“So you think it’s purely physical?”
“I don’t know. You said yourself that he has fucked you every which way but loose.”
I smile. “He has, but it’s more than that. I know it’s more than that. Even when we aren’t fucking our brains out, I feel such contentment when he’s around. Friday night, the first time we saw each other in a week, we didn’t even make love. We just held each other until we went to sleep. It was wonderful.”
Beverly squints at me. She looks at me as if she is trying to see inside my head. I wish she could tell me what she sees there because I can’t figure it out for myself. “Maybe you two are falling for each other. I don’t know, but you have six more weeks to figure it out. Just let it happen and don’t worry about it. If Mike is your soul mate, he’ll be there for you. If not, think of all the fucking you are going to get to do. That makes it worth continuing to see him, doesn’t it?”
Beverly has a unique way of cutting through the bullshit. “Yes, I suppose so. What if Mike doesn’t feel the same way?”
“You will still get to do the fucking. At least you will have that. There are no guarantees in this life, sweetheart. It could just as easily turn out that Mike falls for you and you not for him, so enjoy it while you can. What happens…happens. You can’t make yourself fall in love and neither can Mike. If you try, you will only make yourself miserable. So enjoy what he’s doing to you and don’t worry about it.”
I think about what Bev has said. I decide she is spot on with her advice, as I knew she would be. I should just enjoy what time I have with Mike and not worry about what the future holds, at least until I am clear in my feelings. “Thanks, Beverly. I knew I could count on you.”
Beverly smiles at me. “It’s what friends are for. But! If you decide you don’t want him, I get first dibs, okay? He’s a serious honey and I would like a little taste of his sweetness.”
I snicker at Bev’s lunacy. “Deal.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I don’t hear from Mike all week and I resign myself to the fact that he’s gone. He either has decided he didn’t feel anything for me or he did and it scared him off. Either way he is out of my life. I try to pretend that’s a good thing because it would have never worked anyway. I know I am lying to myself.
It’s Friday night and the four amigos are going out for a night on the town. My cell rings and I snatch at it, praying that it’s Mike. It’s Beverly, checking to make sure I’m still coming.
“I’m walking out, now,” I say as pick up my keys. I kill the call and am just reaching for the door when someone knocks. It’s nearly nine and I wonder who it could be. I peek through the sight glass, and then fling the door open.
“Mike!” I exclaim in surprise and delight, as I throw myself into his arms.
“I came as soon as I could,” he says as he holds me, rocking me gently. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, but we were bivouacked all week.”
“You should have called,” I scold gently, as I pull him into my apartment. “I was just on my way out. You nearly missed me.”
“Oh,” Mike says softly.
“No! I’m so glad you’re here. I just mean, if you had called I would have been expecting you.”
“I wanted to surprise you,” he says, finally handing me the flowers he has been holding.
“Thank you,” I say taking the bouquet. “They’re lovely. How long can you stay?”
“I have to be back at oh-four hundred. I can’t stay the night; but, I had to see you. I couldn’t stay away.”
I can feel my face scrunching up, as I try not to cry. “I missed you,” I say. I take him into my arms again, laying my face against his chest.
Mike’s arms surround me gently. “I missed you, too. That’s why I had to come see you.”
We stand, holding each other, until I back away. “I need to put these in some water. And I need to call Beverly. I just told her I was walking out. I don’t want her to worry.”
“I don’t want to-” Mike begins.
“You’re not,” I interrupt. “I was running late because I was hoping you would call.”
Mike smiles. “We can still go out. Just you and I.”
“No. I would rather stay here with you. Have you eaten? I could-”
“Daisy,” Mike interrupts, “I came to see you. Not to have you wait on me. I’ve already eaten. It’s fine.”
I smile. Then, I turn to put the flowers in some water. I retrieve the cheap vase that another bouquet came in and fill it with water, arranging the flowers to suite me. They’re not expensive flowers, probably from the local market, but the fact that he went to the trouble to find some this late on a Friday touches me.
Flowers in water, I call Beverly and tell her the news. I’m so excited that I practically gush into the phone. “Mike’s here, so I won’t be able to make it tonight.”
“Good for you, Daisy. Go do something I would do,” Beverly says. Is that just a hint of envy I hear in her voice?
“We’ll see. He has to go back to the base later tonight.”
“Then go. You don’t have any time to waste.”
I smile. Beverly is such a good friend. “I’ll tell you all about it Monday.”
“You’d better.”
I kill the call. Then, I decide that I don’t want to be disturbed, so I turn the cell off.
“I don’t want to take you away from you friends,” Mike says, as I settle on the couch next to him.
“I do,” I say, as I move in and kiss him for the first time this evening. The kiss is sweet, erotic, and full of promise. “I was afraid I had scared you off when you didn’t call.”
“I don’t scare easily,” Mike says looking into my eyes. “But, Daisy, we have to talk.”
I can feel the blood drain out of my face. Now, it makes sense. The flowers, the unexpected visit, the need to return to the base tonight. I steel myself for what is to come and promise myself I won’t cry, at least not in front of him. “Okay,” I say quietly. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
“What about us?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I want to be with you all the time, to hold you, to make love to you. But…”
“But what?” I ask, when Mike doesn’t continue.
“But…I can’t see how this will work. I’m stationed at Bragg, you’re here. I will be leaving in just a few weeks. Even while I’m here, I can’t see you that often. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want to leave you either.”
I struggle to hold my tears. “Are you dropping me?” I ask quietly.
“I don’t want to, but maybe that’s for the best, before we get in too deep.”
I swallow hard. “Is that what you want? To leave?”
“No.”
“Then, don’t. Mike, I feel the same way about you. I don’t understand it, but I want you with me. I talked to Beverly about how I feel and you know what she told me? She said to enjoy our time together. If it doesn’t work out, then at least we will have this time. I think it’s sound advice.”
Mike looks just miserable. “Easier said than done.”
“Mike, look at me,” I say. “I enjoy our time together enough that I’m willing to risk a little pain. I want to be with you for what time you can spare. You’re right. It may not work out; but, these past two weeks have been some of the happiest times I’ve had since my parents died. Don’t take that away from me to try to protect me. Please.”
Mike stares into my eyes for a long time. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve hurt enough people already.”
The moment Mike speaks the words; I understand what he is doing. “Mike, even if this doesn’t work out, I wouldn’t trade my time with you for anything. Please, don’t do this to me. Don’t do it to yourself. You’re a good man and what happened wasn’t your fault. If this doesn’t work out, it’s not your fa
ult, either; but, if this is something special, please give it a chance to grow. You can’t always protect people from hurt. Sometimes you have to let go of your past in order to grab your future.”
My own words hit me like a hammer blow. Mike and I are the same. We are clinging to our pasts, afraid to let go. We have both lost our family and we haven’t been able to move past that. But Mike, unintentionally, has shown me what my future could be. I blubber once as realization hits me. I want Mike. I want him to become my family and I want to become his. I only need to let go of the past and embrace the future.
“Mike,” I begin, deciding to come clean with him. “I don’t love you; but, you are becoming special to me. I dream of your touch and of having you at my side. As you said, you are the last thing I think of each night and the first thing I think of each morning. If you feel the same, don’t take that away from us. Please. Give us some time. If we want to, we can make this work. I know we can.”
“But how? We live five or six hundred miles from each other. I can be deployed at a moment’s notice. What kind of life is that for you? For us?”
“I don’t know. Maybe no life at all. But maybe you could transfer to Benning or I could move to North Carolina. I don’t know! But at least give us a chance!” I sniff once and wipe away the single tear in frustration.
Mike looks at me for a long time, saying nothing. I wait him out, refusing to look away, refusing to break eye contact. Then, he smiles. “I hope this isn’t a mistake,” he says, as he pulls me to him.
I push back, refusing to take his lips. “If it is, then let’s make it together,” I whisper before I allow him to draw me to him.
As our lips touch, I snake my hands around his neck. I draw him tighter to me with a soft moan. This may be a mistake, but the way he makes me feel is worth the risk. Mike may have to go back to the base tonight, but he isn’t getting out of here with making love to me first. I lean back and pull him down on me, as I tumble backward onto the couch. We never break the kiss.
The couch is too small and narrow to get comfortable. We are laying half on, half off of it. Mike rises up and pulls back from me. I let him go, but immediately begin to work at his shirt, trying to get it unbuttoned. The positioning is all wrong and I can’t reach more than the first two or three buttons. “Fuck!” I gasp. “This isn’t working. Come on.” I begin pushing at Mike, trying to get him off of me. We have to go to the bedroom. Now.
As Mike gets to his feet, I follow. I ooze into his arms, unable to wait even the short time to get to the bedroom before I kiss him again. Mike tightens his grip around my back and lifts me off the ground, carrying me to the bedroom. Once there, he all but throws me on the bed before attacking me with his lips. As we kiss, we squirm and struggle to undress each other. Our needs feed off of each other.
I get Mike’s shirt unbuttoned first, since I had a head start. As I try to push it over his shoulders, he stops working on me to remove it. Then, he takes off his shoes and pants. I have more pieces to get off. I am still working on my panties when Mike takes them from my hands and roughly removes them.
I am aflame with desire for him. I catch him, as he moves into kiss me. I twist him and steer him to the bed. Remembering what Beverly said about taking control, I slip to the floor between his legs and take him into my mouth. Mike immediately begins to growl, deep in his throat, as I take him as deep as I can. I’m right up to the threshold of gagging.
Mike moans and places his hands on my head, holding me loosely to him. I can feel him pulling me farther down on his shaft, but not so hard that I can’t resist him. I fellate him mercilessly for several minutes. I enjoy making him groan and hiss. I intend to make him come, but he pushes me away. I try to resist, since I want to try to continue to push him over the edge, but he is far too strong. I finally give up the struggle and rise to my feet, as Mike pulls on me. He dumps me on the bed, and rolls onto me.
“Are you ready?” Mike asks, his desire clear on his face.
“Oh God, yes.”
Mike positions himself. Once he is sure of his position, he plunges into me. I gasp at his passage, grabbing at his head, and forcing him to look into my face. “You fuck me like you mean it, understand? If this is all we have, then I want all of it.”
Mike growls, low and deep in his chest. Then, he begins to move. He starts out slow, but with each thrust he slams into me harder, faster. He grunts, as he takes me with a passion he hasn’t shown before. I revel in the sweet violence. I whimper in pleasure as he takes me, holding tight to his head.
The orgasm seems to come from nowhere. It crashes over me like the ocean surf. This time I do cry out. My wail ends in a shuddering gasp. I cling to Mike, holding him desperately tight.
“Fuck! Fuck!” I gasp. The power of the orgasm nearly renders me speechless. I am still reeling from my orgasm, as Mike continues to hammers into me. He holds himself up on his hands. I can feel another orgasm forming, so I hook my heels under his ass. I begin to spur him and drive him on. Silently, I beg for more.
As I do, Mike begins to growl. It makes a low and dangerous sound. He bares his teeth in a snarl. I see him clench his eyes shut and shudder. He shakes his head in denial. I begin to kick at him harder, trying to drive him headlong into his orgasm. I meet each thrust with one of my own. I begin to whimper again, as my second orgasm begins to take me.
“Don’t stop!” is all I manage to gasp out. Then, I haul myself up. I lift my upper body off the bed and hold it tight to his. I begin to shudder, as my orgasm takes me. I whimper softly into Mike’s neck.
Suddenly, Mike drives me down into the bed. He holds me bone crushingly tight, as he thrusts into me furiously. He roars into the pillow with an animal-like bellow of lust. Mike grips me so tight I can scarcely breathe, but I want him to hold me even tighter. Then, he is still. He gasps and pants, as he loosens his grip. I continue to hold him, caressing his back until I can feel him begin to move.
“I’m sorry,” Mike whispers.
“For what?”
“For hurting you.”
“You didn’t hurt me, Mike,” I whisper, still caressing him. “I loved how tight you were holding me.”
I can feel Mike relax at my words. “I wish I could stay.”
“So do I.”
“There isn’t enough time!” Mike says. The frustration is clear in his voice, as he levers up out of my embrace. “I want to see you, every day, every night, but the fucking Army…”
“Shhhh, it’s okay. I understand. I do. Just call me when you can. Come to me when you are able. We’ll work something out.”
“You deserve better,” Mike says. I can see the fear in his eyes. He’s afraid, just as I am.
I smile at him. “Mike, I grew up in the Army. I understand. I do. Go. Train. Blow stuff up. But come back to me when you are done. For the next six weeks, I am yours.”
Mike smiles at me, drawing his finger lightly along my chin. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you putting up with…well…me?”
“I have to know. I have to know if you are the one.”
“The one?”
“Yes. The one for me. I think you might be. Only time will tell.”
“And if I’m not?”
I smile. “Then I have had eight weeks of the best sex of my life.”
Mike smiles back at me. “How will you know?”
“I just will. Don’t you think you will know when you find the one for you?”
“I don’t know. I hope so,” Mike says. Then, he looks at me, his face softening slightly. “Time will tell.” Mike leans in and kisses me gently. “I should be going. I would love to stay, but I have to sleep some tonight.”
“I’ll get dressed and take you back,” I offer.
“No need. I borrowed a car.”
“Okay. But you’ll call me?”
“Not tonight. If I start talking to you I won’t want to stop. But every chance I get. I will see you as often as I can, too.”
“I’ll like that. Do cal
l. Anytime you can, day or night. It will be okay. I won’t bitch at you for waking me up, I promise,” I say with a smile, reminding him of the promise already made.
Mike moves, preparing to leave. “Daisy, no matter what happens, this has been the best two weeks of my life.” He leans over and kisses me ever so gently, again. “I will never forget you.”
I want to say something, but I don’t trust my voice. Instead, I just smile and touch his face.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mike surprises me at work Monday afternoon. He is out of class on a lunch break and had a friend drop him off. Thank God I didn’t have anyone in my office. He only has an hour for lunch, so we hustle out and grab a quick burger at a McDonalds, just outside the gate. Not the most romantic meal I have ever had, but the company is good and I enjoy myself immensely.
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