As You Wish

by Jude Deveraux

Chapter Twenty-Seven

  When Olivia got to the house, she saw that her mother had cooked dinner for everyone.

  She heard a TV on and was glad to be able to escape unnoticed. She went to her room and stretched out on her bed. She needed time to think—and remember. She’d spent a glorious afternoon with Kit and she had a ring on her finger, but had she truly changed the most important thing? Soon after the military came to get Kit, she went back to New York. She’d starred in a few performances of Pride and Prejudice—to excellent reviews—then found out she was pregnant.

  Olivia hit the old pillows with her fists. Memories that she had repressed for so many years were coming back to her. Finding out she was expecting had been the low point of her life. To her mind, her life was finished. She’d gone from being on top of the world, to standing at the bottom of a dark pit.

  It was Dr. Everett, Ace’s father, who she’d called, crying hard as she told him her predicament. He’d arranged everything. She was to spend the months at a facility for unwed mothers in Jacksonville, Florida. She was to give the child up for adoption. Back then, unmarried mothers were looked down on. Olivia didn’t want to do that to her child or her family. She’d made Dr. Everett swear not to tell her parents. Since he well knew that her father’s heart wasn’t strong, he agreed to tell no one.

  During those months at the home, she hadn’t been alive. She’d existed, her belly growing, but she hadn’t felt part of the human race.

  The pregnancy had been easy, but the birth was long and difficult. When she woke up from the anesthesia, her child—who she never saw—was gone and a doctor told her that she’d never have any more children. In the ’70s, doctors didn’t tell patients the details of what happened to their bodies. It was considered too complicated for them to understand.

  But Dr. Everett didn’t keep his vow of secrecy. Not fully, anyway. He arranged for Estelle Latham, a high school classmate of Olivia’s, to adopt her child. Since Estelle had recently miscarried, she told everyone in Summer Hill that she’d given birth to the pretty little girl.

  As soon as Olivia had recovered enough physically, she went home to Summer Hill.

  That was when she found out that her entire personality had changed. She no longer had any goals. She felt that she didn’t, well, didn’t deserve them. Her feeling of being invincible, that nothing bad could happen to her, was gone.

  For a while she stayed with her parents. They tried to get her to talk to them, but she wouldn’t. They assumed it was a love affair gone wrong. Truthfully, they were so glad to have her back that they didn’t pry too hard. Uncle Freddy offered her a job with him, but Olivia couldn’t bear to see the place or the people.

  She got a job at Trumbull Appliances, and soon afterward married Alan and took on the care of his son. Olivia never told him about her baby, just that she couldn’t have children. He’d said that was all right with him, but several times over the years he’d given a great sigh and said he would have liked to have a daughter. Olivia’s response had been to work harder.

  She didn’t know that she often saw her daughter. Estelle’s husband, Henry, got a job in a bank in Pennsylvania and they moved, but they returned to Summer Hill at holidays and they attended the same church.

  Olivia had never allowed herself to really look at the child since she was about the same age as the daughter she’d given away. But no matter how hard she tried to forget, she didn’t—and she was changed by what happened. Changed from deep within her.

  I went from being full of myself to apologizing for my existence, she thought.

  It may have been over forty years ago, but now that she was back in her young body, she could feel that hope for the future. With each hour she was again feeling like she could set the world on fire.

  She did not want to repeat what had happened before!

  That night she couldn’t sleep. It was late and she knew the children got up early and she needed to cook their breakfast, so she had to sleep. But she kept thinking about it all.

  When she’d first seen that card from “Madame Zoya,” aka Arrieta Day, and the idea of going back in time had presented itself to her, she’d known exactly what she’d do. First, she’d get Kit to marry her. But if she changed that one thing, she’d have to change other things.

  She’d have to make sure that Alan got with the love of his life, Willie. That was imperative. She owed them both that. After her talk with Arrieta, Olivia knew she’d have to register to study psychology at the University of Virginia.

  It had all seemed so simple. If she changed what had happened to her, she’d have to change the lives of the people she’d been with.

  But now that she was here, something was happening to her. She wasn’t just in her young body, but her young mind was taking over.

  Last year she’d been a sixty-plus-year-old woman and a lot had happened since she’d seen Kit. For one thing, she’d had years of running a business. During ordering, overseeing shipments, and arguing with deliverymen, friendships and enemies were made. She knew nearly everyone in Summer Hill, and most of all, she’d lived with Alan and his son.

  All those people, places, and happenings had dulled the pain of her past. With tremendous daily effort, she’d blocked out the loss of the baby she had given birth to—and given away.

  But now things were different. With every hour, youth was seeping back into her. It wasn’t just a lack of pain in her joints but all that energy was returning to her. In her sixties, she’d looked forward to an hour to sit down and do nothing. In her twenties, a free hour was a time to do something exciting. Laugh, dance, argue, make love. Go. Do. Create.

  Right now she was feeling anger. When Kit had returned to her life after years of being away, she’d been understanding, forgiving. After all, she’d seen and done a lot in that time.

  And besides, Alan’s dislike of her had taken the edge off Olivia’s spirit.

  She flopped onto her back and looked at the ceiling. Moonlight was coming into her room and she could see the shadows of tree branches. Over the years, she’d asked herself why she hadn’t done the sane and sensible thing of contacting his parents when she found out she was pregnant. Back then, Olivia thought her parents were old, and therefore fragile. Ha! There is nothing fragile about old age! It took strength and stamina just to get out of bed each morning.

  But here she was, and she didn’t feel sane and sensible. She felt angry.

  Worse, her anger at Kit was increasing by the minute. She’d made herself repress memories of what had actually happened. When she’d been alone at the maternity home, her only hope had been that Kit would show up. She told herself that maybe he hadn’t been terrified when she’d told him she loved him. She’d fantasized that he’d somehow find her and tell her the reason he’d left. The death of someone he loved usually won out.

  What was bothering her now was that Kit had seen her on Broadway. He’d been in New York just before being shipped out to Libya. With a government camera in hand, he’d sneaked out a bathroom window and paid a scalper’s price for a ticket to see her on stage. He said he greatly regretted not speaking to her.

  Not speaking to her! she thought.

  She turned over in the bed. What kind of man was he that he could spend a summer as they had done, then just walk out and leave? He could have taken five minutes to speak to her that night in New York, tell her he had to do something for his country, tell her how he felt about her. And she would have told him of her condition. If he’d arranged for her to go to his parents, their lives would have been changed forever. Hers, his, their daughter’s. Her parents wouldn’t have died thinking they had no grandchildren. If Kit had just spoken to her!

  It was well after midnight before Olivia fell asleep, and she woke often. Every time she opened her eyes, she thought of her miserable months in the maternity home. Dr. Everett had paid for it, and later she’d paid him back with interest. Pl
us, every time he had a patient who desperately needed a range, a refrigerator, a new sink, or heat, Olivia had supplied it. She felt she owed him for helping her, and too, she wanted to pay it back by helping other women in need.

  The loneliness, the tears, the fear, all came back to her. Kit could have stopped all that pain, could have prevented the tragedy of what happened. If he’d just spoken to her that night. Was that too much to ask of him?

  The children came into her room at 6:00 a.m. They wanted to know which Olivia she was going to be today. Was she going to cry some more and dance with them? Or was she going to dump hot dogs and beans into a bowl, then run off with Kit?

  Olivia opened her arms and they snuggled with her. Last year Letty’s son had finally been cast in a role as something other than a heartthrob and he’d received great reviews. And Ace would get his wish to have many children.

  “Tell us a story,” Letty said.

  “A new one. Like the song yesterday,” Ace said.

  “How about if I tell you about taming a dragon? Once upon a time, there was a skinny little boy named Hiccup.”

  Olivia felt a little bad at stealing a story, but since it would be forgotten, she figured it was all right. When she saw a foot peeping around the corner, she told Uncle Freddy and Mr. Gates to come in.

  It was when she was at the part where Hiccup was making a saddle for his dragon, Toothless, that Kit appeared at the door. He had on a tiny pair of shorts, his long, lean body exposed. Yesterday the sight of him had sent her into an explosion of desire. But today, she frowned at him. He was lounging against the door frame in a way that said he knew everything about her. Knew what she was thinking, what she wanted. And what she absolutely, positively must have was HIM.

  Olivia looked away and went back to her story. By the time she got to Hiccup refusing to kill a dragon, Kit was gone. She couldn’t help it, but she breathed a sigh of relief.

  She made pancakes for breakfast and she did her best to shape them into dragons.

  At about ten, she drove Uncle Freddy’s old car into town to see her father. It was time to begin setting in motion the things that she needed to do.

  She went to the Summer Hill Bank, where her father was president. The sight of him was as deeply felt as it had been with her mother. It took her a while to get her emotions under control before she could speak. They talked for over an hour before he had to go back to work. On the way out, she made arrangements to meet with Willie, a teller, and the woman Alan would love so much. As Olivia drove back to Tattwell, she felt good about what she planned to do.

  In the past, she’d always been impatient, hurrying onto the next thing, but this time around, she was content to spend her time with the children and the dear old men. She led their exercise class and at the end she gave a dance recital for them—or for her as she wanted to feel what her young body could do.

  In the late afternoon, she saw Kit in the vegetable patch, pulling weeds.

  He glanced up at her, smiling, but when he saw her turn away, his smile disappeared.

  I have to fix this, she thought as she went inside the house. She didn’t feel pregnant but it was possible that she was carrying his child. We’re to get married before the three weeks are up. He’s my destiny. Without him I’ll end up with a man who hates me. My child will...

  She couldn’t bear to think of what she knew would happen to her without Kit.

  But was that true? Kathy had asked if they had to build their futures on a man. Right now, Olivia had the same question. The first time around she’d let her emotions and her pride get in the way. She hadn’t asked for help from anyone. But what if she did? What if after Kit left she asked her parents to help her? She knew without a doubt that if it came to it, her parents would move to another state. They would allow no shame to come onto their daughter or their grandchild.

  She was a twenty-first century woman standing in 1970. If she was expecting—oh, for a drugstore pregnancy test!—she could handle it. She used to think she had no help, but it had been there all along. Her parents, Uncle Freddy and Mr. Gates, Dr. Everett. They were all there and ready.

  As she prepared an early dinner—chicken with apricots, a recipe that Letty’s son’s wife had taught her—she began to feel better. When she’d been presented with the idea of going back in time, all she could think of was getting together with Kit. But now that she was here she saw that she had choices. What a fabulous word, she thought. Choices! There wasn’t just one man available and, even more important, the twenty-first-century woman had learned that a man wasn’t necessary to a woman’s happiness.

  She was singing a Lady Gaga song and dancing around the kitchen when Kit came in. He had showered and put on a full set of clothes. Since they were alone, he slipped his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck.

  Olivia twisted out of his grip. “Someone might come in.”

  “Would that be so bad? Kissing is something engaged couples do.” He gave a pointed look at her empty finger.

  “Housework,” was her explanation for why she wasn’t wearing the ring.

  “Is dinner early because you’re going out tonight? And might I ask where?”

  She had no intention of telling him the truth. “I’m going on a date. With Willie.”

  “Ah,” Kit said as he picked up a carrot stick and crunched it. “Isn’t she the girl who works at your dad’s bank?”

  Olivia didn’t answer him, but was annoyed that he knew.

  “She called and said she was looking forward to going to the sale tonight and she asked me what she should wear. I told her high heels and tight jeans. She certainly does have a good giggle. And, oh yes, she really needs a new toaster.”

  When Olivia didn’t comment, he sat down at the table and watched while she put bowls of food out. “So when do we leave for our date?”

  “It’s my date and you’re not going.”

  “I think we should do things together. With our clothes on. Get to know each other outside the darkness.”

  “Does that include my knowing about you running around naked in the sunlight to get a full body tan?”

  If Kit was surprised by her knowledge, he didn’t show it. He just smiled. “What car do you want to use? Bill and Nina are staying home tonight so we could go in theirs. I’m not sure Uncle Freddy’s old Packard is up to the two-mile journey into town. Or we could take the pickup. Maybe—”

  “I have things to do.” Olivia modified her tone, made it less strident, less angry. After all, Kit hadn’t yet done the things she was furious at him for doing. When he said nothing, she stepped in front of him. “I’m not trying to be rude, but I really do have some very important things that I need to do and I can only do them alone.”

  “Ah,” he said again.

  “Stop saying that! We’ll go out tomorrow. I promise.”

  Kit got up and went to the door. “I’ll get Bill’s car and meet you in the front in fifteen minutes. We wouldn’t want to miss a minute at—where was it?—Trumbull’s Appliance Store’s semiannual sale. I’m sure this will be a very exciting date.”

  He was out the door before Olivia could say another word. This was something she hadn’t imagined. How was she going to get Alan and his Great Love together if Kit was hanging around? He liked to be in charge, in command. He liked to give the orders.

  She called the kids to dinner and the men followed. They all wanted to know why she was dressed up and where she was going. She told them. Letty asked if she could go too; Ace asked if she’d bring back some ice cream; Uncle Freddy said the Summer Hill Bakery had blackberry pies; Mr. Gates asked her to find out how much a new stove would cost.

  Olivia grabbed her sweater and ran out the door before they gave her more to do. Kit was leaning against Bill’s Chevy and cleaning his nails with a pocketknife.

  “You want to drive? I wasn’t old enough to learn unt
il last week.”

  With an eye roll at his lie, she got into the passenger seat.

  They were barely out of the driveway before Kit said, “Why is it so important for you to go to this sale tonight and why did you ask someone you hardly know to go with you?”

  “How do you know she isn’t my best friend?”

  “I can’t see you being pals with someone who giggles and flirts with a stranger over the phone. Not your type at all.”

  Olivia had to agree with that! When Alan was dying, she got to know Willie well. Makeup, clothes, and who was going to pay her bills were her main concerns.

  “You’re not going to tell me what you’re up to, are you?”

  “I’m not ‘up to’ anything. Willie is new in town. I saw that Trumbull Appliances is having a big sale, so I invited her to go with me. Now are you satisfied?”

  “Not in the least. Why did you really invite her to go with you?”

  Olivia threw up her hands. “You are an exasperating man! Okay. I think she and Alan Trumbull would like each other. Happy, now?”

  “Happier,” he said. “What are you planning to buy? I think our washing machine was used during the First World War.”

  Kit was parking the car in the alley beside the bank. In a few years, the town would tear down three lovely old buildings to put in a parking lot. She started to reply to him, but the Caldwell family walked by. Six years from now, their house would burn down and Mr. Caldwell would die saving his youngest daughter.

  “Are you all right?” Kit asked.

  “Fine,” Olivia whispered. Mr. Deavers and his wife went by. They would lose their son in Afghanistan.

  “Livie?” Kit pulled her into his arms and stroked her back. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t like knowing the future.”

  He pulled back to look at her. “You can talk to me, you know. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  She moved away and leaned back against the seat. Patty Ferris was walking with her high school boyfriend. When she dumped him to marry Sue Collier’s fiancé, there would be a lot of anger. But Patty would have three kids and be very happy, and Sue would leave town in a rage, go to law school, get her degree, and also be very happy.