We stepped out into the hallway, which was once more dotted with hundreds of tiny lights hanging in the painted weeping willows on the walls. Nighttime had fallen. Almost a whole day lost, and no word from the Seer. I could feel my anxiety rising again, but I forced it back down. Camillia said that the Seer would find me. I’d asked Tommy if this was true, and he had told me it was. I had nothing to do but wait, and my patience was wearing thin.
“Do you know where this thing is?” I asked Tommy as we stepped out of the cottage and into the night.
“Yes, it’s not far, but I think it’s outside. You’re not cold, are you?”
I shook my head. The night air in the Outlands was a perfect temperature, soft against the bare skin of my back and arms. I hadn’t really gotten to see the city at night before, and as Tommy led me down the red path heading east I saw that the place was even more spectacular with the dark sitting over the land. The sky above glittered with endless stars, which seemed to have shed their dust all over the city. There were so many Pixies fluttering around, hundreds it seemed, that in the distance at first I thought they were fireflies, though their glow was too bright for them to be. People of all sorts were walking about. Some of them I recognized as Fae, with the black tattooed wings on their backs and shoulders. Others were things I didn’t recognize, mostly human-looking, except for some had blue skin or pink or glowing eyes or hair that fell down to their knees. They were all beautiful, in the same way things that are so other, are beautiful. And most of them seemed to be heading in the same direction we were.
Tommy glanced down at my Gladius, which was still just clutched in my hand. “You just going to carry that around the whole time?” he asked.
I shrugged. “There’s no place to hold it in this dress.”
Tommy eyed me. “I noticed.” He stepped off the path then, and I stopped when he stooped down and plucked a long-stemmed flower from the grass. He popped the head off the stem and it floated to the ground like a dying star. Wrapping the stem around his fingers, he pulled it taut to test its strength. He nodded when it didn’t break and returned to my side on the path.
Tommy held his hand out, looking at my Gladius. “May I?”
I hesitated. I trusted Tommy, but the only other person I’d actually let touch the weapon had been Kayden. Then, I handed it over, because it was Tommy, and the more I hung out with him, the more I liked him. But it was more than that, more than just liking him. I didn’t love Tommy the way I loved Kayden, of course, but his feelings toward my sister seemed to have formed a bond between us that was something very much like love. I remembered the time he’d told me that it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with him. In a way, I suppose, he had been right.
Tommy held the sword gently, and the way he stared down at it let me know that he very much wanted to stroke his fingers over its smooth surface, to trace the vines and flowers cut into it. He didn’t. Instead, he wound the long vine around each end of the handle and the stem seemed to stretch and hold tight, like the strap on a purse. Tommy reached over my head and I lifted my arm so that the sword could hang between my shoulders like a sheath of arrows, the blade tucked safely inside until I needed it.
Tommy stepped back. “That should do,” he said. His head tilted as he studied me. “Actually, it’s kind of a sexy way to carry your weapon. You look like an avenging angel. Badass.”
My cheeks heated, but I had to admit that the Gladius was comforting resting there, cool and smooth between my shoulder blades. I could reach back easily if I needed it, and though the flower stem that held it was fuzzy and strong enough to support its weight, I would be able to rip through it easily. “Thanks,” I said, giving Tommy a little smile. “I actually feel a little badass.”
Tommy quirked an eyebrow and took my hand again, leading me down the path. “Just a little, huh? Oh, Mighty Sun Warrior thee.”
I slapped Tommy’s arm and laughed. But then I looked around and saw that a lot of people were staring at me. Suddenly I was nervous. I pretended not to notice them, but I pulled on Tommy’s sleeve and whispered in his ear. “Are all of these people coming? Were they invited?”
He patted my hand, but I saw that his eyes were scanning everything. “I don’t think they have to be invited,” he said. “I don’t know too much about this place, but I’m pretty sure that everything is shared and open for everyone. No one who wishes any harm on another person here can enter, so you can imagine how few candidates there are in the supernatural world that are permitted to be here. Not many. It’s really such a tiny piece of Territory that the only way it works is if everyone can get along.” Tommy was still watching all around us, as if his gut didn’t trust the words his mouth was saying. “I’d say yes, by the look of it, most of them are going to the same place we are.”
Up ahead I could see the where the event was located. It looked kind of like the town’s square, a sort of central place that all the red paths led into. There were red maple trees surrounding the area, and someone had strung white lights through them, making a halo-like circle. The center of the trees was packed with people and tables that held various foods and drinks. Where all the paths met was a large fountain that was shaped like a sun, golden-colored water spraying out from all of its rays, falling into a pool with lights set inside that changed colors every few seconds. Music was playing softly, but the sound of it was unlike any instrument I’d ever heard, sort of like tinkles and harp strings, but not. I could hear the laughter of the people already there, their chatter and the clinks of the champagne glasses they were holding.
I pulled Tommy to a stop as we reached the edge of the trees that led into the circle, digging the heels of my sandals into the soft earth. “What’s wrong?” Tommy asked, looking down at me through thick lashes.
I opened my mouth to tell him that I had changed my mind, that I didn’t want to do this or be here, but my promise to Soraya flashed through my mind, and I took a deep breath. I started walking again. I could smell the food that was piled on top of the tables now, even from this distance, and I realized with a gurgle in my stomach that I hadn’t eaten anything all day except for the blueberry muffin that Kayden had given me this morning. I was starving.
Tommy and I stepped through the ring of trees, and dozens of strange faces turned toward us. Heat flooded my cheeks, but I kept walking, trying not to so desperately look around for somewhere to hide. After what I assumed was a long enough observation of me to satiate their curiosity, most of them turned back to their conversations. I breathed a silent sigh of relief. But as Tommy led me through the crowd it was the same thing over and over again. Stare, maybe whisper something to someone next to them, stare some more, and then apparently lose interest. I wished they would just skip to the lose interest part. At least almost all of them were dressed up the same as I was. Walking up to see them all in jeans and t-shirts would have been mortifying.
Soraya and Catherine found us then, and I relaxed a little when I saw the huge grin on the girl’s face. “Alexa!” she said, running over to me. She was holding two plates piled with cakes and cookies and candies. She thrust them out to me. “Do you see this?” she asked. “I had no idea that so many delicious things existed in the world. I think I like some of them better than blood.”
My heart twisted, but I smiled. “You’re going to be up all night if you eat all that.”
She nodded enthusiastically, her dark curls bobbing around her face. “Yeah, that’s the plan. Mommy said we could stay as long as I wanted.” Her eyes caught on something behind me and grew wide. “Mommy, mommy, mommy, I haven’t tried that game yet! I wanna try that game!”
Catherine, Tommy and I looked over to where Soraya was pointing. There was a table set up, and behind it was a rope-latter that was attached to one of the maple trees on one end and held into the ground at an angle by stakes at the other. A Fae child—I knew because he had those black wings tattooed on his small back—was trying to climb to the top of the latter to reach a bell at the
top, but the latter would swing and twist and drop him off every time he got close.
We all looked at Catherine, who smiled down at her daughter. “Sure,” she said. “Whatever you want.”
Soraya jumped up into the air with a hoot of glee. She turned to me. “Come watch me, Alexa. Come watch me. I’m the best at climbing. I’ve been climbing trees since I was three.” She puffed out her chest a little. “I’m the best.”
I nodded and she took my hand, half-dragging me in her eagerness. I wondered if children always repeated themselves a hundred times when they were excited, or if it was just a Soraya thing. It didn’t annoy me. I was just happy to see her so happy. I was suddenly almost glad I’d come here.
Soraya waited in the line of children, approaching the latter with the same look in her eyes that had been there the very first time I’d met her, out in the middle of the forest back at Two Rivers. She’d thrown rocks at my head and then threatened me with a stick, all the while having a more serious expression on her face than I had ever seen on any child. Now, she watched the other kids make their attempts up the latter the same way she had watched me that day in the woods. I could just see her little mind working out the things they were doing wrong with their bodies that would make the ropes twist and sway.
When it was her turn she moved as quickly as a little spider, the wiry muscles in her skinny arms and legs standing out as she moved hand over foot. A few times she had to stop in her progress, the latter’s ropes quivering beneath her as she locked her muscles in place to stay right-side-up. But even so, she made it to the top on her first try, and much faster than any of the other children we had watched. She craned her neck around to show us her smile and raised eyebrows, which said to me, see, I told ya. I clapped my hands and cheered for her, and she turned back to the tree and rang the bell.
Once she dropped to the ground she came striding over to us with a very satisfied look on her face. She looked up at me. “See? I told ya.”
I burst out into laughter so hearty that it sort of shocked me. Tommy gave Soraya a high five. “I have to admit, that was pretty good,” he told her.
Her little chest was still puffed out, her arms slightly back, her walk all pride. “Thanks,” she said, and I saw a little pink bloom behind her cheeks as she looked up at Tommy through her dark lashes.
Soraya pulled us from game to game, and I tried the various foods set out on the tables and was delighted to find that they were all delectable, or maybe I was just really hungry. I was thinking that this wasn’t so bad. In fact, watching Soraya having so much fun and so much excitement was just about the best thing I felt like I could be doing at the moment, even with the other people gawking at me every time I passed. I would have just not paid them any attention, but I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the crowd and searching for Kayden.
I didn’t see him, but I did see someone else I’d been meaning to talk to, even though it was sure to plummet my not-quite-so-awful mood. I told Tommy, Catherine and Soraya that I would be back in a minute, and cut through the crowd toward Patterson. I walked by Simon and Victoria, who were sitting beneath one of the maple trees sucking on each other’s faces, and I wished I hadn’t eaten that last slice of cake. They didn’t notice me as I passed, and I reached Patterson and tapped him on the arm.
His fist flew out as he spun around, and it caught me so off guard that my Monster had to come forward with lightning-fast reflexes and catch his arm before it could connect with my face. His eyes widened when he saw that it was me. I released his arm and he let it fall to his side. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to.” He let out a deep sigh. “Geez. It’s a good thing you’re faster than I remember.”
I waved his apology off. I was too busy looking at how terrible he looked. The skin below his eyes was so dark that it looked almost like bruising, though I knew that it was just from lack of sleep. Grief seemed to be sewed into every fiber of him. He still wore the black Warrior uniform that he had been wearing when we’d arrived here, though it did look like someone had washed it, at least. But other than that, his brown hair was a mess, his thick shoulders slumped and his bottom lip peeling and bleeding a little, as if he had spent hours worrying it with his teeth. His brown eyes held not even a trace of the fight and spark of life that had always been there every time I’d ever seen him.
I had been right. Doing this now was about the surest way to spoil my tiny piece of good mood. Well, I was here now anyway, and just looking at him told me that I couldn’t punk out on this. Patterson needed someone to help him get through this, and the only one who could understand his pain was me. I wasn’t sure there was any kind of pain I wouldn’t understand anymore.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
He nodded, just once, and I led him over to a bench that sat off one of the red paths, closer to the edge of the party near the ring of trees, where there were fewer people. I sat down. He sat down beside me. For a moment, I couldn’t for the life of me think of a single thing to say. But Patterson surprised me by speaking first. I could barely hear him over the low music and droning voices of the crowd. If I had to describe his voice in one word, it would be broken.
“How do you do it?” he asked.
I looked over at him, my eyebrows drawn together. “How do I do what?”
“How do you take all the hurt and pain and keep going?” Patterson’s brown eyes were burning now with desperateness so intense that it was almost hard to look at.
“I’ve watched you,” he continued, in that barely audible, broken voice. “What you’ve been going through this past day, and the things you’ve been going through since that old bitch sent you to Two Rivers. Looking at you, even now, it’s almost like I can feel the pain burning like a flame inside you, and yet here you sit, expressionless, strong, still breathing. And here I am, slowly killing myself with my anguish, torturing myself with thoughts of things that could have been. I just want you to tell me how you… do it.”
Though I knew that he didn’t mean it that way, the question felt very much like a slap in the face. I had to clench my teeth so that I wouldn’t cringe visibly. I wanted to help Patterson, but what the hell does someone even say to a question like that?
Words started falling out of my mouth that were news to me even as I spoke them. I realized that they were coming from the other half of me, and while I spoke, I made a silent threat that this had better be good, damned good. I could almost feel my Monster rolling its eyes in my head as I decided to let it take the reins on this one.
My voice came out uncharacteristically gentle and soft, surprising me. “I guess I’ve just come to the point where I have no room left to torture myself about the things I can’t control, the things I’ve done and the things I’ve lost. It’s like I’ve reached my maximum capacity and nothing else can hurt me anymore than I’m already hurting inside.” I paused, and could see that Patterson was listening, but that my Monster was hoping its words were sinking into me, too.
“I am so full of the hurt that I’m empty inside,” I continued. “And knowing that nothing else that happens from here on out could be any worse than this feeling of burning nothingness…comforts me.”
Patterson’s eyes had cleared of that half-mad look, and his head was bent down, his face studying very seriously the lines on his large, scarred hands. He was silent for a moment. Then he looked up at me again. “You remind me so much of her,” he said. “You don’t look like her, but I mean you, the way you are, your philosophies and strength and stubbornness and even your mannerisms, sometimes. I think I knew from that first day that you entered my class—late— just like Diana always was to her classes when we were kids, and the way you tossed your head and gave me a look like you’d sooner strike me down than apologize for your tardiness, like it was my fault or something. I think I knew right then that she had raised you, that you were hers.”
This confession had my head spinning. No one had ever compared me to my Mother before, and at first I felt indignant,
and then I felt guilty, and then I just felt nothing again. And that was good. My Monster was right about one thing, I was at full capacity when it came to crappy feelings, and as much as the things Patterson was saying hurt, it couldn’t hurt any more. If I got through all of this, then maybe I would sit down someday and ask myself all the hard questions that revolved around my relationship with my Mother. But today was not that day.
“I just want you to know that you’re not alone,” I said. I placed my hand over his and squeezed. These words were mine. I could feel them. “I wish I could sit with you and cry over her. I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay, but I can’t do that and I don’t know that. All I know right now is that I’m still here, my sister is out there somewhere, and my Mother, wherever she’s gone, still expects me to find Nelly and make her right. I think maybe that’s all I need to know right now. Maybe that’s enough.”
Patterson looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears, but a little of that old light had returned to them, just a flicker. “You’re right,” he said plainly. “That is enough.”
The Rise (The Alexa Montgomery Saga) Page 19