How dare he talk of her as if she was nothing, especially with another woman clinging on his arm like she belonged there?
She was not going to cry.
“Don’t let me disturb your activities dear husband. I just came to drop off your lunch.” Outwardly calm she put his lunch box on the bar and turned around to walk away.
“Mary Margaret,” Daniel called. The woman was still smiling invitingly at him, completely ignoring Mary Margaret. “Thank you.” He tipped his hat at her. Mary Margaret didn’t know what she was going to do with the overwhelming shame of being treated as a stranger by her husband in front of other people.
Composed she replied, “You are welcome. See you at home.” With those last words she walked out. Truly, pride comes before fall, she thought to herself as she removed the flower she had stuck in her hair, and desperately scrubbed at the strawberry red of her lips. She managed not to cry until she got home.
***
As the piano man started playing his tune again, Daniel turned back to the semi-clad woman in front of him.
“Thanks Sissy, that’s enough,” he said.
“But I haven’t even shown you my best routine yet!” Sissy pouted. Unbidden, she sat down on his lap.
Her cheap perfume completely enveloped Daniel. But all he could think about, was the sweet scent of lavender. That scent that was so unique to Mary Margaret. His Mary Margaret.
Impatiently he pushed the lounge singer off his lap and stood up.
“I am sure the rest of the act is fantastic. I think you should show it to Brett though. He is the one who is interested in adding song and dance to this saloon. Unfortunately I would not know a good entertainer from a crappy one.” With these final words, he escorted the performers out the door. His thoughts were preoccupied with his wife’s unexpected visit.
She had actually come to the saloon. To see him. For him. Suddenly he smiled. Maybe there was hope for their relationship after all. Maybe, just maybe she didn’t despise him?
TEN
Mary Margaret woke up before dawn. Her mind in turmoil as she remembered her humiliating experience the day before. Who knew rejection could hurt so deeply. Once she had gotten home, she had spent the entire afternoon in prayers.
When evening came and Daniel didn’t come home for supper, she realized that she had made a grave mistake coming to Nevada. She wanted the safety and warmth of the love of God and her sisters at the convent. She curled up in her bed and let the tears come. She wanted to go back home, Mary Margaret thought with a fierceness that shook her. She thought of the Mother Superior’s kindly face. Did she have it in her to forgive Mary Margaret and let her return to the convent?
Even if they wouldn’t allow her to take her vows, Mary Margaret would be happy to work on the grounds and earn her keep. It would be a far better life than here, where she felt like an unwanted stranger. This morning, she would pretend all was as should be, but no matter what, she intended to leave Nevada and her marriage before midday.
She threw wood into the still warm fire and when it got going, she put on a kettle of water for tea. In a few minutes Daniels breakfast was ready and waiting; a chunk of bread and the two fried eggs. Mary Margaret herself settled for a mug of tea, her appetite all but gone. She watched him stare at the eggs and then his hunger won over, and he sat down and ate every last bit.
“Thank you,” he replied smiling, completely surprising Mary Margaret.
She nodded and got up to clean the dishes. She had a plan and she felt bad because it involved using the money in the jar. But then again, Daniel had given her the money to use as she pleased. He paused by the door before he left and she could feel his eyes on her. She kept hers downcast. Before she realized what was happening, she felt the soft caress of his lips on her cheek.
“Have a nice day,” he whispered before turning around and walking out the door. She stood, stunned, clinging to the door. Slowly she trailed her fingers were his lips had been. It doesn’t mean anything. Determined she hardened her heart. Those lips probably were all over that singer yesterday.
She set about giving the house a thorough clean and then sat back at the kitchen to write the letter.
Dear Daniel,
By the time you read this I will be long gone, back to where I belong in New York. The last couple of weeks have been dreadful for me and I imagine for you too. It seems that we both made a mistake in believing an arranged marriage via correspondence would prove to be a match made in heaven. I want to apologize for the money I have taken from the jar. Please understand. I have no money myself and I desperately need to go back to New York. I wish you all the best. I give you all my blessings to get the marriage annulled. You can write to me at the convent if there are any papers I need to sign.
May the Lord bless you and give you peace and I pray the same for myself.
Sincerely,
Mary Margaret.
She folded it and wrote Daniel’s name on the folded side. She placed it near the sink where he would not miss it when he got home. Packing her clothes took less than five minutes, most of the time which was spent looking outside forlornly. Mary Margaret slipped on her boots and stalked out of the room and the house. She saddled the horse, and as best she could, she tied her luggage to the saddle and pulled herself up.
Last night, Mary Margaret had slept knowing that she was making the right decision, but now, her heart felt pulled in two different directions. It was as though she was running away from her problems rather than confronting them and dealing with them. Mary Margaret knew she was not the most patient of people, but Daniel’s coldness towards her was more than she could bear. She had reconciled herself to the fact that he worked in a saloon by thinking perhaps the Lord had brought her to him so that she could bring him to the Lord.
On the other hand, Daniel’s very attitude did not endear him to anyone. He made no effort whatsoever to change the atmosphere between them and she was tired of trying. As she rode to Carson City, her heart ached, as if she was leaving it in Jamieson Ville. The ride with the stagecoach has seemed so smooth and short. By horse, it took her longer than expected. By the time she reached the train station, it was empty. She climbed off the horse, her inner legs sore, since she was unused to prolonged ridding.
“May I please have a ticket to New York?” she asked the Ticketmaster, who stood behind the counter.
He looked up from the paper he was reading.
“How do you do ma’am? Let me check the schedule. You’re in luck, the next train departs tomorrow morning at six.”
Mary Margaret groaned. “I was hoping to travel today,” she muttered.
“Well I’m afraid that’s impossible, at least not by train,” he said and chuckled.
He grew serious when he saw the stricken expression on Mary Margaret’s face.
“I’ll wait for it here,” Mary Margaret said. “How much is it?”
“You’ll wait for the train here at the station?” the man said.
“Yes, I don’t mind. It’s only a few hours till then.”
“Ma’am, it’s more than twenty four hours. It gets very cold at night even though we’re in the summer.”
“I have some warm clothing,” Mary Margaret said thinking of her tattered coat folded at the bottom of her case.
He shrugged. “As you wish. There’s no law against waiting for a train.”
Mary Margaret felt better when she held her ticket in her hand. She moved away from the counter to the dirt platform along the railway line. It was peaceful with just the sound of wind as it ruffled the trees and birds cackling in the distance. She thought of her final destination. What would Mother Superior think seeing Mary Margaret back at the convent?
She had seen a lot and Mary Margaret had a feeling that her return would not be as shocking to her. In her bones, she felt a little disappointed in herself. There were so many things she had done wrong in her eagerness to get married, the most glaring being that she had lied.
No matter h
ow many times she prayed about it and asked for forgiveness, the truth was that she had not apologized to Daniel for lying to him. She had known from the beginning that disclosing that she was a novice nun would put him off. Many people thought that nuns were a different kind of people whom they did not understand.
She was human like everybody else, Mary Margaret thought to herself. She had judged Daniel harshly and even allowed herself to be repulsed by his work. Judge not and you shall not be judged. The verse came so clearly to her mind as though someone had whispered it into her ear. It was too late now for regrets, but Mary Margaret vowed to be wiser in the future. But somehow, this realization offered zero comfort to her tattered heart. She should pray, but she knew it would give her no solace. How had he managed to steal her solace away? She sat down on the only wooden bench next to the tracks, clutching her cross.
ELEVEN
Daniel glanced at Brett as he wiped the tables down and put the chairs back in place. All day, they had hardly exchanged five words. Oddly, it made Daniel sad that there was tension between them. He had an inkling that it had to do with the other night. The matter disturbed him too, and he had shocked himself by his outburst. He felt foolish but had no way of righting the matter.
He had ended up working late yesterday and by the time he had gotten home, Mary Margaret was still sleeping elsewhere; although his cold dinner was waiting for him on the kitchen table. Sleeping alone was a sharp reminder of how lonesome it had been without her presence. He looked up when Brett walked up to the bar. Daniel banged his hands none-too-gently on the counter.
“OK out with it. What’s been eating you all day?”
Brett contemplated him before he finally spoke.
“I just don’t understand you. What is it you have against Mary Margaret? You’ve made her life miserable since she got here and as far as I can see, she’s tried her best to fit in,” Brett said.
“Miserable? I stay out of her way and mind my own business,” Daniel said defensively.
“Oh really? Is that what you call marriage? Look, I know that mother and father did not have the ideal marriage, but Daniel, it doesn’t have to be that way for us. We each choose our own paths.”
“Since when did you get so wise?” Daniel said.
“Leaving the safety net of home does that for you. I’ve suffered a lot over the years, sometimes with nowhere to lie down or eat. I don’t take all this for granted any more. And you shouldn’t take Mary Margaret for granted either.”
Daniel licked his dry lips. He had nothing to say in defense of himself because he knew what Brett said was right. Besides, he had seen the fire go out of Mary Margaret. When she first came, she had an excitement about her that had slowly diminished. It pained him now to realize that he was the cause of that. He remember how he had to force himself to walk away from her that very morning. He was tired of the current situation he realized. He wanted a real marriage with all that it entailed, and he wanted it with Mary Margaret.
“What do I do?” Daniel asked his brother.
“You could start by apologizing for your bad behavior the other day,” Brett replied.
“I know that was foolish, don’t know what came over me.”
“Whatever it was you had better get it out of you or you’ll lose her.”
“Did she say something?” Daniel asked startled.
Brett chuckled. “Mary Margaret does not confide in me. Besides, I stay away from her as much as I can, I hate to see how much she has changed. She’s a shadow of her former self.”
“I’ll make it right,” Daniel said firmly.
He did the rest of the jobs in a haste so as to get home to Mary Margaret. At the barn, he and Brett parted ways. Daniel stood at the kitchen door and inhaled deeply before pushing the door open. The silence and darkness of the house struck him first and ears strained to listen for movements.
Daniel lit the lamp and illuminated it round the kitchen. A cold feeling came over him. He saw the note propped up by the wall, and with trembling hands he unfolded it. He read the words in mounting disbelief, and the first thing he thought was that Brett must have known that Mary Margaret was leaving.
He put the lamp down and hurried out, rushing to the farmhand quarters. When he got there, his mind had calmed down enough to reason. This wasn’t Brett’s doing, Daniel thought. If he knew that Mary Margaret was planning to leave he would have told him. He slowed down when he got to Brett’s door, then gave it two quick knocks.
“What is it?” Brett said when he opened the door and saw him standing there.
“She’s gone, Mary Margaret’s gone.”
“Did she say where?” Hurriedly Daniel showed him the note.
“Back to New York,” Daniel said. “Oh God, what will I do now?”
“It should give me great pleasure to say I told you so but it doesn’t. Let me get my coat, we may still catch her at the station.”
“Right,” Daniel said, wondering why he hadn’t thought of that himself.
They left in the buggy, Brett in the driver’s seat, as he said he did not trust Daniel not to run them over a cliff. As they sped away to Carson City, Daniel found himself praying for the first time in his life.
Please God, don’t take her away from me. I promise to cherish and protect her. I promise to do a better job, just let her be safe and still here.
The journey to Carson City seemed to take forever. By the time they arrived there the train station was dark, only illuminated by the little light from the moon. There was no one at the counter and Daniel had all but given up when Brett pointed out to him, a huddled figure on the platform.
Daniel went closer and saw Mary Margaret’s sleeping form. His eyes filled with tears that he had brought her to this. She was in such a haste to leave that she preferred to spend the night out in the cold. He went to her and sat down. As though she sensed another person’s presence, she woke up startled.
“It’s me Mary Margaret. It’s alright,” he said soothingly and did something he had never done before. He pulled her into his arms and held her in a tight embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured over and over again.
Her shoulders shook and he could tell that she was crying. He held back his own tears, wanting to be strong for her.
“I was wrong the other night, please forgive me. I was wrong from the beginning. I did not tell you about the saloon because I thought you would not marry me.”
Mary Margaret sighed. “I lied to you too by not telling you about the convent. I too feared that when you learnt that I was a novice nun, it would frighten you away.”
“It might have,” Daniel admitted, “But please don’t leave.”
She sniffed and gave no reply, just buried her head in his coat. He took it as a good sign that she did not push him away. But Mary Margaret wouldn’t, Daniel realized with a jolt. She was gentle and a lady.
“No, I have to go. I cannot stand it. I don’t care about you being a saloon owner. I can’t endure seeing you with other women,” she murmured against his shoulder.
“What other women?”
“That saloon girl from yesterday. That is probably why you didn’t come home for dinner,” she sniffed against his coat.
“What? That’s not what happened at all. It ended up being a late night since the miners get paid on the 4th Friday of the month,” Daniel replied soothingly.
“I cannot imagine myself being with any other women. Don’t you know you already have my heart?”
“I do?” Mary Margaret asked, gazing at him in amazement.
“Please don’t go away. We can make our union work. After all it was blessed in church remember?” Daniel said.
“Yes it was,” she acknowledge shakily. She couldn’t think properly as Daniel was soothingly caressing her hair.
“What do you say we go home Mrs. McGraw?” At his words, her heart constricted and she knew she belonged with her husband.
“I say that’s a fine idea,” she whispered in repl
y.
They left the station hand in hand, feeling closer than they ever had. As he held his wife’s had, Daniel realized he never wanted her to doubt his devotion to her and their family life. He did not need the money from the saloon anymore – he had enough set aside. Money was not that important to him, it was just security against poverty. He thought about it hard and when they reached home he had made up his mind.
He and Mary Margaret said goodnight to Brett and he led her into the house. His heart beat wildly and his fingers burnt where his hand held Mary Margaret’s. He knew they would finally consummate their marriage. He had often thought of this moment but even in his thoughts, no feeling had come close to what he was feeling now.
“Will you come into our room Mrs. McGraw?” He offered, looking into her huge blue-grey eyes.
“Yes husband,” she replied softly, her heart thudding in her throat.
TWELVE
Mary Margaret sang as she got breakfast going. Her heart was as light as a feather and she felt joy that penetrated into every fiber of her being. She thought of the night just past and blushed deeply. She knew the way of husbands and wives, but the reality was a magical experience that she wished to repeat over and over again.
When Daniel walked into the kitchen, kissed her lips then drew her away from the stove, and encircled her in his arms.
“Have you recovered from my attentions last night?” he whispered.
“Somewhat, yes,” Mary Margaret replied, feeing hot on her skin.
“Would you like to go back to our bedroom?” Daniel said, nuzzling her neck.
“No, Brett…” she gestured.
Hardly had she spoken his name, than he walked in. He looked at them and beamed. Mary Margaret wanted to vanish, she was so embarrassed. She felt as though Brett could read her mind and knew that she and Daniel had hardly slept.
The night had been magical. It was as though they were discovering each other for the first time. They had talked and told each other their deepest thoughts and fears. Mary Margaret confided in Daniel that she wanted many children, as many as the Lord would bless them with. Daniel too confided his fears that he wouldn’t be a good father, having had no solid example to draw from.
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