by Deorre, Iris
She leaned into his shoulder. ‘Okay. That, not thinking about either sounds okay, but I can’t promise.’
‘I don’t expect you to.’
‘If that thought comes, I guess I’ll just let it be.’
‘Great. When I’m stressed about a business deal…not that it’s anything like what you’re going through…I tend to just let the issue linger. I let it sit, and I don’t do anything about it. It might take me days before I do anything and then it will hit me. Just like that, I’ll know what to do.’
She looked up at him and nodded, she knew exactly what he meant.
‘I know it’s not the same, but what I’m trying to say is that whether the chemo has worked or it hasn’t you don’t know yet, so that is out of your control. Why waste energy on something you don’t know yet? Instead, preserve it for whatever news you will receive.’
‘Thank you.’ She kissed his cheek, and then rubbed it with her thumb to get rid of the lavender coloured lipstick.
‘You’re welcome. Coffee?’ He stood up.
‘A green tea for me please and I’ll have some Belvita’s biscuits for breakfast.’
‘Yes ma’am.’ He left her to finish getting ready.
She gazed at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t going to fuss about makeup and after all, all her eyelashes had fallen out. Sahara loved simple make-up, a whisk of mascara and dash of lipstick, but since there weren’t any eyelashes to make pretty, she’d dabbed the lavender lipstick across her lips.
‘There, done!’ She smiled at herself. ‘It’s a good day. Yes, it’s your last day of chemo.’ She encouraged herself.
‘Honey, your tea’s ready. We better get done.’ He shouted from the bottom of the stairs.
‘Coming.’ She took one last look at herself in the mirror, nodded satisfactorily and finally headed downstairs.
He pulled out the seat for her at the kitchen table.
‘Thank you.’ She kissed him on his warm cheek.
‘I’ve asked my driver to drop off my car.’
‘How’s he going to get back?’ she was mortified. Sahara wasn’t used to all the luxury that came with Eugene, and he understood that. It was the one reason he stayed at her house more often.
‘I have another driver, a business driver.’
‘You do?’ Her eyes widened. ‘Isn’t that a bit over the top?’
‘Well…maybe. But I’ve always had a driver for business and the other for pleasure. I like to separate the two.’
‘Well, okay.’ She took a sip of the hot green tea. ‘I guess you’ve created employment for them,’ she said a bit more optimistic.
‘I know it’s hard for you to understand, but –’
‘No…no, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. It’s your life.’
‘I want it to be your life too.’
‘What are you saying?’ She put down the cup.
‘I want you to be a part of my life too.’ He pulled out a chair and sat down.
‘Can we just take this one day at a time? Like you said.’
‘Of course, all the time you need.’ He drank his coffee.
They said an odd word here and there, but soon there was a loud horn sound that made her jump.
‘Sorry about that, my drivers must be here.’
‘I must be causing a spectacle for my neighbours,’ she said.
‘I’ll just go and get the keys, and let them be on their way.’
She nodded. As soon as he left the kitchen she followed and stepped into the living-room to be nosy. He greeted the men, took the keys from his driver and watched as they drove away in one of his other cars. She smiled, it was surreal.
‘How the other side lives.’ She whispered.
He was back in the house and she met him in the passage.
‘I was spying on you.’ she giggled. ‘I just wanted to see what kind of a show my neighbours have witnessed.
‘Does my wealth it bother you?’
‘Maybe, I don’t know, but don’t worry about that, that’s a small fish to fry.’
‘I’m not worried. I just want you to embrace it. I want everything I own to be yours too.’
She pursed her lips, she wasn’t sure she wanted that kind of a life style, but it wasn’t the time for that opinion.
‘Are you ready to go?’
‘Yes, could I just give my mum a quick ring? Just to let her know I’ll be okay.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll be in the car.’
‘Okay.’ She headed upstairs to retrieve her mobile and handbag.
Elizabeth picked up on the second ring.
‘Honey, what’s the matter?’
‘Why would anything be the matter?’
‘Well, I just thought since I got the call…’
‘I’m fine mum, I was just letting you know that you don’t have to come over to take care of me after chemo.’
‘I know darling, Eugene told me.’
‘He did?’
‘Yes, we had a great chat. Honey, don’t take this man for granted he really loves you.’
‘I know. I really do too.’ She smiled. ‘Anyway I better be off.’
‘Okay, honey. You take care of yourself.’
‘I will mum.’
She hung up, and rushed downstairs. She made sure she had everything, stepped outside and locked the door. It took her awhile to adjust to the sight she saw before her. A black Ferrari stood parked outside her terrace. It looked totally out of place and Sahara wasn’t surprised by the rustling of curtains from neighbouring houses.
‘My goodness!’ she gasped as she finally reached the beast.
‘I know, I know, but hop in and I’ll explain.’
She hopped into the car that felt like a machine. It was built for performance and speed. The minute he started the engine, she could feel it in every part of her being.
‘Wow!’ She took in the sensation.
‘Amazing, right?’
‘Absolutely!’
‘Sometimes having toys isn’t a bad thing.’
‘I never said it was.’
‘I know honey, I’m just saying.’
‘So what’s the occasion?’
‘I’m taking Justin for a spin as promised.’
‘You never told me that.’ She wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
‘I didn’t think too. I promised, and he’s got permission to go for a spin.’
‘Are you sure this is the right thing to do?’
‘What harm will it do?’
Sahara was a mixed bag of emotions. Justin was her friend, he’d never once mentioned that he’d spoken to Eugene, she felt a little left out.
‘I don’t know, he might not feel up to it, chemo can be very taxing.’
‘If he isn’t up for it, we won’t do it. It’s really up to him.’
She nodded and looked straight ahead. She tried to focus on the positives of her life, rather than worry about things she had no control of. It was proving to be very difficult, but nevertheless, she stayed focused.
Finally they arrived at the hospital. He helped her out of the car like the gentleman he was, and then travelled into the hospital. When they arrived at the chemotherapy section, Justin was sat in a wheelchair looking smart and handsome.
‘Wow look at you!’ said Sahara. ‘You look amazing.’
‘I feel amazing.’
‘Really? You’re not just saying that?’
He wore a grey casual trousers and a grey and white striped shirt. His pale skin was flushed with colour that made him look healthier than he’d done since she’d met him. There was a feeling of excitement within her, but it was quickly followed by fear, her stomach tightened.
‘Justin,’ she said as she sat in the chair and the nurse attended to her.
He turned to her and smiled. There was a glow to him, everything about him looked great.
‘What aren’t you telling me?’
Justin looked at Eugene, who waited for him to decide whether they were going for a spin in the
sports car or not.
‘Remember the dreams I told you about?’
She nodded, her heart beating a hundred Myles per hour.
‘That one day I’d get out of here, feel the sun on my skin, go for ice-cream, go for a spin in a sports car. A sports car!’ He seemed super excited about the ride.
‘I remember all of that, but you haven’t answered my question.’
‘I’m telling you that I’m going to actually live out my dreams. After the spin, Eugene is taking me to the airport.’
‘What?’ She looked up at him.
‘It’s only for a few days, plus I have a round the clock private nurse to escort me, courtesy of Eugene.’
‘Eugene?’
‘I’m sorry, he made me promise not to tell you. He wanted to be the one to tell you.’
‘Tell me what?’ She looked at Justin again.
‘It’s true, I asked Eugene not to tell you, even though he didn’t feel great about keeping quiet about it. You have an amazing man.’
‘Justin!’
‘I’ve stopped treatment,’ he said.
‘What? Why?’ She swallowed back hard.
‘Because it isn’t working.’
‘What do you mean it isn’t working?’ she panicked.
‘The tumour hasn’t shrunk. It’s not working.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I think you know what I’m saying.’ He moved his wheelchair forward so that he could take her hand.
‘No…no…no.’ She swallowed. ‘No, it can’t be right. You were getting better.’
‘I thought I was, but when the scan showed that the tumour wasn’t shrinking, there was no point to continue.’
‘Can’t they operate, can’t they…?’
‘They’ve done everything they can, the doctors have prolonged my life as best they can, but now it’s time to accept what is.’
‘Accept! You’re giving up!’
‘No, I’m not. I’m accepting. I’ve been thorough a thicket of emotions these past few weeks, but I’ve finally made peace with myself.’
She shook her head, tears drizzled down the sides of her cheek.
‘Please don’t cry, be happy for me. I’ve been locked away in this hospital for a long time, but now I get to live the life I’ve wanted. I get to do things I only dreamed of.’
‘Where are you going?’ She wiped away the tears and tried to be strong.
‘Italy, France and Spain, again, Eugene has offered his private jet for my travels.’
She looked at him again, she had no idea how generous he could be. Perhaps being wealthy wasn’t as bad as she’d made it out to be. It all depended on what the person did with it.
‘I’m going to have fun! Be happy for me.’
‘How long?’ she had to ask.
‘A few weeks.’
The lump in her throat felt like razor blades cutting against her throat.
‘Don’t be sad, I’m happy. I get to do things some people may never do in a life time. I mean who gets to go on a private jet, and take a spin in a Ferrari?’
She was quiet for a moment, they all were.
‘Okay.’ Her voice was almost a whisper. ‘Okay. If you’re happy, then I’m happy too.’
He moved forward and took her into a hug.
‘I want you to do a reading at my funeral.’
‘Don’t you dare! I don’t want to think about that yet, you said a few weeks. Knowing you, that could mean a few months.’
He smiled at her optimism. She could be right or wrong, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it.
‘All we really have is today, so let’s all make the most of it. How about that spin in the Ferrari?’
‘Whenever you’re ready, mate.’
‘I love you!’ said Justin to Sahara. ‘You’re my new best friend.’
‘I love you too.’ She giggled.
Eugene took the handles to the wheelchair and pushed Justin, out of the hospital.
‘Woohoo!’ Justin lifted his hand in the air. ‘This is what I call living!’
Sahara couldn’t help, but laugh, even though she was feeling quite sad inside. The emptiness grew as she realised just how empty it was without Justin. She was grateful it was her last day, but Justin’s news had made her question her illness, her mortality. It was as if she’d come face to face with death. Sahara didn’t like it one bit. She’d always thought she’d be able to accept it, but when it was so close to her, she felt so afraid, she wondered if she’d been lying to herself all along.
Chemotherapy felt lonely even though the nurses were there to keep her company. She’d felt that she’d already lost him, but she knew that wasn’t true. By the time the two guys got back, she had been done ten minutes ago.
‘Sorry I’m late honey.’
‘Don’t worry about me.’ She noticed the look on Justin’s face, it was priceless. She’d never seen him so happy.
‘Looks like you guys had a great time! I thought you were off to the airport.’
‘It was absolutely amazing! I am. We’d lost track of time, so Eugene has organised for his driver to take me instead. Thank you so much Eugene.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘You won’t guess what else he’s doing,’ said Justin.
‘What else is he doing?’ She raised her eyebrows at Eugene, and he smiled cheekily.
‘Starting a charity in my name, to raise more awareness about brain cancer.’
‘Wow! You are certainly full of surprise’s today, Mister Gallagher.’
He took her into his arms and gave her a great big kiss.
‘I love you so much. You’ve brought me so much fulfilment, I had no idea what was missing.’
She looked at him feeling a little clueless. She didn’t understand it one bit.
‘Just by being who you are made me realise just how much I have.’
‘Well, I’m glad I’ve been an inspiration.’ She didn’t know what else to say. ‘I think I’ll need to go and lie down soon.’ She was feeling a little queasy.
‘Of course, I’ll get you to the car.’
‘Bye Justin.’ She hugged him. ‘I know you’re going to have the time of your life!’ The tears crept up again.
‘I certainly am. And don’t ever hold back. Live your life to the fullest, just the way we talked about it.’
‘I will.’ She felt as though he was already saying goodbye.
‘I don’t know if I’ll see you again, in this side of life,’ he joked.
‘Please don’t speak like that.’
‘But it’s true, I must speak what is true. I must say the things I want to say now before it’s too late. Here…’ He pulled off the necklace that had a cross on it and handed it to her. ‘You have this.’
‘No, I can’t.’
‘I don’t want it to go into the ground with me.’
‘You say it so…’
‘Oh Sahara, cheer up. Honestly, I’m really happy. Please take this.’
She reached out and took the necklace.
‘Put it on.’
She laughed lightly and did as she was asked.
‘Perfect. It looks perfect on you.’
‘Good bye, Justin.’
‘Good bye, lovely Sahara.’
‘Oh god!’ She turned into Eugene’s shoulder and burst into tears.
He squeezed her tight, until the tears subsided.
‘I’m sorry Justin. I couldn’t help it’
‘It’s okay, don’t worry about it.’ He smiled gently.
Sahara saw it in his eyes. There was a knowing in them, peace and contentment she’d never seen before. She nodded and acknowledged what she saw.
‘I guess you’re a ten today.’ She smiled through the tears.
‘I’m a thousand and more!’
‘Okay.’ Goosebumps patterned her arms. ‘Okay.’
They said their goodbyes, Sahara wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to keep it together. She waved one last time and leaned on Eu
gene for support as they left the hospital.
As the car swirled so did her stomach. There was a sick bag already in sight for her to use. She gazed at Eugene at intervals. She’d never been more in love with him, than she was at that moment. He’d totally shown a different side to him.
‘I love you,’ she whispered.
‘I love you too, honey.’
She wanted to talk, but she felt like she was on a merry-go-round, moving at lightening speed. Just as he parked outside the front of her home, her head was in the sick bag. He rubbed her back gently and waited. He said nothing, instead his presence was his support.
It took a while, but finally she stopped. He hopped out of the car and dashed over to her side. He lifted her and took her into the house.
‘You are a dream come true,’ she mumbled into him. ‘I’m probably not looking or feeling my best, but one day I hope to be.’
‘You’re the best you are right now.’ He kissed her forehead.
Chapter Eleven
The weeks flew by, her hair started to grow back and she was back at work. It turned out, Justin had lasted longer than any doctor could’ve predicted. She stood in front of the mirror all dressed in white, a wide smile spread across her face. It was a bittersweet moment. It was the day she was going to say goodbye to a lovely and caring human being.
‘Honey, Emily’s here?’ Eugene shouted from downstairs.
‘I’m coming!’ She put on a light pink lipstick that worked wonderfully against her brown skin.
She placed a headband, decorated with white daffodils from her shop, on her head.
‘I’m ready.’ She paced downstairs.
‘Wow! You look amazing.’ Emily was in tears.
‘Don’t make me cry!’ She warned her.
‘I can’t help it, you look so well.’
‘Well, we don’t know that yet. Two more days before the verdict.’
Both Eugene and Emily eyed each other.
‘What?’ She watched them both.
‘Nothing,’ they said simultaneously.
She watched them, there was something they were not telling her, but there wasn’t time to pull it out of them.
‘My driver’s waiting.’
‘Ooohhh, I can’t wait to be chauffeured,’ Emily chimed.
Sahara laughed. ‘Thank you for coming. Thanks for your support.’
‘Anytime honey, I’m your girl,’ said Emily.
They stepped out into the warm sunshine. Sahara looked up into the sky and smiled.