‘OK, JC, that’s how you do it,’ he said when he was out of balls. ‘You gotta aim to kill. Get it?’
He gave me three. ‘You try now. And remember, you don’t wanna marry the ball, you hate it!’
I threw it up into the air just as he had done, and my racket passed through the air making a whick sound. The second ball I tried was the same.
‘D’you need a bigger ball?’ he said, then he laughed at his own joke.
I threw the tennis ball into the air again, and this time it caught the frame of the racket, making it as far as the top of the net before dropping over onto his side.
He watched the ball as it rolled and stopped close to his feet, then he kicked it out of the way.
Rubbing his face with his hand, he breathed out noisily.
‘Look, I’ll show you one more time.’ He began to volley balls at me again, and I could see exactly how much he hated the ball.
Or maybe
maybe I could see how much he hated me.
My heart began to beat so hard I could hear it and I bit my lip to keep the words in.
I had never let him or Melanie see me angry. It was dangerous for them to know about that part of me. So when I felt the heat rising in my blood, I usually hid myself away and waited until I cooled.
But that day, as my body and brain grew hot, he had me in his sights and I had nowhere to run.
When the next ball flew at me, I pulled back my arm, and, keeping my wrist stiff like I’d seen him doing, I braced my body and returned the ball to him with a hard whack.
But he wasn’t expecting it. He was already tossing his next volley into the air and he didn’t see the ball as, with force that surprised both of us, it knocked the racket out of his hand.
He stood for a moment with his mouth open. Then he bent to pick the racket up, ran his fingers around the damaged rim and walked toward the net.
I went slowly to meet him, my eyes on my feet.
We both stood at the net, and I could feel him staring at me as if there were no words that could say just how he felt.
Then he found them. ‘Do you know how much this racket cost, JC? Do you?’ I looked up and spit jumped from his mouth onto my face. ‘In your country I could probably buy a farm for the price of this racket.’
His eyes were narrowed and his voice wobbled. ‘So the next time you want to make yourself look smart, just think about what I’ve done for you. Think about how much time and money you’ve cost me.’
He paused and I wanted to run, but I had been turned to stone. And he said the one thing that I dreaded the most ‘Then think about how I could send you back, just like this.’ He snapped his fingers. ‘Whatever Melanie says.’
He moved his hand up to within an inch of my face, and he snapped his fingers again.
Why was I telling you about that, Boy? I suppose it was because I knew you’d like a story about tennis balls.
Anyway, I didn’t finish explaining about Beth.
I hadn’t told Melanie that Beth had seen me through the window. I thought she might be angry that I had let myself be spotted, so I kept quiet.
But Beth came back a few days later, and she told him that she had seen me.
I heard her at the door. I had been watching a movie and I could hear her shouting, so Melanie told me to go to my room for a moment, and he let Beth inside.
I walked to my bedroom but then I crept back and watched through the banisters.
‘Who is he?’ Beth was saying. Her voice was slurry, and she looked like she had been sleeping outside.
‘Just a friend’s son,’ he said. ‘We were looking after him for the night.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ she said. ‘Who would give you a child to look after?’ Then she laughed. ‘You couldn’t even look after your own.’
I saw him step forward, like he was going to attack her, but Melanie held him back.
Then, as if she hadn’t been laughing a moment before, Beth began to sob.
‘I loved him,’ she said. ‘And I miss him too.’ She sniffed loudly. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have talked like that.’
Melanie guided her into the living room, and their voices became too low to hear.
A few minutes later I heard them walk to the door. He gave Beth a big bundle of bills, it must have been hundreds of dollars, and she left.
I wondered if I’d see her again.
Of course, I did. We both did.
That was when things turned really bad.
He was upstairs and Melanie had gone to the store.
I was in the backyard pulling out weeds close to the front gate, tugging at some stubborn thistles with deep roots, when I heard her voice.
‘Hi, there,’ she said.
I looked around. There was no one there to help me.
‘Aren’t you gonna say hello, then?’
I put on my best American accent. ‘Hi.’
She was shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe something. ‘You remind me so much of him. I thought that when I saw you at the window. Of course, I couldn’t see how tall you are from there. You’re bigger than he would have been. My brother is a squirt.’
I don’t know why I didn’t just run inside, but I was curious. I had been brought into the family because Jake had gone. I wanted to know why he was missing.
‘What happened to Jake?’ I asked.
She laughed. ‘So, it’s what I suspected. You’re the boy from overseas. They brought you here even though they were told not to. Did you know you’re an illegal alien?’ She shook her head. ‘My law-abiding brother has done it now. Quite a relief not to be the bad guy around here for a change.’
She looked at me then, and her expression softened a little. ‘Jake died in a car crash, honey. A head-on collision. The roads were icy, but my brother has always driven like a madman. Anyway, poor Jakey didn’t make it, but he…’
Her face was full of anger.
‘He walked away without a scratch.’
Boy, you sleep so much now. You haven’t moved all day.
We’re becoming lazy out here.
You must be thirsty.
I sucked some water from the mud in the puddle earlier.
It’s not so bad. In my country hungry people eat cookies made of mud and baked on the rooftops.
The grit is still in my mouth.
Your breathing is so shallow, Boy.
You haven’t noticed the fly that’s crawling over your poor, cracked nose.
Shoo, fly! Crawl on someone else.
Crawl on him.
Is that better?
I think you should try to stand. Maybe go for a pee. You’ll feel better if you do.
When I’m asleep and I really need to go, and I dream of a fire burning inside of me.
You look peaceful. Sometimes you thrash and whimper when you’re dreaming.
I like when you chase rabbits in your sleep. Your legs move as if you’re running.
It’s like you’re showing us your dream.
Maybe you’re dreaming of something quiet.
Like watching TV.
You loved nature programmes, remember?
The lions scared you though.
They scared me too.
Boy?
Boy?
D’you remember? It really wasn’t so long ago.
Come on, you need to wake up.
Try to stand.
I can help you.
Nice and slowly, Boy, I’ll lift you up.
You weigh a lot for someone made of bones.
That’s right, hind legs up.
Now front too.
Yes! Your eyes are open.
Are you looking at me?
Boy?
You’re looking at me, but you can’t see me.
You must still be tired.
I’ll lie you down.
Curl you up.
Better?
Good.
Do you want to hear another story?
No?
I’m too tired to talk anyway.
I wish you were fatter, I can feel our bones rub, like dry sticks.
You know what I’ve been thinking, Boy?
How good it would be to have just a few nice things from the house. Things no one is using.
If I could leave here I’d go to Jake’s room and I’d take his comforter
and the cushions on his bed.
We could make ourselves a soft nest.
I can imagine it now. I can feel the comforter. Can you feel it too?
Maybe there’s even a lamp. Let me turn it on. Click!
Such a nice, gentle light.
It’s strange how I can see our doghouse all done out nicely.
Like it’s a home.
Like it’s our home.
I’m thinking about Jake’s room, Boy.
I wish I had never gone in there.
But the truth is that everything had already begun to go wrong.
Melanie was the same, always loving and kind. But he
he was like the weather.
Most of the time he was cold and rainy, but more and more often he was thunder, and though I braced myself for the lightning, it never followed.
His anger always started with us, Boy.
We didn’t mean to make him angry, but we still did.
Like when you chewed your leash because he left you tied outside the store? You did it because you were worried. You wanted to go inside and see if he was safe. Melanie explained that to him.
But I saw him kick you when she wasn’t looking.
Then I mowed the lawn and cut through the cables that were hidden in the grass. I didn’t know they were there. I was trying to help, but he made me go upstairs for the whole afternoon.
That’s when I was tempted to go into Jake’s room.
Boy, I didn’t understand why no one could play his games.
But I was wrong.
Someone was playing his games.
It was him.
That’s what he had been doing while I was mowing the lawn. Melanie had gone for a run, and he had promised her that he and I would do some gardening together, but then he had started the mower for me and gone inside.
I didn’t mind. I liked mowing; sweeping the machine around, making wild rainbow arcs in the grass instead of the stripes he usually cut.
But then I went too close to the ornamental pond. I hadn’t seen the fountain working, so I had no idea that there was a pump run by a cable hidden in the grass. As I swung the mower around I heard a loud bang.
I knew that I had done something terrible, so I turned off the mower and found the broken cable.
Then I went inside to admit my mistake. I hoped that he might be less angry if I were honest and apologised.
But I couldn’t find him. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room, so I went upstairs.
I saw him as I turned the corner.
Jake’s bedroom door was open a crack, and he was sitting at the desk. Jake’s headphones were over his ears so he didn’t hear me, didn’t notice me watching.
On the screen was the familiar dark, fantastical landscape of the game I had played at Mamie and Pepe’s house, with glowing green mountains and skies of blue.
He was playing as a warrior, dressed in heavy black and gold armour.
The character was called Jakey1000.
He didn’t have horns, like my character, but in a hilt was a sword that glowed and a hammer that sparked as he moved.
He was good. Really good. He leapt high and kicked accurately, sliced and chopped his attackers, like he had played many times before.
Then, just before he gained enough points to move up to the next level, he threw down the controller.
I watched as he sat with his head in his hands.
Then I crept away.
When he came into the kitchen he looked angry.
‘Did you finish the mowing?’ he asked, and I could see that his eyes were swollen.
‘I had an accident,’ I said, and I explained what had happened.
Then, Boy, he began to scream at me. It was the first time I had seen him lose control. Melanie wasn’t there to calm him, and I was scared.
‘You ungrateful brat!’ he was saying. ‘Coming into my home, vandalising my property! Melanie might be a pushover, but do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing? Do you think –’
But then you growled, Boy, and, mid-sentence, he stopped.
You didn’t stop though. You were showing him your yellow teeth and your growl was a rising rattle. Then you took a step toward him and you snapped at the air.
A warning, that was all.
Just a warning.
‘Stop, Boy,’ I told you, in my language, and you stopped.
But that seemed to make him more angry.
‘Speak to my dog in English!’ he spat.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
Then, although his fists and jaw were still clenched, he said, ‘Go to your bedroom, JC. And don’t come down until I say you can.’
I ran upstairs. But as I passed Jake’s room I saw a green light.
He had left the game on.
I crept to the window and I saw him on the lawn holding both ends of the broken cable and looking confused. Then I watched him go into the shed and bring out his toolbox.
I shut Jake’s bedroom door, sat down and put my hands to the keyboard.
If I had played as my character he would have known, so I brought up the one that he had used
Jakey1000.
I was going to play as their son.
I checked his score. It was just below Jakey1000’s highest, and it was at the top of the level. That was the reason he had suddenly stopped playing.
If he earned any more points he would have beaten Jake, and he would have moved up.
A different landscape, different enemies. Everything would have been different from when Jake played it.
He wanted to leave it how it had been when he played with Jake.
Forever.
I only spent a few minutes on the game that day, just until I heard Melanie come through the front door and call up to me, then I stopped playing and, quietly, I left the room.
But I went back again the next day, and the next. Every time they were busy I would sneak into the room.
Sometimes I could tell that he had been playing too; a weapon was changed or a room altered. But I was more careful, always putting everything back as it had been when I sat down, and, above all, making sure that I never beat Jake’s score.
That I never moved Jakey1000 to the next level.
Boy, you’re wagging in your sleep. Are you feeling better?
I’m sorry, I don’t have any water for you, but the sky is cloudy, I think it might rain later.
Boy, why are you doing that with your eyes?
Boy?
BOY?
BOY!
Your body’s stiff. Why are you stretching your legs out? Are you trying to stand? I can help you if you need to get up.
Boy? Can you hear me?
Stop jerking like that!
Stop!
That’s better.
Boy?
Boy?
Boy
You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe.
Shhhhh…
It’s all right.
Relax.
It’s over, Boy.
You’re back.
You’re safe.
I woke up last night dreaming about the fight.
I was slippery with sweat and my heart was beating like it had that day.
I wish that I could run so fast that I could spin the world the other way and we would go back in time.
If I could I would change everything.
I can’t stop scratching these flea bites, Boy.
I know that I have to, that I’m just encouraging the itch, that if you want to give something up you just have to not do it.
Like me with the computer g
ame.
I should’ve stopped.
Just stopped.
But I couldn’t.
After Melanie left for my country he put you in here, then he locked himself in his study.
He came out to make meals for us both at first, but soon there was very little food in the pantry, so he bought burgers. Then he stopped going out and began to drink more, working his way through the bottles in the basement and forgetting about food.
I rationed the remaining rice and noodles in the cupboard, and ate it with salt, always leaving a bowl for him at the study door.
But, though I was hungry, and I missed Melanie, I wasn’t unhappy because I had so much freedom.
I let you out of here when he wasn’t looking, and I put you back before he noticed, and was never caught. Not until that day.
Whenever I wasn’t with you I was upstairs gaming as Jakey1000.
Sometimes I thought about Jake, and I wondered whether he would have liked how I fought with his character.
I decided that he would.
That if he had been there we would have been friends.
Weeks passed. Melanie still called whenever she could, and when he spoke to her his voice was gentle and sweet, and he said that everything was fine. I didn’t disagree.
But as soon as he hung up his face changed again into a mask of stone and he fell back into silence.
He blamed me, you see, Boy. He loves Melanie and he misses her and it’s my fault that she’s gone.
I never saw him go into Jake’s room during that time, and there were no signs that he had been on the game, so I became careless.
I was stopping closer and closer to the maximum score each time, sometimes abandoning a game with just ten points to go.
That night he hadn’t emerged all day, and I felt safe enough to wear Jake’s headphones.
So I didn’t hear him coming.
I was fighting a dragon, an ugly fire-breathing beast that dripped blood from its dagger teeth. It was fast and strong, lashing its tail round to knock me off my feet. I had already lost my hammer, and I had dropped my sword as I fell.
I was five points from the top of the level and I was going to let it kill me.
Really, I was.
But suddenly the chair was kicked from under me.
As I fell onto the floor the headphones yanked off.
Goodnight, Boy Page 14