I looked through the main room: the ground was strewn with debris, more or less human waste. An imposing ventilation duct was attached to the wall. Its Blue Turquin colour gave it a stylish appearance despite the ravages of time. I was trying to gauge if a man could sneak in. Probably a puny individual would succeed. In an adjacent corridor, I found a sign detailing the rotation schedules for workers. I continued my progress by the stairs, wandering according to my intuitions.
Andrei had mentioned this place only a few times. The only thing he would have told me was that he had been shot in the area. Strangely enough, it didn’t scare me. I had confidence in the place, I didn’t feel threatened. I was even wondering if Andrei hadn’t lied. It was his style to dramatise and distort reality to make himself exhilarating. As for me, I was not carrying any weapons and had no need to protect myself from anything.
A little further on, I walked through a thick door to find myself in a rectangular room, whose floor was entirely covered with mosses. Traces on the wall suggested that a radiator had been ripped off. In an underlying room, a large ruby-red safe lay nonchalantly in a corner. It was half-opened, but, of course, empty of any content. I was trying to imagine what kinds of secrets might have been stored there, scientific and industrial mysteries that had probably been destroyed or even stolen.
My eyes were drawn to a can of soda that was lying in the middle of the filth. It looked brand new. Its light-blue colour was bright and barely covered with dust. I turned my head carefully to find more evidence of recent visits. Abandoned shoes were piled up, but it was impossible for me to date them. I was about to approach them when I noticed a rather characteristic sound. It was not a scream or laughter, but rather a lament. Someone was sobbing. The pace was slow and deep. The tone was unusual. It was male crying. The swallowing was accompanied by quite serious sighs, with tragic tendencies. Slowly, I was trying to get ahead. I could not distinguish the individual, only my hearing guided my steps.
I walked through a door and saw him. The man was lying on the ground, slumped against a wall, his hands joined on his head as a sign of torture. I couldn’t believe it, but it was Oleksandr. The unfeeling and unfathomable colossus was now in a position of incredible weakness. Opposite thoughts were going through me. Should I comfort him, run away, kill him? My intuition was screaming at me to get out of there, but I was still petrified. I was trying to understand what could put him in this state.
Parallel to my assumptions, I was struck by the fact that Oleksandr was standing between me and the exit. There was no way he was going to see me. His reaction would be too unpredictable. I was thinking fast before I realised the obvious. The windows were my only escape. I was on the second floor. A jump was possible, the deep snow would cushion the fall. Oleksandr had formidable senses, I was convinced he would hear me. I took one last look at him. He was starting to stir. He blew his nose noisily and then staggered up. He was heading towards me. I swore silently. No more choices: I approached the opening of the adjoining window and jumped through it without question. The time spent in the air seemed endless to me. The landing was violent. I had jumped in a hurry, without worrying about what was underneath. In addition, I had chosen the worst window, given the presence of a small fir tree nearby. If it helped to slow my fall, it also slapped my face. Branches had skewered my shoulders, thorns had whipped my face, but I had managed not to make any sound. My heart was racing, but I was intact.
I was worried for a few seconds about whether Oleksandr had heard me. How would he have reacted if he had seen me?
I walked away with great strides and limped slightly. My own dazzling energy surprised me. I almost felt like the roles had been reversed between me and Oleksandr. I was troubled by his change of character. I didn’t think he had the capacity for suffering, he who was so austere and detached. As for me, I felt more and more comfortable to evolve in the Zone, at least I was trying to convince myself of that. The days I spent here had hardened me. My survival instinct, my resistance to the physical elements, all this had developed recently. On the other hand, I was well aware that my memory problems had become worse. I preferred to ignore this deficiency because it affected me so much. I forced myself to deny this deep weakness. Lying there plunged me into a dark sadness where virulent remorse rubbed shoulders frantically. I chose to ignore it, to live in the omission.It was in this raging state of mind that I walked for hours. I wanted to find my one and only ally here, the Howler.
I quickly reached his hut. He welcomed me as a faithful friend, dropping off food and blankets while listening to my story without interrupting me. In the end, he just sighed and shrugged.
—I’m tired of you. You better leave, I don’t know what’s keeping you here. These bastards will turn your head. Maybe it’s already too late. You grew up here, but you don’t have to die here. Leave them in their madness. Give them up to their obsessions. Go back to your previous life.
—But still… I don’t understand. They seem to need me. And then Oleksandr is a riddle. The other two as well. I have trouble understanding them.
—You know, I knew Oleksandr well. There was a time when we were almost friends. He was walking around the Zone, accompanied by some avant-garde visitors. Sometimes he would bring me supplies or equipment for my shack and then at night we would play cards together. He never seemed to want to go home, constantly postponing the time to leave… It is true that he was not very talkative. As the seasons passed, his visits became rarer. We gradually lost contact. To be honest, I don’t care what happened to him. It doesn’t look good anyway. As for the other two, I can’t tell you anything. I don’t really know them. They seem smart, but I’m not sure what the hell they’re doing here. They are running to their doom. Like you, by the way.
He sighed as he stroked his beard. He looked like someone who had talked too much and was now satisfied with the silence. After long minutes, he finally took the floor again:
“I’m sick of your stories, you’re driving me crazy. You can stay here for the night, but tomorrow go away for good. I hope you never see me again. I’ve already buried enough people.”
As soon as his last words were spoken, he disappeared behind a thick red curtain. A few minutes later, I heard him snore to the rhythm of the wind. As for me, I was thinking. I felt trapped in a decision that was beyond me. I was thinking about Oleksandr. How could I fear this man who saved my life? If he hadn’t taken me out of the Red Forest, I would have stayed there dead from cold or exhaustion. If I was really his enemy, he had had the opportunity to let me disappear. On the other hand, he seemed to be watching over me while the other two were dragging me into crazy plans. I was starting to hate them. As I frequented them, they seemed unreliable and untrustworthy to me. They had convinced me to embark on their adventure, their damn treasure hunt. I didn’t ask for anything. That’s not why I came here. I had to talk to them, stop all this. I don’t even know what made me accept it anymore. I was clearing my throat by letting another swear word burst out. I felt hateful towards all of them. It’s decided, I was stopping this fuss. Tomorrow I’ll talk to Amanda about it and escape from here.
***
The day after tomorrow.
When I reached the top of the tree, I scanned the horizon. The landscape stretched out in front of me in absolute calm. The silence was brutal. Not a single sound disturbed the environment. No bird cries, no insect rustling. Not a single breath of wind. The nothingness.
I tried to distinguish despite the darkness. The river widened as it moved northward. Small, connected streams and all ice-covered meandered around. A multitude of pine trees were in front of my eyes. They were beautiful, they seemed infinite to me.
The screamer’s hut was camouflaged, but visible to the one who knew of its existence. It was high enough to prevent easy access, but too little hidden to prevent observation. To penetrate it, it was necessary to climb about ten meters on a ladder suspended from the dubious solidity. I was thinking that its occupant was pro
bably sleeping at this late hour. With the help of a few stars, I managed to see his boat lying below. It was laid on the ground, nonchalantly and in plain sight.
I went down from my observation point to the shore. It was with a thousand precautions that I pushed the raft. I was afraid of undulating the water, of violating this so perfect aquatic integrity. The current was light, the conditions almost ideal. I was slipping on the river towards the reactor. Its luminous aspect guided me. It was my landmark in this marshy maze. Orientation in such an environment was not easy. I had to be on my guard. One mistake and I would find myself at a checkpoint, where a handful of sluggish soldiers would be happy to stop me and blackmail me to give back my freedom.
Lying on my boat, I was slow but powerful in my rowing movements. I was approaching the nuclear complex. No dial tone was coming to me. The reactor was totally silent. It was a destabilising sight given its dimensions and imposing lighting. My mind seemed to want to hear sounds, sounds of men getting busy, roars of machines being operated. In fact, I could almost perceive the steam that should have come out of the cooling column.
Did my brain play tricks on me? Yes, of course, but I liked it. This almost tangible vision soothed me. I was delighted to think that Chernobyl could have succeeded. After all, it was only a succession of avoidable events that led to the disaster. Like the sinking of the Titanic, the Chernobyl tragedy was part of a long process from the design of the machine to the improper execution of the final operations. Since then, the defective gears had to be studied and dissected by specialists. The whole society had learned from these mistakes and emerged as a result. At least, I had high hopes of it.
My dreams were swept away in a single moment, when I saw the huge structure still under construction. The cooling tower was truly sumptuous. Andrei did not hesitate to call it a piece of art. Never finished, it stood proudly and dominated the river in a flamboyant manner.
I decided to go there. I had never entered such a building before and knew little about how it worked. Was it dangerous? Probably not…
I docked calmly on the shore, tying my raft to an iron post that pointed out of the water. The cooling column was very close and easily accessible. I was very eager to visit this colossus with its almost ancient appearance. A few meters away was the entrance.
Inside the building, the sounds resonated, the echo of my footsteps broke the silence by small metallic clattering. The cooling tower was of the hyperboloid type. It culminated in a spherical opening, which gave the impression of observing the sky through a long telescope. The remaining elements were filtered, hidden by the structure and exempted from my view.
The tower was comforting. There was a sense of security, surrounded by the huge concrete column that seemed to rise to the stars. My gaze could be peacefully lost in the infinite stellar universe.
Feeling the sleep gain me, I knelt in the grass to finally spread my arms and fall asleep serenely.
I was awakened by the first light of day. I was barely standing when strong headaches were already raging against me. The atmosphere of the place seemed totally different to me. The night had changed my perception of the environment. The humidity was now tenacious and unpleasant. I was going through an experience that was radically different from the previous day. Anguish had taken over from wonder. Methadone boxes were lying on the ground while a smell of urine stank the air. The structure around me was threatening to collapse and stimulated my claustrophobia. Why did I sleep here?
I hurried out of the tower to walk towards the shore. I had not had time to fear this eventuality, but it hit me hard: the raft had disappeared. I had yet firmly secured it, it could not be extracted only by the force of the water. Someone must have stolen it during the night…
It was still very early, the light was low and the workers’ working day had not started. I could take the overland route that led directly to the reactor and its sarcophagus. Yes, but the dogs… those damn gatekeepers would spot me and jump on me. My skin would be lacerated, my face bruised by bites. No, no and no. No way I’m considering that option. There was still the river. After all, the distance was more than adequate. The current was very low. It was possible.
The headache was threatening again. Like a vulture, it hovered over me, delaying my decision. I took a long breath before throwing my head in first. The shock was severe. I violently pierced the icy water, undulating the body and extending my arms to finally reach the opposite shore, the limbs sore, but safe and sound.
I was thinking about that damn raft… Who took it? I had to take him back to the Howler. He would certainly hate me. I didn’t want to upset him. He was probably the person I appreciated most in the Zone, the person in whom I had placed the little trust I was able to have.
I was thinking of admitting to him the evil that was plaguing me. He would not judge my paranoia or increasing schizophrenia. Maybe he could help me? Maybe he would know how to fix my memory. I had my doubts, but I was trying to convince myself. I kept in me this thin hope, this naive will to find a way out, to alleviate my distress. I wanted to eradicate the violence that lay within me. I was undecided. This state of hesitation made me anxious. Finally, I opted for wisdom, I chose to go talk to him. I went to his cabin, my heart gasping and my clothes soaking wet. He was absent.
Chapter 11 — Solution
23rd day in the Zone.
Andrei had never left the Zone before. He seemed very nervous when I met him at the agreed meeting place. He chewed his gum in a frenetic and particularly exasperating way. His attitude kept me irritable. He called out to me:
—Did you have a good morning?
I could tell from the sound of his voice that he didn’t care about the answer. The tone was wrong, the smile forced. He was outplaying camaraderie, I could feel that a certain tension was driving him.
—To be honest, I hesitate to leave the Zone. I’ll come back later, probably in the fall.
Obviously, my uncertainty did not seem to appease him. His nervousness seemed to have increased in intensity.
—Look, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We started something, now we have to finish it, and this before the end of winter. After that, hordes of tourists will come and it will probably be too late. Especially since we are not the only ones looking.
—Yes, of course, but…
—We trusted you, cut Andrei. Oleksandr was initially reluctant, but I immediately believed in you. I’m the reason you’re with us. You owe me gratitude.
—Okay, maybe, but… wait a minute, you’re working with Oleksandr now? I don’t understand, do you…
—At this point, we can no longer afford to fail!
—You know, I have an existence outside. I didn’t really come to the Zone for that!
He blew loudly and became threatening.
—So that’s it, you’re going to go back to your little life as a wealthy man, take care of your brilliant career and let us die here? You supposedly came to investigate the Stalkers, the truth is you yourself became one. We told you our secrets, we trusted you. Now all you’re gonna do is lay your article and wallow in your miserable little life? No, believe me. You will never stop being haunted by your nightmares. The evil you suffer from will survive. Sooner or later, you’ll regret this decision. Your anguish will chase you down. Never, oh no, you will never be at peace! I remind you that Amanda is dead!
He had a black eye and frowned eyebrows. I remained marbled in the face of his provocations. He continued:
—Who took you for a ride in the Zone? Who took you to the hospital basement? Who saved your life by pulling you out of the Red Forest? No, believe me, it would be better if you stayed with us.
I was at the very least confused. I didn’t know how to react and the discomfort was noticeable.
—What exactly do you want from me? I thought you weren’t interested in the treasure?
—You know very well what we’re looking for. Help us, that’s all we’re asking you to do. Tru
st me, it’s the best thing to do if you want to get out of here alive.
I remained mute, a little surprised by the turn of our conversation. Was it the same person who accompanied me during my debut in the Zone? Faced with my vindictive silence, he offered me a cigarette, almost as a sign of appeasement. I was both angry and guilty. After all, it’s true that I owed him a lot. I felt like a stowaway, an illegitimate explorer, who did not deserve to take part in this exciting treasure hunt to which I had been invited.
Basically, I could leave. It was so easy. I had no kind of influence here. Life would go on. Every morning, the dawn would rise over the Red Forest. The big wheel still on its steel legs would watch over the city, stoic in the wind, without emitting the slightest sign of weakness, without producing the slightest squeak. Duga would keep his mystery and secret aura. The Azure pool would keep in it the memories of thousands of children, including myself. The proud and elderly Babushkas would perish peacefully near the plots, their homes that they had never consented to abandon. As for me, I would leave. It would be a pitiful debacle, yes, but I would quit the Zone. I’d go back to where I ran away from. I would face this morbid daily life that I had wanted to forget. And I would win. Yes, I think I would succeed. At least I would survive. I wouldn’t kill myself, I don’t have the courage.
Andrei had left and abandoned me to my dilemma. Above me, the sky was threatening. The croaking of crows irritated me. I had always hated those creatures. I was thinking that they were probably happier than me.
I ruminated tirelessly. Andrei was a coward. He was a weak spirit governed by a lack of courage. He wanted to succeed without getting involved. He was no better than Oleksandr. Both had only had to influence me to reach their end. I was thinking that I hated them; yes, I despised them. I didn’t need them.
I grabbed a branch and smashed it on my knee to break it. “Fuck them.” I exclaimed as I clenched my teeth, the rage was spreading inside me like a virus. I picked up a second branch and crushed it against a trunk with all the anger I could handle. Sweat was running down my forehead. The headaches were back. Carried away by the anger, I had laminated my gums. My teeth had pierced the flesh and caused blood to flow on the ground. The once so pure snow was now stained by my fury.
Opalescence- the Secret of Pripyat Page 12