I went back for Boot. Boot and axe were talking. Axe said, ‘Hester is good at chopping.’
Boot said, ‘Yes, she is.’
Axe said, ‘She is a good girl.’
Boot said, ‘Yes, she is.’
Axe said, ‘She does a good job.’
Boot said, ‘You are right, axe, she does do a good job. I showed her how.’
Axe said, ‘You did, yes, you did. You showed her and now she is showing you.’
Boot was heavier then Sack and he had no hair for pulling. I took him by his legs and I dragged him down. His back hit every step bump bump bump. He was heavy and wet with blood. I dragged him across the hall and into the kitchen to be with Sack because they were married everlasting. In the kitchen I didn’t hold him close like Sack. Boot doesn’t like blood and he had it all over him. I lifted him onto the table beside Sack. Their arms hung over, their feet hung over – it didn’t matter what I did, the table was not big enough.
‘Use me,’ said a voice from the cupboard.
‘What?’ I said.
‘Use me, I have a hard edge for cutting.’ It was my old friend, knife. I took her from the cupboard and I turned her in my hand. Was that my wet, red face I could see in her blade? ‘Quickly,’ she told me. ‘Cut.’ I cut Boot and Sack. I cut through bone, I cut through skin, I cut through the things you couldn’t put a finger on – secrets, laughter, pain – all leaked out and mixed with the puddles of blood on the floor. Now Boot and Sack both fitted on the table.
I took the heavy pot and I put it on the red wood stove. I opened the door to the stove and put in more wood. Wood cried, ‘No!’ as he burned.
‘This is the last time. You have to.’ He understood. I put the pieces from the table into the heavy pot.
‘My turn,’ said spoon from the ledge above the stove. She smiled at me with her round spoon face as I took her in my hand. We stirred the pot and sang together, ‘The bread that I will give is my flesh, for my flesh is meat indeed.’
‘Enough,’ said spoon. ‘I need a rest.’ I lifted her out from the pot. I took a bowl from the cupboard, held it over the stove and used spoon to fill it. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, my hands, the table were all red. I took a clean spoon for eating and I sat at the red table. I dipped the spoon into the bowl, lifted it to my lips and I ate. The warm red milk ran down into the places that you couldn’t put a finger on; down into the deep dark where it was all salt and tears from the eye of the fish, and it warmed those places at last, at last. I heard the songs of Boot and Sack; Boot like a trumpet heralding the beginning when Jesus rose again and Sack high like a pipe when the children danced in celebration on the next page.
Norma sent another picture down the rope. It was a picture of her smoking; the smoke filled the chariot so that Norma couldn’t see outside. She didn’t want to because the devil was in Cott Road, waiting to see if I would keep my promise.
‘Hester!’ Tree called me. I put down my spoon.
In the forbidden outside the moon showed tree standing alone, the knotted fingers of her branches reaching to eternity. ‘Hester … pretty … beautiful.’ I went down to her and pressed my face to her so the drawings on her body scratched my cheek. ‘Don’t cry, Hester,’ tree said to me. I put my arms around her and held on. ‘Don’t cry, your time has come.’
‘I never want to leave you,’ I told her.
‘I know,’ she said.
‘Never.’
‘I know.’
‘Never, ever.’
‘I know, but you have to.’
‘What?’
‘You have to go now. You have to leave me.’
‘Never.’
‘Hester, you have to.’
‘But that is not my wish.’
‘You have to.’
‘But I don’t want to.’
‘Hester, you can help me get to eternity.’
‘How could I do that?’ I asked.
‘Set me on fire.’
‘No,’ I said.
‘Yes, set me on fire.’
‘No, I don’t want to.’
‘Set me on fire.’
‘No.’
‘Do it.’
‘No.’
‘Do it!’
‘But I don’t want to. You are my friend, you gave me pictures.’
‘Stop crying. I will give you one last picture. Let me go.’
I looked up to where tree reached – up to the stars, the shining tunnels that led to the other side, where God the Bird waited. ‘Can I come with you?’ I asked her.
‘No,’ she said.
‘Please.’
‘No, go back to the chariot.’
‘Why?’
‘You made a promise.’
‘But I want to come with you to eternity. Please.’
‘No. Go back, you said you would. You made a promise. A promise is not a lie or a secret. You have to keep it.’
I pulled away from the hard body of tree. ‘But I want to come with you.’
‘No!’ Tree wanted to go alone.
‘Alright then.’
‘Good,’ said tree. ‘Stop crying.’
‘Goodbye,’ I said.
‘Pretty … beautiful.’
‘Tree, I love you.’ I touched my face to the bark of her body one last time for one more story.
‘Go,’ she whispered.
I went into the kitchen and found the water that Sack used to make a fire when it had rained all night and the wood was wet. I wet the house with the fire-water the way Jesus baptised John and his friends. I wet the stairs and the floor. I ran upstairs and wet my room, I came back down, opened the door to the hanging room and splashed the stairs leading down as much as I could. I wet the company I kept. Fire-water dripped down their black-bagged faces. The eyes in the head of the lady looking up wept tears of fire-water. The ladies being stretched on the wheels were soaked – they floated in fire-water. The crowds of company watching the hangers were all drowning. I opened the door to Boot’s study. Boats caught in bottles lined the shelves. I splashed them and they came crashing down from the shelves, cracking open. Matchstick boats flew up and out the window. They sailed up through the sky heading for the shining tunnels to take them to the other side. I went outside and put the fire-water around the body of tree. ‘Stop crying,’ she said as I splashed her.
Back in the kitchen I pulled fire out of the red wood stove with the hard pan. Some burned my hands. I put the fire on the bottom of the stairs, I put it all the places where I had splashed the fire-water. Spoon, axe, table, knife all called to me, ‘Goodbye, goodbye, your time has come.’ The kitchen was on fire. I pulled off my green suit, all red now. I left it on the floor and I walked out into the forbidden outside. The brush and laundry soap sat beside the hole for Boot when he came in dirty. I used the brush and the soap and I washed the red down into the plughole. Down it went in red-water circles, down to join the salty dark tears of the fish. I took the blanket from over the fence, wrapped it around my cold self and went down to the high gate in the fence.
I turned back to look. Tree was on fire; her branches were hands of flame reaching up. God the Bird came through the black sky, his wings shone white against the darkness. One Cott Road was burning; yellow heat came from the windows. I wanted to stay there like Lot’s wife. Still as hard salt, never needing to step forward or back.
Tree screamed as she burned, ‘Go away from here!’ Her roots tore from the ground and she lifted up, bright with fire as God the Bird carried her away. It was tree’s last picture.
I turned and ran. I took the path through the bush back to Norma. Thorns tried to pull my blanket from me, but I held on tight and kept running. I stayed in the dark away from the street lamp.
When I saw the white chariot the devil was at the door. He was clawing at the windows and thumping the roof. The devil wanted to get Norma – he wanted to peel back her skin so her secrets dripped out, the way her father’s good friends did. I could hear her screaming from inside t
he chariot, ‘No, please, no, please!’
When the devil saw me coming he jumped back, stopped in his tracks. We stared at each other, my breath coming from me in out in out. His breath steaming from his nose in out in out.
He came towards me, loping and fast. I was the only one between him and Norma. He wanted to pull me out of the earth’s hold like a weed. But the devil had nothing for a weapon and I had my promise to Norma. I looked hard at every part of the devil as I ran towards him, eyes wide open. He was caught in my eyes. Nothing of him was hidden from me and I did not look away as I ran as hard as I could towards him. I held him prisoner in the light of my eyes, still bright with fire from One Cott Road. I watched him burn in their light.
The devil was gone, the air clear of his oil and bacon stink.
‘Norma, it’s me, let me in.’ I knocked on the door. ‘Norma, Norma with a K.’ The door opened. Norma was crying too much for words. ‘Norma, sshhhhh.’ I held Norma in my tight arms, her face was damp in my neck.
‘You came back,’ she cried.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘and now it is time to go.’
‘You came back.’
‘Yes, time to go, Norma.’
‘You came back without clothes, but you came back.’
‘Yes.’
‘Is he gone?’
‘He is gone. Norma, let’s go.’
‘Yes, ok.’ Norma started the chariot and we drove away from One Cott Road.
We drove in the dark without speaking as pictures ran along the rope between us. My picture to her was a house on fire. Her picture to me was the Angel Gabriel. The black birds were gone. I fell asleep with my head against the window as Norma sang her driving song. ‘I danced for the scribe and the Pharisee, But they would not dance and they would not follow me; I danced for the fishermen, for James and John; They came to me and the dance went on.’
‘We have to leave the car now. My brother will pick it up before it’s morning.’ Norma was shaking me awake. ‘Quickly. We have to get you back to your room. We have to find clothes.’ Norma’s voice shook as we got out of the car. She held my hand and we went in through the back door of Renton.
We went up the stairs into the dark kitchen. Norma was pushing the keys into the lock when the light snapped on. The blue shoes with the snake on his arm was waiting for us. ‘Where have you been?’
‘I did what you wanted,’ said Norma. The blue shoes had fat on his neck. His collar was hurting it. ‘Let us get back to the dormitory.’ Norma’s hand was shaking in mine.
‘You took my keys, didn’t you?’ The fat under the blue shoes’ collar spilled over.
‘You can have them back.’ Norma threw the keys on the floor near the blue shoes.
‘Why hasn’t she got clothes on?’ He pointed at me as he picked up his keys. ‘Where have you been?’
‘Nowhere. Let us go back to bed.’ Norma held my hand tighter.
The blue shoes stepped close and pulled the blanket from my shoulders; it dropped to the floor. ‘What happened to her clothes?’
‘Leave us alone. I did what you wanted.’ Norma pulled me back from the blue shoes.
‘You took my keys.’ Whenever the blue shoes moved his head the fat around his neck got squeezed harder. The snake on his arm made a lazy hisssssss.
‘You have the keys back now.’
‘What have you two been up to? Anything I should know about?’
‘Nothing, let us get back to bed.’
The blue shoes eyes travelled across the hills on me, then he checked the clock on his wrist. ‘You better hurry.’ We went to step through the kitchen door but the blue shoes put himself in front of me. ‘Norma gave me what I wanted, but you didn’t.’
‘Leave her alone. Let us get back to our rooms.’ Norma sounded as scared as if the blue shoes was the devil.
‘I’ll let you go if you give me what I want.’ He was looking at me.
‘There’s no time,’ Norma said.
‘Later there will be. I’ll be coming for you later.’ He touched my shoulder; his fingers were cold. ‘And if you make trouble I’ll have you both put in isolation.’
‘I’ll tell,’ said Norma with her chin stuck out. ‘You’re the one who’ll be in trouble. You fucked me.’
‘Who do you think they’re going to believe?’
Norma’s face was red. ‘Bastard.’
‘I just want one more thing,’ said the blue shoes, touching my arm, ‘and then we can forget about it. Nothing ever happened.’
‘No,’ said Norma.
‘I’d call it a fair deal – if she can be a good girl.’ The blue shoes touched my chin with his fingers.
‘Leave her alone,’ said Norma. A spit ball jumped out behind her words.
I stepped closer to the blue shoes. ‘I can be a good girl.’
Norma looked at me like I’d given her a surprise. ‘Hester, you don’t have to.’
‘He will let us go.’
‘She’s got the right idea,’ the blue shoes smiled.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘I’ll come for you,’ said the blue shoes. ‘I’ll take you back to the dormitory now.’ On the way he took a new pants suit from the storage room. He watched while I stood in the hall and put on the new pants suit. He took the blanket. ‘Better destroy the evidence,’ he said, like we had a secret. ‘We’ll go the long way so we don’t get seen.’ Norma and me followed him the long way and never saw another person. When we got to the dormitory the blue shoes said, ‘I’ll be coming for you.’ He opened the doors and Norma and me got into our beds.
‘Goodnight, Hester,’ said Norma.
‘Goodnight, Norma.’ I waited for the black bird to come and snatch my goodnight in his beak and fly with it out the window – but he never came.
Norma sat on one side of the smoking room, I sat on the other; the cloud of smoke hung between us. Norma lifted her hand, put the white stick to her mouth and sucked. Through the cloud of smoke her little fire glowed hot. I lifted my hand, put the white stick to my mouth, and sucked. My little fire glowed hot. Her hand went down into her lap. My hand went down into my lap. We watched each other. Our eyes never looked away. There were no black birds anywhere. My friends didn’t speak to me. There was a new silence in their place. Behind the noise of the breakfast trays being stacked, and Rita laughing with the friend you couldn’t see, and Mrs D calling, up your bum, it was quiet as new sky. I was empty. I could lift like tree and fly away. I could follow the smoke up towards the ceiling and sneak out through the cracks in the windows.
I didn’t want my breakfast. I was hot and cold all over. Vomit waited in the hot corridor of my throat. My bones shook. Norma ate her breakfast and watched me. She said, ‘The blue shoes will come for you. He’ll take you to the washing room.’
‘Why?’
‘So he can do what he wants to you. I want to stop him.’
‘What will he do?’
‘Whatever he wants.’
‘What?’
‘Hurt you.’
‘How?’
‘Any way he wants.’
‘When?’
‘I don’t know when. Soon. Will you be alright?’
The blade of a small knife caught in my throat when I swallowed. I had no answer.
Norma’s eyes were wide. ‘He’ll be here soon.’
I sent a picture down the rope to Norma. It was me and Norma inside a white egg. The shell was one you couldn’t break.
I was sleeping when a hand on my shoulder woke me. ‘Get up,’ said the blue shoes. ‘Get up now.’ The blade twisted tight in my throat. There was vomit waiting. The Lord held my head very tight between his finger and thumb. He was squeezing. The blue shoes whispered, ‘Move it!’ and shook me. I got up. ‘Follow me.’ Norma was sitting up in her bed as we walked past.
Blue shoes took me to the washing room. ‘Get on the floor,’ he said.
‘What for?’ I asked him. How do you clean a floor when you are lying on it?
‘
Get on the floor.’ He pushed me down very hard then he undid his belt and pulled down his trousers. ‘I’m putting you to use,’ he said. His smile had a thorn. He pulled my pants down and smacked my nose. I saw the bump in his undertrousers.
A tickle started in my middle. Blue shoes had hard arms; he was big, but I was bigger. He pulled my legs apart. He pinched my skin very hard. My skin burned. I put my hands on the face of the blue shoes as he came close. ‘Crazy slut!’ His words caught in the cracks between my fingers, just like mine used to, with Boot’s hand over my mouth. My hands on his face slippery as oil, his hair fell off like a rat; it made me laugh and I pulled him onto me. He tried to take my hands away from his face. He tried to smack my nose again but I put one hand over his mouth and his eyes then I took his ear and I pinched. I pulled him closer. The blue shoes wriggled. He didn’t know whether to be happy or scared. My legs spread one apart from the other, far from each other yet wanting to go further. The middle of me was wet as the sink, you can put your tree in me Mister blue shoes and in! he went push push!
His mouth was wider and wetter than Boot’s mouth. His hands were spades that dug up the dirt of me, they made me a hole for climbing in, filling me up with mud. Blue shoes’ tree moved in me. My head fell off my neck – hit the floor, bump! My hands fell off my arms, feet fell off my legs, all rolled in pieces around the bed. Blue shoes and me rocked like Moses in the reeds, like the baby cradle, like Boot on Sack when I watched through the crack. Then the baby cradle broke, I tasted my Boot and my Sack fresh in my mouth, and then I smacked the blue shoes hard in his eye and one more time in his teeth.
He tried to get up. I pulled him back. My mouth was wet and full with tears and hard sick. I looked right into the scared eye of the blue shoes, and I spat. The blue shoes stood up faster than the little fast mouse needing his hole in the wall. He wiped his eye. He pulled up his trousers. The snake on his arm slithered off and disappeared under the washing room door. The blue shoes shook like green jelly in a bowl. ‘We have to get back.’ I followed him to the dormitory. Norma was sitting up in bed with a white face and a wide eye. I sent a picture of me on a boat. The boat was rocking on the stormy ocean. I sailed back to where Norma waited on the shore. After that Norma lay down and I got in my bed and went to sleep.
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