by JL Paul
So much for emotional control.
“Can’t you just accept the fact that he might just like me? Maybe someone out there actually has interest in plain, naïve, little Isabella?”
“There is absolutely nothing plain about you, and I’m certain there are loads of guys out there that are interested.” He sighed in defeat. “Damn it, Iz. Just be careful.”
Tears welled in my eyes as the anger drained from my body. My voice was weak. “I will. I promise.”
“Take some ibuprofen with plenty of water and try to get some more sleep. When you do get up, eat some dry toast or something. Lay off the greasy stuff.”
I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Okay. I will.”
Shame replaced my anger; shame at my actions and shame at my harsh words aimed at Jake. “Thank you so much, Jake.”
His tone was soft. “Not a problem, angel. Take care of yourself, huh? I’ll call you later and check on you.”
Ending the call, I dropped the phone with a thud to the floor. I staggered to the bathroom, glancing at Annie’s empty bed, and cringed when I flipped on the light. I couldn’t avoid my haggard reflection as I reached for the medicine cabinet. I swallowed a couple of tablets and drowned them with a glass of water. I leaned against the sink and replayed Jake’s warning. There was no way in the world he could be right about Lance.
Chapter Ten
Halloween at my school is usually a fun time, even though we’re all technically a little too old for trick or treating and such. Admin usually allows one group or club to hold some kind of event the last weekend in October. Last year, the Drama Club did. We organized a bonfire, hayrides and a costume contest. This year, the cheerleaders were in charge. It made me nervous.
Kimberly, who’d suddenly become my close friend, told me they were not doing a costume party but instead were turning the gym into a haunted house and having a bonfire on the football field. I was beginning to think my school was full of pyromaniacs.
The cheerleaders convinced the football players to dress up as various creatures/psycho murderers/monsters that would jump out and scare people as they walked through the maze. Lance was very excited. He talked about it every day as he walked me to class. I couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. He reminded me of a little boy, except, he wouldn’t tell me what his costume was, claiming I had to figure it out for myself.
Saturday night, I walked to the gym with Cammy, Annie and Zach. Lance had asked me to meet him at the bonfire once they shut down the haunted house. I agreed, eager to spend some time with him on campus and not at another loud party.
The haunted house wasn’t too bad – a little cheesy, maybe. But the cheerleaders had put some effort behind it so I couldn’t fault them. And Lance wasn’t terribly difficult to figure out, either—for me, at least. He was dressed in ripped-up jeans, a ratty plaid shirt and heavy work boots, brandishing a plastic garden rake just like the freak in the garden psycho flick he’d taken me to on our first date.
He snagged my arm as I attempted to pass through and tugged me behind a curtain. Propping me against the cool brick wall, he pressed his lips firmly to mine. I wrapped my arms behind his neck, grimacing slightly at his minty breath, guessing he’d started drinking before the haunted house had even opened.
His kisses grew more frantic, and I forced him away, gasping for breath. “Lance! Hold on—we can’t do this here.”
He ran his hands up my arms and held my face. “No one can see us here. I thought you’d appreciate a little privacy.”
My heart was hammering in my chest, a mixture of excitement and fear. He released me and quickly fished a two liter bottle out of the dark. He chugged it, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down with each swallow. He pulled it from his mouth and offered it to me.
“Want a sip?”
I crinkled my nose at the smell—it matched his breath. “What is that?”
“Just try it, Bella. You’ll like it, trust me.” I took the bottle and ventured a tiny taste. Lance released an exasperated sigh. “Take a real drink.”
Braving a larger sip, I coughed as the liquor scorched my throat. I handed it back to him, face screwed up in distaste. “Ew.”
He clicked his tongue. “Don’t be such a sissy. Try it again.” He shoved the bottle in my reluctant hands.
“I’m not a sissy. I just think that stuff tastes terrible. How can you stand it?”
“It’s expensive stuff – the best you can get around here. Come on, try it again.”
I really didn’t want any more of that stuff, but I didn’t want to disappoint him, either. I figured one more drink wouldn’t hurt, and maybe if I faked like it was okay, he’d leave me alone about it. I swallowed more, and it did go down a little easier. “What is it?”
“Good whiskey. Mixed with soda, though. Do you like?” He snatched the bottle back and chugged.
“It’s not that bad,” I shrugged, feigning interest in a group of kids screaming as they approached us. “Don’t you need to scare them or something?”
“Yeah, here,” he said, handing me his bottle. “Help yourself while I chase these geeks.”
He attempted a gruesome laugh as he disappeared on the other side of the curtain. I held the bottle loosely in my hand, not wanting to drink anymore. My head already felt light and my stomach definitely was not happy. I leaned against the wall, closed my eyes and wondered vaguely where Annie and Cammy were.
Lance returned, giddy at his scare success. He took the bottle from me, frown marring his handsome features.
“Finish it off, baby. I have another bottle.” He gripped my chin and kissed me gently, melting my cold heart. I sighed when he moved away and shook the bottle in front of me. I finished the contents, eager to make him happy, and was rewarded with a wide smile. The familiar head spin returned, and my inhibitions faded. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and yanked him against my body. I pressed my lips to his, and he gladly reciprocated. His hands were everywhere, and I knew if I didn’t stop him soon, I wouldn’t be able to later.
I ripped my lips from his, my chest heaving.
“Lance,” I mumbled. His mouth was at the base of my neck, my collarbone, my shoulder. “Lance, stop!”
He lifted his hazy eyes to mine. “Don’t worry, baby, no one can see us back here.” He ducked his head but I pushed him away.
“I don’t want to do this,” I told him, tears forming in my eyes. “Please.”
Cursing, he sighed, and ran a hand through his heavily gelled hair. He gave me an awkward, one-armed hug.
“Sorry,” he muttered. He released me so quickly that I stumbled into the wall, hands splayed against the bricks. He didn’t notice as he fumbled around in the dark and produced another two liter bottle, grinning triumphantly as he opened the cap and took a long drink.
My hands trembled as the dark walls started to close in on me. I wanted to escape this black dungeon and find my friends.
Lance handed me the bottle, and I accepted a little too greedily, gulping at the fiery liquid. Instantly my trembles stopped and the lightheadedness resumed.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said, taking my hand.
“Don’t you need to stay until the end?” I asked.
“It’s close enough. Besides, it’s getting lame.”
I didn’t argue—I was too happy to get out of there. I followed closely as he maneuvered through the maze and sucked in a huge breath of fresh air when he pushed open the doors. He tossed an empty two liter into the bushes and continued sipping at the fresh one. I could see the flames from the bonfire reaching toward the sky and hurried toward it, eager for its warmth.
My feet were not steady, and I depended solely on Lance to keep me from falling to the ground. Clinging to him, my frantic eyes searched every face for signs of my friends. But Lance steered me towards his group instead. They were gathered in a select crowd, passing around two liter bottles. I recognized a few from the football team and a couple girls from the cheerleading squad but the others we
re kids I didn’t think Lance and his elite group associated with much. They were the ‘troublemakers’, the kids whose parents had too much money and not enough time.
I held tighter to Lance’s hand, gripping his arm with my free hand. He kissed the top of my head before greeting his friends. Kimberly sidled next to me and offered her bottle. I meant to shake my head but thought twice. The spinning was bad enough – I didn’t need to add to it.
“Are you okay, Bella?” she asked.
“Sure,” I muttered, my throat on fire and my voice hoarse.
She forced her bottle in my hand. “Take a drink. It will help.”
I did, afraid to offend her. It burned my throat and tears returned to my eyes. Wobbling, I grabbed Lance’s arm to steady myself. He glanced down at me, frown on his face. I forced a watery smile so he winked and turned his attention back to his buddies.
Meanwhile, on my other side, Kimberly burst into a fit of giggles.
“That stuff is strong! But it’s soooo good!” She leaned closer and I flinched at her breath. “Jessica told me that Scott told her that Lance said he was in love with you.”
My phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it, too intent on Kimberly’s declaration. Suddenly my drunken heart soared above the flames, and I instinctively squeezed Lance’s arm. He didn’t notice. I gazed at his face in total adoration which sent Kimberly into another fit of giggles. She gave a wistful sigh as a cheesy smile appeared on her lips.
“You’re so lucky.”
I snuggled closer to Lance, taking Kimberly’s words to heart. Yes, I was very lucky.
Lance bent his head, mouth close to my ear, and asked if I was ready to leave. As much as I loved hanging all over him, my head wasn’t in the best shape. I nodded, like a moron, and he walked me to my dorm.
I stumbled into my room, kicked off my shoes and fell on my bed. Annie wasn’t back yet and I was sort of grateful for that - I didn’t know what she’d say about my current state. Yanking my phone out of my pocket, it began to vibrate just as I was about to drop it to the floor. Checking the number, I closed my eyes and exhaled. It was Jake.
I let it go to voice mail.
***
“Don’t get too close to her face. She has dragon breath.”
“Bella?” Cammy whispered. I cracked open an eye only to find Cammy hovering over my bed, wringing her nervous hands. “Do you feel all right?”
A dull thud echoed somewhere in the back of my head and my stomach was a little dodgy but I felt like I’d live. I sat up slowly. “I’m fine.”
“Good,” she answered, relief in her smile.
Annie regarded me over the magazine she’d been reading on her bed. Cammy sat next to her, same look in her eyes. I wondered if they were waiting for me to perform tricks. “I couldn’t find you two last night. Where were you?”
“Well,” Annie said, drawing the word out as she set her magazine carefully on her bed. “After you ditched us for Lance, we ran into Karen and Alicia so we hung out with them.”
“We saw you surrounded by all of Lance’s friends,” Cammy said. “You looked like you were having fun.”
I recalled the bottles passing through the crowd and how my head had been spinning. I remembered not caring for some—most—of the kids that were swapping bottles and insulting freshmen. “Not really. I wish you would have rescued me.”
“Did you get drunk?” Annie asked, eyes hard and tone curt.
I shrugged and averted my gaze. She bounced from her bed to mine, jostling my already churlish stomach. “Bella, what are you doing? No boy is worth drinking. You could get in trouble or become addicted to the stuff or something. That’s just not you.”
“I know,” I said as I slid off the bed. “I just sort of joined in with the rest of them. I know it was stupid. It won’t happen again.”
“I hope not,” Annie said dubiously. She stood next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Why don’t you take a shower and we’ll go grab some lunch.”
“Lunch?” I asked in disbelief. Had I really slept the morning away?
“It’s nearly noon,” Cammy said.
With a weak groan, I trudged to the bathroom.
***
November began cold, dreary and rainy. Getting from building to building was a miserable chore. Lance met me at most of my classes, umbrella ready and waiting. My heart always pounded at the sight of him and I was afraid one day it would jump straight out of my chest.
We continued to see each other, often going into town on the Fridays after the home games and to some party on Saturday nights. And every single party was fully stocked with all the alcohol one could imagine. I wondered if the parents of these kids were aware of how much drinking actually occurred at these parties.
Ms. Norbert, our drama teacher, held auditions for the spring musical. She decided we would do a musical she’d composed relating to high school clichés and dramas. I was thrilled. Only those closest to me knew what a freak I was for anything musical, and I couldn’t wait to try out for the part of Abigail, the lead. Ms. Norbert is a bit of a musical freak, like me, and last year’s production had been a musical, also. I had tried out for the leading role, thinking I at least had one advantage since I’d been a member of the Drama Club since I’d started at Meridian Valley, but I was beat out by a senior. I had to settle for a secondary, which wasn’t too terribly awful. I had to use a cool English accent and even had a solo in one of the music numbers. My singing voice wasn’t too bad – though I’d never make it to Broadway.
I tried discussing the tryouts with Lance at lunch but he wasn’t very interested. His friends—I couldn’t think of them as mine—surrounded us, and he was more intent on the details of the next party. Annie and Cammy didn’t even sit with me anymore since Kimberly and her group of girls snatched up every available seat and hogged the conversation. It was irritating, to say the least, but I really liked Lance. And once football season ended, things would settle down.
The Saturday before Thanksgiving break, I stumbled back to my room, reeking of alcohol, only to find Cammy, Annie and Zach watching one of my concert DVDs. Annie glared, fury burning in her eyes.
“What?” I asked, swaying on my feet.
“I thought you weren’t going to drink anymore?” she asked.
“What’s the big deal?” I asked. I was beginning to tire of explaining or defending myself every weekend. “Maybe it’s time for Bella the Mouse to stop being such a goody-goody.”
Zach stared at the television in obvious discomfort, shoving fistfuls of popcorn in his mouth. Annie took a step toward me and I instinctively stepped back.
“You’re not yourself at all anymore,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re never around, I never see you do homework, and you never talk to Jake anymore.”
Jake. My heart fell. She was right; I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spoken to him. He’d left messages that I never returned—I was usually too ashamed. But, I remembered he was supposed to come home with me and meet my family. My heart twirled at the thought of seeing him again. I was leaving Monday for home and I hadn’t finalized any plans with him.
Digging my phone out of my pocket, I hit his number. It went straight to voice mail. I hung up, dejected.
“He must be on stage.” I dropped to my desk chair.
“Controlled Environment played last night. It was their last show until after Thanksgiving,” Annie informed me.
My brows knitted together as I stared at her with blurry eyes. “How do you know?”
“I checked their website,” she said. “I keep track of their tour.”
“Maybe you should be Jake’s friend,” I mumbled as I tried his number again. “You’re a much better friend than I am.”
She gave me a dark look and perched on the edge of her bed.
The phone rang in my ear and I was astonished when he answered.
“Jake?”
“Nope, not Jake. This is Nick. Who is this?”
He chuckled. “Chill out, woman. I was using Jake’s phone. Hang on and I’ll get him for you.”
I nodded, not caring that he couldn’t see. A few moments later, Jake’s greeting entered my ear. My heart rate picked up a notch. “Who is this?”
“Jake!” I cried. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him. “It is you, right?”
He laughed. “It’s me, Iz. Where have you been? I’ve been leaving messages.”
“Ummm…” I stammered, stalling for time. “I’ve been busy with class and Drama Club and stuff.”
I spoke slowly, trying to hide my intoxication. I didn’t think he’d be too impressed if he figured out what I’d really been up to lately.
“How’s the boyfriend? Is he treating you right?”
“Yes. It’s all good. Listen, Jake,” I said, biting my lip. “Do you remember when you said you’d come to my house next week?”
“Yep. Meet the folks, right?”
“Only if you want to,” I clarified. I didn’t want him to feel obligated—he’d already done so much for me. I’d received the tickets for Seth last week.
“Sure, Iz. It’ll be cool. How about Tuesday?”
“That’s fine. Call me when you get in town and I’ll give you directions to my house.”
“Okay.” He paused and my nerve meter shot up a few degrees. “Hey, is something going on?” His tone was soft and laced with concern.
“Not at all,” I said, swallowing the lie quickly. “I’m really tired. I’m about to go to bed, actually.”
“We’ll talk Tuesday,” he warned. “Good night, Iz.”
Shrugging at the three sets of wary eyes, I dropped my phone on my bed.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
I scurried to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, allowing the warm water to wash away my tears as soon as they hit my face. I stood under the spray so long, Cammy beat on the door, asking if I was okay. I finally turned off the taps and wrapped a towel around my body, assuring her I was fine.