“Undoubtedly.”
Tigris frowned. “Bullseye’s worn out from trying to predict what he’ll spring on us next. I think they’re communicating with each other through these little skirmishes we have. He’s telling her that he’s in control, and she’s trying to show him it won’t last. She’s nearing a breaking point. I’ve scanned her thoughts lately, Trok. The woman has demons. I worry.”
“Stay out of Bullseye’s mind or you’ll tire yourself out, and then what good will you be to me?”
“I’m the Seer,” she reminded him with a grin. “Isn’t it my job to know my Warrior partners’ minds? Though it is exhausting. Particularly with Rave.”
Trok laughed. “You do look tired. It’s not even late, and you’re already in pajamas?”
“It’s not like I’m expecting any social calls. I am tired. I’m not cut out for all this action like the rest of them.”
Trok tapped the table with his finger and stared at its surface.
Tigris recognized the look in his eye, and she didn’t bother asking before snooping in his mind. Watching her return after her abduction. Watching as she develops her strengthened telepathy in El Miret. Keeping up with her as she teleports from city to city. Watching her meet Lilae and hearing about the Magi. Meeting more un-factors. Then, the memories broke away.
“Trok, did you-”
He held up a hand to stop her coming question. “Don’t get excited. I still don’t know anything about your abduction or what was done to you. It’s just that… I’ve been thinking over things. I know you’ve tried to use your gifts admirably to help the un-factors, but you always think there’s more the Magi meant for you to do. Am I right?”
Despite her wishes to deny his words, Tigris knew he was right. She looked around the library to collect thoughts she’d been having for months. “I know I’m supposed to focus on my role as a Warrior,” she confessed, “but there’s not a lot I can do. Rave jokes that my telepathy makes me like a glorified transmitter, and he’s not that wrong. Most of the time I sit here at home, waiting for them to get back from dangerous missions. My mind wanders. I’ve been wondering about the Magi again. Should I be doing something more with the incredible abilities they’ve given me?”
“You are doing something, Tig. I thought we agreed this was what the Magi meant for you to do?”
“I know, but…”
I feel all the time like there’s more, she thought. Like I’m still missing something the Magi meant for me to do.
He shook his head. “I’ve found nothing that points me to the Magi, Tig. I’m sorry.”
This wasn’t what she wanted to hear, and she was getting frustrated with the lack of answers. “Trok, you promised me when I signed up for this that you’d help me find out what happened to me. You’re supposed to-”
“Calm down. I-”
“Trok, my abduction means something! If you know anything, tell me!” Knowing she was tired and being a little unreasonable, Tigris looked down at her pajamas.
I just feel so…lost, she thought. The others support me, but they can’t understand what I’ve been through. I don’t understand what I’ve been through. I think that’s another reason I feel so close to the un-factors – we’ve been through what no one else can understand.
Trok paused. “Tig, I’ve been trying to find answers ever since I made that promise, but I can’t find anything.”
“You have all of time open-”
“I don’t, though.”
She looked back at him in confusion. She never liked hearing Trok wasn’t omniscient.
“Tig, there’s nothing I can see in history about the Magi. Every time I think I might be onto something, the portals block my sight. Everything about them is closed off to me. I’m sure there’s a good reason for it, but I don’t know what it is. This hasn’t happened to me about anything except the discovery of the DRK treatment – and that’s because I’m not supposed to know about that. For some reason, I’m not meant to discover who the Magi really are. I think they hide themselves from me in a similar way to how I hide myself from your mind. They have a superior use of the space dimension. As far as I know, the Magi haven’t abducted anyone else, but I don’t think I could find anyone if I looked.”
Tigris felt tears welling.
Trok tried to reassure her. “I’m still working on it, but I can’t find anything if I don’t know where to look.” He paused. “Maybe my non-Earth friends know something. I can’t find anything here, but I could ask around in the other worlds…”
“What other worlds? There are other worlds?”
“Well, of course.” Trok laughed. “Rave’s told you about Phantasya. I know you think of my time on Earth as ancient history, but I remember when three groups went through the portals before the World Space Program put a stop to it. There’s no way to know where the Kota went, since their portal closed. But, I’ve seen where the other portal jumpers ended up.”
“Well…” Tigris wondered why she’d never asked this. “Where?”
“Earth’s DuoPorts connect with two different solar systems in other parts of the universe – the Mainland-Euro portal links to Phantasya’s solar system, for example. Simply put, the portal jumpers settled the two solar systems on the other ends of the DuoPorts. The settlers have become quite unlike Earth people, considering they’ve had five centuries to develop their own cultures.”
Tigris had nothing to say to this.
He must’ve seen her confusion. “In any case, it’s not like all I have to do to find the Magi is look through the portals and see on the other side. There are planets and planets across the DuoPorts, Tig.”
She frowned at this. Rave talked all the time about Phantasya, but she’d never understood half of it, even when he’d shown her his memories.
So Trok can’t find the Magi, she thought. I’m stuck. And anyway, I can’t be this selfish when so much is at stake for so many people.
Tigris pulled her hair around to one side. “Okay, Trok. I trust you. You haven’t let me down yet.”
That made Trok wince.
Tigris sensed him closing off his mind. With a frown, she spoke telepathically, “You’re afraid of me finding something in there, aren’t you? I can almost see it.”
Trok looked down at the table. “Tig, take my advice and forget the Magi, at least for a while. I know you don’t think you have an important role around here, but you do make a difference in the Warrior mission. You do.”
She nodded with a small smile. “I guess there’ll be time to sort out my abduction once we save the world, huh?”
Trok frowned. “Well, about that… I’m giving you this advice now because I might be gone for a while. My last glimpse of the future showed me that you’d destroy the factor base, and that future’s come and gone now. I saw a new future a short time before you called me. It suggests that I should leave you on your own for a while. I know you Warriors are tired. You’ve accomplished a lot of good for the world already. More is coming soon.”
I’m not sure I like when he drops hints of the future, she thought. Something’s going on.
“What do you want us to do?” She knew it was what Rave and Bullseye would want her to ask their foreseeing uncle.
“Oh,” Trok said with a long exhale, “just let whatever happens happen.”
She laughed. “Rave’s right; that is your motto.”
“I suppose it is. But not everything that’s important needs to be explained with complex wording.” He frowned again in thought.
Something really is going on, she thought. He’s not here for just another routine visit – he didn’t care about my report. Trok had a specific purpose in coming tonight. Something about this future…
Trok wouldn’t meet her eyes. When he spoke, his voice sounded softer than usual. “Tig, I can’t let you see some things in my mind. The point I’m now shown in future time… I’ve seen things that wouldn’t be good for you to know. As I’ve told you several times before, you don’t need t
o know everything. Even I don’t need to know everything. So… In my coming absence, keep in mind that it’s not what you know but how you use it. And it’s never good to think you’ve got everything figured out. Don’t start down that road, Tig.”
Tigris mulled this over.
He’s right, she thought. Whenever I get too wrapped up in my own head, it drives me crazy… Wow, I’m so tired. To my bones I’m weary of this.
Trok interrupted her thoughts by standing from the table. “I’m leaving. You’re all doing well, and the Dominion is more concerned than they’re pretending. It’s very hard for me to… I have to leave. I’ll be watching, but I won’t be around. Do you understand me? You’ll do this on your own. Tell the others not to count on me for a while.”
Tigris also rose from the table. She didn’t like the way this visit was ending. “When will you be back?”
“Soon. Not for some time. It depends on your perspective.” Trok wouldn’t look at her as he opened a portal and stepped into it.
When he was gone, Tigris remained standing next to the table. A prickling feeling ran along her arms, and she shivered despite the warmth provided by her pajamas. Somehow Trok’s last words worried her, but she wasn’t sure why.
It’s not unusual for Trok to be gone for weeks, she thought. Still… Trok’s mind felt sad. Very sad.
Tigris left the library. She had to find Rave and tell him of her meeting with Trok. She suspected the Warrior team would have even more work between now and the next time Trok arrived. The more she thought about it, the clearer his message had been – something was coming.
26
“Gray area”
Bullseye sat in a hotel room on the outskirts of El Miret. It was raining. The small room’s lights were off, but streetlights shown in through the window. She sat on the floor at the foot of the bed, holding a cold drink to her forehead. A Kota text lay open on the bed, but she hadn’t been able to concentrate enough to read it. Not entirely sure how to proceed with what she’d come to do, she’d spent most of the past hour thinking over her options.
She needed a distraction and leaned forward to turn on the terminal screen. It flickered light across the room, and Bullseye sat back to watch the latest newscasts.
A reporter stood in front of a busy hospital, ambulances unloading patients in the background. “Reports indicate one hundred citizens have been infected in the city of Berlin. No one yet knows how the DRK reached Berlin, but authorities are scrambling to set up a quarantine and get to the bottom of this.”
The video switched to a residential street. Dominion drones were breaking into homes and firing weapons as fully infected factors tried to run out to the street. Two factors made it to the pavement before a drone shot them, and the gray, fungus-covered victims of the DRK fell in a heap.
Bullseye hit the controls and turned off the screen.
What now? she thought. What now…
A red light flashed from the other side of the room. Bullseye looked over as her uncle stepped out of a portal. He appeared as he always did, complete with the knowing glint in his eye that had long since ceased to spark her curiosity. Of course he knew more than she did. Bullseye had had enough conversations with Rave to know their uncle never revealed more than he planned. And, Tigris reaffirmed Bullseye’s belief that her uncle dangled information in front of them without any intention of elaborating. Asking what he knew was fruitless, so she didn’t even humor him by begging like Tigris and sometimes Rave did. Not that she didn’t appreciate the guidance he did give.
“How are you doing?”
Bullseye shrugged, trying to act casual about his unnatural entrance. “As well as can be expected. My big brother’s up to some new devilry. I’m sure fresh assassins are out there already. Remington nearly caught us last month.”
“Tigris told me about your ambushed mission. Remington is…good.”
“Yep.” She leaned against the foot of the bed. “I assume you’re aware we ruined the factor base?”
He smiled. “I know all about it.”
“Of course you do.” She took a drink and smiled up at him wryly. “Your portal’s open.”
Trok looked back at the swirl of fiery lights and made the hand motion that closed it.
“Thank you for helping Tig deal with this whole Magi thing.” Bullseye didn’t know why Trok was there, but steering the conversation seemed wise. “I haven’t really known what to do for Tig, but Whitey reminded me how personal this last mission was for her. After all this time, Tig’s abduction still upsets her. I’ve been taken from a few homes of my own, so she has my sympathies.” She toasted him and took another drink.
Trok stood looking down at her. “You women have more in common than you think. You’re both gifted with extreme uses of the space dimension – probably because you’re the oldest of your family pairs. For both of you, your gifts have developed as you’ve needed them. And, you’re both haunted by the past.”
Oops, she thought. Bad topic after all. Can’t he just go away?
Trok frowned, which was never a good sign. “I haven’t guided you as much as I have Tigris, and I apologize.”
“No biggie. I got over my abandonment issues caused by you a long time ago.”
His frown deepened. “When I talked to Tigris last, she reminded me that I need to pay more attention to you. This work’s been hardest on you. You’re the Leader; it’s part of the gig. But I’m your Bearer just as much as I’m Tigris’s, and part of my job is to keep you Warriors sane. I should give you a shoulder to lean on, even if you pretend not to need one.”
“I’m fine, Trok. Exhausted, but fine. Right now I’m just trying to figure out…” She didn’t want to get into it. “I’ll be fine, Uncle. You don’t need to worry. I’m perfectly capable of charging onward.”
“Oh, you can do this work in your sleep, I know. What’s exhausting you has little to do with your work. It’s deeper than that, and you need to acknowledge what’s eating at you before it drops you. Let it out. Please, talk to me.”
“What? Like you’re my substitute priest?” She tried not to sound annoyed, but she didn’t want to deal with him right now.
Trok squatted and sat on the floor beside her, ignoring her glare. “I’ll leave you soon, but you need to hear a few things first.”
Bullseye took a drink, trying not to roll her eyes.
“First of all,” he began, “you’ve done an amazing job. Kudos. But, everything’s happened so fast that I don’t think you’ve been able to adjust very well. I’ve watched as you’ve discovered the harsh truth that fighting for right is much more complicated than fighting for…let’s say, less honorable causes. In the Dominion, you just completed missions, wiped your hands, and went home. Now you actually care about the world around you, and that makes your every action much heavier. As you carry out this Warrior mission, you see more and more of the world’s suffering, don’t you? I imagine it’s especially hard because of your past. You once caused the pain you’re now trying to heal. That must be difficult.”
Bullseye was silent as she looked at the floor.
“I know you bottle up your feelings and push ahead,” Trok added, “but I’m here for you. Talk to me.”
Bullseye swallowed hard, knowing he was right. Still, defensive to the core, she debated if telling him the truth was a good idea.
Oh, flush it, she thought.
Because she wasn’t a pro at vocalizing this sort of thing, she took it slow. “If you really must know… Yes, the past is haunting me. It’s not even that I feel the need for revenge against Cruelthor. In the beginning, I think that’s what I wanted, but this Kota mission isn’t about my personal revenge. This isn’t about me versus Cruelthor in some grand showdown. Sure, I can put a face to this concept of evil, but the Kota mission – the one an uncle of mine dropped in my lap – means destroying the virus, not the man. So, I’m not after revenge. I’m trying to see the bigger picture.”
Trok nodded, pleased with this much.
“Besides that,” she continued, “I’m not looking at my new life as penance for the sins I committed in my former life. I think I took that approach at first too. But even working myself to death could never redeem my past. I have forgiven myself – I had to – and more importantly I know I’ve been forgiven.”
Trok nodded supportively. “Okay, so if it’s none of those things, what is bothering you?”
Bullseye felt her throat constrict despite her attempts to not get emotional. “I can’t escape reminders, Trok. My old life haunts me all the time, and it’s impossible for me to really move on. Every time we destroy a Dominion base I used to live in or slay an operative I worked with, I’m reminded of my old life. I thought I could handle it at first, but I... I can’t escape. I’d be happier if everything from days of old would just disappear. I can’t handle the ghosts. Erik, Jib, the Romanovs… My old life is constantly thrown in my face, and I can’t move on. I have no answers.”
That brought another one of those frowns. “Answers?”
She wiped a strand of hair from her face and looked at the floor. “Trok, I’m not mad at Cruelthor or myself. What I don’t understand is why my life had to go this way. What was the point? Was there one? I don’t see why the pain I suffered or the pain I caused needed to be a part of the grand purpose you’re always talking about. Couldn’t my life have gone differently and still brought me to where I need to be today? Nothing about this path I’ve taken seems right, and I’m surrounded all the time by reminders of that old life. I feel like some kind of prodigal not allowed to enjoy home. I have no peace, Trok. I mean, why was any of it necessary? You’ve said that experiences from my past are still essential parts of who I am, but is that it? Is that all my old life was for – training? I have a good life now, but the constant reminders make me miserable. I need to know why my early life was necessary as part of the master plan, Trok. My life doesn’t feel black or white. I’ll live somewhere in the gray until I know what the purpose was… If there was one. I have my doubts. And it just…hurts.”
The Kota Page 48