“I’m gonna give you a taste of your own medicine. You have twenty-four hours to figure your shit out. If you don’t, then I’m stepping in and taking over. You kept not only Lily away from me, but the fact that she was carrying my baby a secret for my own good so I could get my head on straight. Consider this me returning the favor. You need your head in the game, and you can’t do that while your emotions are all over the place. Priority one is keeping her safe, you getting a piece of ass isn’t even on my radar,” Lenox said.
I was dangerously close to losing my temper. “Don’t you ever call Emily a piece of ass. Over my dead fucking body you’ll take them away from me.”
I stomped to the door trying to tamp down my anger. I loved Lenox like a brother, but if he thought I was going to step aside and let him take care of Emily and Jason, he was dead wrong.
“Good talk.” Clark laughed.
“You assholes coming?” I asked as I held open the door.
“You make a decision?” Lenox asked.
“Seems so.”
Now I had to find a way to explain to Emily that my daughter died because I was a low-life, deadbeat father who denied his own child.
Chapter Eleven
Emily
“Hey.”
I was so lost in thought I hadn’t heard Connor walk up. It was hard to wrap my mind around what Steven had done to protect Brian, what Liam and Brian had done in the first place. They were murderers. Jason’s biological father was a drug dealing murderer! How could I have been so stupid? And now Jasper knew.
“Hey. Sorry to drag you into all of this,” I said.
“Stop, Emily. You didn’t drag me into anything. I need to fill you in on a few things before I go.”
“Okay.” I stopped fiddling with the hem on my T-shirt and gave him my full attention.
“I’m sorry we never told you about the liquor store.” Connor was gracious enough not to say anything further.
“Is that why Steven helped me? Because he felt guilty about Brian?” I asked. That was the part that was really bothering me, the thought that I was more of an inconvenience to him.
“No. Steven did what he did because you were like a sister to him. He loved you. Truthfully, once I understood the situation, I would’ve been disappointed in him if he had not.” Connor grabbed my hand and held onto it. “I don’t think Liam’s here for Jason. I don’t even think he knows. Remember when you first moved in with Steven and you were organizing all the stuff you brought with you? There was an address book, and you threw it away?”
I thought back to when I first got to Georgia. My life was in complete shambles. I only brought a suitcase with my clothes and a few trash bags full of stuff I had at Liam’s place. I was more or less living there at the time. However, most of my belongings were still at my mom’s.
“Vaguely. I remember I accidentally took some of Liam’s stuff and wanted to get rid of it. There was an address book I thought it was mine, so I grabbed it. But there was nothing in it.” Why was an old address book from over six years ago important? “Why else would Liam be here if not for Jason?”
“I think he wants the book back,” he explained.
“Why? It was basically empty except for a few numbers, but no names. Not to mention, he heard Jason in the house and asked for him by name.”
“I don’t think they are just numbers. And a simple search of your name and he’d easily find Jason’s name. You haven’t exactly been hiding out all these years. You have a Facebook page with photos of Jason. Thankfully, the kid’s a spitting image of you and looks nothing like Liam.”
Facebook! Damn social media! He was right, I hadn’t been careful. There are pictures of us all over the place. It’s not like I changed my name or anything, and he knew Steven, so after we got married he could’ve found us at any time.
“Why wait so long? He could’ve looked for us at any time.”
“Steven. He would never have come near you because he knew Steven had the gun.”
Yes, the gun. I had forgotten about that part.
“Where’s it now?” I asked.
“In my safe in an evidence bag along with the book.”
My eyes felt like they were going to bug out of my head. “WHAT?” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “You’re a Marshal, you’re obstructing, or whatever it’s called. You can’t have that, you can go to jail.”
“Do you honestly think I wouldn’t do whatever it took to keep you and Jason safe? Hell, Steven, too. It was better to be locked up in my safe, than laying around your house.”
“I have to move, Connor. I can’t keep asking all of you to put your asses on the line. First you and Steven, now Jasper. You heard the Commander. He was red-hot pissed I was here. Jasper could lose his job and go to prison. Military prison. This isn’t right. Give Liam the book, and Jason and I will leave. I’ll be smart this time and change our names. Hell, you put people in witness protection all the time, you can teach me what to do. I’ll listen, I promise.”
This had to end. Good men were putting their livelihood and freedom on the line. For what? A stupid decision I made and a book.
“Jasper knows what he’s doing. He did put his ass on the line, more than you realize. So I want you to listen to me. You are not going anywhere. He can protect you here. We all can. This is bigger than a book and Jason. Liam Gains is more dangerous now than he was when you met him. He has to be stopped. Our best bet is to do that now, here in Georgia. I also wanted to tell you in the best interest of your sanity, Jasper will be sending your mom on an all-expenses-paid trip to California. I’m going over there now to tell her the good news. When she calls you to tell you about it, be excited for her. She’ll think the trip is from me, a vacation I can’t take because of work.”
“No. Absolutely not is Jasper paying for that. Just no. This has to end. Why, why is he doing all of this? It’s too much, Connor.” I couldn’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes. “He knows all about my past, he must think I’m total trash now. My brother, my ex, my shitty choices.”
“I do not think you’re trash,” Jasper thundered.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I pretended to be an ostrich and closed my eyes. If I couldn’t see him, I didn’t have to acknowledge he had heard what I said.
“I’m gonna go talk to your mom.” Connor tugged me up with him and pulled me in for a hug. “He’s doing this for you whether you want him to or not. He obviously cares about you. You need to hear him out,” Connor whispered into my ear.
With a kiss on my cheek, he left me standing with one pissed off looking man. I wanted to run after Connor and beg him to take me with him. Dealing with my mom had to be better than facing Jasper.
“You ready?” he asked.
I opted for a nonverbal answer and simply nodded.
I followed behind Jasper like a lost puppy unsure of what the plan was, yet too scared to ask.
“I’ll be at Emily’s waiting for your call,” he told the guys.
“Copy that.”
We got to the front door when suddenly he changed directions and went back to a desk, opening the drawer grabbing a cell phone. “Call me on comm two, in case Jason wants to play a game on my phone again.”
Jason? He was thinking about Jason?
He drove us back to the 707 building, and I wondered how the others would get back. My question died in my throat when he parked, and I saw the Commander standing outside the building smoking a cigar.
“Everyone straight?” the Commander asked when we approached.
“Roger,” Jasper answered.
The Commander blew out a large plume of smoke and pinned me with his stare. “You listen to Jasper, follow his instructions to the T. He’ll get you through this shit storm. It won’t take long.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Please, call me Ben,” the Commander offered, his tone softening.
“Thank you, Ben. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.”
“No trouble, as long
as you remember the code by which these men live and die by. You now hold secrets that could very easily get one of these men killed. I trust you understand the severity of that responsibility.”
“I understand,” I assured him.
“Hey Jasper, you think you can show up for work tomorrow not looking like you just rolled out of bed from a week long bender?” Ben asked.
“Depends on how tonight goes,” Jasper responded.
Ben choked on the cigar smoke and shook his head.
The Commander offered me a smile and motioned me to follow Jasper who had already opened the door to the building. Checking out of the 707 was done much the same way as when I entered. Only this time I didn’t search the room for super cool commando secrets. I now knew where those were kept.
Jasper beeped the locks and opened my door. Before I could get in the car he caged me in. His face, and therefore full, perfect lips, were only inches from mine. Was he going to kiss me? It sure felt like he was going to.
“We need to talk.” His breath on my face awoke a desire I hadn’t felt in a long time, if ever. “I’m taking you back to my house before this goes any farther – there are things you need to know. It’s only fair you have all the facts before you decide if you want to proceed.”
It couldn’t concentrate on his words when I was so enthralled with the way his lips moved as he spoke. I nodded my head though I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to.
“Em, I’m going to kiss you now. Tell me to stop if you don’t want that.”
Was he crazy? Tell him to stop, I could no more tell him to stop than I could fly.
His face inched closer to mine at an agonizingly slow pace. When his lips finally met mine, I was expecting him to – well, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t the soft brush of his lips against mine.
Jasper took his time in a gentle exploration of my lips before he slowly licked the seam causing me to open for him. With the first stroke of his tongue against mine, he owned me. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and my girly part clenched.
This man was going to ruin me.
Chapter Twelve
Jasper
After we cleared the guard gate leaving the base, I sped down the highway breaking every posted speed limit on the way to my house. Five miles had never felt so long. I literally had been stunned into silence. Never had a kiss felt so right. Maybe it should have scared the shit out of me that she could tie me up with one kiss, but instead, I was excited. I don’t think I’d ever been this eager to get to know a woman, explore her, learn her mind and body. I was even excited about the possibility of a future.
Everything hinged on the talk.
What if she wanted to walk away after I told her? Could I? Would I step aside and let her go and find someone who deserved her loyalty and affection? Before I could come up with a plan to stop her if she tried to bolt, we pulled into my driveway.
I owned a modest three-bedroom in a well-established neighborhood. My neighbors were polite and kept to themselves. It was nice and quiet, exactly what I needed when I actually got to spend time there. Which wasn’t very often. The team didn’t have regular deployment rotations; we were sent out when a situation needed to be handled. It didn’t matter if it was Christmas or if we had only gotten back twenty-four hours before. When the Commander called, we left.
I reached across the center console and steadied Emily’s bouncing knee.
“Nervous?” I asked.
“A little.”
“Me, too,” I admitted. “I want you to understand I brought you here so we could talk without Jason around. Nothing else. That and I need a change of clothes.”
“Okay.”
We walked through the door, and for the first time I was a little embarrassed about the décor, or lack thereof. My house was cold and sterile with two recliners positioned in front of a sixty-inch flat screen mounted on the wall above the fireplace. It was dull and lifeless compared to her well-lived-in home. She had pictures on the wall, and a soft and comfortable couch. A real home that a family lived in. I had a house, yet nothing about it felt like a home.
“I’m sorry there isn’t much here. I’d offer you something to eat, but there’s nothing in the fridge either.” Over the last month, I hadn’t even spent the night here – I spent every night in my car outside of her house. “I’m gonna go shower real quick, make yourself at home.”
“Mind if I get a glass of water?” she asked.
“Help yourself to anything you can find.”
I made my way down the hall into the master bedroom, grabbed some clean clothes, and rushed through a shower. The water hadn’t even completely heated before I was done and getting out. Not bothering to shave which I needed to do badly. When the team was stateside, we still had to adhere to Army grooming regulations. Even if I didn’t have to wear my uniform to work daily, I still had to be clean shaven. I toweled off and threw on my clothes, eager to get back to Emily.
“That was fast.” She laughed when I entered the living room to find her with her shoes off curled up in one of the recliners. “Did you learn that at basic? Seems all you Army men can shower in two point five seconds.”
“Learned that having to clean up with bullets flying around you. The less time you spend with your tac vest off and your rifle in your hand the better your chance of survival.”
Emily’s face paled, and I wanted to kick my own ass for saying something so stupid to her. Steven died in combat. She didn’t need to be reminded of the dangers of my job nor how her husband died.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be, I’m fine.”
I checked my watch hoping we had more time than we did. Jason would be out of school soon.
It was time.
“I have to tell you something.” I sat in the other recliner and leaned forward placing my elbows on my knees, for no other reason than to stop them from shaking. I was a pussy; I could fight on the battlefield without giving my personal safety a thought, yet I couldn’t talk about my daughter. “I’ve only ever told the guys about this, and even they don’t know the whole story. Can you, um, do me a favor and just let me tell the story without any questions?”
“You don’t have to do this, Jasper. I don’t want you to talk about something that obviously hurts you.”
For a split second, I thought about taking the easy out she had given me and not telling her. But I couldn’t. Before we moved on she had to know a few things about me, it was only fair.
“I have to.”
“Okay. I won’t say a word,” she murmured and settled back in the recliner.
“When I was in high school, I dated a girl Liz. When we graduated, we went our separate ways. It was mutual and ended well. She went to college in Washington State and stayed there after she graduated. Over the years, if we were both back in Montana at the same time, we’d hook up. It was comfortable and it was easy, for both of us. We both understood what it was. My, um,” I had to stop and take a breath. “My Granddad passed away, and she flew to Montana to go to the funeral. We spent a few days together, and just like all the other times, our time ended on a happy note, and we went back to our lives. Two months later, she called to tell me she was pregnant.
“I panicked. I asked her if she was sure the baby was mine. I don’t know why. She’d never lied to me, misled me, or given me any reason not to trust her a hundred percent. Even after she promised that it couldn’t have been anyone else’s, I continued to question how it was possible. We got into the biggest fight we had ever had. We both said some pretty shitty things to each other. She hung up on me, and I never called her back.”
I winced, remembering all the fucked-up things we had both said. Eight years of history rehashed and exaggerated because we were both upset.
“I didn’t call back for six months. When I did, Liz’s sister answered the phone and told me to go to hell and never call again. I called a few more times with no answer. Another month went by, and I decided to track her do
wn. What I found instead of a current address was an obituary, for her and my daughter. That’s how I found out that they had died. Because I was a dick, they were both gone. I was such a fucking coward I couldn’t bring myself to face her family, so I hacked into her medical records. Liz was thirty weeks pregnant when she went to the hospital because she hadn’t felt the baby move. There were no fetal heart tones when she arrived and the doctor induced labor.”
I hadn’t realized that Emily had moved until she sat at my feet pushing my elbow out of the way so she could lay her head on my knee. Just her closeness seemed to calm my racing heart some. I gathered her hair off her face and ran my hand over the back of her head to smooth it.
“The doctor induced labor and Liz died giving birth to my daughter. Alesha’s cause of death was listed as an umbilical cord accident.” I continued to stroke Emily’s hair, needing the connection. “The last words I ever heard the mother of my child say to me were, I’ve never been so disappointed in you. Then she hung up.”
“I’m so sorry,” Emily whispered, her voice full of emotion.
“I don’t deserve your tears, Emily. I did this to them. I’m an asshole. I turned my back on the mother of my child. But worse than that, I let one of my closest friends down. I abandoned her when she needed me the most. What kind of man does that make me?”
There it was, the part that weighed heavily on my conscience. I let Liz down in the worst way possible. When she was scared and lost, I ran. I should’ve been there for her, for our child. What must she have gone through having to deliver Alesha knowing she was already gone. I should’ve been there. Instead, I was a weak, spineless bastard who let her die alone and devastated.
“You didn’t do anything to them. What happened to Alesha and Liz was a horrible series of tragic events. Even if you had been there, you couldn’t have stopped it.” Emily’s words of consolation fell flat. There was nothing she could say that would absolve me of the guilt I felt.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Emily, or Jason. That’s why once I found out that you had a child I didn’t go after you. I’m fucked up. I don’t know if I can make you promises about the future. Hell, I don’t even deserve to be around Jason. My lack of care for my own child proves that.”
Freeing Jasper Page 9