He read through my notes under his breath, then looked up. “You,” he said softly, “are a genius.”
“No, I’m related to geniuses,” I said, wishing more than I ever had before that I really was as smart as he seemed to think.
“Related and one. Can I tear this out?”
“Of course.”
He carefully removed the pages from my notebook then pushed it back to me. “Can... would you read it over for me once I write it?”
“Of course,” I said again, touched that he’d ask.
“I’d be happy to do anything for you,” he said, “if there’s something I can do to help you out. Like with the dress or whatever.”
I laughed. “You good at sewing on fabric roses?”
He tipped his head to one side. “Wouldn’t have thought MC would want those.”
She hadn’t, but I’d added them as part of my ridiculous ‘let’s make them think she’s a fake’ plan. I shrugged. “Mostly my idea, I guess, but she’s into it now.”
He smiled. “Awesome.” The smile faded. “And you’re okay? With the wedding and all that?”
“Kent talked to you,” I said, feeling annoyed that he would.
Ron shook his head. “I just thought it might be difficult for you. And I guess I was right? Understandable. I mean, I know you and Kent weren’t right for each other, but still...”
Yeah. But still. The guy I’d thought I’d be with forever was marrying someone else and I had done horrible things to protect him and still had no idea whether they’d worked. My throat tightened and I shut my eyes.
Ron’s warm hand against mine made me jump, and he pulled away, but I shook my head without realizing I was going to and he took my hand again. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “Would talking about it help?”
Would it? I hadn’t been able to tell Kent what I’d done but I almost felt like I could tell Ron. He’d help me figure out how to avoid the mess I was so afraid I was bringing down on Kent and MC.
I squeezed his hand, trying to decide, and he put his other hand over mine too. “I think you’re amazing, you know, being so involved in the wedding. You’re... brave. And amazing.”
I looked down at our hands on the table and knew I wouldn’t tell him a thing. I couldn’t bear the idea of what he’d say about me if he knew. This... whatever... between us would be over before it got started.
After clearing my throat so I wouldn’t cry, I raised my head to look at him. “You’re the best, but it’s okay. And don’t worry, I’ll have her dress done on time. I won’t mess things up.” Again my throat tightened but I managed to add, “I won’t,” not sure whether I was convincing myself or him.
“I know,” he said. “Because you’re amazing.”
We sat looking at each other. I couldn’t believe I’d ever felt like he was my brother. I’d never before wondered how Ron kissed, but I was wondering now.
And by the look in his eyes I knew it was mutual.
Chapter Twenty
The week following that great Sunday was one of my weirdest ever. Aaron and I saw each other three times, and he went from being careful even about how long we kissed so as not to upset me on Monday to again pushing the boundaries by touching me more than I could handle on Tuesday to asking me why after I’d slept with Kent I was still holding to my no-sex-before-marriage ideas on Thursday. I didn’t know, so I couldn’t tell him, but I didn’t like the pressure and I made sure he knew it.
And on Monday and Friday I saw Ron. No pressure there, no stress, no awkwardness. We didn’t acknowledge out loud that moment on Sunday when we’d both considered taking our relationship further, but I felt like we were at a whole new level anyhow. Our hug goodbye that day after the second lattes were gone had been the most comforting and amazing one I’d ever had, and seeing Ron seemed to take away all of my stress and nervousness.
At least while we were together. When we were apart, nothing seemed right. The situation with Aaron was fast falling to pieces. Though I did like him I didn’t want to sleep with him, and I wanted to even less because he was being so insistent. MC’s dress was working well but I had less than two weeks to finish it and that scared me, and so did worrying about what would happen when she wore it. Kia seemed grouchy and distant whenever we had to work together on the swimsuit business, and I was terrified she might quit and leave me to handle all the stuff I didn’t understand. And the idea that Simon wouldn’t keep his end of the bargain haunted me.
All in all, I was not in the mood for Kent and MC’s bachelor/bachelorette party on Saturday night. But I knew I had to go, both because I was in the wedding party and because people seemed to think I wasn’t okay with Kent remarrying and if I skipped the party that would seem even more believable, so I got dressed up and put on my pink heels and headed out to meet Kia and go to the restaurant telling myself my headache would go away with a little food and wine.
It didn’t, though. Aaron’s behavior didn’t help with that. He didn’t even say hello when I came in, probably because he was too busy out-and-out hitting on every woman he could reach. Over the course of our meal, he offered Ashley wine and told her there was more where that came from in a tone that suggested he wanted her to go looking for it in his pants, he ran his eyes over Kia and told her she was too hot to be out in public, he even invited a pretty blonde who walked by on her way to the bathroom to join us then gave her his phone number when she giggled and refused because she was out with her boss... if he’d come right out and told the group, “I don’t care about Summer any more,” he couldn’t have made things any more obvious.
Nobody commented on it, but I could feel Kent and Ron watching me at various times and knowing they had noticed and felt bad for me made me feel even more pathetic.
Things got a million times worse when we reached the dance club. Aaron didn’t so much as look at me, though we were all together forming a circle around Kent and MC as they laughed and danced and had a great time. I didn’t begrudge them that time, I really didn’t, but the misery it filled me with to be so on the outside made me want to curl up in a corner and sob.
I tried to keep a happy face, but I knew I wasn’t succeeding when Ron came over and said into my ear, “You okay?”
I shook my head and rubbed my forehead. “Headache,” I said back.
He grimaced and laid his hand gently on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. Not the place to be, I guess. It’s awfully loud. Want to go outside for a minute?”
I nodded. “You don’t have to, though, I’ll be fine. You must want to be with the party.”
His hand tightened on my shoulder. “I want to help you. Outside?”
I glanced at Aaron and saw him whispering in the ear of another attendee who giggled and slapped his arm in a ‘I have to pretend I’m offended but keep going’ kind of way. “Outside,” I murmured, because my throat had tightened too much for me to speak at the concern in Ron’s voice, and turned away, knowing he’d follow even though he probably hadn’t heard me. As I made my way through the crowded club I fought with my emotions and by the time we got past the bouncers and found a quiet place to stand outside I was calm enough to say, “I’m sorry, I’m being an idiot. It’s just so loud, and with my headache...”
Ron nodded. “I should have asked the girls if anyone has painkillers in her purse. Want me to?”
“I’d rather you shoot me.”
He put his arm around my shoulder. “Sorry, not going to happen. How could I shoot the woman who made my personal essay a million times better than it would have been on my own?”
I cuddled into him, loving the way his touch felt warm and safe and caring without being demanding. “A thousand times at the most. And you’d have figured it out without me.”
“No way. So. Painkiller?”
“I can’t make you go back in there.”
“No, but I’m happy to. Are you okay here?”
I nodded, and he said, “Wait right here. I’ll be back.”
He’d barely di
sappeared through the front door when a group of guys noticed me and came over. Ordinarily I’d have been fine chatting them all up and laughing and flirting and not taking anything seriously but the pain in my head and the confusion in my heart meant I said, “I’m sorry, guys, I don’t feel well. Do you mind leaving me alone?”
They looked at each other in a way that suggested they did mind, and a sudden flash of horror at the idea of being forced to do to them what I’d done to Simon, or so much worse, made me shriek, “I said go away!”
They laughed, and one took a step closer, but I heard a deep “Hey!” from behind them and we all looked to see one of the muscly bouncers heading over.
“We didn’t do nothing,” the guy who’d moved toward me said. “Don’t know what her problem is.”
“You, I’m guessing. She’s kind of outnumbered. Get in line for the club, guys, or get lost.”
They left, someone muttering, “Bitch wasn’t worth it anyhow,” and the bouncer said, “You okay?”
I managed a nod before I burst into tears.
He looked back toward the departing guys. “They hurt you?”
“No, no.” I shook my head. “Sorry,” I said through my sobs. “Been a bad day. Week. Month. Year. Lifetime.”
He gave my shoulder an awkward pat. “I get it. Come stand with me. Nobody’ll bother you.”
I followed him back to the door, feeling even worse since all I had was my ability to talk to people and now even that was failing me, and stood crying quietly a few feet away from him because I couldn’t stop. People entering the club looked at me curiously but the bouncer’s protection meant nobody spoke, although the group of guys muttered a few other things I was probably supposed to hear but fortunately didn’t as they passed by.
Once they’d gone in I was able to settle myself down a bit, but when Ron returned the fierce anger on his face freaked me out.
He started toward me but the bouncer stopped him with an outstretched hand. “Hold up.” The big guy looked at me. “You know him?”
I nodded and he let Ron through.
“What happened?” Ron’s anger intensified. “Someone causing trouble?”
I tried to nod and shake my head at the same time but only managed to make my headache worse. “It’s fine. They’re gone. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” He dug in a pocket and held out a small white pill. “Liv had this. Sorry, I couldn’t bring water out to you.”
I managed to choke down the pill. “Thank you. But what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing.”
He put first one hand then the other on my shoulders, and I couldn’t bear not being in his embrace for another second. Not caring any more what he was hiding, I pushed forward and flung my arms around his waist, and he pulled me close and held me tighter than he ever had before.
I whimpered his name into his chest, feeling so unbearably afraid and sad, and he pressed his cheek to my hair. “It’s okay, Summer. It’ll be okay. It’ll all work out.”
He didn’t know how much of a mess “all” really was, but his soothing voice and his strong body against mine calmed me anyhow, and I stayed locked in his arms until I felt able to say, “I should say goodbye to them and go home. I’m no use here.”
He stiffened. “No, you don’t need to. I can get you a taxi and say goodbye for you.”
I drew back, confused, and looked up at him. “Why?” Things snapped together in my mind. “What’s going on in there that I can’t see?”
He looked past me. “Damn it. Why do you have to be so smart?”
I gave a painful laugh. “As if. Tell me.”
But he didn’t have to, because as I spoke I heard a familiar female giggle behind me and a familiar male voice growling, “Kiss me,” and I spun around to see Aaron.
Locking lips with Kia.
I stared in horror, ignoring Ron’s muttered curse word from behind me, but before I could do anything Kent and MC and the rest of the party group poured out of the club and bumped into each other as the front ones froze in shock to see me watching Aaron making out with my supposed friend.
Ron laid a hand on my back from behind me, and his gentle touch gave me strength. I stalked forward on my high pink heels, the ones that a week ago had made Aaron want to have sex with me, and punched him as hard as I could in the shoulder.
He popped his mouth off Kia’s with a revolting suction-cup sound and turned on me, fists rising. “What the--”
“No!” Ron shouted from behind me, but Aaron had already recognized me and dropped his hands as Kia scrambled to hide herself behind him.
I’d deal with her later. “Aaron, how could you?”
His eyes took a second to focus on my face and I realized he was plastered. “Not like you want me,” he said, slurring his words together. “Not like you care.”
“I do, actually,” I said, realizing that maybe I didn’t.
He laughed. It was ugly. “Yeah, right. If you did you wouldn’t be such a... cocktease.”
I’d been called that so many times in my life, and it never stopped hurting. “Aaron, I told you--”
“Yeah, yeah. ‘No sex until I’m married’,” he said in a horrible sing-song voice. “You told me and told me, that’s for sure. That’s all I got from you, is words.”
“Aaron!” He’d seemed like he understood. I couldn’t believe he’d treat me like this, especially in front of everyone.
Then he turned to a group of guys standing near him, luckily not the ones who’d bothered me before. “Can you believe that? Not even like she’s a virgin anyhow. Fortunately the other women I’ve met since the show haven’t been so ridiculous.”
I gasped, my fingers going tingly with shock as I realized things were so much worse than they’d seemed. I’d almost gone all the way with him and he-- “You’ve been sleeping with other--”
“Hey, you wouldn’t put out, so--”
Ron stormed past me. “Shut your mouth,” he said fiercely, slamming to a stop in front of Aaron. “Just shut up.”
Aaron laughed. “Whatever, man. Any number of women want me so I don’t need her. You can have her. Or actually, you can’t. Unless you marry her. Which would be weird, given....” He flicked his eyes toward the group at the door, no doubt seeking out Kent as evidence for his statement that it would be weird, and something he saw there made him look uncomfortable and awkward for the first time since he’d stopped kissing Kia.
“Let’s go,” he said to her now, reaching back and grabbing her hand. “Let’s get out of here.”
She ducked her head so she wouldn’t have to look at me, and the two of them hurried down the sidewalk to grab a waiting taxi.
I burst into tears. Again. I was getting awfully tired of crying.
“Oh, honey,” Liv said as she pulled me into her arms. “I can’t believe he’d be such an ass. I thought he was... better. I’m so sorry.”
I clung to her, unable to hold back my sobs. I’d never been so humiliated, or felt so stupid for my beliefs. How could he have said those things in front of everyone? How could he have been having sex with other women while trying to get me to make him my second? I liked to think I was good at judging people but clearly I wasn’t, with how I’d misread Aaron and hadn’t seen what Simon wanted from me right away, and that was ripping me up inside almost more than what Aaron had done. If I didn’t have my people skills any more, I had nothing at all.
When I finally stopped crying, I pulled back from Liv and wiped my eyes. “They’re gone, right? They’re not here any more?” I’d seen them heading for the taxi but I had to know if I might run into them.
MC, standing beside Liv and me looking sadder and angrier than I’d ever seen her usually blank face manage, nodded as Kent said, “They left. I don’t know where they went.”
Misery swept me, but anger too. “And I don’t care,” I said. “To hell, I hope. Both of them. She knew how I felt about him.” Tears rose again at the thought, and I squeezed my eyes shut to hold them back
. Once I’d managed that, I rubbed away the few that had escaped and said, “Well. Whatever. Sorry for wrecking your night.”
Kent and MC, at the same time, lied that I hadn’t, but I knew the truth. They’d never remember their last party as single people without also remembering my confrontation with Aaron.
Ron moved toward me, his eyes soft and sad. “I can take you home if you want, Summer.”
I nodded right away, because I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more. Except maybe to be shot like I’d requested earlier. “Please.” I made myself look around at everyone. “Sorry, guys.”
Ron led me away as they all told me that it wasn’t my fault. They were right, of course, that I didn’t deserve the blame for Aaron and Kia’s behavior, but I did blame myself for one thing: I’d let Aaron think I might sleep with him eventually. If I’d been honest right up front we wouldn’t have been together at all and none of this would have happened.
But then we’d never have shared those amazing kisses either, and I’d have missed those. And I had thought maybe I’d feel ready to be with him. I hadn’t been right, but I hadn’t been lying either.
How did people ever decide what to do in life, with all those possibilities out there? Maybe they really were all smarter than me.
Once Ron and I were settled in a taxi and heading to my place I said, “So, I guess you were trying to avoid me going inside and seeing him kissing Kia, right?”
He didn’t answer for a moment, then he said, “Actually, at that point...” He reached over and took my hand. “When I came outside he was kissing Ashley.”
I blinked. “Really?” I had thought Ashley and Sam were together, or at least working on being together. But then I’d also thought that Aaron and I were together and clearly that wasn’t true. He’d been moving from woman to woman in there. And out in the world too. He’d been sleeping with who knew how many women while also trying to convince me to join the crowd. So what did I know?
Fifteen Minutes of Summer Page 11