by Tim Miller
“Holy shit,” he said. Part of him was angry. Angry at that Koko clown nut. Yet, he wasn’t sad. He should feel sad. This was his girlfriend, but the sadness just wasn’t there. Before he could think anything else, a giggle escaped his mouth. He put his hand over his mouth in surprise. What was he laughing at? His girlfriend is ripped to shreds right in front of him.
Slowly he pulled his hand away, but giggled again. This time he couldn’t stop when he put his hand over his mouth. The giggles turned to full on laughter as he laughed and laughed. They were big, belly laughs too. Unlike anything he’d experienced since he was a little kid and he couldn’t stop. He didn’t even know why he was laughing. It intensified as his side began to hurt. He fell over onto his side, laughing and bellowing so loudly, it echoed throughout the Funhouse.
Chapter 17
Dirty Rusty
Dirty Rusty walked behind Coy through the large corridor. It was clear the big cowboy had no idea what he’d walked into. Rusty couldn’t remember the last time a local had come into the Funhouse, although, he had been asleep for several decades. He wondered where Uncle Monkey was. No doubt he was still around; he was the most slippery clown Rusty had ever seen.
He thought back to that day in 1964. They’d just gotten a new clown; this one wasn’t much older than Uncle Monkey was when he came along. The kid was maybe twelve or thirteen. They didn’t put them through the full change at that age. They’d never survive it, so they just used make up until they were old enough.
The boy had expressed dislike for the Funhouse, which wasn’t unusual for any new occupants. Rusty had been concerned for the kid. Uncle Monkey knew it and used it against him.
“Dirty Rusty! The boy is gone!” Uncle Monkey had said to him that day. It had been quiet for weeks, so Rusty was sitting around watching TV.
“What? Gone where?” Rusty asked.
“I think he went into town. He kept crying earlier how he wanted to see other kids. I told him that wasn’t a good idea, but I just went to check on him and he’s gone.”
“Shit. Ok,” Rusty said standing up.
“Wait? You’re not going after him are you?”
“I have to. We can’t just let him run off.”
“But the rules...”
“I know what the rules are, but I’m pretty sure it’s ok to go after a runaway clown.”
“You sure?” Uncle Monkey asked.
“No. This has never happened before. At least not since I’ve been around. I’ll go find him.”
“Ok. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I don’t see any other choice.” Rusty headed for the door and to the outside. He walked all through town, which didn’t take him long. It had been so long since he’d left the Funhouse, he forgot what sunlight and fresh air felt like. It wasn’t a good feeling. His pasty white skin was not accustomed to or made for direct sunlight, especially a Texas summer.
Walking through town was easy. They didn’t tire out like normal people and could move more swiftly. You wouldn’t expect that with the clown outfits and the big shoes, but they got around quickly. A few townspeople saw him and ran back into their homes. There had been no sign of the boy though. Someone would have given him up once they saw Rusty. They knew better, and he’d know right away if they were hiding him.
As he walked back to the Funhouse, he realized he’d been had. When he stepped inside, Uncle Monkey and the rest of the clowns, there were six or seven of them back then, were all waiting for him. The boy was standing next to Uncle Monkey, wearing his full clown suit and makeup.
“You broke the rules Rusty,” Uncle Monkey had said.
“You lied to me,” Rusty said. “That was a total set up.”
“Doesn’t matter. The Funhouse doesn’t think so either.”
“The Funhouse don’t think.”
“It’s still alive; it knows you left. Feel how cold it is in here? The walls were rattling the whole time you were gone. So yeah, it knows,” Uncle Monkey said.
“Whatever. I’m in charge. I thought we were missing someone and I had to find him. You’re the one who broke the rules.”
“Doesn’t work that way. Guy?”
At his command, the other clowns grabbed him. He put up a pretty good fight until Creampuff stepped in. Creampuff slammed him to the ground with one hand and planted his knee in the back of Rusty’s head. Creampuff then slammed Rusty’s face into the ground repeatedly. His vision went fuzzy as Creampuff pulled him up by the collar and dragged him into the Funhouse behind Uncle Monkey. Whatever fight Dirty Rusty may have had in him was gone.
When Rusty’s vision cleared, he was hanging from a meat hook in the cold locker. Panic immediately set in. He’d put his share of clowns in the locker over the years, but all with good reason. There had been one clown years ago who was sneaking out to rape women out in town. A few gave birth to baby clowns, so it didn’t take long to figure out what he’d been up to. That had been a tough call, but Rusty had both the clown and the babies put up in the locker. There were almost a dozen of them. The Funhouse would have been even crazier than it was with all that.
Despite the appearances and the presences of clowns, there was some semblance of order in the place. At least as far as Dirty Rusty had been concerned. Over the years, he and Uncle Monkey had their share of disagreements, but he’d never thought he’d go this far.
“So this was your plan all along?” Rusty said.
“Hey, a clown’s gotta have goals,” Uncle Monkey said.
“You don’t have to do this. Taking over this way will never work out for you.”
“Seems to be working fine so far. Now I don’t have to listen to you, or anyone.”
“Look, I remember when you first got here, as Little Monkey, you were so sad. I taught you everything. I thought you were embracing this place as your home, as one of us.”
“Oh I’ve embraced it all right. I’ve embraced it so much, I want the whole thing to myself, without some old ‘daddy’ clown giving me orders. We are too easy on people coming through here. I want to have fun! And we will.”
“What fun is it if you stack it all in your favor? That’s no challenge.”
“I don’t want a challenge. I want to kill!” Uncle Monkey said, shaking his fist.
Rusty hung his head. He knew his protégé was too far gone to convince him otherwise. The hook wasn’t even hurting his back. There was some pain at first, but that wasn’t as bad as the disappointment.
“Ok!” Uncle Monkey yelled. “Cool him off!”
As he spoke, ice cold water sprayed all over Rusty’s body and face. In a matter of seconds he was frozen solid. He remembered still being awake for a few minutes, seeing the other clowns looking at him, and presumably laughing as they jumped up and down. The last thing he saw was Uncle Monkey waving at him as he lost consciousness.
Up ahead, he heard some women’s voices. These had to be the girls Coy had told him about. Once they found the girls, Rusty would go from there. He didn’t know this Buster clown but he didn’t seem too bright. He’d go along with whatever Rusty did. This cowboy sneaking in was the best thing that could have happened. It shows Uncle Monkey is losing control, and gives Rusty the chance to get back the Funhouse.
Chapter 18
“Do you hear that?” April asked.
“Hear what?” Stacy replied.
“Sounds like someone is coming.”
Just ahead, the corridor curved around. From around the corner, there were footsteps. The girls stopped as they waited for someone to emerge. A minute later, Coy, the yokel who had brought them to the Funhouse at gunpoint was walking right toward them. There were two clowns with him.
“What the fuck?” April said.
“Hey! There you are!” Coy called out. “You girls ok?”
April lifted the tomahawk and ran straight for him.
“You redneck motherfucker!” She’d had about one too many rednecks in her life. She hoped to eliminate that one immediately. He
stood there with a stupid smile on his face, until he saw the tomahawk. His eyes widened as he ducked, placing his hands over his face.
“Whoa! Whoa!” Coy yelled. “I’m here to help! Don’t chop me up!”
April stopped, the tomahawk reared back by her head with both hands.
“Help? Are you fucking kidding me?” she said.
He lowered his hands slightly and stood. The two clowns just stood there looking on.
“Yeah. I—I like you. I felt bad about what I done, so I came back.”
Jesus Christ.
“You like me? What? Do I remind you of your sister or something?” she said.
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Why are you with these assholes?” she asked pointing the tomahawk at the clowns. One of the clowns’ eyes widened as he jumped back.
“I rescued them. They were locked up in some big huge meat locker. They want to help too. They’re good clowns,” Coy said.
“Bullshit. There’s no such thing as a good clown,” April said.
“That’s not true,” one of the clowns said. His voice was high and squeaky. “I can do lots of neat tricks!”
“Yeah? So can my dog. He can also rip people’s nuts off.”
“Goddamn you’re mean,” Coy said.
“So why should I trust you? You have a gun on you still?”
“Yeah it's...” he said reaching behind his back. She lifted the tomahawk again. “...uh, here.”
“Take it out slowly and lay it on the ground. I already hacked up one clown’s face with this thing. I have no problem turning your skull into pudding.”
“Ok, ok. Damn you are so mean!” he said as he slowly removed the gun from the back of his jeans, holding it by the trigger guard. Stepping back a bit, he sat the gun on the ground and stood. April placed her foot on it and slid it behind her, pointing to Stacy to come pick it up.
“Do you know what these assholes did to our friend, Coy? Do you?” April asked.
“No. I just thought this was a funhouse, but hardly anyone comes out.”
“No shit! They fucking ripped her guts out and looks like one of them ate some of her. Sick ass clown fucks!”
“Look,” one of the clowns said. This was the hobo looking clown. “My name is Dirty Rusty. I used to run this place. I too was harmed by Uncle Monkey. So was Buster here. We want to help you defeat him.”
“I’m not defeating shit. I’m getting the fuck out of this house of horrors,” April said.
“Look, I don’t blame you, but you can obviously take care of yourself,” Coy said. “But if you just leave, the next group of travelers through here is just gonna end up right back in here. They might not be able to fend for themselves.”
Fuck, he was right.
April stood glaring at Coy and the two clowns. Stacy was to her right holding the gun.
“I’m really sick of this shit,” April said.
“He’s got a point though. I mean, you really fucked that clown up earlier.”
“I know. But Kim is dead, and Todd probably is too. Let’s just get out of here.”
“I guess you’re right,” Stacy said.
“I don’t think so,” Dirty Rusty said. “We need your help.”
“Wait a minute? Need our help for what?” April asked. “You’re both clowns like the other assholes. Just do one of your tricks at them or some shit.” April shrugged and started to walk by them. Rusty stepped in front of her putting his hand out.
“I can’t let you leave just yet I’m afraid. Help me with Uncle Monkey and you’re free to go,” Rusty said.
“Are you fucking kidding me? No! Now get out of my way.” She tried to push past him, but his face changed, from the sad hobo face, into a snarl. He began to swell up growing several feet taller than his previous height. His chest ballooned out as his arms grew longer and thicker. His face morphed into something more animal looking, but with clown makeup. Opening his mouth, he exposed several long, sharp teeth.
“Now, do I have to tell you again?” he growled.
Before she could reply, Stacy opened fire, hitting him several times in the chest. The bullets had no effect; he just looked at her and laughed. April took a few steps back, still holding the tomahawk. Looking over at Coy, he looked just as terrified as the rest of them. He finally made eye contact with her, at which time she locked in his gaze and began to think about her ability. In a matter of seconds the bulge in his jeans grew as he began moaning.
“Holy shit!” He said. “What’s going on? I—I’m gonna come in my pants! Oh! Oh! Holy fuck!” Coy cried out, bracing himself against the wall as he ejaculated in his pants. The clowns even looked mesmerized by the spectacle. Coy gathered himself and stood.
“Goddamn. What just happened?” he asked.
“I just happened,” April said. “And I just made you my bitch.”
Chapter 19
“Get him!” April yelled. Coy lunged at Rusty, obviously against his will, but April had full control of him now. April and Stacy turned and ran in the opposite direction. She heard Coy and Rusty struggling, along with Buster jumping into the mix somewhere. April glanced back for a second, but kept going. They ran down until it came to an end. There was a freight elevator at the end of the hall. The girls climbed in and April hit the button.
Before it went up, Coy was sprinting down the hall toward them, the two clowns in close pursuit.
“Should we help him?” Stacy asked.
“Fuck him. Let’s go,” April said as the freight elevator went back up to the main level. They stepped off the elevator, looking around at the huge room before them. There was a large wall with a set of red and white striped curtains. They stepped through it to find a whole maze of curtains. There was a long wall with three sets of curtains at various intervals.
“Holy shit, which way do we go?” Stacy asked.
“Fuck if I know. Let’s just pick one I guess,” April said. She walked to one of the curtains and went through. Once again, more curtains. “We don’t need this shit,” April said.
“Can we just get out of here?” Stacy whined.
“What do you think we’re trying to do? If you know a way out of here, then be my guest,” April said. They looked around and through another set of curtains. They repeated the ritual several more times, having no idea if they were any closer to getting out than before.
“This sucks,” Stacy said. “Are we going in circles?”
“I don’t know.”
April stepped through another curtain, this time she was greeted by Nutty Buster on the other side. He was standing there laughing.
“Well hello! Long time no see! Hahaha!” he cackled.
“Jesus fuck!” she yelled as she jumped back through the curtain, but this time Stacy was gone.
“Stacy!” she called out, but there was no reply. April looked back through to see if Buster was chasing her, but he was gone. When she walked and looked through the other curtains along the way, there was no sign of Stacy. “Stacy? Can you hear me? Where are you?” April called out again.
“Hey! Help me!” a man called out. It was Coy. He stepped through one of the curtains. He looked like he’d been through a war. His clothes were ripped to shreds. His shirt hung off him like a rag and his jeans looked like Bruce Banner’s after changing back from the Hulk.
“What the fuck are you doing? I figured they killed you,” April said.
“They almost did! After you all ran away, I managed to tackle the monster looking one. The other one jumped on me but I fought him off. Then they musta been tired of me because they came running this way after you two. So I followed them.”
“Why? You could have just gotten out.” April said.
“I know. I wanted to show you all I wanted to help. Just don’t do that shit you did earlier. Makin’ me jizz on myself and then fight with clowns.”
“Are you gonna behave? I could have done that back at the café, but didn’t want to start some commotion with the whole town. If you start fuc
king around though, I will make you cut your own dick off. You understand?”
“Yes ma’am. I’ll be good,” Coy said.
“I mean it. I’ve done that shit before.”
“You’ve made guys cut their own dicks off?” he asked, looking even more horrified.
“Damn right I did. They killed some people and then tried to rape me. They’re dead and I’m not. So don’t fuck with me.”
“You got it. Where’s your friend?”
“That’s who I’m looking for. I walked through one of these curtains, and now she’s gone. I turned my back for a few seconds. That crazy Buster clown was there and he’s gone too.”
“You think they took her?” Coy asked.
“I hope not, but there’s no other explanation. Fuck! I saw what they did to Kim. We have to find her now!”
Coy looked around and walked through some curtains. April followed him through as they wound their way through the maze.
“Do you know where you’re going?” she asked.
“Not really. I hunt a lot, so I’m good at finding my way outta stuff.”
“How?”
“I dunno. Just instinct I guess,” Coy said.
Finally they arrived at a set of doors. April pushed them open to see them lead into a room that was pitch black.
“You think she’s in here?” April asked. “Stacy? You in here? Stacy?” Her voice echoed into the darkness.
“You gonna go in there?” Coy asked.
“She’s not out here. There’s nowhere else to go.”
“You have no idea what’s in there.”
“I’m not gonna just sit around while they torture and kill her. If you are coming, then come on. If not I’ll go alone. I don’t give a shit,” April said.
“Ok. Damn!” Coy said as he stepped into the room. As April let the door swing shut, the darkness fully enveloped them. April couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face. As she took her first steps, right away she bumped into something. It was a wall. Feeling her way along the wall, there was an open doorway. She went through it, hearing Coy right behind her.
“Can you see anything?” he asked.