The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya

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The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya Page 10

by Nagaru Tanigawa


  So it’s settled that the computer society president is a hikikomori? Maybe he’s on a vacation in Central or South America? Or is he actually trying to hide his whereabouts? We should have asked his homeroom teacher before coming here.

  I had glanced at the computer-related books on the shelf when someone unexpectedly tugged on my shirt from behind.

  “…”

  Nagato expressionlessly looked up at me and shook her chin to the side. What’s that supposed to mean?

  “It would be best if we left,” Nagato softly whispered. It was the first time I had heard her speak today. Haruhi and Asahina didn’t notice, but Koizumi moved his face next to my ear.

  “I concur.”

  Don’t use a serious tone, Koizumi. You’re freaking me out. But Koizumi merely flashed a forced smile while his eyes were somber.

  “This room feels oddly discomforting. Similar to a sensation I am familiar with. Though it may only feel similar and be different fundamentally…”

  Haruhi opened the fridge without permission, and said, “Found a yummy ice cream treat, warabimochi! It expired yesterday. Let’s eat it so it doesn’t go to waste,” as she tore the bag open. Asahina was all flustered as Haruhi held out the convenience store pastry for her to taste test.

  I also found myself speaking in a hushed voice.

  “Similar to what?”

  “Closed space. This room has the same scent as that place. No, I’m merely using the word ‘scent’ in a figurative sense. You could say it’s a feeling, a sensation transcending the five senses.”

  I stopped myself as I was about to reflexively deliver a biting remark about being an esper or something. This guy actually is an esper. Now that I think about it.

  Nagato murmured in a soft voice that barely shook the air, “A dimensional rift exists. Phase shift is transpiring.”

  Like that tells me anything.

  Least, that’s what I want to say. But my legs would probably turn to jelly if Nagato suddenly looked at me with a sad face, so I’m better off keeping my mouth shut. Good grief.

  In any case, it appears that we should get out of here pronto. I motioned to Koizumi and Nagato before turning to Haruhi, who was devouring her treat.

  Once everybody had left the apartment building, Haruhi said that she was hungry, so we were dismissed for the day and she left by herself. The case Kimidori had brought to us was temporarily shelved as Haruhi said irresponsibly, “It’ll work itself out eventually,” so all thinking ground to a halt and everything was on hold for the day.

  I guess she’s already lost interest.

  Haruhi wasn’t the only one who hadn’t had lunch yet, but I only pretended to go home as everyone went their separate ways. After spending ten minutes waiting in an irritated mood, I returned to the entrance of the president’s apartment building.

  The other three brigade members had already assembled and were waiting for me. The logic-loving alien and the damn knowledgeable esper looked like they knew what was going on, unlike Asahina.

  “Um… What’s the matter? Why did you tell us to reassemble without Suzumiya noticing…”

  She glanced up at me. She seemed uneasy when she looked at Nagato and Koizumi. I’ll just assume that I was the one she’d been waiting for.

  “Those two are concerned about the room we were just in,” I answered. “Right?”

  Smiley and Poker Face nodded at the same time.

  “We should know for sure once we go back there. Right, Nagato?”

  Nagato walked off without a word. The rest of us followed. Nagato walked up the stairs without making a sound, opened the door to the president’s residence without making a sound, and removed her shoes without making a sound before proceeding to the center of the room.

  The studio apartment wasn’t particularly big since the four of us standing in a line took up the whole room.

  “Within this room…”

  Nagato began to speak.

  “… an amalgamated alternate space-time with noncorrosive tendencies is occurring independently in a restrictive mode.”

  …

  I waited for a bit, but that was the end of her explanation. What am I supposed to do when you sound like you just randomly picked out words from a dictionary?

  “The sensation I’m experiencing is similar to that of closed space. The latter originates from Suzumiya, but the former gives off a different scent,” Koizumi said as a follow-up to Nagato’s explanation.

  The two of you make a good combination. You should get together. Teach Nagato some hobbies besides reading.

  “We can deliberate on this matter later. We have something more important to take care of at the moment. Nagato, the president’s disappearance is a result of this abnormal space, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  Nagato raised one hand in a gesture that looked like she was stroking the air before her.

  A bad feeling raced up my spine and tickled my brain. I probably should have told her to wait. But before I had a chance to utter that syllable, Nagato was already murmuring something around that sounded like a tape playing at 20 × speed. And in a flash, the scene before me changed.

  “Huh?!”

  Asahina jumped over and wrapped herself around my left arm. But I had no time to enjoy the sensation against my arm. I was too busy trying to verify my current location.

  Uh, I was in the president’s cramped studio apartment. Not an eerie place like this. Not a place so wide and flat that you can’t even see the horizon with an ocher brown mist hovering in the air. Who brought me to this place?

  “Entry code analyzed. This place overlaps normal space. A phase has merely slipped off,” Nagato explained.

  Well, she’s the only one capable of this stuff. And Koizumi’s the only one who can hold any semblance of a conversation with Nagato.

  “It doesn’t appear to be Suzumiya’s closed space.”

  “It is deceptively similar. However, a sector of the data in this space contains traces of junk data originating from Haruhi Suzumiya.”

  “How significant are these traces?”

  “Of an inconsequent level. She was merely the trigger.”

  “I see. So that’s how it is.”

  Asahina and I aren’t part of this conversation. Not that it bothers me. In fact, I’m pretty grateful. Though I’d be more grateful if they could take us back to our world.

  Asahina clung to me as she fearfully looked around at our surroundings. It appeared that she hadn’t anticipated this space. I hadn’t either, as I was also glancing in every direction. I could breathe fine, though I had to wonder if it was okay to breathe in this ocher mistlike stuff. I could feel the warmth of the floor through my socks. Not sure if this would be considered floor or ground, but the ocher surface continued infinitely. Didn’t expect a standard-sized room to have this much storage space. An alternate dimension, huh? Well, I was expecting something like that to show up soon. I’m awfully composed, if I do say so myself.

  “Is the computer society president here?”

  “It would seem so. I would presume that this alternate space appeared in his room and trapped him within.”

  “Where is he? I don’t see any sign of him.”

  Koizumi merely smiled as he turned to Nagato. I guess that was some kind of sign since Nagato raised her hand again.

  “Wait!”

  I wasn’t too late this time. I directed my attention to Nagato, who had obediently frozen in place.

  “Could you tell me what you’re going to do first? I’d like a moment to prepare myself.”

  “Nothing.”

  Nagato responded as if she were a talking piece of glasswork as she tilted her hand up around seventy-five degrees and extended her index finger. And then she opened her mouth again.

  “It has come.”

  I looked in the direction Nagato was pointing.

  “Hmm.”

  I had to groan in spite of myself.

  The ocher mist was slowly swirling in
to what looked like a whirlpool gathering each and every particle composing the mist into one spot. I was starting to feel like a pathogen that had invaded someone’s body, since I was getting this image of the ocher whirlpool carrying out its duty like a white blood cell. My only comfort was the warmth of Asahina’s hands.

  “I can sense a clear intent of animosity,” Koizumi said calmly, without any hint of urgency.

  Nagato was standing still with her arm extended like a broken-down android. That didn’t mean it was okay for me to relax. They might have the means to defend themselves, but I don’t. Asahina doesn’t either, which is why she’s hiding behind me.

  “This is when you’re supposed to bring out some futuristic gadget. Don’t you have like a ray gun or something?”

  “Carrying weapons is prohibited. It’s dangerous,” Asahina answered in a trembling voice.

  I can understand that. Even if you put a weapon in the hands of “this” Asahina, she would still be useless and prone to accidentally leaving it on the train. I began wondering if she might improve as she got older, but on second thought, “that” Asahina was also fairly careless. Maybe she’s just a scatterbrain by nature.

  While I was thinking, the mist was gradually taking the form of a solid object. There must have been some sort of reason for this. Not that I was particularly interested in knowing it, but for some reason, I could recognize the shape the mass of ocher was forming.

  “Eek.”

  Asahina was the only one scared. I’ll admit that it had a creepy appearance and you normally wouldn’t come across one in town. The last time I’d seen one had been many years ago under the floor at my grandmother’s house in the country.

  Are you aware of an insect known as the cave cricket?

  If you aren’t, I’d like to show you what I’m seeing right now. You’ll learn every small detail about it.

  After all, this cave cricket looks like it’s three meters long.

  “What is this?” I asked.

  “A cave cricket, I presume,” replied Koizumi.

  “That much I know. I used to be known as a bug expert when I was in preschool. I’ve never seen a real one before, but I know how to differentiate between a Hexacentrus japonicus and a Mecopoda nipponensis. But forget that. What is this?”

  Nagato spoke softly. “The creator of this space.”

  “This thing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t tell me this is Haruhi’s doing again?”

  “The cause lies elsewhere. But it began with her.”

  I was about to ask her what she meant when I noticed that she was still obediently frozen in the same position.

  …“You can move now.”

  “Yes.”

  Nagato then lowered her arm and stared at the giant cave cricket that had materialized. The burnt brown sand treader was standing in a spot a few meters away from us.

  “Oh? While imperfect, my power appears to be effective here.”

  Koizumi held a ball of red light the size of a handball in one hand. That red ball I’d never wanted to see again after the first time. It appeared to have come from his palm.

  “My strength is one tenth of what it is in closed space. And I am unable to transform myself.”

  For some unknown reason, Koizumi turned to Nagato with that cheerful smile I was sick of seeing.

  “Perhaps it was judged that this would be sufficient?”

  “…”

  Nagato didn’t react. I repeated my question.

  “Anyway, Nagato. What’s the true identity of that bug? Where’s the president?”

  “It is a subspecies of data life forms. It is using the brain tissue of a male student to heighten the probability of its existence.”

  Koizumi tapped his finger against his brow. It seemed like he was thinking, but it also seemed like he was focusing his thoughts. Koizumi eventually looked up.

  “Perhaps the president is inside that giant cave cricket?”

  “Precisely.”

  “The cave cricket is… I see. The president’s visualization of a source of fear, correct? Defeating it should cause this alternate space to collapse. Am I wrong?”

  “You are not.”

  “I appreciate the metaphor that’s easily understood. That should make this quite simple.”

  “No, it’s not easily understood. No, this isn’t simple. Explain everything so that Asahina and I know what’s going on.”

  “We don’t have time for that right now, though.”

  “Don’t emphasize the last syllable like that. Stop smiling all gentle-like. Throw that red ball somewhere else. And do something about Asahina wrapping herself around my waist. I’m about to lose it.”

  “Eek…”

  The trembling Asahina had taken away my ability to move. At this rate, I won’t be able to escape

  “That won’t be necessary. It won’t take long. I just know it somehow. This appears to be much easier than hunting Celestials.”

  The cave cricket had finished materializing and I was worrying about whether it would suddenly jump toward us. I wonder how many meters it can jump. I kind of want to measure… No, not really.

  I was blunt.

  “Get it over with.”

  “Roger that.”

  Koizumi launched the red ball and whacked it like he was serving a volleyball. The red handball flew off with impeccable accuracy as it crashed into the front of the cave cricket and made a sound like a paper balloon popping. A pretty stupid method of attacking, but our opponent appeared to be pretty stupid too. I was expecting some form of counterattack, but the cave cricket didn’t run, jump, or make any weird roaring sounds. It just sat there in silence.

  “Is it over?”

  Nagato nodded in response to Koizumi’s question. That didn’t take long.

  The giant cave cricket began diffusing into its original state of mist and started to fade. The ocher mist trembling around us also began to disappear. Along with the chilling sensation under my feet.

  A male in a familiar uniform appeared as a form of compensation, I suppose. The president of the computer society collapsed faceup. He looked like he had fallen out of the chair in front of the computer rack as he lay there with his eyes closed. It appeared that he was alive. Koizumi leaned down next to him and placed one hand against the president’s neck before nodding to me.

  We were back in the room in the studio apartment. Makes you wonder where that huge space came from.

  In any case, I’m feeling quite relieved. I’ve had enough of being trapped in wide-open spaces, whether they’re gray or ocher.

  “Approximately two hundred eighty million years ago.”

  Nagato began her explanation of random cosmic nonsense, which if I were to break it down and condense it, would turn into something like the following:

  It was either during the Permian or Triassic period when “it” landed on earth, and at the time, there was nothing on Earth capable of housing “it.” Lacking the means to exist on Earth, it went into hibernation to allow for self-preservation. Until an appropriate data network had been born on the planet for it to use.

  It lacked the means to exist on Earth. Thus, it froze all activities and settled into a state of sleep.

  Eventually, humans were born on Earth and those humans created computer networks. Such immature (according to Nagato) digital information networks, though imperfect, could be utilized as nurseries. However, those were insufficient, so that thing remained in a half-awakened state. But there was an incident which incited its awakening. What served as an alarm clock for that thing was a detonator floating across the Internet. It held more data than could be measured by ordinary numbers. Data that does not exist in this world. Data from another world. This was the shelter that thing had been waiting for…

  Nagato abruptly stopped talking.

  Nagato had been using the president’s computer as she talked and brought up the SOS Brigade website and displayed the corrupted SOS Brigade emblem.

&
nbsp; “The trigger was the invocation sign drawn by Suzumiya. It became a gate.”

  “So this SOS Brigade emblem turned into a summoning circle or whatever just now?”

  “Yes.” Nagato nodded. “By terrestrial standards, this SOS Brigade emblem holds the equivalent of approximately 436 terabytes of data.”

  That’s impossible. That image isn’t even 10 kilobytes big.

  But Nagato continued, “It does not correspond to denominations used on Earth.”

  “What are the odds? A symbol she drew by chance happened to correspond perfectly. She truly is Suzumiya. She can even beat astronomical odds.”

  Koizumi was seriously impressed. And I was seriously scared. Scared of what?

  Haruhi does most things on a whim. That’s how the SOS Brigade was formed and that’s how members were assembled. Asahina was picked up as a mascot character. Koizumi was chosen because he was a transfer student. Nagato had been there to begin with. And then, Asahina was a time traveler, Koizumi was an esper, and Nagato was a pseudo-alien. Too convenient. In fact, Koizumi had said that it wasn’t coincidence when he gave me that nonsense about stuff happening because Haruhi so desired. I’d almost started to believe him, but I couldn’t let that happen. After all, I am an utterly ordinary person. That should be enough to prove otherwise. Koizumi’s theory would require me to have some kind of secret identity that involved hocus-pocus. So it would seem…

  What if there had actually been a purpose behind Haruhi’s pointless actions? A purpose she was unaware of. Like how she could randomly write down characters and create a message to some aliens out there. Like a cat tapping away at a keyboard and producing a legible sentence. What are the chances of that happening?

  A girl who can easily break through the barrier called probability and unconsciously reach the correct answer. That would be the troublemaker known as Haruhi Suzumiya. I could accept her making me join the SOS Brigade to run errands for her. Yeah, that’s right. It beats the hell out of me having some kind of mysterious background. So, do I have some kind of crazy unknown power or origin?

  Is that why she chose me? Don’t tell me that I actually have a secret I don’t know about.

 

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