I will admit, there was a small sliver of hope and a whole lot of excitement that welled in my chest. But it quickly waned. I was a mom; I didn’t have time for hope and excitement. Besides, nothing had changed.
“I’m not some mission. You don’t get to fall back and regroup. I don’t have time for games.”
“I don’t play games, Emily. You are not a game to me,” he vowed, his face was firm, void of his normal playfulness.
“I believe you think you mean that. But I can’t take the chance with Jason. If it were just me, hearing you say I’ve tied you in knots would make me want to jump for joy. And that’s embarrassing to admit, but the truth. I have to think about Jason,” I reminded him.
He didn’t stop me when I walked away, only further solidifying I made the right choice. Not that he gave me options, only an implication that there might be something between us. Something I wished I could explore. Jasper was the first man in more than six years who with nothing more than a few mundane conversations stirred my interest. There was so much more to Jasper than he let the world see. The woman who put the time in to break him down would hit pay dirt when he opened up.
What was the saying? Right guy, wrong time.
In another life….
Chapter Eight
Jasper
Emily was cute when she pitched a hissy fit. I think she might’ve actually stomped her foot when she saw me waiting with Jason by the front door. I know she slammed the passenger door of the Camaro when I insisted I drive, and Jason declared that my black sports car was the coolest thing he’d ever ridden in. She may even have hissed when I told her I was going into the school to explain the situation to the administration.
Being that the school was full of Army families, security was pretty tight. One of the dads was an ex-Ranger who headed up a group called Watch Dogs. The D-O-G stood for Dads On Guard. Each dad took a day to volunteer at school and walk the halls helping wherever they were needed. They also handled visitor passes and walked the perimeter of the school grounds. With minimal detail, I explained the situation, leaving out who Liam Gains really was. The man on duty that day was more than happy to help and would brief the rest of the dads.
Now we were back in the car, and Emily was pouting. I had refused to take her to her mom’s so she could tell her she was moving.
“Two reasons, Emily. One, you’re not moving. Two, if Liam Gains doesn’t already know where your mom lives, I’m not taking a chance by leading him there.”
“Is she in danger, too?”
I wanted to tell her that every person she had ever met might be in danger, but I refrained. Mostly because it was a slight exaggeration and that statement might send the woman over the edge.
“I texted Connor and asked him if he had any buddies on the force. He said he knew a few local guys and called in a favor. There will be frequent drive-bys at your mom's. She’ll be fine,” I explained.
I might’ve failed to mention that I knew a security guy who owed me a favor and he was over there now installing a new alarm system. When he was done there, he was going to Emily’s to update hers. The system she had now was shit and only alerted the low budget company that serviced it. There was no way in hell I was trusting a rent-a-cop with her safety.
“Thank you,” she conceded.
“You’re welcome. While you’re already in a snit, I should probably tell you a few more things,” I started.
“I’m not in a snit!”
“Then you always walk around slamming shit and mumbling under your breath? I think I heard you say dick a few times. Just so you know, the offer's on the table if you’d like mine.” I tried to joke to lighten the mood.
“Is that how this works?” she asked.
“What works?”
“You offer a woman your dick, and she jumps at the chance to have the famous Jasper for a week?”
I wanted to roll my eyes and tell her that I didn’t even have to offer. But I thought better of it. The truth was I had known one day my whoring ways would catch up with me. I just didn’t think it would make me feel like such a dirty asshole when they did.
“I wouldn’t believe everything you hear.”
“So, it’s not true? You don’t toss women aside after a week?” she pushed.
“You really want to do this?”
“Yes,” she confirmed.
“Do you have questions or you want me to just explain?”
“Why a week?” She twisted in her seat, and I could feel her gaze settle on me.
“Because feelings don’t develop in a week. I was always clear and upfront about what I was willing to give,” I answered.
“What’s wrong with developing feelings?”
Holy fuck, I would rather be in an interrogation room full of men threatening to pull out my fingernails.
“Nothing. If that’s what you’re after. I wasn’t.”
We stopped at a red light, and I looked over at her, I could practically hear the gears turning in her head.
“Why don’t you like kids? Or is it just Jason?”
The ever-present ache in my chest rose to the surface and promised to choke me. This was a bad idea; she had asked the one question that was off limits.
“It’s not Jason.”
“I’m sorry, that was really rude of me to ask,” she whispered.
“But asking me about my sex life isn’t?” I snapped.
“You’re right, it is. And it’s none of my business.”
Emily turned forward, and I instantly missed the warmth of her stare.
“Listen, the truth is, I never wanted a relationship. I didn’t want to be tied down to one woman. My job takes me away a lot. I’ve seen a lot of relationships and marriages break up because of deployments. In my job, I have to be a hundred percent focused. I can’t be worrying if my woman back home is out running around on me. This might make me sound like a dick, but if a woman is quick to throw herself at me, she’ll do it behind my back when I’m gone. If I limit my interactions to a week, no one gets hurt.”
“Okay.” She still sounded dejected.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’ve never had to explain my sexual past to anyone. I’m sure you can tell I’m not very good in the communication-with-a-woman department. Finish your questions,” I offered.
“Aren’t you lonely?” she continued her questioning.
“Yea,” I admitted.
I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to another soul. I couldn’t remember the last time I held a woman and enjoyed the weight of her in my arms or laid in bed and kissed just to kiss.
“I’m sorry. I know what it feels like to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Steven was a great friend, he was attentive, and we always had fun, but at the end of the day he went to his room, and I went to mine. Most weekends he would spend with Connor if he was in town. They always included us in their plans. But I was the outsider. It was always just me and Jason…” she trailed off.
“Don’t do that.” I sighed. “Don’t not talk about Jason because you think it will make me uncomfortable. He’s a great kid. Please, Emily, I’m asking you to trust me and give me some time. I might be an ass, but I am not a liar.”
“I love my son,” she continued. “But I miss the feel of a man pressed against me. I miss someone touching me and kissing me. Do you know I haven’t kissed a man in almost seven years?”
Just hearing her say those words had my dick stirring to life.
“Seven years, Jasper. I’m a born-again virgin. I don’t even remember what sex feels like.”
I had so much I wanted to say in response to that, like, I would happily take her born-again virginity and remind her of all the ways a man could and should be touching her body. I also wanted to tell her that it wouldn’t be just any man who was going to take her, it was going to be me. However, we had pulled up to the guard gate to enter the base, and I had an erection to beat into submission. I tried to adjust my dick in my jeans so I could
get my wallet out of my back pocket without snapping it in half. When she caught me, her eyes widened and her cheeks blushed.
“What can I say? Hearing you talk about wanting a man to touch you is sexy as hell.” Maybe she thought I was embarrassed she caught me, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t care less she knew that she had turned me on.
“I…umm…I didn’t think about what I was saying,” she stuttered.
I handed the MP working the gate my ID. After he checked it and waved me through, I decided it was time to be clear about my intentions.
“I’m going to be honest with you. The first night I saw you at Lenox’s house I was trying to figure out a way to get you to leave with me. After we spoke for a few hours, I was trying to come up with an excuse to spend more time with you because I knew you were different. I didn’t know why you were, but you were. When Lenox mentioned Jason, the door shut, and you were off limits. And not because I don’t like kids. Because I knew you needed someone who could make you promises. You need a man who could offer you a future. Emily, I cannot make you any promises. I have no idea if…I need time.” I paused a moment trying to choose my words carefully. “There’s no denying I’m attracted to you. You are a stunning woman. Every time I’m around you I’m fighting a hard-on. Yes, that includes when you’re crying in my arms. Yet, it’s more than that. I feel different when I’m around you. Women don’t look past what they think is good-looking, they never see me. For some inexplicable reason, I feel like you do.”
Emily remained quiet, and I was worried I offended her. We pulled in front of the 707, and I parked. I still hadn’t had time to fill her in completely about Liam. It would have to wait now. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and started to open my door when her soft hand wrapped around my bicep getting my attention.
“That night I met you, I remember thinking that you might very well be the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on. When you winked at me, you did crazy things to my girly parts, and I wanted to pull you into the bathroom and have a go. Then after we talked, I couldn’t bring myself to take advantage of you that way. I couldn’t use you. I may not know what caused it, but I know it’s there – pain lingers behind your eyes. You mask it well yet if you pay attention it is clear as day. You don’t have to ever tell me what hurt you so deeply. As so long as you know, I see it.”
She didn’t wait for me to respond. She opened her door and got out. The slamming door pulled me from my stupor. If it wasn’t so fucking sad, it would be funny – this little slip of a woman didn’t want to take advantage of me.
She saw me. Now I had to figure out what to do about it.
Was it possible for me to make promises?
Chapter Nine
Emily
Jasper had barely looked at me since my outburst in the car. He walked us into the building housing the 707 research and development team. The entrance to the building looked like any other Battalion Brigade – plain and boring with an American flag proudly displayed. The Sergeant behind the desk greeted Jasper. They exchanged a few words that I missed due to my curiosity. Now that I knew Jasper and the guys were not in charge of gear, I was being nosey and trying to look around for new clues about what they really did. As if the entryway would display mission maps and top-secret information would just be laying around on the desk. However, I couldn’t help myself from searching.
“Emily?” Jasper called out to me.
He nodded his head toward the door motioning for me to follow him.
“He didn’t need my ID?” I asked.
“No. But you need to wear this while we are in this building.” He handed me a laminated blue badge. I flipped it over noting the word Visitor was missing. Without asking any questions, I slipped the lanyard around my neck and followed him down a long corridor.
Once we stopped at the door at the end of the hall, Jasper slid his security card through the reader and placed his hand on the fingerprint scanner. The lock clicked open, and he pulled the door open, allowing me to enter first.
Lenox, Connor, Levi, and Clark were all sitting around a large conference table.
“Bout time your lazy ass showed up,” Levi said.
“Dude! What the hell? No clean clothes this morning?” Clark asked.
I glanced at Jasper, realizing that we never made it to his house for him to change. He was still wearing the coffee-stained tee. Once again embarrassment washed over me as I remembered this morning’s mishap.
“Jason’s school took longer than I thought. We didn’t have time to stop by my place.” Thankfully Jasper didn’t elaborate on how the stain got there.
“Hey, Emily. How are you holding up?” Lenox asked.
“Honestly? I’m not sure,” I answered him.
“Fair enough. There’s a lot going on. We’ll get everything sorted,” he tried to assure me.
There was more going on than Lenox knew. I wasn’t all that confident that the situation would get sorted without my heart getting broken in the process. I had to push my sad, nonexistent love life out of my head and concentrate on getting Liam out of my life. The sooner that happened, the faster Jasper would leave. Once I wasn’t in danger, he wouldn’t feel compelled to hang around, and maybe I could escape with a minor fracture rather than a full-on gaping hole in my heart. Or worse, I would break down and beg him to take me to bed, making me no better than all the women who used Jasper without a thought to him as a person.
Connor was watching me from where he sat. I was afraid to look directly at him. He had an uncanny ability to read my emotions, and I didn’t want him to see my inner turmoil. Clark stood and announced we were leaving and going to a place called the hangar. We exited the building out a backdoor where there was an awaiting SUV. We all piled in, and Clark drove us to the far end of the base, passing through several security checkpoints before we pulled up to what looked like an old, well, hangar.
Once we made our way to the hangar and the door was closed behind us, Levi turned to Connor.
“This room’s known as a SCIF, a compartmented information facility. Meaning that this building is reinforced with anti-ballistic material, which also provides security from anyone trying to listen. As an added precaution, there are jammers both inside the room as well as outside. There’s no radio transmission in or out of this room so your cell phone will not work here when they are on. For all intents and purposes, this area is a dead zone. You may speak freely while we are here. The main building at the 707 is equipped with standard Army security protocol. It is not secure, therefore, watch what you say.”
Once Levi was done with his explanation, he started turning on computers and monitors. Clark unpacked a backpack that had manila file folders and set them on a long table with no chairs. As a matter of fact, when I looked around the room, I noticed there were very little furnishings. Five workstations, one table, whiteboards on the wall, and two couches facing a large flat screen in the corner sectioned off part of the room. The other corner had a fridge and a small kitchenette. There we five lockers on the wall near the fridge. What caught my attention the most was a chain-link enclosure in the middle of the room. It looked like one of those outside dog kennels on steroids. I couldn’t make out what was in the enclosure.
“We keep our gear in there,” Jasper explained when he saw me staring. “It’s safe to touch it now, but when the alarm’s set, if you touch the cage it will shock the shit out of you. Levi has it wired at two thousand volts. That’s roughly the amount of voltage of the electric chair. I’ll spare you the physics lesson, but the amperes are low enough it wouldn’t kill you if you touched it but could singe your eyebrows.”
“Wow.” That sounded pretty serious.
“Ironically, I am the one who maintains the gear. I guess you were partially correct when you thought I audited gear.” Jasper laughed.
How could I’ve been so stupid to think that Lenox and his team sat behind a computer and audited gear?
“Let’s get to it,” Clark announced. “I’m really sorry to
have to dig through your life, Emily, but I need you to start at the beginning and tell us everything you know about Liam Gains.”
Bile rose up and a mixture of embarrassment and fear wrapped itself around my throat. I didn’t want to talk about Liam, not in front of these men.
“Nothing leaves this room,” Lenox assured me.
I trusted that none of them would say anything, but I was more concerned that Jasper would know how stupid and desperate I was after Brian died.
With a quick exhale, I told my story before I could chicken out. I told them about how I met Liam, how he was kind and generous until I started asking him how he always had so much money to spoil me and live in such a nice apartment. That’s when I had to tell them how he started hitting me and how dumb I was to stay. The first time I found a stash of drugs and cash in his closet and how we fought and I tried to leave. But by that time, it was too late and he wouldn’t let me. My mom had completely shut down after Brian’s death and was oblivious to anything going on around her. She couldn’t help me, and I had no one else. I told them the names of everyone in his crew and where I remember them living. And finally, I told them about Steven and how he saved me.
“And Liam never tried to contact you or Steven after you left?” Clark asked.
“Not me. Steven never told me if he had tried to contact him,” I told him.
“Steven made it clear to Liam that if he ever tried to come near Emily again, he would be sorry. Steven had something over Liam,” Connor interjected. “A gun. It was used in a robbery when they were in high school. Liam and Brian held up a liquor store, and the shop owner and his wife were killed. Steven never came forward because it would implicate his best friend, too. He thought he was protecting Brian. He deeply regretted that decision and blamed himself for Brian’s death. It was shortly after the robbery that Brian started to use heavily. If Steven had turned them in, Brian most likely would be in jail for murder or accessory, but he might still be alive. I’m sorry, Emily. Steven never wanted you to know.”
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