Pure Abandon

by Jeannine Colette

  “I was so happy when you stopped working with her. I didn’t think it mattered anymore. Then you got this job, and I was hesitant at first, but you were so happy. I never had a problem with you returning to work. I was afraid of what would happen with you working with Malory again…” He trails. He removes his hand from my arm and takes a step back. “Who knew the bitch would actually drive us apart?”

  There is an awkward pause. I don’t want to say anything. I’m lucky he’s talking to me this much.

  His head is bowed, looking at the ground. I assume he pictures me on the same level as the dirt. He’s standing so close, yet he feels miles away. How is someone I was closer to than anyone in my entire life now my most distant acquaintance? It doesn’t feel natural. This isn’t the Gabe I know. Then again, I’m no longer his Kat.

  Gabriel’s eyes start to redden. “It doesn’t feel like it really happened. Like the last few days were just a dream.”

  “I wish they were just a dream. If I could take it all back…”

  “No, Kat. You cheated on me. Don’t you get it? You broke our vows. Everyone waits for the husband to screw up. It’s the women you have to watch out for.” He turns his back and heads toward the car. He pauses just before opening the door. “You know, if I didn’t see it, I would have never have believed it. I just never thought you would do that to me.”

  I never thought I would either. Just a few weeks ago, I was devastated when I heard my cousin’s wife had an affair. I was the wreck, and it was Gabriel who seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing.

  “What about those couples you were telling me about? The ones who moved on? You said it yourself. Couples get back together… These things happen…” I try to bring back some of his own words from that conversation not too long ago.

  “Not to us, Kat!” His words nearly spit at me. “Don’t you dare try to throw my words back in my face. Shit happens to other couples, but not to us. We’re better than this.” His jaw tightens as he calms himself down. “I thought we were better than this.”

  I take a step toward him as he lowers himself into the front seat, and ask, “Where do we go from here?”

  He takes a deep breath before answering my question. “I’m going to see my lawyer in the morning.” He closes the door. He turns the ignition and lowers the window. “I’ll be at The Inn until I find a place.”

  I regret my decision for going to this damn gala. Even though I know I should stay away, I feel like I need the closure. I started this project, and I have to see it through.

  I step out of the bathroom, and Gwen beams at me like I’m going to the prom. Her one-week stay has turned into two. Believe it or not, I still don’t want her to leave.

  “Kathryn, you look…” Words fail her. “Oh, honey, after everything you’ve gone through, you deserve to see this event in all its glory. You worked so hard. I am very proud of you.”

  I give her my best Grayson smile. “Thank you, Mom. For everything.” We embrace and she holds me, really holds me, for the first time since I was a little girl.

  The dress looks as goddess-like as the day I tried it on, and with zero markings of the department store floor. I have on the most beautiful pair of silver strappy stilettos that cost me a fortune and will be the last big purchase this single mom makes in a long time. Gwen did my makeup, and I did my own hair in long soft curls. I looked demure, yet I’m ready to kick some ass if I have to.

  Asher arranged for a car to pick me up. I think it’s his way of ensuring I actually make it to the gala. I haven’t seen him since that day in the office, and tonight will be my last. I am all too happy to see Devon round the SUV and open my door. I’m immediately thankful to have the escort when we pull up to the gala and Devon has special permission to cut the limo line and accompany me to the front entrance. When we pull up to the curb, he opens my door and takes my hand to lead me onto the black carpet.

  It’s everything I hoped it would be and more. Topiaries of dahlias, peonies, and roses line the carpet in an archway, leading people to the venue. At the far end is the photographers’ pit with a step and repeat for interviews. The fountain is illuminated in lights and a handmade marquee hangs special for the evening, announcing Asher’s benefit concert. Spotlights stand on both sides of the venue, letting people know there is an event happening right now that people have to take notice of.

  I bypass the main entrance and make my way toward the side. I am all too thrilled to see Trish wearing a headset and holding a clipboard. Looks like Erik and Asher did the right thing and promoted her to my spot. I want to say hello, but a quick wave and a nod good luck is all I can spare, as she looks like she’s in full producer mode. I can hear her telling the cameraman to get a pan of the exterior.

  I walk into David Geffen Hall and make my way toward the theater entrance. Standing there is a man wearing a black tuxedo, bow tie included. His golden highlights glisten in the pin lighting of the room, and I don’t have to wait for him to turn around to see his eyes.

  As if he can feel my presence, Asher turns and faces me. His is a mixture of elation and relief.

  Golden eyes look me up and down. I know he approves. “I’ve told you this before, and I will tell you again. You are beautiful.”

  “Thank you, Alex. So are you.”

  “So we’re back to Alex. Looks like I’m not in trouble anymore.”

  “No, you’re not in trouble. We’re friends, right?”

  “Yes. Friends.” He takes my hand in his and leads me around the room, introducing me to New York elite. One person I don’t see is Malory. “She’s fired,” Asher answers my unspoken question. “I want you to know I never paid any mind to those emails. Once I got to know you…” He lifts my hand and brushes my knuckles against his lips. “I knew what was true.”

  We chat with dignitaries and celebrities, socialites and scholars. The room is filled with old money and new, and for Asher, they are willing to empty their pockets. Asher praises me to each and every one of them. And when he thinks I’m not looking, I catch him staring at me. He looks proud, and he should be. He put on a spectacular event. No, two spectacular events. The other I’m sure Heather is doing an incredible job at.

  Before the curtains go up and the speeches begin, Asher leads me backstage. Trish is keeping everything close to itinerary, and I pat myself on the back for doing such a great job putting everything together.

  Asher and I stand backstage together, waiting for his cue to make his speech. I wonder if this is the life I would lead sticking by Asher? Fancy productions, big events every weekend. If I met him at another time, would we be together?

  He takes the stage with charisma and magnitude. The women in the audience gasp at his incredible good looks, and I hear a few backup dancers backstage talk about getting in his pants after the show. I’m sure a few of them will succeed.

  Harvey did an excellent job with Asher’s speech. The audience eats it up, and I can hear the wallets in the crowd opening up.

  Asher is soon by my side, and he takes my hand. “Come, let’s go for a walk.”

  I hear a few whiney voices in the background. Calm down, ladies, he’ll be back!

  I take his hand and follow him out into the courtyard. He looks beautiful in the evening light. I will never tire of looking at this exotic Adonis of a man. Even at night, his perfect mouth and square jaw are illuminated against his tanned skin.

  “Are you going to the park? I’m sure Heather will need you at some point. You are the face of the organization.” I look over toward the park. You can see the lights of the event from here.

  Turning back toward Asher, I catch him staring at me, mesmerized. “No, Kathryn. I am exactly where I want to be.” He’s smoldering, and I don’t know if my heart can take it.

  “No. Please. I know that look.” I beg him for a reprieve.

  “Good. Then you know exactly what I’m going to say.” His eyes lock onto mine.

  “There is nothing we can do. It’s over. It was a one time—�
�� Before I can get the words out of my mouth, his lips are on mine. Warm, soft, passionate lips. They feel just as good as they did that sinful weekend.

  I part my lips just enough, allowing him entrance into my soul. Our tongues meet and his passion pours into me. With one hand wrapped around my waist and other around my neck, Asher pulls me into his body, and I fall helpless.

  My arms lock around his neck and my fingers lace into his hair. I lose myself so easily when I’m with him. I have to stop. This isn’t what tonight is about.

  I release his lips from mine and try to step out of his embrace, but his hold is firm on me. “Don’t leave. Stay with me.”

  “Stay with you? And then what? I move in? We get married? We raise my son together?”

  He’s not letting me go. Tobacco and vanilla eradicate my senses while golden, caramel eyes show something I’ve never seen before on him.

  “I love you.”

  What? Love? Alexander Asher doesn’t fall in love. Once, but that was a long time ago.

  I stare into those forbidden eyes and get swept up in the emption behind them. Deep, soulful wanting is hiding behind those shades of gold turning into warm caramel. My breath is momentarily taken away by the angst hiding inside. Conviction he has, but what he needs and what he wants are two different things.

  “Asher… you don’t love me. You think you love me. You’re panicking and you think the only way you can keep me is by telling me you love me.”

  “Listen to me.”

  “I am listening. I’m listening to a man who is so scared of losing his friend that he will do and say whatever it takes. You’re ready to be loved and to love someone, but it’s not me. You don’t love me.” I place my hands on his face and take in his beauty.

  “Stop it!” He grabs my waist and pulls me into him, close and protective. “Can’t you feel it? Even Malory knew. She said it on that damn tape.

  “I love you, Kathryn. Ever since I saw you in the rain. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I loved you when you told me off in the elevator. I loved you when you came up with this crazy idea for two concerts. I loved you when you danced with me on that stage and when you let me share myself with you at the tomb. I loved you standing in the halo of the streetlights, and I loved you when you let me make love to you.

  “And I don’t care if you’re married or if you have a kid or if I have to give up everything I have to make this right. You make my life make sense.”

  My heart falls and loses beats in the process. His words are everything a girl can dream of, yet they’re not right. I shake my head and try to pull away from him. He holds on tighter.

  “Kathryn. What can I do to prove it to you?”

  I don’t know what’s right anymore. Do I love Asher? I never took the time to even think about that being a possibility. I had fallen for him, but how deep? In love? In lust? I certainly wanted him, but have we both fallen so far when fate wasn’t looking?

  Maybe it was fate all along.

  “I need time.” It’s the only thing I can think to ask.

  “Time.” He registers my request and appears to be satisfied. “I can give you time, but not too much. I know you, Kathryn. You’ll run. I knew I should have never taken you out of that hotel room.” He smiles that gorgeous smile and brushes a lose strand of hair off my face, cupping my face in the process. “Tomorrow. Meet me at the W Hotel. I’ll be waiting for you. Take the night, but that’s it. I love you, Kathryn, and I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

  Time. I’ve bought myself time.

  I lean up on my toes and kiss this impossible man on the cheek and hold on to it for what feels like an eternity. This gorgeous, successful man who is also a philanthropist and classically trained musician who has the world at his fingertips wants me. Me. A soon-to-be divorcee, mother of one, with no job and no friends. There is something incredibly wrong with the universe.

  Asher leads me back to the SUV where Devon is waiting. He sends me on my way, hoping I’ll return to him with the answer he desires. As magical as it seems, this isn’t how I envisioned the night playing out.

  Devon has special permission to drive through the park, as it’s closed for the evening’s special event. I’m glad to be able to see it in all its hectic glory. The lights, the people, the security. It looks incredible. The music soars through the air, and I revel in the amazing production that was put together in a few short weeks.

  And tomorrow, it will all be gone. This concert is just like Jackson’s building blocks. Build them up to knock them down. And tomorrow, there’ll be another production for Erik, another sparring partner for Heather, another Twinkie for Asher.

  Oh, Asher. Why did you have to turn my world upside down? You are amazing in so many ways, but you had to play the love card.

  Is it possible for him to love? Yes. He can love and will love deeply, but is it for me? And do I love him? Did I fall in love with him in Miami?

  I did fall in love once. At a beer pong table? No. That was lust. I fell in love with Gabriel the next day, at breakfast. I fell in love when he made those god-awful pancakes. I laugh to myself at the thought. Gabriel is a terrible cook.

  Memories assault me of Gabriel and me on our first date at the batting cage where I taught him how to swing a bat. When I met him, I thought he might be a baseball player. He wasn’t. He was on crew, but I didn’t know that, so I thought he might enjoy the cages. It was something I did often and hoped we could share it together. Well, one look at his swing and I knew I was dead wrong. Sure, he hit the ball with power, but it went in every other direction.

  He was sweet about it, though. He let me show him the correct stance and proper follow through. Luckily for both of us, he was a fast learner. Now he hits the ball fast, far, and on target every time.

  My thoughts are disrupted when Devon pulls up in front of my house. I kindly thank him for the ride and wave politely from my front lawn as I watch him pull away. I take one look at my front door and know I’m not ready to go inside yet. However I do, for a second, only to grab Gwen’s keys. I hop in her car and drive away.

  I could go to the batting cages, but I’m in a dress. I could keep driving, but for some reason, I find myself in front of The Inn. I don’t know why, but I’m parked right in front of the hotel Gabriel is staying at.

  I’ve never been at The Inn before. It has a gorgeous rustic feel. As soon as you walk in, you’re greeted by a large foyer with a stone fireplace. Tonight the fire is roaring even though it’s warm outside. To the right is a reception area with a beautiful birch mahogany desk and a large winding ornate staircase leading up to the second level just beyond it. To the left is a bar area. It’s still early, and although I may be slightly overdressed, I think I’ll have a drink.

  The bar is empty except for a few guests in the corner that are seated at a table, enjoying a nightcap. I decide to take my party of one to the bar. I hop on the stool at the corner and order a whisky. I need the strong stuff to survive.

  I take one swig and my throat burns. I don’t drink enough to know if it’s because he gave me the good expensive stuff or the cheap lower shelf brand. I might as well keep on drinking. I deserve the burn.

  “Since when did you start drinking hard liquor?” I’m surprised to see him standing there. Not for the fact that he’s standing there, since I am drinking in the hotel he’s staying in. I’m surprised because the sight of him still does things to me.

  “I guess I just wanted to feel like a grownup for the night.” I watch his navy blues for any sign he doesn’t want me here.

  Shifting from one foot to the other, Gabriel scans the bar area before taking a tentative step forward and takes the seat next to me on the corner of the bar. He motions toward the bartender. “Make that two.”

  The bartender hands Gabriel his glass, and I watch as he takes a slow and steady sip. He looks good. He’s in jeans and a plaid button-down shirt. No tie, no top button, sleeves rolled. His hair is long, much longer than he’s worn it
in a long time. He needs a haircut, but I like the mess of waves. He grabs his glass and I hear the unmistakable clink of his wedding ring hitting the glass. My breath hitches.

  “Guess I forgot to take this off.” He motions toward his hand, flexing it out to feel the weight of the metal on his skin.

  I look down on mine. “Me too.” I raise my glass. “Here’s to our rings’ last night out on the town until they get pawned and sold to some lowly sap.”

  He raises his glass to mine and adds, “And may their marriage last longer than ours.” We clink our glasses even though his words sting.

  Gabriel stretches his strong arm across the counter, plucking an olive from a bowl off the counter behind the bar. He pops the green olive in his mouth and swirls it around with his tongue.

  I twirl my glass in my hand, watching the amber liquid dance in the glass. It’s like a mini tornado. Glancing up, I look over and catch Gabriel staring at me through his beautiful lashes.

  “What?” I ask.

  His jaw shifts from side to side before his hand rises to rub his jaw and swipes over his mouth, coming to rest on his glass. “You know, when I came down the stairs just now, I saw this beautiful woman enter the hotel lobby. She was the most gorgeous thing I ever saw in my life. It made me stop and catch my breath. I actually followed her in here to buy her a drink, and I get here and she is… you.” Gabriel laughs at his idiocy and takes a swig of his whisky.

  I don’t know if I should be flattered or disappointed by his words. At least he’s still here having a drink with me. “That reminds me of this guy I once met. You see, we were at this bar in Maryland. He had this beautiful wavy dark hair and navy-blue eyes. I waited for him every day after class to ask me for my name, and each day I refused, secretly hoping he’d be back there the next day.”

  Gabriel let out a shy smile at the memory. “I came back everyday, hoping to learn your name. I fell in-love with you on those walks.” His eyes lit up. “When I saw you, that night, in the bar, my life changed forever.”