“I promise.” And when Tommy left to get the car, she reminded him again that she was not planning to keep the baby, and she wanted him to find a family to adopt it.
“You're serious about that?” He seemed surprised.
The Whittaker boy was so obviously devoted to her. He would have married her in a moment. “Are you sure, Maribeth?”
“I am … I think so …” she said, trying to sound grown up. “I just can't take care of a baby.”
“Wouldn't his family help?” He knew that Liz Whittaker had wanted another baby. But maybe they didn't approve of his son having one so young, and out of wedlock. True to his promise to the kids, he'd never asked them.
But Maribeth's ideas were firm on the subject. “I wouldn't want them to do that. It's not right. This baby has a right to real parents, not children taking care of it. How can I take care of it and go to school? How can I feed it? My parents won't even let me come home, unless I come home without it.” She had tears in her eyes as she explained her situation, and by then Tommy had come back again, and the doctor patted her hand, sorry for her. She was too young to shoulder such burdens.
I'll see what I can do,” he said quietly, and then told Tommy to put her to bed for two days. No work, no fun, no sex, no skating.
“Yes, sir,” he said, helping her to the car, and holding her tight so she didn't slip on any icy patches. He asked her then what she and the doctor had been talking about. They had both looked very serious when he came back to get her.
“He said he'd help me find a family for the baby.” She didn't say anything else to him, and she was startled to realize that he was driving her to his house, not her own. “Where are we going?” she said, still looking upset. It wasn't a happy thought, giving up her baby, even if she knew it was the right thing. She knew it was going to be very painful.
“I called Mom,” he explained. “The doctor said you can only get up for meals. Otherwise you have to stay in bed. So I asked Mom if you could spend the weekend.”
“Oh no …you can't do that … I couldn't …where would I …” She seemed distraught, not wanting to impose on them, but it was all arranged, and his mother hadn't hesitated for a second. Though she had been horrified by how foolish they had been to go skating.
“It's all right, Maribeth,” Tommy said calmly. “She said you can stay in Annie's room.” There was the faintest catch in his voice as he said it. No one had been in that room in eleven months, but his mother had offered it, and when they arrived, the bed was made, the sheets were fresh, and his mother had a steaming cup of hot chocolate ready.
“Are you all right?” she asked, deeply concerned. Having had several miscarriages, she didn't want anything like that to happen to Maribeth, particularly at this stage. “How could you be so foolhardy? You're lucky she didn't lose the baby,” she scolded Tommy. But they were both young, and as she scolded them, they looked like children.
And in the pink nightgown Liz loaned her, in the narrow bed in Annie's room, Maribeth looked more like a little girl than ever. Her bright red hair hung in long braids, and all of Annie's dolls sat gazing at her from around the room. She slept for hours that afternoon, until Liz came to check on her, and ran a hand across her cheek to make sure she didn't have a fever. Liz had called Dr. MacLean herself and been reassured to hear that he didn't think she'd done any harm to the baby.
“They're so young,” he smiled as he talked to her, and then said he thought it was too bad she was giving up the baby, but he didn't want to say more. He didn't want Liz to think he was intruding. “She's a nice girl' he said thoughtfully, and Liz agreed, and then went to check on her. Maribeth was just stirring and she said her headache was better. But she still felt guilty about being in that room. More than anything, she didn't want to upset them.
But Liz was surprised how good it felt to be back in Annie's room, sitting on the bed again, and looking into Maribeth's big green eyes. She looked hardly older than Annie.
“How do you feel?” Liz asked her in a whisper. She had slept for almost three hours, while Tommy played ice hockey and left her with his mother.
“Kind of achy, and stiff, but better, I think. I was so scared when I fell. I really thought I might have killed the baby … it didn't move at all for a while …and Tommy was yelling at me … it was awful.”
“He was just frightened,” she smiled gently at her and tucked her in again, “you both were. It won't be long now. Seven more weeks, Dr. MacLean said, maybe six.” It was an enormous responsibility for her, caring for another human being within her body. “I used to be so excited before my babies came …getting everything ready,” and then suddenly Liz looked sad for her, realizing that in her case, it would be very different. “I'm sorry,” she said, with tears in her eyes, but Maribeth smiled and touched her hand.
“It's okay …thank you for letting me stay here … I love this room …it's funny to say, since we never met, but I really love her. I dream about her sometimes, and all the things Tommy has said about her. I always feel like she's still here … in our hearts and our minds …” She hoped she wouldn't upset Liz too much by saying that, but the older woman smiled and nodded.
“I feel that too. She's always near me.” She seemed more peaceful than she had in a long time, and John did too. Maybe they had finally come around. Maybe they were going to make it. Tommy says you think that some special people pass through our lives to bring us blessings … I like that idea …she was here for such a short time …five years seems like so little now, but it was such a gift … I'm glad I knew her. She taught me so many things …about laughing, and loving, and giving.”
“That's what I mean,” Maribeth said softly, as the two women held hands tightly, across her covers. “She taught you things …she even taught me about Tommy, and I never knew her …and my baby will teach me something too, even though I'll only know it for a few days … or a few hours.” Her eyes filled with tears as she said it. “And I want to give it the best gift of all …people who will love it.” She closed her eyes and the tears rolled down her cheeks, as Liz bent to kiss her forehead.
“You will. Now try and sleep some more …you and the baby need it.” Maribeth nodded, unable to say any more, and Liz quietly left the room. She knew that Maribeth had a hard time ahead of her, but a time of great gifts too, and a time of blessings.
Tommy didn't come home until late that afternoon, and asked for her as soon as he came in. But his mother was quick to reassure him. “She's fine. She's sleeping.” He peeked in at her then, and she was sound asleep in Annie's bed, holding one of her dolls, and looking like an angel.
He looked suddenly grown up as he walked back out of the room and looked at his mother.
“You love her a lot, Son, don't you?”
“I'm going to many her one day, Mom,” he said, certain that he meant it.
“Don't make plans yet. Neither of you knows where life will take you.”
“I'll find her. I'll never let her go. I love her …and the baby …” he said, sounding determined.
“It's going to be hard for her, giving it up,” Liz said. She worried for both of them, they had taken so much on. Maribeth by accident, and Tommy out of kindness.
“I know, Mom.” And if he had anything to say about it, he wouldn't let her.
When Maribeth walked slowly out of Annie's room at dinnertime, Tommy was at the kitchen table, doing homework. “How do you feel?” he asked, smiling up at her. She looked refreshed and prettier than ever.
“Like I've been much too lazy.” She looked at his mother apologetically as she finished dinner. Liz was cooking often these days, and even Tommy loved it.
“Sit down, young lady. You're not supposed to be wandering around. You heard what the doctor said. Bed, or at least a chair. Tommy, push your friend into a chair, please. And no, you may not take her out skating again tomorrow' They both grinned at her like naughty children, and she handed them each a freshly baked chocolate cookie. She liked having young peopl
e in the house again. She was happy Tommy had brought her home to them. It was fun having a young girl around. It reminded her that she would never see Annie grown up, and yet she enjoyed being with Maribeth, and so did John. He was happy to find them all in the kitchen when he got home from some unexpected Saturday afternoon work at the office.
“What's going on here? A meeting?” he teased them, pleased to encounter the festive atmosphere in his long-silent kitchen.
“A scolding. Tommy tried to kill Maribeth today, he took her skating.”
“Oh for heaven's sake …why not football?” He looked at him, reminded again of how young they both were. But she seemed to have survived it.
“We thought we'd try football tomorrow, Dad. After hockey.”
“Excellent plan.” He grinned at both of them, happy that nothing had gone wrong. And after dinner that night, they all played charades and then Scrabble. Maribeth got two seven-letter words, and Liz brought her up to date on the school's position about her assignments. They were willing to give her credit and equivalency, and if she was willing to let Liz give her four exams by the end of the year, they were not only willing to acknowledge completion of her junior year, but roughly half her senior year as well. The work she'd turned in had been first-rate, and if she did well in her exams, she would only have one semester to complete before graduation.
“You did it, kiddo,” she congratulated her, proud of her, just as she would have been of one of her students.
“No, I didn't,” Maribeth beamed, “you did.” And then she let out a happy little squeal and reminded Tommy that she was now a senior.
“Don't let it go to your head. You know, my mom could still flunk you if she wanted. She might too, she's really tough on seniors.” They were all in high spirits, even the baby that night. It had gotten its energy back with a vengeance and was kicking Maribeth visibly every five minutes.
“It's mad at you,” Tommy said later, as he sat on her bed next to her, and felt the baby kicking. “I guess it should be. That was really dumb of me …I'm sorry …”
“Don't be, I loved it,” Maribeth grinned. She was still elated about the good news of her senior status.
“That means a lot to you, doesn't it? School, I mean,” he said, as he watched her face while they talked about school, and not having to go back as a junior.
“I just want to go back, and move on as soon as I can. Even six months will seem like forever.”
“Will you come visit?” he asked sadly. He hated thinking about when she'd be gone.
“Sure,” she said, but she didn't sound convincing. “I'll try. You can visit me too.” But they both suspected that her father wouldn't be giving him the warm welcome she was enjoying from his parents. Just as Tommy had, they were falling in love with her. They could see easily why Tommy loved her. “Maybe I could visit next summer, before I go to Chicago.”
“Why Chicago?” he complained, no longer satisfied with just a summer. “Why not go to college here?”
“I'll apply,” she conceded, “we'll see if I get accepted.”
“With your grades, they'll beg you.”
“Not exactly,” she grinned, and he kissed her, and they both forgot about grades and school and college and even the baby, although it kicked him soundly as he held her.
“I love you, Maribeth,” he reminded her, “both of you. Don't ever forget that.” She nodded then, and he held her for a long time, as they sat side by side on his sister's narrow bed, talking quietly about all the things that mattered to them. His parents were already in bed, and they knew he was there. But they trusted them. And eventually, when Maribeth started to yawn, Tommy smiled at her, and then went back to his own room, wondering about their future.
Chapter Eight
Liz invited Maribeth to share Thanksgiving with them, late one afternoon when she was working on a history paper with her. It was an important assignment Liz had designed for her in order to get her senior credit. Maribeth was doing hours of work every night, after she finished work, and sometimes she stayed up until two or three in the morning. But she had a sense of urgency about it all now. She wanted to get all the credits she could before she went back to school. And the work Liz was giving her was going to be her ticket to freedom. She had every in [TEXT UNREADABLE], and then try [TEXT UNREADABLE]. Her father wouldn't like it of course, which was why she wanted to go to Chicago.
But Liz explored the possibility again of her coming back to Grinnell, to attend college there. Wherever Maribeth wanted to go, Liz was willing to write her a recommendation. From the work she'd seen her do, she knew she'd be an asset to any institution. It just struck her as unfortunate that her own family was so unwilling to help her get an education.
“My dad just doesn't think it's important for girls,” she said as they put the books away, and Maribeth helped Liz start dinner. It was her day off, and she had even helped Liz correct some simple sophomore papers. “My mom never went to college. I think she should have. She loves to read, loves to learn about things. Dad doesn't even like to see her read the paper. He says women don't need to know those things, it just confuses them. All they need to do is take care of the kids and keep the house clean. He always says you don't need a college education to change a diaper.”
“That's certainly simple and direct,” Liz said, trying not to sound as furious as it made her. In her opinion, there was no reason why women couldn't do both, be intelligent and educated, and take care of their husbands and children. She was happy she had gone back to work this year. She had forgotten how rewarding it was, and how much she enjoyed it. She had been at home for so long that the pleasures of teaching had somehow faded. But now, with Annie gone, it filled a void she couldn't fill otherwise. An emptiness of time, if nothing else, but she liked seeing those bright, excited faces. It dulled the pain for her sometimes, although the deep ache of their loss never really left her.
She and John still didn't talk about it. They talked about very little these days. There was nothing to say, but at least the words they exchanged seemed a little less sharp, and more than once he had touched her hand, or asked her something in a gentle voice that reminded her of the time before Annie died, and they had lost each other in the process. It seemed that lately, he came home earlier than he had in a long time, and Liz was making an effort to make dinner again. It was almost as though meeting Maribeth had softened all of them, and brought them a little closer. She was so vulnerable, so young, and she and Tommy were so much in love with each other. Sometimes it made Liz smile just to watch them.
She reiterated the invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them as they were cooking dinner.
“I wouldn't want to intrude,” Maribeth said, meaning it. She had already planned to volunteer to work at the restaurant, for the few stragglers who came in for a turkey dinner. Most of the other girls had families or kids, and wanted to be home with them. Maribeth had nowhere to be, and thought she might as well work, to help the others. She felt a be with Tommy and his parents, and she said as much to Liz as she set the table.
“You're too far along to be working this hard anyway,” Liz scolded her as she put a pot of soup on. “You shouldn't be on your feet all the time.” The baby was only a month away, and Maribeth was huge now.
“I don't mind,” she said quietly, trying not to think of the baby as much as she was inclined to. It was hard not to think of it. She could feel the flutter of its arms and legs pushing at her, and sometimes it just made her smile to feel it.
“How long are you going to work at the restaurant?” Liz asked, as they sat down for a few minutes.
“Right till the end, I guess.” Maribeth shrugged, she needed the money.
“You ought to stop before that,” Liz said gently. “At least give yourself a couple of weeks to rest. Even at your age, it's a lot for your body to go through. Besides, I'd like to see you have some real time to spend on your exams when you take them.” Liz had scheduled them for mid-December.
“I'l
l do what I can,” Maribeth promised, and the two women chatted about other things as they shared the tasks of preparing dinner. Liz was just turning all the flames down to keep things warm when both Tommy and his father came in, their arrival perfectly timed, their spirits high. Tommy had been helping his dad at work after school, and John had called home for the first time in months, to ask what time they should be home for dinner.
“Hi, girls, what have you been up to?” John asked jovially as he kissed his wife cautiously, and then glanced at her face to see her reaction. Lately, they seemed to be drifting slowly closer again, but it frightened both of them a little. They had been apart for so long, that any intimacy between them seemed unusual and foreign. He glanced at Maribeth with a warm smile too, and saw that Tommy was holding her hand and talking to her quietly at the kitchen table.
They had all had a good day, and Liz gave Tommy the job of talking Maribeth into joining them for Thanksgiving. But it was easily done, when he took her home after they'd done their homework in the living room, and they were sitting in the truck talking. She felt so nostalgic these days, so sensitive about so many things, and sometimes so frightened. Suddenly she wanted to cling to him, and hold on to him in ways she had never expected. She wanted to be with him more than she had before, and she always felt relieved and happy when he walked into the restaurant, or her room, or his parents' kitchen.
“Are you okay?” he asked her gently, as he saw she had tears in her eyes when she said she'd come for Thanksgiving.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she looked embarrassed as she wiped the tears away. “Just stupid, I guess. I don't know …things just make me cry now …they're so nice to me, and they don't even know me. Your mom has helped me with school, with everything …they've done so much for me, and I don't know how to thank them.”
“Many me,” he said seriously, and she laughed.
“Yeah, sure. That would really do it. They'd really thank me for that one.”
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