Justify My Love

by Maria Carter

  Vanessa shook her head and smiled as she deleted the message from her mailbox and snapped her seatbelt in place.

  "Who was that?" Eric asked with mild interest as he pulled onto the highway.

  "Tom. Apparently he's revoking his best friend status unless I call him tonight."

  "Guess you'd better do that then."

  "I will. Later."

  Vanessa adjusted her skirt and checked her lipstick in Eric's side mirror. She felt his gaze on her, but she kept her eyes on the window. The temperature was rising, and she didn't want her mind on how good Eric would look naked when his daughter was in the seat behind her. He cleared his throat.

  "Don't forget about your homework tonight," he told Julia.

  "How can I? You wouldn't let me."

  "True enough."

  Vanessa shot him a sideways glance. She knew adolescent girls could be trying on their parents—her attitude hadn't been any different when she was young—but she admired the way he let it roll off his back.

  "What kind of homework do you have?" Vanessa asked.

  "History and English."

  "Not your favorites?"

  "The classes are fun. The homework is boring."

  "How long until summer break?"

  "Two months!"

  Julia' tone changed to one of excitement, now she was reminded freedom wasn't so far away. Eric reached over and squeezed Vanessa's hand, experimenting with physical contact in front of his daughter and thanking her for changing his daughter's mood. It felt so natural. And Julia either hadn't noticed or didn't care.

  This was dangerous. So dangerous.

  One week wasn't long enough to explore this insane attraction she felt to Eric and his small Virginia town. She was going to miss everyone. She began to feel desperate, desperate to hold onto this time and place, and if Julia wasn't in the car with them, Vanessa would probably be in the process of ripping Eric's clothes off. Instead, she straightened her skirt and focused on the distorted scenery outside the car window.

  The sun had set by the time they pulled into the driveway of the yellow cape cod. Julia jumped out of the truck and was first to the door, fumbling with the spare key. Timberlake met her, bounding into her and drooling on her pretty sun dress. Vanessa stepped carefully over the rocks in the driveway. She felt Eric's large hand on her back, supporting her in case she fell.

  She'd managed to stay on her feet just fine so far, but she wasn't going to tell him not to touch her. She liked the feel of his fingers, strong but gentle, through the cotton fabric of her designer blouse—maybe too much.

  By the time they got in the house, Julia was already in her pajamas and racing Timberlake down the stairs. Vanessa leaned against the kitchen counter while Eric reached in the freezer. Julia sat down at the table and took a book out of her backpack.

  "Do you want some?" Eric held up a half gallon of ice cream and motioned to Vanessa.

  "Sure."

  He handed Vanessa a bowl first, then gave some to Julia and fixed a bowl for himself. It was nice, just the three of them hanging out in the small kitchen. Vanessa felt relaxed and happy. A few days ago she would have thought it was impossible to feel so content in Hickman. She was trapped here, but she didn't feel trapped. And she wasn't hurting. Had this become an escape from reality? Was it healthy? She didn't care.

  Vanessa and Eric ended up on the couch together, watching a sitcom while Julia finished her homework. Vanessa slid her shoes off her feet and cuddled into a corner of the couch, letting her toes touch Eric's thigh, casual but intimate—nothing that would distress Julia. When the girl had finished her homework, Vanessa slipped her feet back into her shoes and went to sit on the front steps, giving Julia time alone with her father and giving herself time to return Tom's call.

  He answered after two rings. "Hey, Van. I'm assuming you got my message?"

  "Yes, I did. And I'm assuming you had absolutely nothing to do today."

  "I would have if you were here."

  "Touché."

  "I can't talk long. I'm going out tonight. Since you've abandoned me, I've been forced to find new friends."

  "Oh, really?"

  "Yes. I was window shopping in SoHo—"

  "Also known as checking out your new Calvin Klein ad."

  "—and I met someone. We're going out for drinks tonight."

  "I'm guessing this 'someone' is an attractive male."

  "No, Vanessa. Since you've been gone, I've turned straight and become attracted to uglies."

  "Your mother must be happy."

  "Ha. I'll call you tomorrow. Late, probably. I have a shoot at 5 am."

  "Okay. And, um, have you heard anything about Goe lately?"

  Vanessa wasn't sure why she'd asked. She bit her thumbnail lightly, nerves setting in, but not to the extent that she was willing to ruin her manicure. She knew Tom wouldn't even want her to remember Goe's name, let alone care what he was doing. But she wanted to know, whether it was for reassurance that she'd been more than a blip on his busy radar or for gossip's sake. Surprisingly, Tom didn't give her much of a verbal beating.

  "No, Van, I haven't heard anything from Mr. Douchetastic. Please tell me you're asking because you're expecting the police or a mob to hunt him down sometime in the near future."

  "No, not exactly. I'm just...curious."

  "The hick you're shacking up with isn't doing it for you?"

  "He's not doing anything."

  "Liar."

  "He's not doing much."

  "Yet."

  "Yet," she agreed, a smile creeping into her voice.

  "Don't think about Goe anymore, Vanessa. He's gone. He was never there to begin with. And be careful with this other guy. The last thing you need right now is an STD or an allergic reaction to hay or whatever else you can catch from a quickie with a stranger in the south."

  "I promise I never want to see Goe again. And with Eric...I'll do my best. "

  "I'm guessing your best won't be very good."

  "Bye, Tom."

  She kissed into the phone and ended the call. She heard the front door open and close behind her.

  "Are you blowing long-distance kisses to other men?" Eric asked.

  She smiled without turning around. "Guilty as charged."

  Eric sat down behind her and leaned forward to wrap his arms around her waist, enveloping her in warmth. His lips landed sweetly on the exposed skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed. She wanted him badly. And she was done resisting.

  "Julia is asleep," he murmured.

  His lips moved to her jaw, and a sensual pulsing spread through her veins, slow and sweet, finally landing between her thighs. She clenched them together and sighed, reaching a hand up to hold his hair, keeping his mouth where it was. God, did she want him. His hold on her waist tightened, and she felt him harden against her back.

  She turned. She needed to see him, to know that although this was moving incredibly fast, he felt everything she did, and not just physically.

  He kissed her, caressing and nipping, his tongue exploring her mouth, building tension until Vanessa thought she would burst. He broke away from her too soon, blue eyes dark with wanting her. Fear and desire warred within Vanessa, but she knew the victor before the battle even began.

  "Let's go for a walk," Eric said, his husky voice foreplay in itself.

  Vanessa stood and reached for Eric. Someone else was guiding her movements, a part of herself she'd been ignoring too long. He took her outstretched hand in his and stood, leading her to the woods behind the house. Vanessa's heels kept slipping into the ground, slowing their movements. Eric held her steady, but it wasn't long before a quiet laugh escaped his lips.

  "Just take them off," he said.

  She glanced down at her feet. The solution was that simple. She didn't willingly go barefoot outside unless she was at the beach. But she was out of her element, and she yearned to become a part of Eric's. She kicked them off. Eric smiled and landed a brief kiss on her lips, stoking
the fire and rewarding her newfound freedom. They walked to a break in the tree line, and he guided her through the moonlit darkness, over branches, away from thorns. Her skirt snagged on a bush, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

  Soon, they reached a small clearing. The full moon was high above them; the rest of the world seemed miles away. All that existed here was seclusion and desire. Eric pressed her back gently against a tree trunk and kissed her again.

  The scent of fresh, leafy air mixed with the musky scent of Eric's skin. Vanessa trembled. Her feEricngs—physical and emotional—were intense. Their breath mingled in the still night, growing heavier, more desperate as the caresses continued. Vanessa was losing herself in this place, in Eric.

  Or maybe she was finding herself.

  Her hands reached for the buttons of his shirt, working them more smoothly than she would have thought possible in her heated state. She slipped her hands beneath the cool fabric, feEricng the hard muscles she'd only been able to see until now, exploring the tough skin with her fingertips.

  Eric didn't have the same patience. His hands went straight for the hem of her skirt, sliding it up her thighs, gripping her rear in his large hands and pressing his lower half against hers. A groan escaped his lips as her body lurched instinctively against his.

  "You're wearing a thong?" he growled in a low voice.

  "Panty line," she managed.

  "Thank God for that."

  He brought his lips down on hers again and lifted her. She straddled him, and he lowered them both to the ground. His sheer strength amazed her, sending a fresh shock of desire through her veins. There were perks to bedding a man whose general workday involved tossing around heavy objects.

  He pulled her flimsy underwear down her long, smooth legs before working his way back up, kissing her calves and thighs but avoiding the place that needed his attention the most. She gripped the dirt beneath her fingers and lifted her hips, begging without words.

  She thought she'd known arousal, but this was new. Her riled body ached for his touch. She could barely form thoughts. She heard the sound of a zipper, and he raised himself over her. She tangled her fingers in his thick blond hair, wanting—needing—to feel him. She pressed her lips against his, shaking and gasping as he rubbed against her.

  "Eric," she moaned.

  She felt him shiver, and the fact she was driving him just as crazy as he drove her only heightened the experience. She heard the crinkle of a foil wrapper, felt Eric's lips on hers, and then, with one easy thrust, he took control of her body. Her hips molded to his, matching the slow pace he set as if they were one being. Each moment of physical connection brought a new wave of ecstasy.

  Vanessa's nails grazed Eric's back and shoulders, his hard muscles rippling beneath her touch. Her lips parted as she struggled to fill her lungs with oxygen. A vein was visible in Eric's neck, showing the strain it took for him to keep control. He watched her, loving her body, clearly turned on by her movements. He reached for her blouse and tugged it open, sending buttons flying, opening more of her to his hungry eyes. Vanessa reached back to undo the hook of her bra, giving him full access. He lowered his head immediately, taking her into his warm, wet mouth. She grasped his hair once again, holding him in place, bucking against him as pure sensation overtook her.

  "Oh, God, Eric," she moaned.

  "Vanessa," he breathed in response.

  "Faster."

  He didn't hesitate, her pleasure increasing with his tempo, and by the rough gasps in her ear she guessed the change had done the same for him. It wouldn't be long now. Pressure built within her, tension and emotion threatening to explode. Somewhere beneath the pleasure were her reservations, buried deep and more than happy to be ignored.

  Eric's lips landed on her neck. Her hands roamed his bare body. And somewhere in the midst of tangled limbs, a spark became an explosion.

  Their exhausted muscles gave out, leaving them sated and breathing heavily. Eric rolled onto the ground next to her, taking care of the condom and then wrapping a strong arm around her body.

  Vanessa wasn't sure she could speak. She just rested her head against his shoulder and struggled to catch her breath. They lay quietly for a few minutes, Eric absently stroking her hair and Vanessa running her fingertips across his bare chest. The physical and emotional connection had never been this strong between her and a lover.

  Why? Why did this have to happen, here and now?

  As if he could read her mind, Eric broke the silence. "Don't leave."

  He was serious. She knew it, but she also knew he'd allow her to treat it as a joke if she chose to. Vanessa wasn't sure why—maybe the pleasure made her temporarily insane—but she couldn't picture herself leaving this place. Not when it meant being away from him. New York seemed decades away. He was here. He was now. And she had to have met him and fallen for him in such a short amount of time for a reason. This had to be a sign. This had to be fate.

  "Okay."

  She knew Eric heard, but he didn't respond. He didn't want to give her a chance to second guess her decision.

  But she wouldn't. It was time for change. It was time for her and Eric.

  Chapter Nine

  Vanessa awoke the next morning, well-rested, muscles aching. She yawned and stretched, disappointed to find that Eric had left her bed. She remembered falling asleep in his arms after they made their way back to the house. He must have snuck out early that morning, before Julia woke up for school. She couldn't blame him. Neither of them wanted to have to explain that yet.

  Vanessa swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She removed her tank top and underwear and plucked her eyebrows while the shower ran. Then she got in, letting the hot water massage her well-used muscles. As she ran a soapy loofa over her skin, she was vaguely aware of a tiny scab on her left thigh. It must have been where the thorn snagged her skirt. The pretty item was a goner, but it had sure been worth it.

  So much had happened. Their desire had finally come to fruition. They'd both made a huge leap of faith. She was happy and terrified.

  But she meant what she'd said. She wanted to stay.

  Vanessa enjoyed her daydreams of becoming one big, happy, blended family a while longer before stepping out of the shower and drying off with a towel. Coffee took precedence. She threw on shorts and a comfortable, billowy top with a cincher belt.

  While she heated the caffeinated beverage in the microwave, she caught sight of the time. 10:00 am. Wow. She hadn't slept this late in a while. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was content and relaxed. This was perfection.

  When she opened her eyes, reality returned along with her vision. Everything was perfect except her parents still didn't know about Goe's abuse. She'd have to tell Tom she wasn't coming back, which was another monumental event she didn't want to discuss over the phone. And she'd have to tell the dance studio she wouldn't be able to tutor anymore.

  There was no avoiding it—she had to go back to New York, at least long enough to get her affairs in order. And she'd have to find a job here, whether it was tutoring or travEricng to perform. Eric would understand. She hoped. But Julia needed some sort of stability.

  There were definitely kinks to work out. Vanessa just hoped now that Eric had time to think about it, he hadn't changed his mind.

  She took the coffee out of the microwave and held it between her hands, enjoying the warmth and strong scent. She was so distracted the sound of her phone ringing made her jump, and she barely managed to dodge the hot liquid as it splashed over the rim.

  "Shit," she muttered.

  She answered her phone and began searching through cupboards for paper towels. "Hi, Tom."

  "You sound less-than-thrilled to hear from me."

  "I spilled my coffee."

  "See? You're a wreck. This guy's bad news."

  "Nice try."

  "Anyway, if they have such a thing as internet down there, you should check out my new head shots on Facebook."


  "Thank you so much, Tom. I jump at any opportunity to ogle your perfectly air brushed face and/or body."

  "I sense sarcasm"

  "How did last night go?"

  "Eh."

  "Just eh?"

  "Yes. I should really learn to just focus on the physical qualities of a person and leave it at that."

  Vanessa smiled at her best friend's flippancy. He never worried too much about relationships. His career came first, and, after all, he loved the love game.

  "So is your car ready yet?" he continued.

  "Not yet. I should probably call and check on it."

  "And tell them to hurry up. Norreen knows someone who's shooting a commercial next week, and he's auditioning extras on Friday. There's some dancing involved, so you'd be great, and it would give you some get-over-him-and-move-on cash."

  "Um, that sounds great—"

  "Great!"

  "—but I can't."

  "Why?"

  "Because, um, I don't know if my car will be ready."

  "You're a horrible liar, Van. What's going on?"

  Vanessa's cheeks flushed. Of course he could see right through her; he was her best friend. "I'll tell you when I get back."

  "No, tell me now."

  Vanessa bit her lip and stared at the time, more for distraction than anything else. This was it. It was the first time she'd say the words out loud. And she'd do it with no reassurance from Eric.

  "I'm only coming back to New York for a little while. Eric asked me to stay, and I said yes."

  Her only answer was silence. She took a sip of coffee. Finally, he spoke.

  "So you slept with him?"

  Vanessa bristled. She wasn't sure if he meant it as an insult or clarification—it was probably a mix of both—but she didn't like the way it sounded. It was hard to explain, but her connection with Eric was more than that. And it wasn't just Eric—it was Julia, Sharon, Bommer, and everyone else she'd met so far in Hickman.