“Hi,” she said, smiling at him. It was a small shy smile he hadn't seen in a long time, and reminded him of when they had been a lot younger.
“You look like a woman with a mission.” He smiled and rolled over on his back, stretching.
“I am. Maribeth and I had a long talk last night,” she said, as she approached the bed, and sat down next to him, praying he wouldn't refuse her. There was no way to doctor this up, to delay, or stall. She knew she just had to tell him, and she was terrified to do it. It mattered so much to her. She wanted it so much, and she desperately wanted him to want it, and she was afraid he wouldn't. “She wants us to keep the baby,” she said softly.
“All of us?” He looked startled. “Tommy too? She wants to many him?” John sat up in bed, looking seriously worried. “I was afraid that would happen.”
“No, not all of us. And she doesn't want to many him, not now in any case. You and I. She wants us to adopt the baby.”
“Us? Why?” He looked more than shocked. He looked incoherent.
“Because she thinks we're good people and good parents.”
“But what if she changes her mind, and what are we going to do with a baby?” He looked horrified and Liz smiled at him. It had definitely given him a jolt first thing in the morning.
“The same thing we did with the other two. Stay awake all night for two years and long for the days when we got some sleep, and then enjoy the hell out of it for the rest of our lives … or theirs,” she said sadly, thinking of Annie. “It's a gift, John …for a moment, for a year, for as long as life is willing to let us keep it. And I don't want to turn it down. I don't want to give up my dreams again … I never thought we'd have another child, and Dr. MacLean says I can't …but now this girl has walked into our lives and offered to give us back our dreams.”
“What if she wants it back in a few years, when she grows up, and gets married, or even if she marries Tommy?”
“I suppose we can protect ourselves legally, and she says she won't. I don't think she will. I think she really believes that it will be a better life for the baby if she gives it up, and she means it. She knows she can't take care of it. She's begging us to keep it.”
“Wait till she sees it,” he said cynically. “No woman can carry a baby for nine months and give it up just like that.”
“Some can,” Liz said matter-of-factly. “I think Maribeth will, not because she doesn't care, but because she cares so much. It's her greatest act of love for that baby, giving it up, giving it to us” Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she looked at her husband. “John, I want it. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything …please don't say no …please let us do it.” He looked at her long and hard while she tried not to tell herself that she would hate him if he didn't let her do it. She couldn't believe that he could possibly know all that she'd been through, and how badly she wanted this child, not to replace Annie, who would never come back to them again, but to move forward, to bring them joy again, and laughter and love, to be a shining little light in their midst. It was all she wanted and she couldn't believe he would ever understand that. She knew that if he didn't let her do it, she would die.
“All right, Liz,” he said softly, taking her hands in his own. “It's all right, baby … I understand …” he said, as tears rolled down her cheeks as she clung to him, realizing how unfair she had been to him. He did know. He was still the same man he had always been, and she loved him more than ever. They'd been through so much and they'd survived. “We'll tell her we'll do it. I think we should speak to Tommy though. He has to feel the same way about it that we do.”
She agreed to that, and she could hardly wait for him to wake up. It was another two hours, and he was up before Maribeth. He was stunned when his mother explained what Maribeth had offered them. But he had come to understand recently just how strongly Maribeth felt about giving up the baby, and that she felt it was right for her, and for the baby, and she wanted to do it and give it a better life. And now that he felt he might not lose her after all, he was less panicked about forcing her to marry him, and taking on the baby. In fact, he thought it was the ideal solution. He hoped that one day he and Maribeth would have children of their own, but for this child, it was the perfect solution. And he could see in his mother's eyes how much it meant to her. His parents seemed closer already as they talked to him, and his father looked powerful and calm, as he sat next to Liz and held her hand. In some ways, it was very exciting. They were about to share a new life.
And when Maribeth got up, they were all waiting for her to tell her their decision. They had unanimously agreed to adopt the baby. She looked at them and started to cry in relief, and then she thanked all of them and hugged them, and cried some more. They all cried, it was an emotional time for all of them. A time of hope and love, a time of giving and sharing. A time to start again, with the gift she gave them.
“You're sure?” Tommy asked her that afternoon as they went for a walk, and she nodded, looking absolutely certain. They had opened their gifts and had a huge lunch. This was the first chance they'd had to talk to each other alone since that morning.
“It's what I want,” she said, feeling very calm and very strong. She felt more energetic than she had in a long time. And they walked all the way to the skating pond and back, which was several miles. But she said she had never felt better. She felt as though she could do anything now. She felt as though she had done what she had come here to do. She had given them the gift that she was meant to give them. And once she had, all of their lives would be richer from the blessing they had shared with each other.
She tried to explain it to him as they walked back, and he thought he understood it. But sometimes it was hard to listen to her. She was so serious and so intense, and so beautiful it distracted him. When they stopped on the front steps when they got home, he kissed her, and he felt her tense against him as he did, and clutch his hand, and she bent over as he tried to hold her.
“Oh my God! oh my God! …” he said, suddenly terrified as he sat her down gently on the step as she held her belly down low and tried to catch her breath in the sharp pain of the contraction. He ran inside to get his mother, and when she came out, Maribeth was sitting there wide-eyed, looking frightened. She was in labor. And it had started harder than she had expected.
“It's all right, it's all right.” Liz tried to calm them both and told Tommy to get his father. She wanted to get Maribeth inside and call the doctor. “What did you kids do? Walk to Chicago?”
“Just to the pond and back,” Maribeth said, and gasped. She was having another pain again. They were long and hard and she couldn't understand it. It wasn't supposed to start like this, she said to Liz, as she and John helped her inside, and Tommy stood by looking nervous. “I had a stomachache this morning, and it went away after that,” she said, unable to believe what was happening. There had been no warning whatsoever.
“Have you had any cramps?” Liz asked gently, “or a backache?” Sometimes it was easy to misinterpret the early signs of labor.
“I had a backache last night, and cramps this morning with the stomachache, but I thought it was from all the food I ate last night.”
“You've probably been in labor since last night,” Liz said gently, which meant they didn't want to waste time getting her to the hospital. The walk had obviously started her into hard labor. Her due date was the following day, she was right on time, and her baby didn't want to waste a minute. It was almost as though now that she knew the Whittakers were taking it, the baby could come. There was no holding back now.
As soon as they got her inside, Liz started timing her pains, and John went to call the doctor. Tommy sat next to her, holding her hand, and looking miserable for her. He hated to see her in so much pain, but neither of his parents was worried. They were warm and sympathetic to her, and Liz didn't leave her for a minute. The pains were three minutes apart, and they were long and hard, and John came to tell them that Dr. MacLean s
aid to come right away. He would meet them at the hospital in five minutes.
“Do we have to go now?” Maribeth asked, looking very young and very scared, as she glanced from Liz to Tommy to John. “Can't we stay here for a while?” She was almost in tears and Liz assured her that she couldn't put this off any longer. It was time to go now.
Tommy threw some things in a bag for her, and five minutes later they were on their way. Liz and Tommy sat in the backseat with her, and held her between them, and John drove as fast as he could on the icy roads. And as soon as they got to the hospital, Dr. MacLean and a nurse were waiting for her. They put her in a wheelchair and started to roll her away, and she grabbed frantically for Tommy.
“Don't leave me,” she begged him, clutching his hands and crying, and Dr. MacLean smiled at them. She was going to be fine. She was young and healthy, and she was well on her way now.
“You'll see Tommy in a little while,” the doctor reassured her, “with your baby.” But she only started to cry at that, and Tommy kissed her gently.
“I can't go with you, Maribeth. They won't let me. You've got to be brave now. I'll be with you next time,” he said, letting go of her gently so they could take her away. But Maribeth turned frightened eyes to Liz and asked her if she would come with her, and the doctor agreed to that. And Liz felt her heart pound as she followed them into the elevator, and then the labor room, where they undressed Maribeth and then examined her to see how far along she was. Maribeth was almost hysterical by then, and the nurse gave her a shot to calm her. She was better after that, though she was in a lot of pain, but once he checked her, the doctor said it wouldn't be long. She was fully dilated and ready to push now.
They rolled her into the delivery room then, and Maribeth clung to Liz's hand, and looked up at her with eyes that trusted her completely. “Promise you won't change your mind …you'll take it, won't you, Liz? You'll love it …you'll always love my baby …”
“I promise,” Liz said, overwhelmed by her trust, and the love they shared. “I'll always love it … I love you, Maribeth …thank you …” she said, and then the pains engulfed the girl again, and the next hours were hard work for her. The baby was turned the wrong way for a time, and they had to use forceps. They put a mask over Maribeth's face and gave her some gas. She was groggy and confused and in agony, but Liz clung to her hand throughout. It was after midnight, when finally a small wail rang out in the delivery room, and the nurse took the ether mask off so Maribeth could see her daughter. She was still half asleep, but she smiled when she saw the small pink face, and then she looked up at Liz with eyes filled with relief and joy.
“You have a little girl,” she said to Liz. Even in her drugged state, she had never lost sight of whose baby it was now.
“This is your little girl,” the doctor corrected, smiling at Maribeth, and then he handed the baby to Liz. Maribeth was much too groggy to hold her, and as Liz looked down into the tiny face, she saw strawberry blond hair, and eyes so full of innocence and love Liz trembled as she held her.
“Hello,” she whispered as she held the child that was to be hers, feeling almost as she had when her own were born. She knew this was a moment she would never forget, and she wished she could have shared it with John. It had meant so much to see her born, to see her suddenly emerge and cry out, as though she was calling to them, and telling them she had made it. They had all waited for her for so long, Maribeth was given another shot and she drifted back to sleep, and they let Liz take the baby into the nursery, where they weighed her and cleaned her up. Liz stayed to watch everything as she held the tiny fingers in her hand. A few minutes later, she saw John and Tommy arrive at the nursery window, and both men stood there staring.
The nurse let her hold the baby again and she held it up to John and showed him. And he started to cry the moment he saw their daughter. “Isn't she beautiful?” she mouthed, and suddenly all he could see was his wife, and all they'd been through. It was hard not to think of Annie when she'd been born, but this baby was very different, and she was theirs now.
“I love you' he whispered from the other side, and Liz nodded and mouthed the same back to him. She loved him too, and she realized now with terror and gratitude that they almost hadn't made it. But they had, remarkably, thanks to Maribeth, and the gift she'd given them, and the love they had always shared, but had almost forgotten.
Tommy looked excited when he saw the baby, and he was relieved when Liz joined them so he could ask her how Maribeth was. Liz assured him that she was fine, had been very brave, and was sleeping.
“Was it really awful, Mom?” he asked, worried about her, and impressed by what she'd done. The baby weighed eight pounds fourteen ounces, a big baby for anyone, let alone a sixteen-year-old girl who hadn't known what to expect. Liz had felt sorry for her more than once, but the doctor had been generous with the anesthetics. It would be easier for her the next time. And the rewards for her would be greater.
“It's hard work, Son,” Liz said quietly, impressed by everything that had happened. Particularly if you were doing it for someone else, and not keeping the baby.
“Will she be okay?” His eyes asked a thousand questions he didn't completely understand. But his mother reassured him.
“She'll be fine. I promise.”
They brought her down to her room an hour later, still half asleep and very woozy, but she saw Tommy instantly and clung to his hand, telling him how much she loved him, and how pretty the baby was. And suddenly as she watched them, Liz felt a wave of terror wash over her like nothing she'd ever known. What if Maribeth changed her mind, if she decided to marry Tommy after all and keep the baby?
“Did you see her?” Maribeth asked Tommy excitedly, as Liz glanced at John and he took her hand in his own to reassure her. He knew what she was thinking, and he had terrors of his own.
“She's beautiful,” Tommy said, kissing her, and worried by how pale she looked. She was still more than a little green from the ether. “She looks just like you,” he said, but she had strawberry blond hair instead of hair the color of flame.
“I think she looks like your mom.” Maribeth smiled at Liz, feeling a bond with her she knew she'd never again feel for anyone. They had shared the birth of her baby. And she knew she couldn't have gotten through it without her.
“What are you going to name her?” Maribeth asked Liz, drifting slowly back to sleep, as Liz felt relief sweep over her again. Maybe she wouldn't change her mind after all. Maybe this really was going to be her baby. It was hard to believe it, even now.
“What do you think of Kate?” Liz asked just as Maribeth closed her eyes again.
“I like it,” she whispered, and drifted off to sleep, still holding Tommy's hand. “I love you, Liz …” she said, with her eyes closed.
“I love you too, Maribeth,” Liz said, kissing her cheek and signaling the others to leave. She had had a difficult night and she needed her sleep. It was three o'clock in the morning. And as they walked softly down the hall, they stopped at the nursery window. And there she lay, all pink and warm and wrapped in a blanket, staring at them, looking straight at Liz as though she had been waiting for her for a long time. It was as though she had been meant for them all along. A gift from a boy who knew none of them, and a girl who had passed through their lives like a rainbow. And as they stood staring at her in wonder, Tommy looked at his parents and smiled. He knew Annie would have loved her.
Chapter Eleven
The next two days were hectic for everyone, and more than a little overwhelming. John and Tommy got out Annie's old bassinet and repainted it, and Liz stayed up nights draping it in miles of pink gauze and satin ribbons. They got out old things and bought new ones, and in the midst of it all, Tommy went to Annie's grave, and sat there for a long time, looking at the Christmas tree he and Maribeth had brought her and thinking about the baby. He hated the thought of Maribeth leaving them and going home again. Somehow, it had all come so quickly. So much seemed to be happening at once.
Much of it was happy. But some of it was painful.
But his mother was happier than he'd seen her all year, and when he saw Maribeth, she was serious and quiet. She'd had a long talk with Liz and John after the baby was born, and they assured her that they would understand if she had changed her mind. But she insisted steadfastly that she didn't want to. She was sad to give the baby up, but she knew more than ever now, that this was right. The next day, John called his attorney and set the wheels in motion for Maribeth to give up the baby.
The adoption papers were drawn up and brought to her, the lawyer explained them to her at length, and she signed the papers three days after Kate was born. She waived the waiting period, and signed the papers with a shaking hand, and then she hugged Liz tight, and they asked the nurse not to bring the baby in to her that day. She needed time to mourn her.
Tommy sat with her that night. She was strangely calm about her decision, but wistful too. They both wished everything could have been different. But Maribeth felt that this time she really had no choice. She had done the right thing, especially for the baby.
“It will be different next time, I swear,” Tommy said gently, and kissed her. They had been through so much, they both knew it was a bond that would not be severed. But she needed time just to catch her breath, and recover from everything that had happened. The doctor let her leave the hospital on New Year's Day, with the baby, and Tommy came to pick her up with his parents.
Liz carried the baby to the car, and John took pictures. They all spent a quiet afternoon at home, and whenever the baby cried, Liz went to her, and Maribeth tried not to hear her. She didn't want to go to her. She wasn't her mother now. She had to force herself to put distance between them. She knew there would always be a place for her in her heart, but she would never mother her, never be there for her in the dark of night, or with a bad cold, or read her a story. At best, if their lives stayed entwined, they would be friends, but nothing more. Even now, Liz was already her mother, and Maribeth wasn't.
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