“Let them rest, it’s still early morning and they had a busy day yesterday,” Ada explained pouring out steaming tea into two mugs.
She sat down and wrapped her hands around the mug. She lifted it up to take a sip and stopped midair at Jacobs’s voice of steel.
“We always pray before each meal,” he snapped.
“Oh, I apologize,” Ada said and gently placed the mug back on the table.
“Why don’t you pray for us this morning,” Jacob suggested.
“Me?” Ada croaked.
He did not answer, merely looked at her and then he brought his hands together and closed his eyes. Ada desperately searched for the correct words. A memory of the nuns at the poorhouse praying came to mind.
“Our Father in Heaven, we thank you for this day that you have given unto us. We pray that we conduct ourselves in ways that will please you. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.”
Ada gingerly opened her eyes and looked at Jacob. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that he was pleased by her efforts.
“What are you doing today?” Ada asked.
“I need to take the cows out to the pastures and then to the fields. The potatoes should be ready for harvesting. I might take all of you with me tomorrow, the more hands the better,” Jacob said.
Ada felt like clapping with glee. They sounded just like a normal married couple discussing their plans for the day and she liked it. The girls came in then, rubbing their eyes and looking like they would rather be in bed. Ada saw nothing wrong with letting them have another hour or two of sleep. Jacob, she knew, looking at the frown he now wore, would not agree with her. Ada was sure it would have something to do with what Miriam liked to say.
SEVEN
The Ways of Men and Women
Jacob forked his potatoes and put them in his mouth distractedly. He was nervous at the prospect of the night that lay ahead. It had taken him three weeks to reach the decision and he was determined to go through with it. He looked up at Ada, her face animated as she spoke with the girls.
Over the last two weeks, they had gotten closer and he had reached the point where he knew they could not continue in that manner. They finished their dinner and Jacob moved to the front room and looked up the word for the day as he waited for Ada and the girls to clean up the dinner dishes.
That evening, he rushed through the reading and did not ask for anybody’s opinion on the scripture. He saw the look of surprise that the girls and Ada shared. Jacob shrugged. He could not even tell you himself what he had read. He had never been this nervous about a woman, even with Miriam the first time.
The thought brought memories to him and a pang of regret at what he was about to do. Saying his vows to Ada had not seemed like an act of disloyalty but consummating their marriage did. He felt as though Miriam was looking over his shoulder and was waiting to see if he would go through with it.
It was foolish, even Jacob knew that. In the last few weeks, Miriam’s image had started to disappear but now she had returned to him with a vengeance. While his mind was in a quandary, his body was not and he craved intimacy with Ada. Sleeping next to her every night was starting to prove torturous. After all, he was only a man. Tonight would be the night. He felt as though that final step would close the distance between them and they could be true companions.
“I’m a little tired today, I’ll go on to bed,” he said shortly. “Goodnight everybody.”
“We’ll be along shortly,” Ada said.
Jacob changed and lay down under the blankets waiting. He could hear them talking in the living room though he could not decipher the words. They never seem to run out of conversation and a part of him longed for that kind of closeness with Ada and his daughters. Perhaps if he and Miriam had had a son, maybe he and the boy would have been close.
Finally, he heard the girls’ footsteps as they went to their bedrooms. He knew Ada was almost coming to bed herself.
When he heard her footsteps, his heartbeat quickened and he swallowed the lump in his throat.
Dear Miriam, I will always miss and remember you but Ada is my wife now and I must do right by her.
Moments later, Ada was in the room. She smiled at him and proceeded to change. Jacob never ceased to be amazed by her lack of shyness.
She stripped off her day clothes and slipped her nightdress over her head. She joined him and immediately came close to him and nestled her head against his arm.
Two hours later, Jacob was still awake, staring at the darkness of the ceiling. He was seething from anger and had to brush off bits of saliva from the side of his mouth. The headache that felt like it would explode in his head was slowly easing. He lay unmoving, his hands gripping the edge of the blanket.
Beside him lay Ada, snoring as though she had no care in the world. Now he understood her courage in changing as he watched. She must have been used to it. Jacob groaned. How could he have been such a fool to think that anything good would come out of advertising for a wife? Their preacher had given Jacob the idea and at the time, he had thought the idea perfect.
Thinking back, Jacob saw that it had been too easy and the scriptures warned that things gained hastily were bound to dwindle.
Finally he fell asleep, but at the first light of dawn, Jacob was up. He remembered the previous night and closed his eyes at the pain that tugged at his heart. He had been deceived. It was as simple as that. Mechanically, he wore his day clothes, went out to the outhouse to splash water on his face and then slowly walked to the kitchen.
He mumbled greetings to Ada, who smiled at him shyly and then seemed confused by the coldness in his eyes. Did she think that she could lie to him and he would never find out?
“Morning Elizabeth, Rachael?” he said and then sat down.
Breakfast was a quiet affair and for that, Jacob was grateful. He needed time to think but as soon as he tried to think rationally, the anger consumed him again, overtaking him like uncontrollable floods.
“We’ll read from the scriptures this morning,” Jacob said, breaking their tradition of morning prayers.
He took out his bible although he knew the verses by memory.
“The Book of Mathew, Chapter Eight tells us that: Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Titus, Chapter One: To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their minds and their consciences are defiled.”
Jacob knew that he had raised his voice but he couldn’t seem to control himself. The anger was nothing like he had ever experienced before and he let it carry him wherever it wanted.
“Colossians Chapter Three: Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
The verses sprung out like a volcano emitting lava: fast and angry, tripping over one another. His hands, clenched into fists, moved this way and that way. Saliva jumped from his mouth to the table.
“First Corinthians, flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
Jacob banged on the table hard. He glared at Ada. She had moved her seat further back and looked like a trapped animal. The girls had moved closer to each other. Jacob felt like spitting but instead, he pushed his chair back violently and stormed off. In the barn, he grabbed his hoe and made for a rough patch of land that was uncultivated.
With all his strength, he brought the hoe down, cracking the hard earth. He did this repeatedly, his brain still and his body moving in a pattern. Lift, dig, lift dig…There was not a moment to think and Jacob kept this up for an hour. Finally, he dropped the hoe. His muscles weakened and then did something he had not done since he was a child.
He broke down and sobbed into his hands. How had everything gone so wrong? Have you deserted me, Oh, Father? Jacob cried out in his heart. How had he ended up with a sinner, a woman who was not pure in body?
EIGHT
Why had she thought that she could get away with it? The question whirled in her mind, repeatedly. Maybe she was one of those people who were destined to spend their whole lives in misery. Why Lord, why me? Tears rolled down Ada’s cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to get the cows out of the shed.
She stopped all efforts of getting the cows to cooperate and instead, sank into the straw pile in the corner. Having being married before, Ada knew the ways of men and women but she had fooled herself into believing that Jacob would not know. She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest. Where would she go now?
For all she knew, Joanna had now closed down the agency. They had made a pact that both of them would become mail order brides by year-end. She knew Joanna had already started corresponding. Loud sobs seemed to emerge from her mouth and she tried to muffle them with her hands. At the thought of Joanna, Ada shook her head. She had failed her friend when she had so much hope for her.
She had told Ada many times what a wonderful mother and wife she would make. Ada smiled through her tears. She really did enjoy being a mother to the girls. They were beautiful and intelligent and they made her laugh. Her heart twisted at the thought of never seeing them again, never seeing them grow up into beautiful and God loving women.
Ada sat up straighter and let her knees drop to the ground realizing there was something that she could do. She tried to recall one verse from the scriptures and to her joy; it came to her, clear as glass, as though someone had written it on her brain. But if we confess our sins to God, he will keep his promise and do what is right. He will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoing.
She pushed herself to her knees and closed her eyes. Ada’s heart was full of an emotion that she could not describe. The emptiness and hopelessness was gone.
“Dear Father in Heaven, I want to confess my sins this morning. I have wronged you and I have wronged my husband. I am a sinner and I ask of you to wipe my slate clean. Forgive me dear Father. Help my husband to forgive me. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.”
Ada opened her eyes and surveyed her surroundings. This was her home now and she would do whatever it took to make everything right with Jacob. She got to her feet and knew what she had to do. Ada resolutely walked out of the barn and went in search of Jacob. He was not in the cornfield, nor was he in the patch of wheat, the kernels of which were gently swaying in the wind.
She walked further on and finally spied him, standing in the middle of an empty patch of land, the hoe on the ground. When she got closer, Ada stopped in shock, for Jacob was silently weeping. She stood still, watching him, her heart breaking into a million pieces. She was the cause of his anguish. The knowledge that her actions could make a grown man such as Jacob weep, hurt her more than she could have imagined.
He noticed her then:, rose up, quickly took his hoe and continued assaulting the ground. She breathed in deeply, gathered all her internal resources and walked to him.
“Jacob?” she said tentatively.
He dropped the hoe and turned. His gaze held hers with a cold stare that almost swept away her courage.
“I beg for forgiveness my husband,” Ada said, not knowing where the words had come from, but grateful for them nonetheless. “I lied to you by not telling you everything about myself. The truth is that I was once married before.”
Ada paused when she saw him visibly flinch. She licked her lips and then forced herself to continue.
“His name was Roderick and we were married for two years. The reason I don’t speak of it is because it is something I wish never happened. Roderick was a mean man and a drunk,” Ada explained, her eyes now looking far off, her mind transported to that bleak period of her life.
“He beat me every day and locked me in that one roomed house so that I never got to see anyone or go anywhere. I lived in fear every day for those two years. One evening, he came home roaring drunk and angry about some money he had lost in a betting game. He blamed it on me. The beating was far worse that night and it dawned on me that if I did not escape, he would kill me. Now I know that God was looking out for me because that night, he was so drunk he forgot to lock the door. I escaped and walked almost all night, until I found myself in front of this house, that I felt compelled to knock on the door,” Ada said, the memory of meeting Joanna bringing a tiny smile to her face.
“I met Joanna Hunter that night. She took me in and gave me a job and a place to stay. I never told her where I had come from nor did she ask. I heard later that Roderick had been killed in a saloon brawl and I finally knew that that horrible part of my life was over.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jacob asked, his eyes softening.
Ada sighed deeply “I don’t know. Perhaps I was frightened that you would not have me if you knew I was once married. When I met you and the girls, it was easy to forget the past. You taught me about the love that the Lord has for all of us. You and the girls taught me what it felt like to be part of a loving family. I thought of telling you, but each time I postponed it.”
“What made you tell me now?”
“I recalled a verse from the scriptures that said all we need to do is to confess our sins and our Father in Heaven would forgive us all of our transgressions.”
“Which book is it from?” Jacob asked a twinkle in his eye.
Without missing a beat, Ada said, “First John, Chapter One, Verse Nine.”
They smiled at each other for a moment, before Jacobs face closed again.
“I don’t know Ada. I feel betrayed and angry that you could have kept away such a big part of your life from me. I would still have married you even if you would have told me.”
“I know that now,” Ada said softly.
He fastened his eyes on her.
“You were not really a Christian were you?”
Ada closed her eyes and fought the impulsive urge to lie.
“No, not in the real sense of the word. I was raised by nuns in the poor house, but the truth is, I never believed that God loved me or even gave any thought to me. However, now I can say with confidence that I’m a Christian woman who loves the Lord.”
NINE
In Sickness and In Health
Jacob tried to raise his head from the feather pillow but it felt too heavy. Something was not right; he could feel it in the heat that his body emitted. Ada had woken up earlier and he could hear her as she prepared breakfast for them. He could see her now in his mind, moving from the stove to the table, her face solemn and the movement of her hands quick.
He decided to lay in bed for a while longer to see if he would feel better. The last week had been an awakening for them both. In his private moments, Jacob had prayed and prayed for his heart to soften and he could feel the work of the Lord in him. The anger was almost completely gone and so were the feelings of betrayal.
Knowing that Ada had been married before made it easier to accept her. But every time he thought of that man Roderick, he felt a murderous rage. He did not understand men who beat their wives. How could one raise a hand to someone that was left in his care? Some things were beyond comprehension. He winced at the sudden pain that seemed to run from one joint to the other. He hoped he was not coming down with something.
He dozed off for what seemed to be a minute and woke up to someone gently shaking him awake.
“Jacob, are you all right?”
Ada’s face, creased with worry hovered above him. He tried to smile and grimaced instead.
“I feel a little under the weather. I should be all right after some rest,” Jacob said, the effort of speaking exhausting him.
She touched his forehead and his neck.
‘Yes, you’re a little hot,” she said. “I’ll be back in a moment.
She left and retuned a few minutes later with a bowl. She sat at the edge of the bed and proceeded to wipe him down from his face to his neck. The feeling of a cold cloth on his skin brought some relief to Jacob, and he smiled at her gratefully. She left
again and it must have been an hour or so later that she returned with a bowl of soup.
Jacob pushed himself to a sitting position and refused to give in to the urge to moan. The pain in his joints hurt but he did not want to show Ada how much and worry her.
“Some soup to get your strength up,” she said cheerfully and placed the bowl in his hands.
Jacob took a tentative spoonful and made a face.
“What is it? It tastes bitter.”
Ada laughed a little. “It is vegetable soup but I’ve mixed it with an herb the girls and I collected. It will make you feel better, I promise.”
“Where did you learn that?” Jacob asked, prolonging the moment when he would have to take another spoonful.
“At the poorhouse. You learn all sorts of things there.”
The herb must have had sedative effects, because the next thing Jacob knew, Ada was gently taking the bowl from his hands and he sank gratefully into bed. Jacob woke up hours later, the pain in his joints gone. His nightclothes clung to him and he could smell the odor of sweat. He felt oddly refreshed albeit a little weak.
He pushed the blankets away and got up. Yes, he did feel better, Jacob thought, waving his hands. He got out of his nightclothes, and dressed and then went on search of everybody. He went to the kitchen and opened the door. Still, he could not see Ada and the girls. None of them were about.
He stood still, contemplating his next move, when he heard muted voices that seemed to come from the barn. He padded towards the structure to the slightly ajar door. He stopped when he heard Elizabeth mention him.
“…Father does not like to hear me or Rachael laugh or talk out loud. It’s just his way. But I like it better since you came. Father even laughs sometimes. He never used to laugh much when mama was alive.”
“He loves you very much,” Ada’s voice rang out.
“I don’t remember much of mother now. I hope I never forget her,” Rachael said.
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