Our shopping spree was fast and resolute. Kyle didn’t argue with my suggestions and demands, ending up with a pair of black Levi’s and a black, subtly printed short sleeve button up. We arrive at the hair salon an hour later and I gave Kyle’s name for the wait list and waited patiently for one the hairdressers. The girls in this salon were the edgy, tattooed kind, like the girls who worked at the MAC makeup counter at the department store.
A petite ghost white girl with tattoos up and down both of her arms walked behind the counter. She had porcelain white skin. The colorful images on her arms were a work of art on a living canvas. The intricate detail I would have thought impossible on skin, but there it was. She opened her mouth and called out Kyle’s name and a glint of shiny silver metal caught my eye. She had her tongue pierced. Kyle looked at me to make a move, nudging me. I think he was scared of her.
“Hi,” I said standing. “My brother, Kyle, he needs something a little bit…not so nerdy.”
Kyle shot me a cross look and punker girl laughed sweetly.
“Hmm, I can see that,” she said smiling and winked at him. “I think I can help. Follow me. I’m Tracy, by the way.”
“Thanks, Tracy!” I chirped. Hopeful Kyle would come back looking cool.
Kyle leered at me and reluctantly walked away with her and an hour later he was back with a stylish choppy cut, a bit like Jake’s, but shorter.
Spending the afternoon with my brother was a rarity. Fighting with my sister wasn’t. We arrived back home and I stood at our front door hoping I could make it to my bedroom without seeing her. I wasn’t that lucky. Allison stood at the top of the stairs. She didn’t look mad. She looked sad.
What now? I wondered.
“What’s wrong with you? Did you tell on me to mom or something? Where’s your happy smile?”
“You’re so lame, Aly. Yeah, I want to tell mom, so she can try and save you from yourself and yeah, I admit, at first I was a little jealous about Jake. But that’s not the reason why I’m concerned.”
She was uncommonly calm.
“Why are you such a bitch about everything? Ever since you found out, you’ve been ten times worse,” I pointed out. “You and everyone else thinks he someone he’s not. I’ve spent a lot of time with him, Allison, like late nights and he’s never once tried to get in my pants.”
She stared at me with an amazed look. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. I don’t know what to think about it.” She shook her head slowly. “Owen, he’s a great guy and he really cares about me. So don’t be lame saying those shitty things, calling him a wannabe. You don’t know him,” she said bitterly and scolded me.
I knew I deserved it. The remorse filled me like floodwater.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call him a wannabe,” I said regretfully.
“Aly, just watch your back. Don’t be naïve. I don’t want you to get hurt or pregnant or anything else.”
“I know. I get it, I promise.” I huffed. Irritated that at every turn I was hearing similar warnings. “And for your information, he’s even said it himself, that I’m not ready.”
“You talked about it?” she asked surprised.
“Yeah, we talk about a lot, Allison.” I paused taking in her sincere disposition, which was taking me completely off guard. “It’s been easy with Jake, never lame or awkward for either of us. I feel comfortable with him. I’m just me, like I am with you and it’s no big deal.”
She stood staring at me, looking intently at my face. I got the impression she wanted to say something, so I waited.
“I can see why he likes you, you’re probably the only normal thing in his life right now,” she said trailing off.
I could tell she had some sort of an issue with it.
“Aly, I want to tell you something, because I think it’s time,” she said and walked to the sofa sitting down. “Come here.” She pointed to the chair our father always sat in. “I never thought I’d ever say anything to anyone. You know, until you started seeing Jake that is. Now it’s something that keeps popping in my head, like I see the same thing happening to you, or, not that it would happen to you, but I don’t want it to happen to you. You know, like history repeating itself.”
I was riveted. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. My imagination went wild while she was contemplating her next words. My heart sank when I thought she was about to tell me Jake and her hooked up and he dumped her. I bet that’s what it was! They hooked up and they promised never to say anything to anyone. That’s why she was acting like a super bitch about Jake.
My stomach went sick.
“There’s only one other person who knows about this, and it’s mom.” Huh? What? “You can ask her if you want, but if you ask her, you’ll have to tell her why I told you. You have to be the one to tell her about Jake.” she whispered. “Dad has no idea.”
As soon as Allison and I became old enough to have our own friends we barely ever spoke. I never knew her to be so serious with me. She never seemed to care much for me, other than bitching out Rachel, and that was a first.
“Do you remember Justin?”
“Yeah and you cried all the time.”
“Do you realize when that was going on I was the age you are now? And that he was older than me, he was 19.”
“I didn’t realize the age thing. I just recall he had a car.”
“Aly, I got pregnant by Justin when I was fifteen and I had an abortion,” she spoke softly, her words barely audible.
My heart sank. This was not what I expected hearing, and I couldn’t believe my mother of all people would keep something like this from my father. Allison looked at me waiting for my reply, but I was speechless.
She continued. “It was a really fucked up time for me, Aly. I was really in love with him and when I told him I was pregnant he started being a jerk and he said he didn’t believe me. When I took one of those pee stick tests at his house proving it, he immediately talked abortion. He left it on me to figure out. He blamed me because I wasn’t on the pill. He said that once I took care of it we could see each other again.”
“Allison, I’m sorry. I can’t believe it,” I choked out, subdued.
Tears began to form as I watched my sister fight her own from falling down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands. “Yeah, it was really messed up. The worst part is I tried to take care of it myself, going to one of those free clinics, and they didn’t get it all, and I got really sick and passed out in the kitchen, right in front of Mom. When I came to I was in the ambulance. I had to tell them and her, what happened, obviously.” She looked back up at me, mortified by her confession. “Dude, they didn’t get it all out.” She repeated herself, making sure I understood, and my shock lurched.
“What?” I asked, horrified. “What’s that suppose to mean?”
“They didn’t get all of the fetus out, parts of it were still left inside me,” she explained. “I felt so dirty and so, like, damaged. I still do, I haven’t had sex with anyone since. Owen’s a great guy. He’s the first one in a long time not to pressure me.”
We sat in silence for a long moment. I felt sorry for my sister. I took her hand in mine rubbing the top and then hugged her tight. When I pulled back she was tear streaked and that made me start crying too.
“Stop it. We don’t need to get all emo about this. I didn’t tell you to gross you out, or make a statement or anything like that. I just don’t want you to have to go through anything remotely like what I had to go through, not even having to make the choice of having an abortion or not. I mean you can catch diseases and shit, Aly.”
“What did mom say?” I asked, timidly.
“By the time I realized what was really going on because I was so out of it, I was out of surgery. They had to go back in and clean everything out they should have gotten the first time. Mom was pretty scared. She cried a lot, beating herself up pretty bad, wondering what she’d done wrong for me to feel that I couldn’t go to her. That’s when our relationsh
ip changed, for the better. I could have died, Aly. The doctor said it was like getting poisoned. If I would have passed out in my room, alone, who knows what would have happened.”
“Wow. This is insane news.” I grappled with its hardcore meaning.
“And that bastard had the balls to try and go out with me again, can you believe that?”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him off, what do you think I said?” She laughed, scornfully. “If a guy ever treats you badly you better get the hell out of there and fast, it won’t ever get better. An asshole will always be an asshole.”
“Thanks for telling me. I love you,” I said, giving her another hug.
I couldn’t remember the last time I told my sister I loved her.
28
Jake
I don’t think I ever recalled being bummed about leaving to go on tour, but I was. I was already missing Aly and it wasn’t even the beginning. Sitting in my truck I thought about what we’d do the next time we were together. I wanted it to be memorable since I’d be gone for so long. The hot tub popped in my head, maybe Malibu or The Getty Museum.
I was seriously tired of everyone, but Aly. Mike was turning into a total tool, and every day that went by I regretted choosing him to be in the band. Not only was he not agreeing with the creative direction I wanted to go in, he was constantly asking about or referring to Aly, but in ways that I couldn’t accuse him of coveting. He had the nerve to give me shit about how I was letting her influence me, as well as the bands direction.
I thought Mike would fit in. He had me sold in the beginning. In fact, I had to convince Bobby and Dump to let Mike in, now Dump was in the “I told you so” mode. Dump warned me that Mike was a total liability with his drug and alcohol use, but who was I to judge? I liked to drink and smoke weed now and then. I chalked up Dump’s doubts to his recovery, not wanting to have those things near him. Now looking back I had blinders on, only seeing Mike’s ability to play the guitar.
The silver lining in the whole increasingly toxic mess was Jeff Arnault, our new producer. He had an impressive roster of A-list solo artists and bands with hit singles notched in his belt. Jeff and Notting agreed with the new music, that’s all that really mattered. I couldn’t do it without the guys, but the push back and negative energy from Mike was not something that was conducive to creative flourish.
A bang at the tail end of my truck shocked me out of my daze. It was Dump and Sienna. “What’s up man, why ya sittin’ out here,” Dump asked poking his head in through the passenger door and cigarette smoke gusted in with the breeze.
“Dude, get that cancer-stick outta here,” I said rolling down the window farther, fanning my hand in front of my face.
“Aw man, sorry,” he apologized, holding his cig back behind him. I guess being a recovering addict, Dump needed to keep one vice, a two-pack a day one.
Rolling up the windows, I reluctantly got out of my car, not wanting to deal with anyone, especially my mother after seeing her demeanor. The heat was intense enough that I started to perspire. I spotted Rachel pulling up and my stomach sank. Great, she was the last person I wanted to see. The guilt swelled inside me. I hadn’t seen nor talked to Rachel since the whole Aly encounter. I wondered what she was doing here. She certainly couldn’t have been driving by. I looked over at Sienna, who gave me a shoulder shrug.
Rachel stayed in her car at the front of the studio, waiting for someone to acknowledge her. I approached Dump and Sienna and before I could mutter a word, Sienna came clean.
“Jake, don’t look at me that way, she just wants to talk to you before the party tomorrow. I think she’s pretty much over everything.”
“Yeah, well,” I mumbled, looking over my shoulder at Rachel’s car, surprised to see Mike bent down talking to her at the driver’s side window. “What? She hooking up with Mike now?”
“That guy? I’ll lose what little respect I have for her if that’s the case,” Dump piped, flicking his cigarette butt in their direction. “Sorry Bro, but Mike is on my last nerve, and Rachel for that matter. Oops, sorry,” he said, covering his mouth. “I guess I can’t go there.” He gave Sienna a wry smile, throwing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her in for a quick peck.
“Don’t be an asshole.” She tried to untie herself from his grip.
“Aw, come on babe, you know she’s a nutcase,” Dump said, laughing.
“Don’t forget that this isn’t all her fault,” Sienna replied, looking in my direction.
“Ok, that’s enough. We don’t need to rehash this stinkin’ shit,” I said walking in Rachel and Mike’s direction.
Sienna and Dump followed.
My nerves frayed with every step. I put my sunglasses on to shield my eyes, hoping it would hide my discontent. Mike looked extra scruffy. I’d become too familiar with his many faces. He was hung over.
“Sup man.” Mike nodded. I glanced down at Rachel. She made no attempt to get out of her car or even look at me. “She wants to talk to you.”
Mike took a cigarette out of its pack and lit it up. White smoked puffed up around his face. He walked away, giving the silent treatment to Dump and Sienna. I wanted to reach out and knock that cig out of his mouth. What a dick, I thought. Something’s gotta give with his shitty attitude. I’d never been so on edge in my life. It was making me ill.
“Bro, not sure how long this’ll last, I can’t stand the vibe,” Dump said in a low growl. He reached out for Sienna’s hand and dragged her towards the studio doors.
The sun beat down on my black t-shirt and I began to sweat. I turned walking up to Rachel’s car. The air-conditioning was blowing her hair around her face and pieces stuck to her red lipstick. She turned looking up at me. I stood waiting for her to say something.
“You’re just gonna stand there? Aren’t you gonna say hi?” she asked sarcastically. “Wipe the sweat from your upper lip, Jake. God, how can you not feel that?”
I was relieved to hear her candor. “What’s up, Rachel,” I asked sincerely. “Mike says you need a word.”
“Uh, yeah,” she said pausing, her face pained. “I’ve been wondering if you were still planning to play at my party, that you’re not going to bail at the last minute.” She finally looked at me.
“Yeah, of course we’re playing. I wouldn’t bail like that. I’d like to think you’d know me better than that by now.”
“Our last face to face was pretty dramatic. I’m sorry, Jake, it’s just tough.”
Rachel being sincere tugged at me, this combined with the last time I was with her, painted a more human side to her than I’d known all these years. She was always tough as nails, an ironclad fortress of no-nonsense, too confident and too cocky.
“Rachel, can we just move forward, please?” I asked, nearly pleading. “I admit it’s been weird not having you around.”
I had to be honest. Being the one dealing with the promoting and everything else was daunting. I was so used to Rachel and Sienna dealing with it all. Rachel had led the charge, now I was left giving direction to Sienna.
“Yeah right, you and your new girlfriend would just love having me around,” she said, melodramatic.
Her perfectly manicured hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel like she was ready to run me down. “Come on Rachel, come inside,” I ordered, standing upright, “I’m sweating my balls off.”
“Jake, I really don’t have anything else to say. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry… and I miss you,” she said, staring straight out her windshield.
“Come on Rachel, come inside, hang out for a while,” I asked once more,
“Park your car.” I slapped the side of her car in finality.
As I walked away I thought about how she pushed Aly in the pool. I didn’t want to believe she could be so vindictive, but now I kinda understood being pushed to the edge. My gut was telling me that Mike had some weird, secret obsession with Aly. I was never a fighter, but it made me wanna kick his ass.
&
nbsp; This was our last day at La Brea Recording Studio. Anxiety gnawed at me knowing Rachel would be walking through the door and I decided to move myself into studio three and wait there.
As I grabbed my guitars, Mike and Rachel walked through the door.
“Glad you decided to join us,” I said with a wry smile.
“Why not, I miss everyone,” she said softly, her eyes shimmered like she was holding back tears.
Great.
Mike passed us with his guitar cases, and I could smell pot and alcohol on him. Since I’d stopped smoking and drinking I was hyper aware of when others were using. I looked back at Rachel realizing the glint in her eye was instead the glazed over look from ripping the ganja.
I took the phone from my pocket to text Aly.
- HEY ALYCAT – THINKING OF YOU, WISH U WHERE HERE.
I waited, hoping she’d hit me back right away, and she didn’t let me down.
- HI, WISH I WAS THERE TOO. I MISS YOU. ALLYCAT, HUH? I THINK I’M LIKIN’ MY NEW NICKNAME.
- YOU LIKE THAT, EH? I THOUGHT IT APPROPRIATE, CONSIDERING.
- HA! CONSIDERING WHAT?
- AH, HAHA, I’LL TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE, AMOUNGST OTHER THINGS I’D LIKE TO DO WITH YOUR FACE.
- HMM? REALLY AND WHAT IS THAT?
I smiled. Was she egging me on? Or was she innocently wondering? The more candid and open she was with me, the more I fell for her. She took me to a place of feeling. I didn’t want to be numb with her. I was jacked up on the way she made me feel.
- I CAN’T WAIT TO TASTE YOUR LIPS.
I hit send, and I waited, and waited. She didn’t come back right away, and it killed me that I couldn’t see her face. Then the ping came, one word.
- DITTO
- I’LL TEXT ON MY WAY HOME – KEY TO MY BACK DOOR IS UNDER THE RED POT. HOPE YOU’LL BE THERE
- I WILL. – She replied back.
The familiar ache ran through my body. I was electrified with what was yet to come. I threw my head back and rubbed my eyes, telling myself to focus on the music.
“That good huh?” Mike startled me with his insinuating tone.
First Kiss (Heavy Influence) Page 19