I stopped at the kitchen for a snack. Patty had made crackers, and they were delicious. I wanted to get something in my stomach before picking up the kids. I fed them before services, but didn’t get to eat myself. That happens when you feed two babies.
Munching on a cracker, I waved to Beck in the tower and headed to the playroom where caretakers volunteered to watch the younger ones during service. I had sent the older crew to the gym where one of the adults was getting a game together before lunch.
When I walked in, I saw Jessie. She was supposed to be with Bonnie. I guess I was late because Keller and Phoenix were the only ones remaining.
Margret Stilton paused as she left. “How was service?”
“Was wonderful. I’m so sorry I’m late.”
“It’s fine. Jessie is here now and that new guy, he’s amazing with the babies. He’s gonna be a teacher at the school tomorrow.”
“I heard. Thanks again.” I peered across the room and the new guy was sitting on the floor with Phoenix and Keller. Keller sat before him and the young man used his hands to maneuver Keller’s in sign language.
“You sign?” I asked.
He looked up at me with a bashful smile. So young, not even thirty, his long blonde locks danced across his face nearly hiding his blue eyes. “Yes.”
He signed for Keller, saying I was here. That made me smile.
I walked over and touched Keller then looked at the man. “You’re very good.”
“Thanks, I’ve done it before.” He extended his hand. “Ed. Some people call me Eddie, but I like Ed.”
“Nice to meet you finally,” I shook his hand. “I saw you but we never really spoke. I’m Mera.”
“I know.”
“So how do you know signing?” I asked, folding my arms.
“I taught at a school for the deaf. My brother was deaf, so it was second nature to me. And we had vision and hearing impaired kids. I’m impressed at how well you guys do this. It’s slightly different than I did in school. How did you know?”
“Me?” I shook my head. “I didn’t, Alex did. He started that when Keller was maybe nine months.”
“Alex Sans?”
“You know him?”
“Well, a couple years ago, his name was all we heard over the radio. Someone was calling him constantly. Then he started calling out for survivors to come to Grace.”
“Levi said the same thing.” I smiled. “Only Alex could be famous in the post apocalypse world.”
“I didn’t get to meet him yet.”
My head lowered. “You won’t. Alex… Alex died.”
Ed looked genuinely surprised by that. “He died? I’m very sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“I… I really am stunned. He was a familiar voice calling out. Like someone we knew but never met.”
“He was a great guy.”
A stern voice entered the room. “There you are.”
I turned. It was Javier. “Shit.”
He curled his finger at me. “I told you yesterday to see me. You didn’t. I tried to talk to you after service and you ran.”
“I had to get the babies.”
“I’m the one who sent Jessie for that. Bonnie can handle them. This will take an hour, tops.”
“I can walk Jessie and the kids to Bonnie,” Ed offered. “I have nothing else to do.”
“There you have it,” Javier said. “Let’s go.”
I huffed, then turned to Ed. “Thank you. It was nice talking to you. Don’t be a stranger.”
“I promise.” He held up his hand. “From here on in, I won’t.”
I waved goodbye to Ed, kissed the kids, and reluctantly, against my will, I went with Javier.
It really was something I was reluctant to do. I had seen Javier a couple times after hitting my chin and passing out. I was his first real patient and he was having a field day with the equipment he found.
Sitting in the new waiting room outside his office reiterated to me why I didn’t want to be there. We had just finished another test and I was told to wait.
To my surprise, Randy walked in holding a rag to his head.
“What happened to you?” I asked.
“Bonnie hit me with a frying pan.”
“On purpose?”
“I hope not, that wouldn’t be nice.” He sat down next to me. “Why are you here? Pass out again?”
I placed my hands on my knees. “I know you don’t know me well. But we were friends and you were so easy to talk to.”
“Do you need to talk?”
“Yes.”
“What’s wrong?”
“When I passed out at your arrival, Javier started running tests. It’s not good.”
“Oh, Mera.” He grabbed my hand.
“He found a mass and just ran a test. He’s gonna give me the lowdown on it.” I inhaled a shivering breath. “I knew it wasn’t good and I have been avoiding seeing him. You know, if I don’t hear it, it isn’t true.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So now I have to hear it. I’m scared, Randy. All that I went through and this is gonna kill me.”
“No. No it won’t.”
“Tell me, I know about The Doctrines. Do I …” I looked up when Javier’s door opened. “Oh God.”
“Come on in,” Javier said.
I stood started walking. “Randy, will you come?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please. I need someone with me.”
He stood up.
“What happened to you?” Javier asked him.
“Bonnie hit me with a frying pan.”
“Oh, good, more stitches,” Javier said, stepping into his office.
He waited for Randy and me to sit down and then he shut the door. He paused to look at Randy’s head, then walked around the desk and sat down. “It was the last thing I thought of,” Javier said to me. “Really.”
“Just give it to me.” I reached over and grabbed Randy’s hand. “How long do I have?”
“About five months. Maybe less,” Javier said. I felt Randy squeeze tightly to my hand. I was numb.
“I misled you,” Javier said. “For that I apologize. I assumed when I felt the mass that… I didn’t think of it. So I feel really terrible putting you through this worry. I should have said something when we did the test today, when I saw it. I didn’t know how to tell you. I went back and ran a couple of tests on your blood.”
“Is there anything that can be done?” Randy asked. “Anything?”
“You mean like get rid of it?” Javier asked. “Remove it?”
“Yes,” I replied. “Can you take it out of me?”
“Why?” Javier asked. “You didn’t even ask any questions about it.”
“I don’t want to die,” I said. “Can taking it from me give me more time?”
“Yes,” Javier answered. “But… why would you die? I know you’re worried about your age playing a factor, but I’m not worried about that. Did you have complications in your previous pregnancies?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“It has… Mera, are we talking about the same thing?” Javier asked.
“Yes. My tumor. Cancer. I have five months.”
“No.” Javier shook his head. “You don’t have a tumor or cancer. You have a baby. You have about five months until you deliver.”
My heart sunk and I had to catch my breath. “That’s impossible. I’m in menopause.”
“Menopause? Aren’t you too young for that?” Javier asked. “When was your last period?”
“Right before The Event,” I replied after a moment of thought. “It’s been well over two years. I thought I was in menopause or God finally lifted the Eve curse from us.”
“No. I don’t know why you didn’t get your period, Mera, but you are pregnant now.”
I looked at Randy then at Javier. “Is it alive?”
“Yes, and healthy from what I can see. I don’t know. This isn’t my sp
ecialty. But everything looks fine and before you ask, yes he has a face.”
“He?”
“He.” Javier stood. “And I’m frazzled now. I thought I was giving good news, and here you think I’m delivering a death sentence. I might be judging by your reaction, or lack thereof,” he rambled and walked to the door. “And here it is Sunday, not even noon, and I need a drink before I do his sutures. Speaking of drinking, that problem of yours now has to stop.” He walked out.
In my shock, I simply stared forward.
“Are you okay?” Randy asked. “I’m the one getting sutures after he has a drink.”
“I’m pregnant. Very pregnant.” My words were airy. “So all that fluttering wasn’t gas.”
“Mera.” Randy grabbed my hand again. “Everything is fine.”
“You knew.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“It’s not in The Doctrines?”
“Well, yes, but you threw me off when you said you were dying. I thought something changed.”
“Oh, boy.” I took long deep breaths. “I have a problem.”
“What is it?”
Slowly I turned my head and looked at him.
Randy’s eyes connected with mine. “It’s not Beck’s, is it?”
“He just got back.” I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. “No, the baby isn’t Beck’s.”
20. MERA
What started out as a pretty decent Sunday spiraled out of control for me and I really couldn’t say a word to anyone.
Even eating seemed different to me. I thought about what I put into my mouth. Thankfully, Randy only had to get a couple of stitches and he and I talked for a spell. He gave me really good advice. I missed him and a part of him was really back, the part I remember most about Randy. The man who carried his own little folding chair. I met him the same day and the same place I met Beck. He was a good man who suffered losses and had so much wisdom.
We ate with the children in our section of the dining room. In just the couple of hours that Ed had spent with Keller and Phoenix, I could tell he was a teacher of children with disabilities. I watched him at lunch, repeating the same thing with Keller. Showing Phoenix how to help and exhibiting extreme patience.
Alex used to do the same thing with Keller, and I never knew why he insisted on teaching a toddler. But as I witnessed Keller grasping the teaching without ever hearing a word or seeing, I knew why Alex did what he did.
What I did with Keller was learned and comfortable, but at the end of my limitations. I couldn’t teach him anymore because I didn’t know any more to teach.
Ed did. Finally, I saw a light. Keller would not be at a disadvantage; no one would let him be, not even his own brother.
Maybe that was why Ed took a liking to Keller and to teaching Phoenix, because his own brother was disabled.
Watching them took my mind off of things. Not that my problem was earth shattering. Dealing with it was, that was why I talked to Randy. In a nutshell, though, his big advice boiled down to me being honest.
I was an honest person, which was why the pregnancy bothered me so much, it made me look dishonest. I had never cheated in my life and I was going to look like a cheater.
The babies needed naps and I needed a moment alone to talk to Beck. I knew he was busy because three more soldiers showed up from the Oklahoma Reckoning group.
He had to make time for me, though. I had to talk to him before anyone else did.
I saw Michael eating his lunch alone and I wondered why that was. He could have joined us. After asking Ed to stay another moment with the babies, I walked over to Michael.
“Are you avoiding people?" I asked. “Or are they avoiding you?”
It seemed as if nervously, his fork dropped from his hand and he fumbled, picking it back up. “Oh, Mera. Sorry.”
“You okay?”
“Yes, I have been avoiding people.”
“Then I’ll leave you alone.”
“No, it’s fine. I spent some time with Sonny and Randy after services and they frazzled me.”
“Not much frazzles you.”
“I know.”
I walked around the table and took a seat next to him. “Were you there when Bonnie hit Randy with the frying pan?”
“Yes. It was funny and it wasn’t. She blasted in with the pan, yelling ‘Sonny, I told you!’ and whap. She realized she hit Randy.”
“Poor Randy.” I said. “Did you talk to Randy after?”
“No, why. Did you?”
“Yes, he and I talked.”
“And you aren’t frazzled?”
“Of course I’m frazzled, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I need guidance.”
Michael set down his fork and turned to me. “Things happen for a reason, Mera. We may not like them expect them, but they do. But this … I don’t like it one bit, it doesn’t sit well with me. It goes against God’s plan and it should be terminated.”
“Wow,” I said, shocked at his response. “Michael, while I’m not saying you don’t give good advice, this really goes against the grain of what you typically say.”
“Not really, if you take into consideration the time travel aspect. Bring someone back and things get messed up, something gets missed and a ripple could cascade.”
“So terminate? Even if I want it?”
“That’s what I think. Even if you don’t, though, who is gonna know?”
“I would think it would be evident, but even if I wanted to terminate, which I don’t, it’s far too late. I need advice on how to tell Beck. Can I ask how you found out?”
“I overheard the conversation.”
I sighed. “How do I tell Beck?”
“You don’t. He won’t know, and doesn’t need to know if you terminate the whole thing.”
“Do you need to be so cold?” I shook my head. “I know you are adamantly against it, you made that point clear, but it’s a still an unborn child. You of all people—”
“Stop.” Michael held up his hand. “Are we talking about the same thing?”
The second he said that, I exhaled. “Probably not. This is a habit today.”
“Did Randy and or Sonny come to you about something?”
“No. I saw Randy at Javier’s. What are they supposed to talk to me about?”
“You’ll find out. What are you talking about?”
“The baby.”
“What baby?”
“The one I’m carrying.”
“You’re...” His voice rose and I quickly covered his mouth. Michael dropped his voice. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“And I told you to… oh my God, Mera, I didn’t mean to tell you to terminate, I would never do that. I am so sorry.”
“It’s kind of funny when you think about it.”
“No. No it isn’t. I feel terrible. Weren’t you confused when I mentioned time travel?”
“No, because that’s what got me into this mess.” I brought my voice down as far as I could. “I’m over four months along.”
“Mera,” he said in shock. “Beck’s not been back for more than three weeks.”
I had no answer, my lips only puckered.
“Have you told him the truth about what happened when he was gone?”
“Michael, it’s not me. I’m not a cheat. I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t want him to think I betrayed him.”
“But, Mera,” Michael said. “You did.”
“No I did not. How can I cheat when Beck was dead?”
Michael just stared at me.
“I know you don’t believe me.”
Michael leaned back. “The way everyone tosses around time travel and The Doctrines, I can believe anything.”
I explained to Michael what had happened, how it happened. Of course, he had no recollection because to him, Beck was always alive and I was always dutiful and waiting.
“So what do I do? How do I tell Beck?”
“Just the way you told me.�
� Michael replied. “With honesty. It’ll be fine.” He laid his hand on mine. “Really, Mera, it will be. At least you don’t have to worry about the baby’s father, because if it only occurred in the ‘Beck is dead’ time frame, the father would never have a recollection.”
Michael was right. The baby’s father wouldn’t be a concern because he would never know. But Beck would, and I had to talk to him.
I took Michael up on his offer to put the babies down for their nap and stay with them while I sought out Beck. I had no idea how it would go, but it had to be done. I was never good at being dishonest or keeping secrets.
Word had it that Beck was in the main administration building and to my surprise, he was in his new office.
When I walked in it was reminiscent of a flashback to the day I first met him.
I couldn’t see Beck beyond the wall of soldiers that blocked him. I felt the same nervousness in my stomach. Problem was, this no longer was a stranger. Beck was a man who had sacrificed for me and my family. He was a man I cared deeply for.
Standing here in my flood of memories, thinking of what I would say, I was noticed.
“Mera,” Beck said, standing up. “Everything alright?”
“Can we talk? I know you’re busy but this is very important.”
“Absolutely. Gentlemen, why don’t you grab some grub.”
The six soldiers nodded in respect at me when they walked by, and when the last one left I closed the door.
“Nice office.”
“I’m extension 1222, if you need to call.”
That made me smile. “I’ll call you all the time.” I walked to the desk and pulled out a chair. “Sit down, Beck, we need to talk.”
“Oh boy.” Beck sat back down in his chair slowly. “I know that tone and that sentence. Are you breaking up with me, Mera? Because it’s a little odd—”
“No. Can you just let me lead the conversation? I don’t want any miscommunication.”
“Absolutely.”
“I love you, Beck. You have been and are a guiding force in my life. I am eternally grateful for knowing you. Can I ask you what it was you learned about me when we first met?”
“That’s an odd question. A few things. You were determined; you get mad when someone takes what’s yours. You’re beautiful, and oh,” Beck smiled, “you can’t lie to save your life.”
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