by Tina Leonard
He met the blue of her gaze.
“See something you like?” Cameron asked.
“I’m not sure,” he said, obviously lying but saving pride as fast as he could. This woman wanted to leave him, and though he might understand, that didn’t mean he had to like it. And he didn’t. “On the surface, it’s all very sexy. But then no one likes a tease.”
“A tease!” She gently pushed Lucky’s nose away as he tried to lick her chin. “How have I teased you?”
By making me fall in love with you. Then ripping out my heart.
“Why have you come?” He gazed at her steadily, not ceding an inch. “I know you too well, Cameron Dix. You’ve made the journey to say goodbye. So don’t tease. Well, you can tease,” he said, adjusting his thoughts and his jeans surreptitiously, “but don’t expect good results from it.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “You’re right.”
“I know.” He plunked his hat back over his face. There was really nothing else to be said.
“I have to, Saint.”
“I’m not arguing with you.” From Steel’s recent experience, Saint knew you couldn’t keep a woman if she wanted to go; they did what they wanted to do. “But I will say I think it’s a helluva waste.”
“Look.” She carefully put Lucky on the ground, then plucked his hat from his face, tossing it to the end of the hammock where he couldn’t easily reach it. “You act like you’re annoyed that I’m going, like we had some big love affair. But you know very well that we annoyed each other as much as we made love.”
“I annoyed you,” he said. “I’m an even kind of guy. You really didn’t annoy me all that much. What was annoying was watching you tie yourself into a pretzel all the time trying to figure out what you wanted in life. And then using your sister as an excuse to ditch the big dream.”
She sucked in a breath. “That is not what happened.”
“Feels like it to me.” He waved an arm. “But don’t let me stop you. I’m out here just so you can feel free to go without me looking like Sad Sam.”
“Why would you look like that?”
“As I told you, it’s sad watching you give up your dream just because you got scared.”
“You’re an ass. You know it’s nothing like that.”
He rolled his head to look at her. “You’re scared.”
“Why would you think I’m suddenly scared of bullfighting? I just need an income, Saint. I’m sorry that displeases you. Judy hasn’t paid us in over a month. If the town hadn’t replaced my tires, I’d be in a pickle.” She took a deep breath. “I know you won’t like to hear this, but once Steel mentioned becoming a cop, I realized I really liked the idea.”
“I know all of that. What you quit on was me. On us.”
Her lips parted, rosy, plump petals opening like a flower. It reminded him of the other plump petals of hers he so enjoyed, which gave further urgency to the erection he couldn’t quite conceal.
“There wasn’t anything to quit on. Neither of us were looking for a serious relationship.”
That was true. He hadn’t been looking. In fact, he hadn’t wanted the interruption or inconvenience in his life a woman would bring. But then Cameron had happened to him, and it burned like fire that he wasn’t as necessary to her as she was to him. Damn it, he barely slept at night without dreaming about her or reaching out to see if she was in bed next to him. When he’d awaken and realize his arms were empty because she wasn’t there, he was always struck by a deep loneliness and a cratering sense of loss.
It wasn’t something he cared to do for very much longer. In fact, he dreaded the thought.
“You might as well go,” he told her. “You interrupt a man’s solitude at your peril.”
“I don’t feel imperiled.”
They lay there together companionably, with Lucky under the hammock, enjoying the shade of their bodies through the webbing and the slight casting of sun slowly setting through the pines. Cameron had brought a bone for Lucky, sneaking it out of her back pocket when she thought Saint wasn’t paying attention, but Lucky hadn’t yet learned to be secretive about his treats. He snacked and gnawed with enthusiasm underneath them, an amusing accompaniment to the birdsong and slight breeze that might otherwise have been romantic.
“He’s loud,” Cameron observed.
Saint heard the smile in her voice. His erection wasn’t getting any less insistent, nor did she seem inclined to go away as he’d requested. Not that he’d ever have expected Cameron to do anything just because he or anyone else wanted her to. But then again, he didn’t really want her to go.
Damn him, he wanted her to quit trying to leave him. It was annoying—no, it was depressing. But he had no intention of expressing his true feelings to her. He could tell she wanted to go; nothing he could say would change her mind. So he kept his mouth shut. “He’s just about finished teething, I think. That chewing you hear is being done with newly erupted adult teeth.”
They swung together for a while longer until the sun had finally set and fireflies drifted through the pines with their yellow flashes. “I’m going to grill a burger. I don’t suppose you’re leaving?”
“I think I’ll stay and see if you can actually start a fire.”
He glanced around. “How did you get across the creek, anyway?”
“Steel showed me how to use a paddleboard.”
He turned his head to stare at her. “And you just came right on across.”
She faced him. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
It was unconventional transportation for a first-timer, but Cameron was fit and had good coordination. “I thought he would have rowed you over in his canoe.”
“He never mentioned a canoe.”
His brow rose involuntarily as he pondered this. “He never mentioned to me he had a paddleboard, either.”
Cameron smiled. “It’s actually pretty fun.”
“I’m having trouble seeing Steel using one.”
“Maybe he borrowed it.”
Saint grunted. “No one in Hell has a paddleboard.”
“Someone does now.” She smiled at him when he glanced at her, and he wished he could kiss her.
But that would only prolong his pain. He didn’t want his pain prolonged, but he couldn’t send her away on her paddleboard in the darkness. He supposed he could take her back in the rowboat, but the truth was, he didn’t want to do that, either. Putting Lucky, a paddleboard and pole, and Cameron in his rowboat sounded like a lot of effort better expended on grilling burgers. “Well done or medium well for your burger?”
“However you have yours.” She caught his hand before he could leave the hammock. “Don’t stay mad all night.”
“I’m not.” He really wasn’t. What he was was resigned.
Her eyes searched his, her fingers on his arm. “Can I help cook dinner?”
“No. You’d be no use rubbing two twigs together to start the fire.”
“Two twigs?” She smiled. “We could be here all night.”
He liked the sound of that. “We could.”
“Yet I think I saw a small bag of charcoal near your cabin there, and perhaps a small Weber. But don’t let me spoil the story.”
He knew she was smiling, amused by his teasing. Saint pushed himself off the hammock, went to spill briquettes into the grill. He and Declan and Trace had long ago brought out a few very slight amenities to pamper their self-induced exiles from time to time. No electricity ran to the cabin, though, so if Cameron was expecting anything other than flashlight and candlelight, she’d be disappointed. There was a kerosene lamp, but he didn’t like using that, usually suffering through with a huge flashlight that was more like a spotlight. When he was at the cabin, all he wanted was peace and quiet. He wasn’t getting that right now, though.
Switching on a flashlight with a wide beam, he set it near his supplies. Lucky hadn’t come over to inspect his work, and he realized Cameron had scooped his dog back up into the hammock with her. Lucky beast.
He got the coals glowing to his satisfaction, cracked a beer. Drank it straight down, hoping to take the edge off his erection, which seemed to have an enduring life of its own. “Want a beer?”
“Love one.”
He carried one over to her, popping it open and handing it to her silently. She took it just as silently. Lucky didn’t move from Cameron’s side, and once again, he reminded himself that dogs were not allowed in his hammock.
Saint went back to his grill and tossed on the burgers, pulled out the small sack of dog food and poured some into Lucky’s bowl. That brought the disloyal mutt bounding down from the hammock—but a moment later, Saint realized it had also brought Cameron near to the grill, where she sank down on his folding chair to gaze at him.
His heart thundered in his throat. Long legs gleamed in the moonlight—legs for days, it seemed to his hungry gaze. Bare arms gleamed pale, and a ribbon of skin between her jean shorts and the tied-off shirt caught his eyes.
He had to stop staring. Tossing the burgers onto the small charcoal grill almost defensively, he busied himself tending the food while Lucky snacked on his dinner.
“Did you come out here to get away from me?” Cameron asked.
“Partly,” he admitted. “It was also time for a break from Hell.”
“So if we ever had a relationship, I could count on you coming out here to get away from me anytime we had a tiff.”
“Yes, but you can see how much good it does me.” He pointed at her with his long-handled spatula. “Here you are, eating my burgers, drinking my beer, and generally invading my space.”
“So you’re saying you’re glad I came?” she asked, cocking her head.
His head spun a little as he tried to breathe past the sexual desire, and past the deep, driving emotion he felt for her. “I’m going to eat this hamburger, and you’re going to eat yours, and then I’m putting you back on your paddleboard and sending you back to your side of the creek.”
She smiled. “Okay.”
That was it. She was agreeing to leave.
He should have been relieved that he’d be sleeping alone tonight, without Cameron there to drive him mad.
He wasn’t relieved at all.
Chapter 19
“And then what happened?” Anna asked, agog as they drove to Houston. Cameron had left Charlie behind in Harper’s care, not wanting to transport the horse just yet. Her first priority was to get Anna back home. She’d promised to finish her studies and graduate—and Cameron had promised to let her return to Hell if she still wanted to after graduation. Steel had promised Anna a job somewhere in the town during the summers, and if that was what Anna wanted to do, who was Cameron to complain? At least Anna wasn’t talking about running off to California anymore. And Hell was a pretty nice place to be, if you weren’t being scowled at by a handsome, sexy SEAL.
“That was it. We ate our burgers, and then he took me over to the other side in his rowboat, said he’d return Steel’s paddleboat to him when he deserved to get it back, and it served him right for invading his island.” Cameron laughed in spite of herself. “He offered me the keys to his truck, but I called Harper instead, and she came and got me. And here we are, on our way to Houston.”
The brisk parting had hurt her feelings, but Cameron wasn’t going to burden her sister with that. It was no one’s business but hers—her stunted love life was not worth bothering anyone else with.
“That’s so sad,” Anna said. “I was just sure he was in love with you.”
Cameron jumped. “You’re far too young to be thinking about love. What you see in the movies isn’t the way it really is.” No, love had twists and turns, and reality set in at some point to determine if a love was meant to endure. Clearly whatever had existed between Saint and her had not been of the long-lasting variety.
“You scared him,” Anna said, digging into a bag of grapes they’d bought at the store, along with some other snacks, before they’d left Hell.
“ ‘Scared him’? I don’t think anything scares a man like Saint.”
“Men are human. They’re just as afraid of getting hurt as we are,” Anna said practically. “You can’t have grown up in our home without realizing that men and women are very different, but also that they suffer the same way.” She chewed thoughtfully on the red grapes. “Dad never really could control Mom, you know.”
“What?” Cameron glanced over at her sister. “Dad was never home. Dad was the one who couldn’t be controlled.”
Anna nodded. “Dad was scared.”
Cameron didn’t want to hear this. She’d been spent too many years being angry with their father to want to look for a reason for his behavior. “Look, Anna, you weren’t aware of what was going on because you were so young. Dad never came to our games, never called us when he could have, never wanted to go to father-daughter dances, never even bothered to attend one single parent-teacher conference. Not even for our brothers. And you would think a man would be proud of his sons.” She felt anger washing through every part of her body all over again, anger she thought she’d put away long ago. “Mom did everything.”
“I’m not saying Dad is any kind of angel. But we’ve been talking lately, and Dad tells a little different story than Mom does.”
“I’m sure he does. Late in life, forgiveness isn’t exactly a rare trait.”
“Yeah, but we can forgive, or we can blow up our future relationships because we can’t let the past go.”
Cameron felt her eyes widen, shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Anna’s theory was stupid. She hadn’t blown up her relationship with Saint. There hadn’t been a relationship beyond really delicious sex.
Okay, that wasn’t entirely true, but she didn’t want to think there’d been more than that right now. She missed Saint’s holding her in the night, missed his kissing her until her breath was stolen and she literally felt like their bodies were one and the same.
It hurt to remember, a lot more than it should have if it had been “just sex.”
“Anyway, why do you want to go back to Hell so badly?” Cameron asked.
“Because I like it. I like the people, I like the small-town feel. Houston’s great, but it’s really big, and the traffic is annoying.” Anna considered that for a moment, before popping another grape into her mouth. “I think I’ll apply for Mayor Judy’s team.”
“Mayor Judy doesn’t have a team,” Cameron said, hearing the tightness in her voice. “She never did. It was a sales job, and we all fell for it.”
“I don’t think that’s exactly true.”
“It is. Judy had never even asked the Outlaws to train us. She used us to try to trap them into agreeing.” Which was another reason she knew her relationship with Saint was over. No matter how much she wanted to feel otherwise, and had believed things were going to be different for them, she’d always known that he felt forced into training her once they began having sex. He’d put up a good front, but she’d never felt right about the situation. “I would have felt a lot better if the team had a plan before we got there, but we were basically the guinea pigs for Judy’s vision. In the end, I realized I couldn’t let one of Judy’s crazy schemes become my life.”
“Ava did.”
“That’s true.” Cameron was relieved to see the first sign announcing they were approaching Houston. “But you only had to be around Trace for a little while to see he was completely head over heels for Ava. And Ava was tough. She was determined to become a bullfighter.”
“Why aren’t you?”
Cameron shook her head. “I’m going into the police academy. I need a real job, and security of some kind. I can’t spend my whole life following the mayor’s silly plan. And you know, I really think it wasn’t so much about the team for Judy as that she believed if she threw three women into the Outlaws’ path, they’d fall in love with hardly a protest.”
“Why would she care?”
“Because Judy’s all about growing Hell, a
nd she always has been. She wants kids in that town, wants it to be family-friendly.” And now that she knew Judy and Ivy were first cousins, and that Judy had part ownership of the Honky-tonk whether she liked it or not, it made perfect sense that Judy would do everything she could to counterbalance the Ivy effect. In other words, bring as much good to Hell as she possibly could.
Which had included bringing in three handpicked women for the Outlaws.
“If that’s true, how come Judy didn’t bring in a lot of girlfriend material for the Troublemakers?” Anna asked.
“The Horsemen.” Cameron smiled as she turned into the suburb area north of Houston where their small neighborhood sat in a landed enclave. “Judy honestly likes the Outlaws. She probably figured they deserved the trauma of falling in love. The Horsemen would be a tougher sell, I guess, since they’re not exactly bachelors a woman would be proud to catch.”
“I still don’t understand how Fallon and Declan can be twin brothers, and one be good and one be rotten,” Anna mused.
“Everyone makes choices.” Cameron turned into their neighborhood and saw their white-painted house on three acres, its sagging roof announcing the house’s neglect over the years. The grass had grown up in bushy mustaches along the edges of the house, and it was obvious no one had brought out the Bush Hog in weeks to cut the grass. Sighing, Cameron figured she should do that while she was here, or snakes and other critters would begin making good use of the tall weeds and overgrowth to nest. “Home sweet home…I guess.”