A stubborn hostility settled over her. She hated the judgment in his voice. “No. I haven’t had to. Lucas wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Oh, but you would hurt yourself, and that’s what worries me. Do you think you’re the first sub I’ve seen who uses physical pain to relieve emotional pain? I don’t have a real problem with it if it works and it’s done in a safe fashion. I don’t know that Lucas is the right Dom for you. Lucas would do anything to give you what you need, but he doesn’t stop when you go too far. Watching the two of you can be painful at times. You push Lucas to dominate you. Yet when he tries to actually dominate you, you shove him back. You pick the scenes, am I correct?”
Lexi shrugged. She didn’t see anything wrong with that. She was the one getting her ass whipped. “I have certain things I like. Lucas indulges me.”
“Lucas is never honestly in control of those scenes and that worries me. I don’t know that he would stop you even if he thought you were going too far. He would simply go over the edge with you.”
“Don’t be a drama queen. I’m not going over the edge of anything, and I’m certainly not taking Lucas with me.”
The shrink’s face suddenly became a Dom’s face. His jaw firmed, and an almost icy atmosphere emanated from the man. “If you aren’t going to take this seriously, then we have nothing further to talk about.”
She sniffled. She was doing it again. She was pushing away the people who gave a damn because it was easier than dealing with her own shit. “I’m sorry. This is hard to talk about. I’m not trying to drag Lucas down with me. I love him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Leo relaxed. “I would like to talk to you about your fiancé. You mentioned him before. Why did you cancel your wedding?”
“It didn’t work out.” She said it as politely as she could, but she wasn’t going there. Aidan was in the past.
It wasn’t like she still felt him next to her at night. It wasn’t like she longed for the way she’d felt when he pinned her and spread her legs. Aidan had been so overpowering and dominant that she’d never been able to think of anything but him when they made love. Had sex. It couldn’t have been love on his part or he wouldn’t have left her. He wouldn’t have forced her to choose between him and Lucas.
I am not living this freaky life with you, Lexi. I can’t believe you got me to do that last night. I…my father is a freaking church elder. What the hell would he think?
Why does it matter? She’d asked, trying to keep her voice low. Lucas had still been asleep. Why does it matter what anyone besides the three of us thinks?
Welcome to the real world. I have a career, and it doesn’t include fucking your best friend. I’m a country-western musician. Do you know any bisexual country stars? Do you know what it could have cost me? What it still could cost me if anyone ever finds out? Choose, Lexi. Him or me.
She tried to shake the memory off. It was the last thing she needed. It was time to move forward, time to invest in the future, not mourn the past. “Aidan and I didn’t work out. I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted the fact and I’m ready to move on. Lucas and I are right for each other.”
She hated the hesitation in her voice. She loved Lucas. She loved him so much her heart ached with it, but she did wonder if they were right. She had caused Lucas a lot of trouble. Wasn’t it only a matter of time until he figured out she wasn’t worth it?
“What just went through your head?” Leo studied her for a moment. “I would like to know.”
She was stubbornly silent.
He leaned forward, his eyes earnest. “Lexi, have you ever considered the fact that I can help you? Have you thought about the fact that you might need to talk about these things?”
Talking to Leo could get her in trouble. “You’ll say that I don’t belong here. You’ll decide that I’m crazy.”
Leo ran a hand through his hair as he sat back. “I thought that might be the reason. Listen, I can think you’re a little crazy and not kick you out of this club. Unlike some of my colleagues, I recognize that certain people live in a different reality. As long as it doesn’t threaten their enjoyment of life, why is it wrong? Let me share something personal with you, and maybe you’ll feel more comfortable with me. I was raised in Colorado, in a town called Del Norte. My mom still lives there. It was me and my mom and my brother. My father, whoever he was, ran out before my brother was born. My mother is clinically insane. She firmly believes that my brother and I are the offspring of her encounters with aliens.”
She wondered how many people knew this about the perfectly put-together Dom. Leo Meyer was always in control. “That must have been rough on you.”
He smiled, perfectly open. “I had a lovely childhood. My mother is a wonderful woman. With the singular exception of her insistence that I needed beets on a daily basis, I couldn’t have asked for more in a mom. She is an incredibly loving woman. She made sure I got everything I needed, though she rarely had enough for herself. She raised me to be a gentleman. She was funny and taught me how to fish and hunt. She was upset when both my brother and I joined the Navy, but she wrote both of us all the time. Here’s my point, my mother has a different view of reality than most people do, but she is capable of giving and receiving love. That is what constitutes real sanity in my mind. Why do you think I only practice here? I’m on the outside of my profession in this belief, but I stand firm. Loving other people, treating them with love and true kindness and having a heart that is open to accepting the love given to us—this is far more important than an arbitrary reality. Can you truly accept that Lucas loves you?”
She didn’t try to stop the tears in her eyes. She let them fall. They felt strangely good, purifying almost. “I want to.”
He reached out and held her hand. “Then that’s a good step. We can keep talking. I’m going to allow you to meet with Master A because I truly believe you need this. I believe Lucas needs it as well. The Master has said he is willing to include Lucas in the session if you would like. Julian is negotiating the contract with Master A. I assure you that he’ll put in clauses to protect you. You and Lucas will have a chance to read it and sign off on it. You understand that everyone in this club has your best interests at heart, right?”
She did know that. Her stepfather loved her. Julian did, too, in his strange way. She belonged to Jack’s family and was friends with Julian’s loves. She was Julian’s family, too. “I know they do. I just worry about how they might show their love. They can be a bit overwhelming at times.”
Leo’s grin spread across his face. “See, pure sanity right there. Keep that in mind, and we’ll all get through this. Let’s meet here at this time tomorrow, and we can talk through your experience tonight.”
Leo bounced on to his feet and walked to his day planner. He made a note while she got out of her chair.
“Leo?”
“Yes?”
“Is that stuff about your mom true?” It seemed too perfect. It had been exactly the right thing to say to her.
He turned a picture on his desk around and showed her. There was Leo and a man who looked slightly younger, but awfully like him. In the middle of the men was a petite woman with her steel gray hair in a long braid. There were mountains behind them, and they smiled for the camera. “This was taken when my brother was last on leave. My mom’s new boyfriend took it. Now there’s an insane person. Well, he’s from the next town over. Everyone in that freaking town is butt-fuck crazy. I’m totally moving there one day.”
Lexi took a deep breath. Maybe everyone was a little crazy. Maybe she did need to talk. Not about everything, but some of it. She did feel better. She walked to the door and started to open it.
“And, Lexi, one day we’re going to have to talk about it.”
She turned at the dark sound in his voice. “Talk about what?”
“What you lost. You lost something, and it was more important than a fiancé or your sense of security. What you lost haunts you every moment of the day, and it will co
ntinue to do so until you talk about it. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
She walked out the door, her sense of calm utterly blown. She would never be ready to talk about it. Not ever.
Chapter Three
Aidan stood next to Julian, looking out over the dungeon. Preparations were being made. All over the atmospheric space, the staff was cleaning and checking the equipment for safety. Julian was still dressed in his day suit, but Aidan knew that soon the businessman would trade in his thousand-dollar tailored suit for a set of leathers. Aidan would do it, as well, with one exception. He would cover his face with a mask. Neither Lexi nor Lucas would recognize his ravaged body, but they would probably still remember his face. He’d like a chance to work on them before he got slapped or punched or walked out on.
“You practiced?” Julian asked.
Aidan nodded. “Yes. I worked with the six-footer, but I would prefer to use the four-footer. It’s more accurate.”
“I think you should consider something a bit more creative in your punishment this evening. The whip can be intimidating, but it’s not very intimate. I believe Lexi will be perfectly amenable to a whip. After all, she and Lucas perform such scenes every weekend. She takes the whip, cries, he holds her, and they begin the cycle again. I didn’t bring you in so they could add a third person to a cycle of behavior that isn’t working for them.” Julian slanted him one of those glances that made him feel like he was five years old and being called to the principal’s office. “Have you given any real thought to this?”
He got Julian’s meaning. Come up with something fast, or I’ll call this off. Luckily, he had a fantasy in his head that had been playing there for months. It was more like an apology and an attempt to bind them all together. It was what he should have done that night two years before. “Edging. I’ll start with edge play and some spanking. I’ll have her begging by the end, and I’ll make sure Lucas is involved.”
Julian nodded his assent. “Excellent. That sounds much more interesting.”
Aidan’s blood thrummed through his veins. Edging? Could he handle that? He was the one on edge, and had been all day. He glanced down at his watch. Two hours to go.
Leo strode into the room. Like Julian, he was in day clothes, but unlike his boss, he stopped and talked to practically everyone in the room.
“Such a chatty Dom,” Julian said with a long-suffering sigh. “Leo! I don’t have all day.”
Leo grinned and shook hands with one of the cleaning staff before his long legs ate the distance between him and Julian. “Of course you do, Julian. You’re the boss. You have all the time in the world.”
Julian didn’t seem to care. “Naturally. Now, tell me if Lexi is going to be here tonight.”
Aidan felt his gut tighten. He hadn’t considered the possibility that Leo wouldn’t clear her for play. “Lexi is sane. She’s not crazy.”
“Oh, she’s buckets of crazy,” Leo announced with a laugh. “Seriously, girlfriend has some problems, but nothing that would keep her from being here.”
He took a deep breath and relaxed. He could handle that. Leo thought everyone was crazy in their own unique way.
“Did she open up to you?” Julian asked.
“In a sense,” Leo replied. “Did she get to the heart of her problem? No. It will take more than a simple conversation to get her to give that up.”
“Give what up?” Aidan asked. “What do you mean by ‘the heart of her problem’?”
Julian turned to Aidan and seemed to consider whether or not he should talk. “I believe Alexis is hiding something. I don’t know if Lucas knows her secret, or if she’s kept it completely hidden. Jackson and Leo believe this as well. I haven’t asked Mr. Taggart to look into it because I don’t want to upset her. I would rather she tell us.”
“You didn’t have a problem setting him on me,” Aidan replied.
Julian nodded like he was glad Aidan understood. “Absolutely. You’re not important here. According to Jackson, she was sad and somewhat depressed by your departure, but she didn’t go into a deep depression until several months later. She was in a car accident in Austin. Lucas was the only one she called. Shortly after, she left her job at the newspaper and moved to Dallas. From what I can tell, she’s stopped writing altogether.”
That made his heart ache. Lexi was always working on something. She carried a notepad in her overblown bag so she would always have paper. She even kept a dream journal because she said she got story ideas while she slept. He could remember all the times he would walk in with her coffee in hand to find her furiously writing. He loved those mornings. He would sit and strum his guitar, writing songs while Lexi worked on a new story. Lucas would show up on the weekends, and they would sit outside when the weather was nice. Just the three of them. They wouldn’t talk. They had simply enjoyed each other’s presence.
He couldn’t play guitar anymore. His fingers didn’t work that way. He’d accepted that. But, by god, he would never accept that Lexi couldn’t write.
“What happened?”
Julian’s shoulders moved up and down in a negligent shrug. “I don’t know, but I doubt it’s the car accident that truly troubles her. The other driver was at fault, and he walked away injury free. He was drunk. He pled out and served a little time in jail. He was caught violating his parole about six months after he got out and was sent back to serve his full sentence. So sad.”
Leo’s eyebrows rose on his head as he stared at Julian. “That’s what happens when a man gets a private investigative team following him twenty-four-seven. I bet Taggart had fun with that one.”
“I didn’t force him into the bar, Leo. I believe that was someone Ian hired. He does like to spread cash around to young ladies trying to pay their way through college. I merely made sure Ian’s men called it in.”
He kind of loved Julian Lodge in that moment. Still, he’d spent enough time in a hospital bed that the thought of Lexi being in pain fucking killed him. He should have been there when the accident had happened. He should have been the one she called, and then he would have called Lucas. He would never leave Lucas out. He knew now that he needed Lucas. “She was okay? What do her medical records say?”
Julian’s mouth turned down. “I asked her about it. She told me to butt out. As she is not my sub, I have respected her wishes up to this point. If I do something like have Ian’s company hack her medical records, she won’t trust me. This is all about trust, Aidan. I’m risking Alexis’s trust by bringing you in, but we’ve reached a point where it’s worth the risk.”
Leo slapped Aidan on the back. “I think it will work. She seems more open than she has in months. Of course, I don’t expect it to be perfectly smooth, but I think eventually she’ll realize that both she and Lucas need you. You should probably start getting ready. Won’t be long now.”
He said good-bye, trying to process everything he’d learned. As he reached the elevator that would take him to his room, his cell phone rang. He punched the button code for the hotel portion of the building and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Dwight. He sighed. He was about to get a lecture. It played around in the back of his head that Taggart hadn’t liked some of his employees. Had one of them been Dwight? It was hard to believe. He’d been in the service with Dwight.
“Hey, man, how is the ranch?”
Dwight Creely was his foreman. He’d also been Aidan’s friend in the Army. They had been in the same squad in Iraq. When Aidan had been injured, Dwight was the one who sat by his bedside. Dwight had taken some heavy fire during the mission that almost cost Aidan his legs, but he’d put it aside to check on his friend. When they were both discharged, Dwight had followed Aidan back home to help on the ranch Aidan had inherited, much to Bo’s never-ending dismay.
It didn’t escape his attention that Taggart had also mentioned Bo was a difficulty he had to address.
“Well, the boss is gone, so Bo is trying to run the show.” The complaint came out as a low rumble.
He sh
ould have expected it. Bo hated the fact that their father had left the ranch to him and only left Bo some cash. He’d been ready to sign over a portion to Bo when Bo had walked out of the lawyer’s office and threatened to sue and hadn’t said a word to Aidan for a month and a half. He was at a loss. He knew Bo hadn’t gotten a fair shake, but he needed to keep the ranch whole if he was going to make it work. Bo, for his part, had made a nuisance of himself around the ranch, fighting with Dwight at every turn.
It looked like baby brother was at it again.
“Put him on his ass,” Aidan said. It was what he would do. He’d been forced to, as though it was the only way to prove to Bo he was still a man. Even when he’d been on crutches, learning to walk again, his brother wouldn’t let up. He was a constant pest buzzing in his ear.
“As long as I have permission, it will be my pleasure. But seriously, Aidan, it would be better if you came home. Bo isn’t the only one causing trouble around town. Karen is telling everyone that the two of you are back together and getting married.”
He nearly threw the phone. Karen Wilcox was rapidly becoming a pain in his ass. She’d been his high school girlfriend. It had been a natural connection in a small town. She’d been the head cheerleader, and he’d been the quarterback. Aidan had done what he’d always done—he had played the role designated to him. When he’d left for college, she’d almost immediately married another man. Karen’s husband had been older and established, with money to burn on a young trophy wife.
By the time he’d come home, broken and battered, Karen’s husband had died, and she’d been left little money in his will. She hadn’t decided to visit Aidan’s convalescent bed until the day it was announced he’d inherited the ranch. That day she’d been full of heartfelt concern for his injuries and talked about how much she would miss his father now that he was gone. Karen had hated his father. He hadn’t bought her crap back then and didn’t buy it now.
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