Bell looked at the outfits which Anna gave her one by one, and tossed them aside, making a huge mess of the place.
“Why don’t you say anything?” Bell said impatiently.
“What?” She looked at Bell, puzzled.
“I’m just throwing around your good dresses, why don’t you say anything?”
“That’s okay. I’ll arrange them later.” She sighed.
“No. It is not okay. It is high time you express what you like and what you don’t!” Bell said.
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Bell.” Anna looked lost.
“I saw Derek in his car with Alice.” Bell said and Anna looked away. “You saw that too. Didn’t you? After all you spend most of the time you spend at home near the curtain.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, “she said, trying to shut the conversation down.
“He is hurting you Anna. Just stop okay.”
“I am not hurt,” Anna said, her voice now breaking.
“You don’t tell anyone anything you feel, not even me. You know you can talk to me about this sort of thing.”
“With mom and dad gone you are everything to me now,” Anna started to say, but Bell cut her off.
“Then stop!”
“I can’t.”
“At least go tell Alice that Derek has been lying. Ruin things for him,” Bell’s eyes burned into Anna’s. “He is toying with your feelings. That’ll serve him right.”
Anna covered her face with her hands, ashamed of her emerging tears, “I can’t.”
“Hey,” Bell soothed her, hugging her. “Now don’t cry on my birthday.” She instantly felt bad for yelling at her sister. “You are a very nice person Anna. You always want to see everyone happy. But you must think about your happiness first once in a while. I... I wish this wasn’t happening to you...”
“Enough of this talk,” Anna said wiping her tears, sniffling. “Did you like any of those dresses?”
“Yeah, I did.” She picked up a lavender dress with one shoulder off the floor. “I’ll help you put these clothes back,”
“No problem, I’ll do it myself.” Anna said smiling now.
“You’re the best sister ever,” Bell planted a kiss on her cheek, gave her big hug, spun around and hurried off with the dress.
“Hey Bell,” Anna held her back.
“What?” Bell eyes widened.
“Close your eyes.” Anna took Bell’s hand and placed her credit card on it. “You are going to Denver. Aren’t you? Stay over at a hotel with your friends. I’ll call Jenny to come stay with me.”
“No, I can’t take this. You’ve already given me my gift.” She pushed the card back into Anna’s hand.
“I know, I know. Maybe think of this more like a gift from Mom and Dad. If it makes you feel any better, we are doing very well with the business.”
Anna was telling her the truth. The landscaping business that their parents had started was once again in good shape and the advertising she had done, was getting attention. Anna had a feeling it would only get better.
“Did I tell you that I love you?” Bell said, giving her sister another hug.
CHAPTER 21
Alice stared at the ceiling. She hadn’t spoken all day and even so, so many questions echoed in her head.
She could be almost sure of what happened last night- it could be confirmed that the girl whom she met on the road yesterday had indeed died but Derek still insisted that it must’ve been a dream. The muscular guy present at the scene could speak to Alice but he was lying unconscious at the hospital and with the existing pattern it would be days before he'd awaken. She had almost got off at the church, but at the time suddenly Derek pinned her hand in place. She shuddered, recalling Diane Paul doing that last night- if that had taken place. Diane Paul couldn’t have been there if she died at Washington- plus the Vespa was back. Her dress was gone and she didn’t remember where she put it. And she didn’t know what to make of the encounter with the mysterious black entity which she skipped telling Derek.
The only thing that was real today was that she woke up all messed up at the pool side, with her body numb and back aching. Not certain whether she came by herself having worn her bikini, she thought a swim could cool her off.
But that wasn’t all to the crazy morning. Out of the blue a message landed on her phone. ‘Meet me tomorrow morning at 10. I will tell you what you need to know- Etsy Monroe’ beneath that was an address. Alice tried calling but it was switched off and she had no strength to investigate right then- her body killed her already. Derek had snatched the mobile from her and wrote the number down saying nothing more.
That was perhaps a good thing. She could return to Lance, this was the call to return to her life. The only thing that was left to do was apologizing to Derek for her behavior and look forward to reunite with Lance.
Derek hadn’t come to check on her in several hours, Alice groaned and tossed every once in a while to let him know that she wasn’t asleep. But she wasn’t sure her voice had reached him as he had the home theatre on. There was nothing else besides the couch and massage chair in the living room. There was small kitchen beyond which an open door revealed a balcony. Opposite of the kitchen came the bathroom and along the line- this room and that was pretty much it.
The room was a perfect square. A glass cabinet covered one side with all his clothing on display- from tuxedos and sports coats to casual wear. Next to the bed was yet another long line of footwear arranged on a shelf and on the glass shelf above were cologne and hair products. Anna and Derek were not much different when it came to expensive living and a handy room to display their wealth. The room overall left an exotic and luxurious impression.
Derek cleared his throat at the doorway that didn’t have a door. “May I come in?”
“Your home.” Alice shrugged.
“Cappuccino,” he said, placing a cup on the shiny black nightstand.
“I’m sorry for the... I mean what happened yesterday. I was stupid.”
“I don’t want your apology,” he said. “I just want to make things even.”
Alice didn’t realize how close Derek had moved to her. In just a fraction of a second, his lips crushed Alice’s. But the kiss didn’t last longer than yesterday’s.
“What is this doing here?” Derek asked, pulling back. He picked a taped photograph from behind Alice- one she had taken from Cloud. A picture of a family.
“You creased it!” he pointed at the picture. “What were you thinking?”
Alice had thought of asking him before but by the time she spotted the picture, Derek was out of the car. She thought he forgot it and brought it up with her, tucked in her jacket. She observed it while her wait for Derek to turn up to check on her, but it later slipped her mind, no doubt there was too much going on in her head already.
“No, I just wanted to ask...”
“Forget it. I don’t even want your answer.” He said and stormed off.
Alice sat up. The back pain was just slightly there, not enough to hinder checking on Derek. The photograph. There was something to it, and looking at Derek’s reaction she couldn’t be surer.
Derek grabbed a brass vase and threw it at the TV. To Alice’s relief, it missed by centimeters. Again Derek picked up the remote, steadying his hand this time.
“Sorry that I took it,” Alice held his arm. “I shouldn’t have.”
Derek eased, nodding. He plopped into the chair and ironed out the picture with the palm of his hand. “I guess I sometimes overreact with.. this.”
“Are they your parents?” Alice focused on the features of the people in the still moment of memory.
“You can say that.” He said plainly.
“What happened?” Alice thought about the other day he’d mentioned them. She didn’t think they were dead. “They are still with you right?”
“You already know.”
“I don’t know until you tell me Derek.”
He bit his lower
lip, sorrow beamed off his face. “My parents divorced when I was three.”
“That must’ve been hard.” Alice sat at the end of the couch, closer to Derek.
“What’s harder is that I don’t have a single memory of us three together except for this. So I’ve always kept this picture safe.”
“It’s torn,” Alice said.
“I found it in the trash when I was eight. Mom had thrown it away and I picked up the pieces and taped them. I thought that would correct everything happening.”
“Sometimes weddings don’t work out.” Alice generalized. “People make wrong choices and can’t live with it anymore.”
“I know what weddings are,” he began to speak purposefully, his breathing controlled. “The place where my memory takes me back- there I was understanding. Hell, they were the most mismatched people and I had realized it even as a kid. It was just… sad.”
Alice tried to think of what she could console him with. She finally decided to say the only two things she knew about her parents. “My dad is dead. Mom abandoned me. You read her letter.”
“I bet your mom loved you.”
Alice realized it from his tone. “The divorce is not the thing that hurts you. Is it?”
“I lived with my dad in his mansion, with a nanny to tend to my needs.” His voice remained steady, clearly determined to describe what he was feeling; but his eyes were unfocussed and staring at something that was no longer there. “He wouldn’t see me. We didn’t talk nor had meals together. At times I’d even forget his face. It was no less than a miracle for me to see him. My nanny tried to steer me away from the thoughts and most of the times was even successful, but there were still times I wish I had my dad instead. Later on school was a little kind on me, I’d focus on studying- to make dad proud someday. I kept busy throughout the day but there was another thing bothering me constantly then – the kids would often talk about their parents and it would leave me heart-broken and not open to conversation on the topic. But the worst thing that came in the year was summer. My friends would go on vacation or to their grandparents’ place and I would be playing pretend by myself all through summer. I’d be in shorts and hat and shades,” he paused to smile, remembering his image from the time. “Pulling up a fishing rod from the swimming pool. Then I’d pull out salmon from the fridge and tell the cook that I caught it. With money I tried to push my fun as close to reality as possible. I’d try camp out on the cut lawn; I’d play pirates on the jungle gym… Once I saw dad and ran up to him with a ball in my hands-‘Daddy can we play for five minutes tomorrow? Do you have time?’ To that dad angrily called out to my nanny to take me away. I even called my grandparents on my pretend phone, asking them to come visit. Can’t tell you how I felt.”
“What about your mom?”
“Mom. Yeah... her…” he swallowed and tried to collect words. “She had her fashion assignments pretty much throughout the year. A hard working lady, confident, strong, with no time for inconvenience. I sometimes got the chance to stay with her. She’d bring guys-models- home, locking me up in my room. Once…” he stopped, burying his face in his hands.
Alice kept a hand on his shoulder. He looked at her and she could see something there that had haunted him for years.
“I can’t say it,” he shook his head, his breathing rate rising.
“If you let it out, it will be easier for you.” Alice assured.
“Once...” he took a sip from the bottle of water next to him. “She had locked me up and forgot about me the whole day. I was calling to her, shouting crying that it had been so long and I didn’t even have breakfast, but... she wasn’t there to listen. I was sure that the neighbors would listen if I called out from the window but I was scared… scared that the police would take my mom to jail. So I ate paper from an empty book. I drew on the paper- apples, burger, and candy and ate it. She opened only for diner with no regret on what she did. She then led me into the kitchen and gave me five minutes-as usual- to eat...”
Alice suddenly was on the verge of tears. It was terrible, and the expression and tone of Derek caused so much more pain to her. It hurt her that he had been through so much.
“Hey,” he rubbed her back when he looked up at her. “Forget it. It was my past, not yours.”
“What kinds of parents do that to their kid? You would’ve reported this to someone.”
“I didn’t want to.” He said. “They were all I had and without them I knew no family in the world. They belonged to small families whose members were either dead or had kept their distance.” He kept his eyes on the picture. “I was the mistake of their lives. I reminded them of the fights, the hatred they had for each other. I was the only thing they had in common anymore.
They could never stand each other. Still I remember the time of my ninth birthday. Mom and dad attended as usual and they were arguing like they had they had memorized the points beforehand. I had made a plan for that already. I went to fetch the grasshopper I had kept in the store house and got locked there by accident. Later Franny arrived and found me. I cuddled up to her- although that was the first time I’d met her- scared. Franny then got an idea of what was going on and advised counselling- maybe she threatened them to attend. But it was too late for me then. The years were deeply engrained in my brain and I couldn’t forget. Later they tried to be better with me, but I never really felt any love. Even a child can tell when love is forced and they barely made that effort.” Derek flared at the memory. “But Franny kept in touch with me mostly. She wanted to adopt me… like in Matilda. But my dad felt it would be a disgrace to him if he showed Franny’s husband –Uncle Dan- that he was incapable of taking care of me.
Things changed when dad married Rosalie who already had a daughter, Stephanie. She was the mother that my own mom had never been. She showed me how wonderful love was if right people got together. Dad and Rosalie loved each other so much.” Derek didn’t meet her gaze but still she couldn’t take her eyes off him.
“I left everything during high school and came here to live with Franny for a while. Uncle Dan had passed away and I thought I could even support her better that way. But that wasn’t enough for my parents. They started calling me- sincerely concerned for some surprising reason. Like they had realized that they had a son in the world. They would try to meet me but where were they when I wanted them? I’d ignore them and still they would visit at times- bringing my past-my nightmares, everything I wanted to forget before my eyes. They both made it to my graduation and were fighting over me like a trophy. They wanted to prove which one deserved the credit for me and which one the blame.” He sighed.
“They said they could do anything for me that day and I asked them for a picture. I was hopeful but reality came crashing in when they refused. They said they’d pose separately but never together. After that, I moved as far away as I could, first going to college and then landing a job out of my parents reach, not giving them any details about what I did or where I was at. Then out of nowhere, my step brother called me. He was only ten, so it wasn’t surprising that he was crying bitterly. He told me that every day mom was threatening to divorce Ravi. I called Ravi and he said he didn’t want it but it was getting harder to ignore how much mom would stress on it repeatedly.” Derek sounded exhausted at dredging up these memories, and his voice was trailing.
“None of this matters. This picture tears me up…it’s something I will never have again…a picture of the three of us, actually smiling. I prayed for a picture like this every Christmas every birthday but guess it’s something that may never happen again…” His eyes closed and voice grew ragged.
“Are things better now?”
“They are actually involving in my life more- no games this time. I’m trying to give them another chance. I would never have but someone made a special request. Things are getting better though.”
“I’m glad you gave them another chance,” Alice battled with the idea to drop the topic but couldn't. “What do they say for what th
ey did to you?”
“They regret it. They were young and stupid, they say. Being rich kids meeting up at the bar and marrying for best interests- money. Now they want to make everything alright.”
"You have been brave. I could imagine me hardly ever adjusting to live in such an environment.”
“I’ve been through much. Nightmares, panic attacks, but with counselling they came down and have become less and less frequent these years. I can never get my childhood back but what happened opened my eyes to a relationship’s role in life. I decided that I wouldn’t commit to anyone whom I wouldn’t feel wonderful about- the same as dad felt about Rosalie. I need her to be the spark of my life, the one I can spend my whole life without doubt and regret, with whom I can raise our kid with so much love that no other parents have offered their kids.” He held Alice’s hand tight, which surely he didn’t realize. “I want the right person and I will never let go. I will never make the mistake my parents made.”
“Anna loves you. I can bet on that.”
“She is a good person.”
Derek said no more making Alice wonder. Did he mean he loves Anna too because she is a good person, or was it a hint that he was considering it off with Anna?
Suddenly Alice was in a struggle of her own. Where was she going? She had to return to Lance and she was involving with Derek. She had to cut it off before Derek wanted her in his life. With the kiss earlier today, she had to act soon.
They separately clung on to their internal thoughts as they ate the bacon Derek had cooked in silence. Then Derek started drinking. He offered Alice but Alice was aware of what could happen and brushed it off. Already she felt pain that he was so sad and troubled and wanted to comfort him.
“Get some sleep. I have some work to finish up.” Derek said, pulling out his laptop.
“I’m not sleeping,” Alice protested.
“Why not?” He asked casually.
“I sleepwalk, remember? I don’t know what I…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll hide the keys.” Derek interrupted her.
The Grasp of Nighttide Page 15