by J. Naomi Ay
“You want this in your black hole, Dave?” I asked, giving his lips a kiss with my fist.
“Zork, Scott, please,” Goldie sighed, “Thank you for your kind words, Dave.” She forced a smile. “But, please, please don’t tell them who I am.”
“What would you like us to tell them?” I asked. “As far as I’m concerned, you can be anyone you want to be.”
“Tell them my name is Anne. Anne…Anne…uh…Mattson. No! Wait. That’s bad. They’ll associate me with Admiral Mattson. I don’t know what last name I should use.”
“Use mine,” Northgate said. “We’ll pretend we are married.”
“Or use mine,” I offered. “You can be married to me instead.”
Goldie looked at first one of us and then, the other.
“Dave,” she said carefully. “I don’t want you to take this personally, but you’re going to be headed immediately to the sickbay, and you may not come out. If I need to run for it, jump ship at the nearest spacebase, I don’t want them to hold me back dealing with your…uh…paperwork…and…uh…such.”
“Remains,” I snorted, which turned Northgate white. “Come on, Dave. You're doomed. No sense in taking Goldie down with you. So how about it, babe? You and me, joined at the hip?”
“I don’t want you to take this personally either, Zork, but yes, tell them I’m Anne Black. It’ll be easier to explain why there are three of us riding in this garbage truck.”
“My remains,” Dave mumbled, and even dropped out a tiny tear. “Would you mind passing me another bar? Actually, make that two. One isn’t sufficient anymore.”
"Of course, Dave," Katie said gently. "Have as many as you want."
"Sounds like the Discovery showed up right in the nick of time," I remarked, as the docking bay doors opened, practically blinding us in yellow light. Slowly, we glided in, hovering down toward the bay's floor. The doors shut, and the airlocks hissed.
"Oh my god, I feel like I've come home," Katie whispered. "Even after all this time."
A moment later, two crewman knocked on our door.
"Come out, folks," they yelled, pointing their lasers at us. Then, they spouted a bunch of formalities, Miranda shit or something like that.
"Are we under arrest?" Dave murmured. "Did we do something wrong?"
"It's standard operating procedure,” Katie said. "Assume the worst, hope for the best. Zork, tell them we're unarmed, and we need to get Dave to sickbay."
I opened the door, raising my arms in the air. I didn't bother to mention that Katie was packing a pistol in her pants. I figured they'd find out soon enough, and take it away from her anyway. Instead, I stepped down the few steps, overwhelming the bay with my lovely scent, and explained about Dave's condition.
"An internal black hole?" one of them snickered. "Who has ever heard of that?"
"Please just let him go to the sickbay," Katie begged, following me out with her hands raised.
One guy rang the boss on his cell, and the conversation went back and forth until finally, they agreed to help us out.
"You'll need to wait here for a stretcher," a crewman ordered. "Go stand by that wall over there. All of you people stink."
"That's alright, we can walk there," Dave replied. "I recall it's on Deck 9."
"Hush, Dave," Katie snapped. "Pretend we don't know."
Dave was taken away while Katie and I were led to the brig three floors down. We were ordered to shower, and given orange jumpsuits like convicts, even though as far as I could tell, we hadn't done anything wrong.
"It's standard operating procedure," Katie said again as she walked off toward the girls' room. "We also arrived in a stolen municipal garbage truck. Chances are, we're going to jail."
I took a shower. In fact, I took an exceptionally long one, using as much damn hot water as I liked. Twice the guard knocked on the door and told me I was wasting their precious molecules, and twice I ignored him and kept scrubbing.
When I was finished, maybe an hour or so later, I used one of their disposable razors and cleaned up my face. I borrowed a scissors from the guard, and cut a few inches off my hair. Then, I splashed myself with both Axe and Old Spice.
“Zork!” Katie gasped, when I was returned to our cell. Being married, the ship’s captain kindly allowed us to bunk together. “I can’t believe it’s you. You look twenty years younger, and smell…well,” she wrinkled her nose, “Let’s put it this way. You smell much better than you did.”
“You look good too, darling,” I said, as she was all fresh-faced and perky, her blonde curls tied back in a pony-tail with a ribbon. The orange jumpsuit brightened her complexion, and made her deep blue eyes stand out. “I think I’m going to like being married to you.”
“Zork,” she cautioned as I made a grab for her. I figured they were monitoring us on closed circuit, so we might as well give them something to watch.
“Break it up!” An officer approached.
Katie happily bolted from my arms to hang on the cage’s bars. “How is our friend Dave Northgate?” she called anxiously. “What does the doctor say?”
“Follow me, Ma’am,” the spaceman replied, unlocking the door.
He led us to the sickbay on Deck 9, where we found Dave on a gurney, a monitor over his head. A bottle of fluid was pumping directly into his stomach. He looked better, but not by much.
“Anne!” he called, reaching out his hand. “Anne, my beloved. I’m dying.”
“Hey,” I objected. “The chick is my wife, you fool.”
“Shut up,” Katie snapped, directing her attention to the doctor. “What’s his prognosis? Can you get rid of his black hole?”
“Mrs. Black,” the doctor began, lowering his glasses to study her face. “You look oddly familiar.”
“So do you,” Katie replied. “But, we’ll reminisce later. Tell me how Dave is, and what can you do to help him.”
“Nothing, I am afraid,” the doc replied. “He does have a black hole as you correctly diagnosed, but Spaceforce regulations prohibit me from treating him.”
“But, I’m a veteran,” Dave declared. “I have major medical through the VA, after being honorably discharged fourteen years ago.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but the Allied congress hasn’t allocated any funds for us to provide you with medical care. If you want treatment beyond basic subsistence and comfort, you'll have to check in at a VA facility."
"Where's the nearest one?" Katie asked.
"I'll have the nurse look that up for you. Lynne?"
"Yes, Dr. VJ?" A woman emerged from the office. "OMG! Captain Katie, is that you?"
"Uh...no," Katie replied. "My name is Anne Black. People always mistake me for her."
"I can see why," the doctor responded. "You're practically her twin."
"Evil twin," Katie smirked. “She’s much nicer, and smarter than me.”
Nurse Lynne narrowed her eyes skeptically. She glanced over at me, and then, she pointed at Dave.
"I know you too. You were in the statistics department down on Deck 2. Jerry Waldman once treated you for Pink Eye. He also removed a mole from your back."
"How do you remember all this?" I asked.
"It's my thing. I have a photographic memory of every patient I've ever seen."
"I heard Jerry Waldman died," Doctor VJ remarked, frowning sadly and briefly gazing at the floor.
"He did," Nurse Lynne agreed. "In a spaceplane explosion. It was a couple of years ago, right outside Spacebase 41-B. There was some kind of mechanical problem or something on a brand new SdK 878."
"The 878 is an excellent spacecraft. It's technically and mechanically sound," Katie announced defensively. "Actually, it was the fault of a freak dust storm. I…uh…I must have read that somewhere. It wasn’t like I was there or anything."
"A dust storm? I never head that. How do you know, Anne?” I asked.
"Yes, Scott. It was a dust storm," she snapped. "I know it because that’s my thing. I keep track of intergalactic weather. N
ow, what about Dave and his condition?"
"Unfortunately, and I'm sorry to tell you all this, but it's hopeless." The doctor sighed, and patted Dave's hand. "The only recorded cases of internal black holes all resulted in the patient's death. There simply is no way to extract it, and we can't keep feeding it forever."
"Why not?" Dave whimpered.
"Budget cuts," the doctor replied. "In fact, the Captain may order you jettisoned for the safety of the crew."
"No!" Dave wept.
"What about the rest of us?" I asked.
"You'll have to ask the duty officer," Dr. VJ replied. "But, I suspect you and your ship will be offloaded, and taken into custody at the next spaceport. Apparently, the owners of the garbage truck have filed charges against you.
"Hmm. Well that sucks. I was hoping we could get a ride with you guys all the way back to Earth."
"I was hoping I might live!" Dave cried. "I would get off at the next spaceport and be extradited if I could."
The doctor just shook his head, and the nurse frowned.
"Do you mind if we have a minute or two in private?" Katie asked. "Zork and I would like to say our goodbyes to Dave."
"We would?"
"Yes, dear, we would," Katie growled.
"Certainly."
The doctor and the nurse cleared out, leaving Katie alone at Dave’s side. She took his hand.
"I'm not ready," Dave wept. "I'm not done. Do you think if I pray some more, someone might come help me?"
"I don't know about that, Dave," Katie said. "Time has to happen in the way it has to happen, you know?”
"If your husband was here, I bet he could cure me."
"I don't know about that, Dave," Katie repeated.
"Maybe you can cure me in the same way. You were able to diagnose me without using any equipment."
"Dave," Katie scoffed, and glanced at me. "You know I can't do things like that. I'm just a normal, ordinary human."
"No, you're not, Katie," Dave insisted. "You've lived before. That Luka fellow said you had many lives, and not the normal, ordinary kind. You have two angels fighting over you. Statistically, the odds of you being an angel too are quite high."
"That's ridiculous, Dave."
"Yeah, that's bogus, Dave," I added. "Goldie's no angel, although she's pretty cute."
"Please Katie," Dave begged. "Put your hand on my stomach, on the place where you see the black hole churning around."
"Dave!"
"Please Katie. Please, just do this little thing for me. If you can't cure me, they're going to jettison me out."
Katie glanced at me again. She bit her lip, and crinkled up her nose.
"When you're done putting your hands on him, you can put your hands on me, although it's not my stomach that's aching for your touch."
"Scott!"
"Okay, okay." I held up my hands and backed away.
Katie hesitated another few seconds, and then, moving aside Dave's hospital gown, she placed her palms on his belly, and started to make circles.
"Oh!" Dave groaned.
"Ew," Katie gasped.
"What's going on in here?" The ship's captain demanded. "Katie de Kudisha, is that you?"
Chapter 17
Shika
As we were escorted once again into my parents’ suite, I felt like killing someone, namely Petya.
“Steve, what are we going to do?” my daughter asked, as soon as the doors were locked shut.
Taner and Rent were once again checking the windows and cupboards. This time, everything was either securely fastened or empty.
“I don’t know, Sara,” I said, returning to my mother’s closet to search for weapons. “Uncle Rent and I will think of something. Just give us a few minutes.”
“Steve,” my brother murmured, following me. “Steve, who is that kid that came in with Sara?”
“Oh, that’s one of Angelica Korelesk’s offspring. He used to be dual-head, but they had themselves surgically separated. Joanne was telling me all about it."
“I don’t mean that kid,” Rent whispered. “Go look at the other one.”
“Alright. You check Mom’s underwear drawer one more time.”
I left my brother to once again paw through Mom’s lacy bits, and returned to the living room where Taner and Zem were now sitting on the sofa. Carolie and Angelica’s kid were sitting across from them, while Sara was standing by the window clutching a boy’s arm.
“You can’t tell now because of all the snow,” she was saying, “But, there’s some awesome rock formations right over there. The beach is really sandy, and in the summer, it’s nice and warm. Maybe, next summer you can go swimming with me.”
“Sara,” I called. “Want to introduce me to your friend?”
“Oh sure, Steve.” She spun around, her face flushed and pink. “This is Arsan. Arsan, say hello to my dad, the Imperial Prince.”
“Kari-fa!” I gasped when I saw his face.
“Mhm,” Taner muttered from where he sat on the couch.
“Yep,” Rent agreed, emerging from the closet with a bra. “I’m thinking we could use this like a slingshot. There’s enough elasticity to launch...”
“Rent, shut up!” I stared at the kid, and my daughter’s arm looped through his. Then, I started to laugh. “Well, that’s a non-starter, sweetheart.”
Looking at the kid was like seeing myself in the mirror when I was fifteen years old. Put a mop of blonde hair on his head, and he could have been me.
“Mhm,” Zem agreed, while I considered who the kid’s mom might have been. She was obviously Karupta, as the kid looked more Karupta than me. That narrowed it down to about a hundred girls.
“Well,” I said grandly, and offered my hand. “Good to meet you, Arsan. Son.”
“Good to meet you, Shika,” he replied, lifting his chin, and gazing up loftily with oddly colored eyes. As I looked down on him, another thought flitted across my brain.
“Oh, hell no,” I murmured. “That could be bad.”
“Uh, yeah,” Rent agreed.
Both of us turned to Taner, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
“It does look bad,” Zem replied, “From where I sit.”
“Sixteen years ago, I was traveling with your mother, and my late wife, Caroline,” Taner said. “Your wife, Joanne was there, as well as a few others. If you recall, you and Sam rescued us in a SpaceNavy plane.”
“And, the whole time, Dad was on vacation, although no one knew where exactly he had gone.”
“Don’t look at me.” Rent raised his hands, “I wasn’t here yet. I didn't know any of you people.”
“You’re about fifteen, aren't you, Arsan?” I grimaced, quickly doing the math.
Mom was well into her fifties then. Yep, this was bad, really bad. I made an attempt to smile, although my face had trouble forming it. In fact, the whole idea was starting to make me fairly sick.
“Yes, Daddy,” Sara answered sweetly, my silly little daughter. “He goes to my school. He’s in Carolie’s grade. Aren’t you, Arsan?” She looked up adoringly at him.
I was about to open my mouth to suggest Sara go hold hands with someone else, when the door burst open, andLittle Rory was shoved through. He was followed by Petya, Loran, and their guards.
“Petya, you scumbag!” I cried, deciding to release my frustrations in his face, and with my fist.
Unfortunately, I was knocked flat by a guard’s stunning laser. While I lay on the floor, once again waiting for the sensations to return to my paralyzed limbs, Petya announced why he was gracing us with his presence.
“I’ve decided to cement my realm by marrying my son to the Princess Sara. Even though she’s illegitimate, she’s the only bastard you’ve got. I figured having a de Kudisha on board with this transition team will keep the Karuts in line.”
“How ‘bout it, cuz?” Loran hooted, strutting around the room. “You and me, uh huh, uh huh! Let's do the do."
“No!” Sara cried, while Carolie started
laughing.
"Sure, you can do the do with him, Sara. You've done the do with everyone else."
“No, Petya,” I declared, although it wasn’t very effective from my prone position on the floor.
I did make a mental note to inquire later about exactly what do my fourteen year old daughter had done, and with whom.
“Come on, cuz,” Loran insisted, approaching Sara with open arms. “Afterward, I’ve got some really good weed I can share.”
“No!” Sara cried again. “I refuse. I want to be with Arsan instead.”
“Uh, Sara,” Rent interrupted. “That’s nice, but are you aware that Arsan is either your uncle or your brother?"
"You're kidding, right?" Sara said, dropping the kid’s arm, and bolting away as if he was infected with space worms.
"No joke," I replied. "Right now, we're not entirely sure which he is, but he’s definitely one of them."
"Do you know, Arsan?” Taner asked.
Probably wisely, the boy kept his mouth tightly shut.
“Whoa!” Petya gasped, finally getting a good look at the kid himself. “I bet that’s totally déjà vu for you, Taner?”
“Tell me about it.” Taner raised his eyebrows again. “Petya, what do you intend to do with us?”
“Good question, Taner. Thank you for asking.” Petya strolled about the room, as if checking for dust. He wiped his finger on the granite kitchen countertops. “Don’t make a mess of this suite. I want it in pristine condition when Marie and I move in.”
“Sara, you and I, babe, are going to get the pad next door,” Loran announced.
“Over my dead body, Loran,” Sara snapped. "I'd rather die."
“It may come to your death,” Petya chuckled at my little drama queen. “Or the dead body of your father, uncle, brother, sister, and…Arsan, whoever he turns out to be.”
About this time, the feeling returned to my legs, so I bolted to my feet. Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration. I slowly stood up, and rubbed my aching back.
“Get to it, Petya,” I said. “What else do you want from us?”
“I want information. According to my nephew, your father is still alive.”
“What nephew?” Taner asked. "I'm confused."