I decided to take the longer, more winding path home in case Elijah was trailing me or something as far-fetched as that may sound. Thankfully, Jade was staring out the window quietly, her eyes glued to the passing scenery. I doubted she was seeing any of it though; judging from how she was keeping a firm hold on the van door and her bag. Soon, although not soon enough, we pulled into the driveway.
My father’s car was parked there, but we ignored it. It wasn’t bizarre at all. More times than not, the car was there but he wasn’t. He had a habit of going with his partner to work. I didn’t mind because on any occasion his car was there and my petrol was low, I had no other choice than to drive his car.
“Nice car,” Jade commented lightly as soon as we stepped into the foyer.
I gave her a long look, surprised. For as long as I could remember, Jade had not attempted to make small talk with me. “Uh, thanks,” I replied, placing my keys on the table.
“Listen Jason—” Jade started the same instant I said, “Jade—”
“You go first,” I muttered uncomfortably, not sure where to look exactly.
Jade leaned against the wall and sighed. “I don’t want to hate you but you’re just so perfect!”
I raised a brow at her and shook my head sadly. “Don’t tell me you’re one of them too,” I groaned, raising my eyes to the ceiling. “I’m nowhere near perfect.”
Jade pressed her lips together. “You are so unaffected by everything. It’s so weird. Someone could say, ‘Jason, you’re stupid,’ and you look normal, ‘You’re fat,’ a small emotionless nod, or even ‘You can’t do anything right,’ but you take it in stride. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Jade,” I said calmly, “I’m not perfect, I just know how to handle things.”
“At first, we were so close, outcasts together, but I’ve been left behind and now, I feel like you’re going in another whole direction,” she muttered glumly.
I took a long look at my younger sister by two years and noticed that she wasn’t as hard-boiled as she made herself out to be. I took in her very-pierced ears that irritated my mother so and the hair that was piled atop her head. Jade was a little innocent-looking thing and I sighed at how corrupt society had made her.
Jade took my silence as a way to continue. “But, something changed in you. You became the new sports star; everybody’s dream of rising to popularity.”
“I remember the summer I started swimming,” I agreed thoughtfully.
She nodded and motioned for me to enter the living room where she sat, and I mirrored her movements sitting opposite her. Jade played with the folds on her bag whilst choosing her words carefully. My heart raced at the many memories in my head. I hoped desperately that she’d change the topic quickly.
“That’s when you spent the summer with Uncle Tom and Aunt Grace, right?”
“Yes,” I replied numbly, cringing at the memories.
Her eyes met mine and I exhaled nervously. “What happened that summer?”
I tried to laugh weakly to play it off, but she wasn’t buying it. My sister may have done foolish things, but she was not stupid. I ran a hand through my hair, not sure what to say. “I was really excited to go because come on, they were loaded, who would’ve said no…?”
I was only 14 when the summer arrangements were made. I was so happy to be leaving my little sister, who thought she was more mature than the entire world, at home. I remember how excited I was when my father drove me all the way to their huge home, which was a bit too large for just them. My reaction as I got there was probably comical. I threw every thought of acting mature out of my mind as I ran around the property, leaving my father to catch up with his older brother.
When my father left, they were the nicest people to me, hustling and bustling to care for my every whim and, of course, I used it to my advantage, making them get the best games for me and hordes of junk food. Uncle Tom often told me stories about creatures that lurked in plain sight. Though I believed the fictitious ramblings then, I wasn’t aware of how accurate his stories were. I placed them both on a pedestal, already making elaborate plans in my head to come back the following summer. Because on the outside everything was perfect. Inside, however, was a whole different matter.
After a week or so, he showed me the pool and I was surprised at how large it was and how happy he was to see some interest from me about it. My naïvely youthful self and I were wrong. I’d never been more wrong. At first, Uncle Tom was the only one who approached me with… let’s say inappropriate things. I cringed as I thought about it. As much as I wanted to, and probably should have, I couldn’t stop speaking. Everything had just exploded out of me uncontrollably and I felt slight tremors wracking my hand attesting to it.
He had beat Aunt Grace so much that I’d press the pillows to my ears to muffle her heart-wrenching sounds of protest. It was horrible, especially when he encouraged her to have some ‘fun’ with me too since I was weak and feeble. My uncle reveled in mocking me and tearing me down. What started as out as an extraordinary summer ended with me bruised and battered in more ways than one. When my father had come for me, I was so happy to be leaving but afraid of the repercussions I’d face if I told. I ended up staying quiet, bottling it all up until now.
Jade was staring at me open-mouthed, her eyes watery and she was almost hyperventilating. I averted my gaze to the wall to block her sympathetic gaze. I didn’t want her sympathy. In fact, I’m not sure what I wanted—revenge maybe. It wasn’t until the tremor of my hand ceased that Jade spoke. It was only a whisper.
“That’s why you begged them not to send me the following year. And to think I resent you because you didn’t want to share what made you ‘cool’ with me.”
I tried to play it off with a laugh, but it came out weakly.
Jade bit her lip and gave me a solemn look, as if she was trying desperately not to cry. “You were trying to protect me.”
“Yeah,” I replied unenthusiastically, thinking back on how much I tried to deter my parents from sending her and how angry she was at me. Even then, I chose not to say anything.
Nothing can control you more than fear can. “So that’s why—”
The door beside me flung open roughly, making me jerk to a stand. The sofa shook in response. I was surprised to see my father standing there, and stared at him in open-mouthed shock. He looked as if he wanted to hit me in the face or maybe himself—he was just really emotional. For a moment, I thought he’d pull out his gun and shoot us all—bang bang.
“Is what you said true?” he asked, staring at the ground, his fists clenched.
My heart was beating erratically, and I briefly wondered if I should lie to him. All these years later and fear still controlled me. I took a glimpse at Jade who was scrubbing furiously at her cheeks and fighting off hyperventilation.
“Is it true?” he asked again, this time looking up to meet my eyes.
I nodded infinitesimally. “Yes.”
His brows pulled together, and he pressed his lips together. I was uncomfortable with all the emotions pouring from out of all of us. I was always a bit emotionally unstable, but my family was always strong—never breaking down. Now my father was looking at me as if he failed me, like it was his fault. I knew he would’ve gone to shoot my uncle if he wasn’t already dead.
My father engulfed me in a hug that I wasn’t sure how to respond to. “I’m sorry,” he said clearly, sounding very broken.
It wasn’t until then that I realized that I needed to get back to my fourteen-year-old self and face the demons resting on my psyche. I needed re-enforcements. As much as I tried to act like it, I wasn’t always unaffected—far from it. I took a small emotional gesture from my father to show me I wasn’t ever fixed—not even mended.
Pretty soon, Jade came over and joined in our hug, her tears soaking in through my shirt. To others, eyes we were perfect, normal and everything was okay. But we were just as broken as everyone else. We were far from perfect, but we could pr
etend. We could always pretend to be perfect.
Chapter
XXI
I sat up late that night thinking, thinking about everything. It was impossible not to browbeat myself. My mind was unraveling everything I locked away and swore not to open. I remembered clearly the day of his funeral. I obstinately refused to go, under any circumstances. But my father insisted, possibly offended that I hadn’t wanted to go to his favorite brother’s funeral. Apparently, he took the ‘I’ll drag you kicking and screaming thing way too literal because he had to drag me out of the house to go.
It was even worse that my family had seen me as a bad seed for refusing to participate in any funeral festivities. I had merely sat inside the house and spoke to Gina, who I had asked to come spur of the moment. She gladly agreed knowing that I disliked my uncle—but not why, never why. I just needed someone to distract me from the man in the coffin we were paying ‘respects’ to.
When I finally drifted off to sleep, my mind conjured up some elaborate plot wherein I was seeing what had happened earlier but with my father’s face morphing into my uncle’s and Jade’s into my aunt’s. To be clear, my night was restless. I got up even more exhausted than when I had gone to sleep. With my eyes sandy and my head throbbing, I just knew I wanted to see Avery, to know she was there in the flesh. That, in itself, would make me feel better.
It was probably pretty stupid to get ready for school at this hour when the first bell wouldn’t have sounded for at least two and a half hours. I got up, though, too wired to go back to sleep. I thought about calling Avery but the thought of waking her deterred me. I had to wonder where she was lurking these days, with Elijah on her tail. I wanted more than anything to see her, to let her presence reassure me that the safe walls I had built weren’t crumpling irrefutably.
Eventually, I heaved myself completely out of bed and decided to go jogging to clear my head. Downstairs held a kind of serenity I often coveted, and I indulged in the calm before heading outside. The morning was cool and still quite dark. The grass glistened with crystal-like dew and I stared at it for a long moment, clearing my head. I started when I saw something in the distance that appeared to be moving.
I inched closer and realized that it was probably a person. Whoever decided to sleep on my front lawn was insane and obscenely close to hypothermic conditions. The person noticed my ascent and looked up. I immediately noticed a thick mass of blue-black hair.
When I said that I had wanted to see her, I didn’t mean freezing on my lawn before dawn. She disentangled herself and took a while to stand. My concern was transformed into a frown when I watched her struggle to regain her balance. This was beyond ridiculously stupid and dangerous.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked in an irritated yet hushed tone.
Apparently, she took my words the wrong way because she fumbled around for a bit before saying, “I—I’m, um, I couldn’t go to Reena’s because of Elijah and I had nowhere else to go really… I’m sorry,” she finished lamely.
My brows furrowed and I realized she misinterpreted my words. I inched closer to her and noticed that just looking at her made me feel cold. “I meant, why are you out here in the freezing cold?”
“I needed to talk to you,” she said quietly, with glistening eyes. “I know you’re mad, rightfully so but I couldn’t stay away. I have no one else to talk to. And I’m sor-oh!” she exclaimed, hitting my shoulder as I pulled her closer.
She felt small and feeble in my arms, not to mention startlingly cold. This was all I wanted to feel content, the mere fact that she was there made me happier, helped me to clear my mind of the things I couldn’t seem to forget. Thankfully she hadn’t made any snide remarks, she just wrapped her arms around me wordlessly. That just proved to me that I needed Avery more than I admitted.
We had drifted past that awkward stage where a hug lasted too long but she didn’t let go. She just rested her head on my shoulder, and I listened to the regulated breaths she took. I noticed that, now, she was only shivering slightly.
Avery pulled away marginally and met my gaze. “I know that Elijah told you—”
I pressed my finger to her remarkably cold lips. “I don’t want to talk about that now, I’m just happy you’re okay.”
She sighed contentedly and continued to look up at me, a half-torn smile on her face. It was kind of hard accepting the fact she was someone else’s when, right now, she felt so wholly mine. Before I could do something rash—again and break the bro code—again, I smiled weakly, pulling her to my chest once more. For now, this would be enough and I’d be comfortable with a platonic relationship; at least I would try to be.
A creak of the door drifted toward us and I looked around cautiously, afraid that whoever it was would look at her with disdain and chase her off. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. At the door stood Jade with her hands folded tightly over her chest to fight off the cold. I kept my arms around her protectively.
“What are you doing out of bed?” I asked calmly, my arms still around Avery, whose shaking had returned. Which was strange because she didn’t fear people, especially not my little sister.
Jade’s expression was neutral as she watched us. “I was worried about you,” she stated simply.
My chest tightened as Avery angled her head upwards at me, possibly shocked that my sister was this sincerely concerned about me. Even I was a bit startled, truth be told. “I’m fine,” I answered, trying to hint to her not to bring this up in front of Avery.
“I thought we decided to remove everything toxic from our lives—all of us,” she said pointedly, referring to the uncomfortable family discussion we had when my mother got home.
Beside me Avery flinched, obviously taking the hint. She tried to pull away from me and I simply intensified my grip around her shoulder. This time, I wasn’t letting go—not for something so stupid. “I am removing everything toxic,” I stated matter-of-factly.
Jade narrowed her eyes at me and then toward Avery. “Please, for one moment, think with your brain. All she’s done is brought someone obviously dangerous here. And to think, you broke up with a perfectly normal person as Gina and settled for this… this freak,” she all but shouted at me.
Avery was staring at our feet, refusing to respond. It was getting harder to hold her in my arms. She was trying to pull away from me, from everything that made it difficult to get closer, even platonically. I ran a hand over my face and tried to regain a calm composure, one I exuded before Jade’s arrival.
“Jade, listen. I know you have a new ‘mission’ to protect me but—”
“Protect you!” she echoed, looking thoroughly surprised. “No, I’m actually thinking about the rest of us who are sane enough to see danger when it hits us in the face.”
I narrowed my eyes, the newfound tolerance disintegrating in seconds. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. So why don’t you go take a hike… up the stairs or something.”
Jade’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she scoffed in indignation, giving me a scathing look I matched with one of my own. She turned to Avery with fiery eyes and lifted her chin. “I hope you know you’re just a rebound.” With that, she stalked angrily through the door and I could still hear her intentionally loud footsteps inside.
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, turning to face Avery once more. “Hey, I’m sorry about that, why don’t we go inside and—”
“And what?” she asked her voice trembling. “And what Jason? Have your entire family tell me I’m good-for-nothing, a waste of space, to have them show their contempt toward me?”
I stared at her for a while, trying to gauge the best way to approach this situation. “My family doesn’t hate you. Jade’s just… weird.”
She gave me a flat look and finally pulled away from my grip, making my arms fall flat at my side. “I really doubt that. I’m not going to address the Gina thing because…,” she trailed off as I frowned down at her. Clearly, Jade was grasping for
straws with that rebound thing, “I have a boyfriend and I’m here…”
“Can we just go inside? Your lips are getting paler by the second.”
Avery shook her head wildly, stepping back from me, wisps of her hair slapping her face roughly. “I am not going anywhere…”. She squealed as I lifted her onto my shoulder, her feet dangled in the air and she thumped my back repeatedly. “Put me down! This counts as assault!”
I kicked the front door shut and placed my hand soothingly on her back so she would stop struggling. It was pretty challenging to haul a fully grown girl up the stairs I’ll tell you that. Thankfully my parents were knocked out sleeping, probably overwhelmed by everything I had told them yesterday, because we were making quite a ruckus.
The door to my room was slightly ajar and I pushed it open further, crossing to where my bed was. I dropped her into the center, and she looked up at me, still surprised and open-mouthed.
“I can’t believe you did that,” she whispered in shock, staring at me.
I shrugged and headed over to my desk where my key was. I snatched it up before she could see it. “I think you should believe it.” I watched as she defiantly slid to the end of the bed. This was going to be harder than I thought. I approached her with what I considered an endearing smile. Her expression quickly shifted from shock to confusion as I neared where she sat.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
I smiled widely at her and brushed a few wisps of hair from her forehead. I had to admit, teasing her was fun. But I constantly had to remind myself that she was taken, so anything that was not platonic was completely out of reason. Despite her spending the night in the misty outdoors, she still smelled pretty sweet. I pressed my lips to her forehead, and felt her tense. That was the reaction I was going for. I was almost positive she was distracted.
I pulled away slowly and smiled at her. She looked even more confused and a little afraid. It was hard to keep my excessive amusement hidden, I plucked a hoodie from where it rested on the chair beside me and threw it lightly at her head.
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