He forced a smile but didn’t look happy.
“Jake, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“Alyssa, don’t be sorry.” He shook his head. “Let me explain something to you. Guys and girls, sometimes this is how it goes.” He gestured between us.
We stared at each other for a long moment until something came to my mind.
“Like love at first sight?” I couldn’t help myself. I sounded so naïve.
“I’m not sure about that, to be honest. But I can tell you that you’re not misreading anything. There’s something here.”
“So, you’ve felt this with someone before,” I asked, even though I knew what the answer would be and didn’t want to hear it.
“Yes, I have.”
I was disappointed. There goes my schoolgirl dream of finding true love – of being the one. It was ridiculous and I knew it.
“You have.” I confirmed.
My voice was barely audible.
“Take Rachel for example. I was attracted to her at first, but then after I got to know her and what she was really like, that feeling vanished into thin air, like it was never there.”
“But you don’t feel it with me, it’s just a one-way thing then.” I stated in a matter-of-fact manner. I was exhausted from my emotions.
I plopped over onto the bed, rolling onto my side to face him. He was so perfect and I was so foolish. To think I was anything special was idiotic. I pushed his pillow under my head and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent again. I swear I’d never get enough of the way he smelled. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me curiously from across the room. I mustered a little smile and croaked out a question.
“Do you want me to leave, Jake?”
“No, I want you to stay, if you wanna stay.” There was sincerity in his voice. He turned around, fiddling with the DVD player and started the movie over again. I wondered briefly about his mom. I never saw her anymore.
The next thing I knew Jake hopped in bed behind me and stuffed a pillow under his head. I was paralyzed. I could feel the heat radiating from his body even though he wasn’t touching me. The sensation was electrifying. I was completely captivated by the way I felt when I was around him. The peaks and valleys of everything he exuded enamored me. It was there, that tension again. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I flinched as he moved my hair away from my neck.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His hand moved down my arm, giving me the chills. He tucked his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My heart skipped a beat. I could feel his breathing speed up too. “Alyssa, let’s just not read into this whole thing. I do feel what you feel. I enjoy being here with you and that’s the way it is.”
“I’m–”
“And I’m not going to do anything that would ever hurt you,” he interrupted. “You can trust me on that. I promise.” He squeezed me tight. I could feel him burying his face in the nape of my neck and it gave me butterflies. His promise echoed in my head, mingling with the butterflies fluttering around every inch of me, lulling me to sleep.
***
I was dreaming the most awesome dream; I was still in Jake’s bed and my head lay on his chest. He had me safely tucked under his arm. My consciousness returned, jolting me awake. It wasn’t a dream at all. I sat up in a near panic, thinking about my parents. I was lying with Jake and he was holding me. Dawn was barely shining and the clock read 6:12am. Jake’s eyes fluttered open at my movement. His dark lashes framed his bright blue eyes, mesmerizing me. I wanted to stay right there forever, staring at his face. He squinted at me, smiling softly.
“Shit, we’re no joke with that sleep,” he said, sitting up. Still shirtless, his hair was all mussed up. He looked amazing for just having woken up. I wondered what I looked like. I walked to the mirror attempting to brush my hair with my fingers and I immediately got self-conscious.
“Do you have to leave?” he asked, grabbing a thick comforter at the foot of the bed. We had only slept with a thin blanket and the warmth of the night and now a morning chill had consumed the room from leaving the back door open.
“No, I can’t go home yet, my parents are up getting ready for work. They’re probably in the kitchen, drinking coffee.” I laughed. “Yeah, hey mom, hey dad…I was just sleeping in Jake’s bed.”
He flashed a lop-sided smile. “Come lay back down then, go back to sleep, it’s too early,” he said, slapping the pillow next to him.
I crawled back in next to him. There was no way I was going back to sleep, not while laying there so close to him as he held me just like he did during the night. I started to daydream about what it would be like to have Jake as a boyfriend. We would be going to school together soon. He would be able to drive me and I wouldn’t have to depend on my brother or sister.
I could see us pulling in the parking lot together and him putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked across campus. Wouldn’t that be a dream? I was crazy to think it would ever happen, my father would never allow it. And of course there was Rachel and the rest of The Envies. Now that was reality, I thought as I closed my eyes, hoping ninth grade would be easy.
“You know,” I mused, “technically these aren’t the first times we’ve stayed together, we can just add these last two sleepovers to all the others.”
“Nope, we’ve done this a million times. But this is the first time we’ve been at my house, and we’re teenagers. Not sure our parents would agree.”
“Oh sure they would, no big deal right? If I get caught, I’ll just act stupid. “Oh, mom, dad, I didn’t think you’d care, we use to have sleepovers all the time.”
“Aly,” he said firmly, squeezing my waist, “Zip it, go back to sleep.” His voice was tired and raspy.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. I lay there wide-awake feeling his breath get heavier on my shoulder. He fell asleep.
I must have fallen back to sleep quickly enough, because I couldn’t recall anymore of my daydream. Now it was 9am and Jake was standing in front of the TV brushing his teeth, still shirtless. I marveled at him and immediately got up. I was wishing I had someone to share my fabulous night with, but I was alone in this.
“Ok, I gotta go,” I announced, standing by the door. He turned around smiling, mouth full of toothpaste.
“Hold on,” he mumbled. I could hear the water in the bathroom turn on. He was back in no time opening a drawer and pulling out a t-shirt; tragically covering his brilliant naked torso. I smirked without realizing it.
“What?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing,” I laughed. “It’s nothing. I’m just laughing at myself.”
He smiled, opening his back door and walking out into the cool morning air. He shivered, crossing his arms to his chest. We looked over and up at my house. Everything was still and quiet, with the exception of the sound of cars whizzing by in the distance. It was sunny and bright already. A cool ocean breeze whipped my hair in my face. He reached over and brushed it out of my eyes. His touch sent bolts of lightning through me.
“See ya later,” he said.
Was that a question or a statement?
“Yeah,” I mumbled, smiling weakly, not sure what else to say. I went through the gate, heart pounding, wondering if someone would see me come from Jake’s yard. I reminded myself that I needed to act normal. I needed to get ready for my day and meet everyone as I always had. Nadine would be waiting anxiously. Matt would be there too. I wondered how I would feel about Matt when I saw him later, anxiety filled me at the thought.
I had unlocked the office door before I left just in case the slider was locked. It was. I crept in and looked around quickly. Standing still, I held my breath. I didn’t hear anything but the faint sound of a TV. I casually walked down the hall toward the kitchen where our family portraits stared at me accusingly. My brother was on the sofa watching TV. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence. This was good. I poured some orange juice and walked upstairs. My sister’s door was closed. She was probably still sleeping. Onc
e again, no one noticed that I’d been gone the whole night. I was giddy with excitement.
I stared at myself in my bedroom mirror and for the next couple of hours I was lost in the haze of Jake. I finally returned Nadine’s texts messages from the day before, telling her to meet me. I was sure everyone would notice me lit up like a light bulb. How was I gonna keep a lid on this? The fact that Nadine noticed Jake first and made it known that she wanted him had me reeling. I was sneaking around behind my best friend’s back, professing deep like for Jake to his face.
I was sick at the thought of it. How was I to know that I’d be overpowered by the chemistry Jake spoke of? I quickly picked out a new bathing suit, a shredded jean mini skirt and white tank. I smelled my shoulders and they smelled like him. I didn’t want to shower. I wanted to smell like him all day long.
10Alyssa
I sat on Nadine’s porch, overwhelmed. Nadine was talking a million miles per hour but I wasn’t really paying attention. I kept staring in the direction of Jake’s house. From where we sat we could see a portion the corner, his house and mine were out of view.
“Hey, Aly!” Nadine said loudly, snapping me back to attention. “What else did Jake say? Anything about me?” She was coming completely unraveled.
“Sorry to say, but no, nothing. I mean you were only there for a little bit before you took off.” The excitement vanished from her face and the gleam in her eyes dulled. I felt bad, sort of. I would have felt worse if she didn’t get attached to every cute guy that came along. It would only be a matter of time before someone replaced Jake. That’s what I hoped, at least. Then I’d be home free.
Nadine took out her makeup bag and began inspecting her face with a MAC compact. She had beautiful green eyes. She was cute, in a childlike way, with a round face. Unlike me or our other best friend, Nicole Hamilton (the third of our little trio), Nadine had curves. She was 15 but her curves made her look 18 or older. She had the boobs we all envied.
My mind wandered back to Jake. His smell, how he looked without a shirt on, and the song he played for me the night before...
“Wait until you hear Jake play,” I gushed. “You’re gonna die.”
“So other than all that, nothing else, not one other thing?” She sighed.
“Well, I went back over there and had, like, a heat stroke or something and when it happened he took me and laid me down on his bed.”
Her mouth was hanging open. I tried to be nonchalant about it, but hearing myself say it out loud, no wondering she was looking at me like I was nuts.
“Don’t look at me like that, you know how long I’ve known him,” I said, ignoring her doubtful expression, “He’s like a brother. Anyway, let me finish without you looking at me like I have shit on my face.” I sighed heavily. “So, I’m lying there and some chick shows up and I think it was his girlfriend, her name is Rachel. He said she isn’t his girlfriend, but I don’t believe him, she certainly acted like she was.” There, I said it. It came out smoothly enough. I only had to lie a little bit. No big deal, I told myself.
Nadine stood up and began walking.
“All right, enough, let’s go and see what’ll happen today,” she said turning back to me with a wicked grin, “Maybe one of his band mates will be interested. You know they’re all super cute.”
I was relieved to hear those words fall from her overly glossed lips. “How long have you noticed them?” I asked, sincerely curious. “I mean, dude, I’ve known Jake forever and I’ve never even paid much attention.”
I really was flabbergasted at how quickly she could turn off her like switch and move on to the next guy. Our short walk to the corner had me freaking out about seeing Matt sooner than I wanted with Jake being in the vicinity.
Nadine waved her arm at me obnoxiously. “I’ve noticed all of them for a long time, now come on.”
We arrived at the corner and Matt was there with Grant and Nicole. I’d had a crush on Matt Squire for a long, long time. We were all best friends, really. When I laid eyes on Matt, to my surprise I got butterflies. Wait, were the butterflies for Matt or Jake? I wondered painfully. Jake and his band mates were hanging in his garage across the street from us.
“Hey Matt,” I said cheerily, waving to him. Matt skated around doing tricks with his board. His blond hair flipped and waved around with each maneuver and I tried to focus on just him and the endearing little heart shaped scar right above his left eye. Angels must have been watching him that day and thought him too cute to leave an ugly shaped gash. Matt’s eyes looked especially green this morning, they were shining. They used to draw me in, but not today. Thinking back to Jake’s intense blue eyes and the way he looked at me when I was lying next to him. Those were the eyes I wanted to look into.
“What’s up Alyssa?” he greeted, as I walked up to meet him. He looked over at Grant and Nicole sitting on the retaining wall, as if wondering if he was being watched. “What’s been goin’ on?”
“Not much, the usual. Thinkin’bout goin’ to Six Flags. We talked about it, remember?”
“Yeah, that would be cool. When should we go?”
I shrugged, unsure of anything at the moment. “I don’t know, whenever, you choose. We just have to find a ride.”
I was having a tug of war in my head when a welcomed distraction came into view. My neighbor and classmate, Marshall Lawrence, was walking up the sidewalk toward us. Marshall was a pretty boy, with his fashionably cut hair, unlike the other guys in my school. He would definitely be hot someday. His brothers were all good looking too, with their almond shaped eyes and perpetually tanned skin. Marshall was different than his brothers. He was slender and waify, not big and bulky. I’d always wondered if he was gay. It seemed obvious to me ever since I’d learned what gay was. I’ve never talked to him about it, but he was flamboyant and his mannerisms were feminine, it seemed it couldn’t be denied. I’ve always liked Marshall. He was soft spoken, kind and funny. He took all the teasing from kids in stride and never lashed out when being bullied by anyone.
“Hey Marshall,” I waved happily. “Wha’cha doin’?”
He waved back timidly. I could see his eyes dart from person to person in my vicinity. He finally spoke when he stopped in front of us. “Hi Aly.” He paused, looking down at his painted blue toes sitting in white flip-flops.
“Nice toe-nails, Lawrence.” Grant teased.
I instantly shoved at Grant’s shoulder and glanced at Marshall for his reaction. He just smirked at Grant. Grant Phillips was also my classmate and played the guitar too, he was really great at it, even trying out for Jake’s band at one point. Grant stood tall and lanky, with dark short-ish hair and hazel eyes. He only wore black. A uniform of black board shorts, t-shirt, shocks and vans tennis shoes, always, with the exception of different t-shirt graphics.
“Um, where you comin’ from?” I said, trying to move past Grant’s lame remark.
“Work. Um, I gotta get going though. I’ll catch up with you later.” He smiled softly at me and quickly moved past waving good-bye.
My breath escaped me and I yanked my stare to Grant. “What’s wrong with you?”
“What? I can’t admire his paint job?” He snickered.
“Stop being an asshole.” Nadine scolded, shaking her head at Grant. Their bickering continued, as Nicole watched on, amused. Matt poked at my elbow and moved away, leaning against the wall farther down from everyone else. He tossed his head at me to join him.
Then out of nowhere there was an urge, a pull. I wanted to look in Jake’s direction, but I didn’t, I ignored the sensation.
Scooting up next to Matt, I wondered what he wanted. “What’s up?”
“Um, you wanna go to the movies tonight?” Matt asked softly.
My heart hit my stomach. “Why are you whispering?” I whispered back.
“I don’t want them to hear,” he jutted his chin towards the others. “I don’t need them tagging along.”
The butterflies started swirling and my mouth went dry. A lit
tle breathless, I responded, “Yeah, I’d love to. I have to check with my mom though, she might have something planned I don’t know about. What time were you thinking?”
“I don’t know, like seven or eight. We can grab a bite too, at the mall.” He kept tossing his skateboard with his foot and glancing at me, a bit bashful. I thought it was cute. We were both nervous. This was the first time he’d asked me out without the rest of the crew. It was a big deal. I was stoked and torn.
As we all sat and leaned against the retaining wall across the street from Jake’s house, out of nowhere a white convertible BMW full of girls tore around the corner and stopped in front of Jake’s house. All any of us could do was stare. I looked back at Nadine and her face fell, her hopes of flirting with the band diminished. I finally looked at Jake and he was staring right at me. He didn’t look at the bright white spectacle. I immediately looked away when my stomach came out of my ass. I thought I would faint. I looked at Nadine and she was staring at me too. I looked at Matt and he was also staring at me. I decided to stare at the shining arc of Envy status to take the attention off of me.
“Well, I guess we finally have something to aspire too,” I muttered, irritated.
Nadine was sour too. “Yeah, if my parent’s had the kind of money theirs do, it would be easy.” She hopped off the wall, walking over to Matt and I. Matt took off on his skateboard, doing tricks when she got too close.
“So, Jake kept staring over here, it looked like he had eyes for you,” she said, snarky.
I tried to laugh it off. “Ha, yeah right, shut up. I’m sure he was just wondering who Matt is. You know, the big brother thing.”
This was all just too much for me. Now Jake wasn’t just my next-door neighbor anymore. I sat there pretending to be into Matt’s skateboard tricks, trying to come up with what to say to Nadine when she started in on me.
“So, you know…all this time Jake never paid attention to what was going on over here, now he’s watching and can’t take his eyes off us, especially you,” she said perceptively.
First Kiss (Heavy Influence) Page 7