‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea,’ he said slowly. He didn’t want to hurt her; let’s face it, he’d stuffed everything up with Jules and there was a good chance the same thing would happen with Tash. But in that moment, he couldn’t bear thinking that he might lose her.
Tash held her ground, but he saw a flicker of sadness cross her face before she smiled and said, ‘Well, if you’re not interested, I—’
‘It’s not that. I just don’t want to muck things up. We’re friends and that means a lot to me.’
‘Yeah, sure—friends,’ Tash said quietly as she shook her head. ‘I get it.’
‘I don’t think you do. I’m not even sure if I’m capable of a relationship. I’ve been out of circulation for a long time.’
‘But you were seeing Jules…’
‘Yeah, but for all the wrong reasons. That’s what I’m trying to explain—I don’t think I can give you what you want, what you deserve.’
‘You won’t know unless we try.’
‘I fucked up the whole thing with Jules. There’s a good chance I’ll do the same with you.’
‘That’s not really fair. You don’t know enough about me to come to that conclusion, and you shouldn’t compare us anyway.’ God, couldn’t he see how much she wanted him? ‘We’re two very different women. I’m not Jules.’
Nick looked at her.
‘I never said you were. I’m doing a bad job of explaining what I mean. Jules said that I was interested in her because I thought that she could help me.’
Tash opened her mouth to respond, but Nick shook his head.
‘Hang on, Tash, the fact is: she wasn’t wrong. I didn’t mean it, but when I looked hard at myself it was there. I was expecting her to fix me, like a fairy godmother or something. Like an exterior force could straighten out what was wrong inside me, without me even trying. That’s a hell of a lot of responsibility—and one that Jules never asked for. All the time I was thinking about me and never once thought what I was bringing Jules. That’s no way to start a relationship.’
‘So are you saying that you don’t want to try?’
Nick raised his head and looked straight into Tash’s eyes.
‘No,’ he said as a small smile tugged at his lips. ‘I’m not saying that at all. I never told you this before, but over the last few years, when I came into the bakery, it was your smile that sometimes kept me going. I know that sounds crazy, but at times you’d be the only person I’d talk to from one week to the next.’
‘Oh Nick…’
‘Hey, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but your smile meant the world to me.’ Now he couldn’t quite look her in the eyes. ‘I want to try—I want something to work between us more than you know—but I’m not sure that it would work. And I never in a million years thought you’d be interested in me! I’m damaged, Tash, and I can’t promise that I won’t stuff everything up.’
‘But we don’t know that.’
‘You’re right, we don’t. But the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.’
***
Tash’s head was spinning—her mind was on a roller-coaster of emotions, and she was desperately trying to make sense of what was happening. He had turned her down and that had been the worst; but now he was telling her how much she meant to him, and that was the best.
‘Maybe you were overthinking everything before?’ Tash suggested. ‘Maybe we should just go with the flow and see if anything happens?’
‘Alright, if you’re willing—let’s see where that takes us. And if you feel like I’m making a hash of it, promise that you’ll tell me.’
‘Deal,’ Tash said as she stuck her hand out to shake on it.
***
It was slow. That was the only way Tash could describe the thing she had with Nick. Could she even call it a ‘thing’? Maybe both of them were being overcautious, not wanting to ruin what they had before it had even started?
They hung out together a few times. Watched a movie one Friday evening at her place, and went to dinner in Bendigo. It was lovely, and Tash got a little warm feeling every time she got Nick to smile. Talking to him and spending time with him felt…well…like it was the most natural thing in the world. She enjoyed being with him. But absolutely nothing physical had happened. Not a touch of the hand, let alone a kiss. Time passed, and as their fledgling relationship crossed from one month into the next, she began to wonder whether they should take it to the next level or be bound in this limbo forever? It wasn’t as if she was wanting a fully fledged commitment, but a kiss would be nice. She toyed with the thought of just going for it and kissing him, but then she worried that it might freak him out. They had promised to go with the flow, but as far as Tash could see the flow was moving about as much as a creek did in summer. But, then again, perhaps if she made the first move, everything would just fall into place—because who gets freaked out by one innocent little kiss?
***
A few days later, Tash finally took the situation in hand and ran with it. They were standing side by side, leaning against the top rail of the fence. The sun was warm against Tash’s back and the scent of dust in the air tickled the back of her throat. There was a coolness in the breeze, proof that even though it hadn’t rained in weeks the season was beginning to turn. It was hot and Nick had rolled up the sleeves of his checked shirt and undone a couple of buttons. Tash told herself that she hadn’t noticed, but that was a lie. The light touched his tanned skin and Tash noticed just how developed his arms were.
She sniffed and looked back down the dry paddock.
‘How are the sheep coping with the dry?’
It was a lame comment, but she had to distract herself with something.
‘They’re doing okay. The pasture’s all but gone and the big dam is partially filled, so water isn’t a problem yet.’
‘That’s good…Do you have to buy in hay and stuff?’ Tash asked.
‘I have to supplement their food, but I still have the hay from last season. So unless this turns into a drought, I should be right. Fingers crossed.’
‘That’s good.’
Suddenly Nick’s hand reached out and covered hers.
‘I know that we’re taking things slow, but I just wanted to say thanks.’
Tash glanced up at him.
‘For what?’
‘Being here. I’m not sure if you know just how much it means to me.’ He angled his body towards her.
‘I don’t need thanks, Nick. I want to be here.’
‘And I’m glad for it because I want you…Here too, I mean.’
Tash wasn’t sure what to make of his last statement, but she was tired of waiting and wondering. She linked her fingers through his.
‘That’s good to know. So what do you want to do about it?’
‘I…’
She reached up and pushed his dark hair away from his face. Her fingers skimmed over the old burn mark. He went to pull away.
‘You don’t have to do that,’ Tash said. ‘I want you, Nick, all of you.’
‘The burns don’t bother you?’ he asked quietly.
‘I don’t see them.’
Tash watched as he closed the distance between them. Slowly, he bent down to kiss her. It was as if he were giving her the last chance to run, but Tash wasn’t going anywhere. She wrapped her arms around his taut body and hung on. Anticipation strummed through her; she had wanted this for so long. But what if the experience was nothing like she had imagined? What if after all this time of wanting and longing the sparks never flew? Tash stamped down her doubts. This was what she wanted and she was going to enjoy every single second of it.
His lips brushed against hers once, twice, and for a moment Tash thought that their first kiss would be gentle and chaste. But as the kiss deepened something was released in both of them.
The passion she’d kept in check for the past weeks broke free. She wanted him in every way. Her hands ran over his back and she could feel the heat of his skin thro
ugh the thin cotton of his shirt. She wanted to be closer to him, to feel his body against hers. She matched his kiss and then dragged him deeper. Her heart raced and the afternoon sun was nothing compared with the heat that burst within her. The kiss was carnal, raw, and when they finally broke apart they stood staring at each other in shocked wonderment.
Tash had hoped for a few sparks and instead she’d been given a raging bushfire.
Chapter 17
Nick brought the ute to a stop. He looked across the Telfords’ paddocks and dragged in a deep breath. The countryside looked parched and large swathes of the paddocks were nothing more than dry dirt. A straggly mob of sheep had huddled beneath a clump of gumtrees in the hope of staying out of the afternoon sun.
After the last visit, Nick promised himself that he would not come here again. But that damn book of Sophie’s had been playing on his mind and he wanted to be done with it.
He flicked on the ignition and guided the car up the drive. Maybe this visit wouldn’t be so bad, he thought as he neared the house. Nick had rung on ahead so he knew that Peter was expecting him. He told himself that he wouldn’t stay long. He’d just hand over the fairytales and get the hell out of there.
Nick got out of the car and was hit with a wall of heat. The sunlight bored into his back as he walked up to the house, and he could smell dust in the air. He took the steps up to the verandah and was about to knock on the door when it swung open.
‘Hi Peter.’
‘Nick, it’s good to see you again,’ Peter said, stepping aside so Nick could walk in to the house. ‘Do you want to come in for a minute? I could make some coffee, if you want?’
Nick shook his head.
‘No, I won’t stop. I just came by to drop off the book.’ He placed the book in Peter’s hands.
‘Thanks, Nick. I’d forgotten all about this until you mentioned it on the phone.’
‘I thought I’d put it with the rest of Sophie’s stuff in the loft, but I guess I missed it. Found it on the top shelf of the wardrobe behind a stack of clothes. I can’t think how it ended up there, but it’s where it’s meant to be now.’
‘I think the kids will appreciate it.’
Nick smiled.
‘Well, there are some pretty good stories in there. How are they? The kids, I mean.’
‘Yeah good, thanks—they’re at school. It’s a shame, they’ll be disappointed to have missed you.’
‘I haven’t been the world’s best uncle…I barely know the boys.’
‘They understand why and maybe that will change,’ Peter said with a slight smile.
‘Yeah, maybe it will. Anyway, I’d better get going. Lana isn’t here, is she?’
‘No, she’s off with a couple of friends for lunch and a shopping trip. I get the feeling it’s going to be dangerous,’ Peter said with a laugh. ‘She’s been planning it for a month, so I reckon she’ll come back with a mountain of stuff.’
‘Well, I’m glad that she’s having a good time. Give her my love, will you, and tell her that I promise it won’t take me so long between visits next time?’
‘She’ll be happy about that. Mum worries about you…’
‘It’s hard to come back,’ Nick said.
‘I know, but you did it once and here you are again. I think that every visit will make it that much easier.’
‘You’re probably right.’ Nick took a step back. ‘Anyway, I’d better go. I’ve got a mountain of stuff to do before it gets dark. No rest for the wicked.’
Peter grinned.
‘You got that right.’
As Nick made it to the bottom of the stairs, Peter called him back.
‘Hang on, before you go. How’s everything going? I mean, if Mum finds out you dropped around and I don’t have anything to tell her…well, my life just won’t be worth living.’
‘No much to tell.’
Peter wore an expression of disbelief.
‘Come on, mate,’ he said with a grin. ‘You’ve got to give me something.’
‘Okay, I’ve been hanging out with Matt Harvey.’
‘The writer?’
‘Yeah, that’s the one.’
‘Didn’t you go out with his sister?’
‘How do you know that?’
Peter laughed.
‘Come on, Nick, how long have you lived in this place? With the bush telegraph, everyone knows what everyone else is doing. All you have to do is walk into the pub and you’ll get a rundown of the town’s business—whether people want you to know or not.’
Nick rubbed his chin, sheepish.
‘I forgot about the gossip in this place.’
‘People wouldn’t say it’s gossip…It’s more of just keeping an eye out for our neighbours.’
‘And you believe that?’
‘Not on your life. So, you want to tell me about the writer’s sister?’
‘Not much to tell. Jules and I did go out a few times, but nothing came of it.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. But, listen, you deserve to be happy—so if this time it didn’t work, with luck the next time it will.’
‘I hope so. I should tell you before someone at the pub does: I’ve been spending some time with Tash Duroz from the bakery.’
‘Yeah, I already know that as well,’ Peter said with a wink. ‘Heather and I went and had dinner at The Black Sheep last Thursday night and you know what town gossip is like…’
‘See, you don’t need me at all. Maybe I should just drop my social calendar off at the bar each week?’
Peter laughed as he leaned on the verandah railing.
‘Well, I’d like to see that. So, about this girl. Is it serious?’
Nick raised his hand and gave a wave.
‘I’ll call you later. Say hi to Lana and Heather for me.’
‘No worries. And take care, mate.’
***
Tash had just flipped over the Open sign and unlocked the bakery’s door. She lingered in the doorway for a second, looking down the street. It was fairly empty, except for the cluster of cars beginning to accumulate near the school. It was about an hour before school started so there was a rush of cars and buses, dropping the little ones off before taking the older kids to Castlemaine.
Tash glanced up at the sky. It was overcast, but the air was still warm and almost muggy. Not her favourite weather combination by any stretch of the imagination. She sniffed the air in the hope of catching the scent of distant rain.
Alex had just taken off to do the morning deliveries and Meg wasn’t due to start until nine-thirty. Joey and the new apprentice, Belle, were still finishing off the last batches of bread in the kitchen, but since they rarely ventured into the shop itself, Tash had a minute or two of silence to ease herself into another day.
She had only made it halfway across the floor when the front door crashed open. Tash whirled around to see Vivienne stalk inside.
‘Jeez, Viv, talk about making an entrance. You scared the life out of me,’ Tash said after she’d walked back behind the counter.
Viv glared at her. She had gotten the art of glaring down pat ever since high school. Back then it had been intimidating, but now Tash didn’t blink and stared right on back at her.
‘Did you want something, Viv?’ she asked pleasantly.
‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at, Duroz?
Yep, Viv had resorted back to her bullying days and Tash had to admit she hadn’t missed them.
‘Selling bread,’ she said with a slight smirk. ‘Is there any reason you’re here? Because I do believe I told you not to come back. That is, unless you want to apologise and then maybe I’ll reconsider.’
‘Apologise for what?’
‘For being a bitch to my customers.’
Vivienne walked over to the counter and glared at Tash. She glared back; one should always face a bully.
‘If you have the likes of Nick Langtree as customers then you get what you deserve.’
Tash blew out her che
eks.
‘Look, Viv, I don’t know why you’re here, but I think you’d better go. I don’t come around to your place and tell you how to run your life, so don’t come here and do it to me—okay?’
‘No, it’s not okay. Not only do you serve him, but word is that you’re actually having an affair!’
‘Well, I don’t know where you got that from, but, honestly, that’s none of your business. I’m not going to get into this with you now. I’ve got work to do and I assume you have too.’
‘You just can’t—’
Tash held up her hand.
‘I can do whatever I bloody well want. This isn’t high school and you can’t bully people into doing things your way. I know that Sophie was like a sister to you and I’m sorry for what happened, but you’ve got to stop this crazy vendetta stuff.’
‘It’s not like that. I just can’t bear to let Langtree get away with what he’s done.’
‘Viv, you lost a friend, but Nick lost his wife,’ Tash said in a softer tone. ‘He loved her, everyone knows that, and her death almost destroyed him. God, he’s been shut away and pining for her for years, wrapped up in depression and grief and guilt for all that time…Don’t you think the man’s suffered enough? It’s been six years. Can’t you just let him be?’
‘You don’t get it. He should never have let her die.’
‘Don’t you think he thinks that every day of his life? Because, I can tell you, he did blame himself. But you’re also forgetting what type of person Sophie was. Was she ever one to do what she was told? She had a mind and a will of her own; she was never some quiet, docile little thing.’
Viv went to answer but stopped.
‘All I’m saying is that there were many aspects to this story and you’re choosing to remember only one version of it,’ Tash continued. ‘You’ve put Sophie on a pedestal and forgotten the woman. She was funny and kind and had a stubborn streak that was a mile long. Don’t you remember when she sat in lunchtime detention for almost two weeks because she wouldn’t apologise to Mr Beaton for calling him ignorant about pop culture?’
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