I needed or wanted, it just was. But, the two of us could never be. The past constantly rose up between us.
I didn’t want to think about the new burden of guilt piled on top of the festering heap. I’d been backed into a corner with “Fifteen Minutes”. I’d find a way out though.
Drew sat down beside me.
“Hey Alex, have you thought about letting me play upstairs?”
That was honestly something that had not been on mind for even a millisecond. In the swirling mess that my brain had become, Drew’s musical career could not hold a place.
“Talk to Sally. She handles that.”
“Really? So that’s like a green light from you?”
“It’s not a green light. It’s not a light at all. It’s standard procedure. Same as with any other band.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to Sally then. Hey, are you waiting for Dee to come in?”
I sneered at him, wanting to wipe that grin off his face.
“What makes you think that?”
“Come on, Alex, everyone knows you like her.”
I didn’t bother answering that. I just got up and walked out. I couldn’t even find peace at my own bar.
Then, Friday afternoon, Holden messaged me. He’d sorted everything out for the gig and gave me the details for sound check and the rundown for the night. At the bottom, almost as an afterthought, he added that the new opener would be Dee Cups.
Fuck. That was the worst. We had to play “Fifteen Minutes of Sunshine”. That was non-negotiable. I’d known Dee would find out some time but I wanted to hold off that moment for as long as possible. If she was there, she’d hear it and all hell would break loose.
Underneath that thought, came another petty one that squeezed my chest. I hated myself for even thinking it but that didn’t stop it.
I’d worked my guts out to get this shot. I’d put in years of practice and playing. I’d planned everything. She’d been in her band for minutes and she got to open for a huge gig like this. I wished her well but not that well. It almost felt like she was taking something from me.
The idea burned in my brain. What if she was better than me? She sure as hell was luckier. I hated to think of her as competition but that’s the way it worked. Had she flashed a smile at Holden? Fluttered her eyelashes?
No, she wasn’t the type.
I should be happy for her.
Screw it, if she didn’t like us playing the song, then too bad. I’d worked on it with Jake. He’d have never even thought of music as a serious career if it hadn’t been for me. I’d put the money into the band, even bought him that guitar. The one that Dee played now. Didn’t I deserve something out of that? Hell, how could Dee even prove that he wrote that song, not me? We’d done all the songwriting together. I’d suggested improvements, whole parts of it even. It was as much mine as it was Jake’s.
I’d play “Fifteen Minutes” and, if she had anything to say about it, I’d fob her off. I owed her nothing. She was the one who’d hunted me out when I’d just wanted to leave my past behind. She’d stirred everything up. Hell, for all I knew, she was playing my guilt to get a free ride to the top.
I had to put Alex first and screw anyone who got in my way.
Dee
So far, so good. Good, meaning I’d gotten through sound check and all without laying eyes on Alex. I could fight the urges in my pants so much easier when I didn’t actually see him. No temptation was a good thing. That didn’t mean I could resist searching for his face among the people buzzing around the place though.
I even dragged us out of there straight after our sound check. I could do stuff like that because my feelings for him were nothing. Even if I’d softened in moments of temporary insanity, I didn’t really care. That was just hormones.
It was all fine until we got back to play the actual gig. Each band had their own fancy room backstage. I could get used to that. Holden popped in to wish us luck.
“Not that you need it. You guys are going to kill it.”
“You think so?” I said. My hands were trembling and they got worse the closer it came to stage time.
“I know so.”
He sat down with me and went through some breathing exercises that helped him get ready.
“But go with it. Nerves are a natural thing. Once you get up there, it’ll all disappear.”
God, I hoped so. I couldn’t find my guitar pick. I had a heap of picks but there was one special one I wanted. Things would not go well without it. And, I swear to God, I was getting my period even though it wasn’t due for a week. I’d get on stage and bleed like a stuck pig. I wanted a pad just to be on the safe side but none of those useless guys had anything like that on hand. I told myself it was only nerves but then, stress can cause your periods to screw up.
One of the production chicks came in to see if everything was okay and I pulled her aside to see if she could sort something out.
“No worries,” she said and ran off. Minutes later, she came back and slipped me a liner.
Pete watched the whole thing.
“What was that? Are you scoring drugs? Share them around,” he said.
I opened my hand.
“Top quality panty liner here. Feel free to snort as much as you want.”
The look on his face was worth it. I laughed so much that the nerves vanished. A quick trip to the bathroom and it was time to go on.
“We can do this; we can do this…” I muttered under my breath.
I walked out there, looked at that immense sea of people and my stomach dropped to the ground. I’d die. Then Ferdie started with the drum intro and I grabbed the mic.
The next thing I knew, it was over. We were walking off stage. I had no idea what had happened but Pete was grinning.
“We did good?”
“We did good,” he confirmed.
I could breathe again. Holding your breath through a full set was not good for you. I wanted to grin now it was over. And eat. I could eat a whole herd of horses. I’d been too nervous to eat all day but it was over and we could relax. I was looking forward to seeing Holden’s band play.
As I walked down the ramp to our room, I saw Alex standing at the side stage area. Without thinking, I smiled at him. He turned away. Ouch. That stabbed me right in the heart. Bastard.
When we got back to our room, someone had left us a whole platter of sandwiches. Man, I could scoff the lot. Pete was into the beers but Ferdie fought me for the sandwichy goodness.
“I’m going up to catch the rest of Zero’s set. You guys coming?” Pete asked.
Since the platter of sandwiches was now a platter of crumbs, Ferdie went with him.
“I’m fine. I don’t need to see that.”
Once they’d left though, the emptiness of the room made me sad. I wanted someone to share this moment with. A friend or lover. I sent a text to Sally to let her know I’d done okay but there really was no one else. They were all watching Alex.
Then Carlie came in.
“Here you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
“Aren’t you up watching?” I’d figured she’d be there with Pete and Ferdie and everyone else.
“Na, I’ve been hanging out with Holden, sorting out last minute shit. Are you coming up to watch?”
Alex’s set would be just about over, so I grabbed a beer and went with her.
As we walked up the ramp, I could hear music. They must’ve just gone into their final song. As we got closer, I realised what the song was. I grasped Carlie’s hand. There was no way he was performing that song.
I ran up the ramp, thinking maybe I’d been confused. But no, there he was, on that stage singing Jake’s song, the one he’d refused to let me play.
Rock Revenge: Alex's Story (Access All Areas Book 4) Page 12