Michaela rose up and pressed a palm to his chest, pushing him to the bed. She straddled him and quickly removed her own shirt. Jason reached up and ran his hands down along the curves of her sides before pulling her face down to his. Her lips were everywhere; his mouth, his cheek, his neck. She trailed a kiss along his collar bone while he dug his hands into the mass of hair that spilled over her shoulders.
Michaela ground against him as the drink-induced fog over Jason started to lift, and he realized what they were doing.
“Mic,” he muttered against her lips. She kissed him again, cutting off his next words. It was as if he couldn’t control his own body, not with her. In a moment of sobriety, he realized that it wasn’t right. He willed his arms to move and gripped her upper arms.
“Michaela, stop.” He held her at arm’s length.
“No, Jason.” She tried to kiss him again. When he didn’t let her, she sat up, still straddling him. “What?”
“This isn’t right.”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” She gazed down at him seductively and wiggled her hips. She must have been more far gone than he thought. This wasn’t Michaela. “No strings.”
Those two words sent a jolt of irrational anger through Jason. He rolled, so she had to jump off him quickly.
“You think that’s what I want?” he asked. “Do you even know me at all?” Anger and hurt tinged his words. “I’m not interested in just sleeping with you. If that’s what you need to get over that asshole, go find it somewhere else.”
“I think you should go.” Michaela’s voice was so quiet it was almost as if she hadn’t spoken at all. Tears hung in her lashes and despite everything, Jason couldn’t bring himself to leave her like that.
“Mic...”
“You’re right.” Her chest heaved as she sucked in a breath. “About everything. Seeing him… Jason, sometimes I don’t know who I am without him. So much of my life…” She shook her head. “I’m drunk. I’m tired. I’m way too depressing for you to have to deal with. You’ve been a good friend. Now I need to be one and refuse to break down again. You don’t deserve that.” She jerked her head towards the door. “Leave.” The smile that tilted her lips was sad as she laid on her side and hugged her pillow. Her eyes drifted shut. “I’ll be fine.”
Jason grabbed his shirt and shoes from the floor, but didn’t bother to put them on until he was in the hall outside her apartment. He leaned his head on the wall, breathing heavily.
“Dammit.” How could one night change everything? Something inside Michaela was so broken she couldn’t see the road in front of her.
But how could he be the one to help her? The disfunction he’d grown up with was very different from hers, but it was still there. She needed someone who could make her whole. Who would give every part of themselves. Jason was not that man. If he gave her all he had, it still wouldn’t be enough.
He left her building behind, knowing things had changed between them. There was no way their close friendship could survive this intact. He realized the only thing he could do was give her space. He had faith in her. She’d be able to move past it and come back to him. Friends. He could at least do that for her. All he had to do was wait.
Chapter Eight
Michaela couldn’t shake her foul mood. She went through her work day like Godzilla went through a city. Her feet stomped loudly as she walked. She slammed a stack of files on the table in the file room and another stack tipped, scattering papers onto the floor.
“Wonderful,” Michaela growled.
“You okay?” Katie popped her head in.
“Fine,” Michaela snapped. She was anything but fine.
“I’m going to Jason’s for a drink tonight.” Katie chose her words carefully as if one wrong word could set Michaela off again. “You in?”
“No.” Michaela gave no explanation or excuse, so Katie left to get back to work.
Michaela hadn’t seen Jason all week. They’d both been doing a good job of avoiding each other. She was mad at him. Why am I so mad? She thought constantly. That he didn’t take advantage of me when I was drunk and depressed? That he wasn’t okay with just a one-night stand? Michaela didn’t understand her own feelings. She felt like he rejected her, but she knew that was stupid. She was more mad at herself. She’d gone and ruined one of the only good things going on in her life - her friendship with Jason. How would he even be able to look at her again? She felt her face heat up in embarrassment at the thought.
That girl from that night wasn’t her, or at least the person she wanted to be. Before, Jason had looked at her like she was so good. She was a mess, sure, but he saw something in her. What was left for him to see now? She had wanted to stay home and hide under her covers all week, but her life didn’t stop because she was ashamed.
Then she thought of that first kiss. What was that? That sure as hell hadn’t felt like rejection. Neither had all the other kisses. Her stomach clenched when she remembered the feel of his body against hers. In that moment, she’d forgotten everything else.
The first part had worked to make Ethan jealous, which is what she’d thought she wanted. He’d called every day since that party. Michaela hadn’t called him back, and she’d ignored his text messages pleading with her to do so. Not long ago, Ethan calling would’ve made her happier than just about anything else. What had changed?
It was Friday, and Michaela was actually dreading the weekend. Usually she hung out with Chris and Jason. Chris was still in a bad way, and she didn’t know how to help him. Her father’s rejection of him had sure made a mess. So, she’d be spending most of the weekend alone, with way too much time to think.
On her walk home from work, Michaela decided to do the one thing that might help her brother. She called her mom.
“Hello,” her mother answered absently.
“Hi, Mom.” Michaela chewed the inside of her cheek.
“Oh, Michaela dear. I’m surprised you have time to call your mother.” There’s dig number one, Michaela thought.
“Yeah, I’ve been busy. Listen-”
“Busy being a secretary?” her mother interrupted. Dig number two. “Yes, I’m sure it’s very demanding work.”
“Mom-”
“Or is it that you’re busy with that bartender?” Dig number three.
“How did you know he’s a-”
“Your father looked into him.” She sounded like that was the most normal thing in the world.
“Of course he did. But he owns the bar and we’re not-”
“You know, he’s not a suitable match, Michaela,” her mother went on. “Ethan says he saw you last weekend and that he’s been trying to reach you.”
“I don’t-”
“You should count your lucky stars that a man like that is even looking your way.” Dig number four.
“Mom, he isn’t-”
“You need to call him.”
“Fine,” Michaela said. “But the reason I called is Chris. He-”
“Honey, I have to go.” She hung up before Michaela could even say goodbye.
“Great talking to you too, Mom.” She sighed.
People packed into the bar, but Jason wasn’t into it. Every movement was sluggish as he filled drinks and cleaned glasses.
Aaron stepped up beside him. “Beat it, boss.”
Jason glanced sideways in confusion.
“Something is wrong with you tonight and I don’t have the time to figure it out. You need to leave.”
Jason shook his head. “Do you see how busy it is in here tonight?”
“Exactly.” Aaron plucked the glass Jason had been drying absently from his hands. “You’re slowing us down. Scram.”
Jason quit arguing and threw the towel next to the sink. His other bartenders were too busy with customers to spare him a glance as he slipped out behind them.
The music pumped through his body, setting his nerves on edge as Jason walked through the crowd without seeing any of the faces. A hand stretched out
and pulled him from behind onto the dance floor as someone whispered in his ear, “Hey sexy. Wanna dance?”
Jason spun around and found Michaela’s friend, Katie, swaying in front of him. He reached out to steady her, and she took it as an invitation to move close.
“Not tonight, Katie.”
She pouted, and he left her standing there.
Across the room, Jason found Chris slumped at a table. He shook his head and turned around to head back to the bar, returning a minute later with a bottle of water.
“Drink,” he commanded, slamming it in front of his friend and then sitting across from him.
“What?” Chris mumbled, raising his head.
“You need water.”
“Sleep.” He put his head back down.
“No you don’t.” Jason reached across the tabled and slapped Chris’s head until he lifted it again.
“That hurt, man.”
“I don’t give a shit,” Jason said lowly. “You think you’re not hurting anyone by drinking yourself half to death every night. From here on out, my bar does not serve you.”
“There are other bars in the city,” Chris growled.
“Give it up, bro.” Jason couldn’t hold it in any longer as he looked at the mess that was his friend. “Don’t you see what you’re doing to your sister?”
“I’m not doing anything to her.”
“She’s afraid.” Jason lowered his voice. “I see it in her eyes every time she looks at you. You’re spiraling, and none of us know how to stop you.”
“You say you understand feeling abandoned, but your parents didn’t leave you or disown you. They died still loving you. How would you feel if your family stopped loving you because of who you are?” There were tears in Chris’s eyes and Jason couldn’t look away. He’d never seen his friend like this.
“Your family still loves you.”
“They’ve made it pretty clear that isn’t true.”
“I meant Michaela.” Jason didn’t understand how Chris couldn’t see what he had. Things would have been much different for him growing up if he had had a sister like Michaela. “She’s your family, and she’d do anything for you. When your parents chose not to accept you, she lost them too, and now she feels like she’s losing you.”
Understanding rose in his eyes as much as it could for someone who was sloshed.
“She cut them off?” Chris asked.
“You really haven’t talked to her, have you?” Jason ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’ll walk you home. You need to sleep this off.”
“Fine.” He sighed, fighting the urge to put his head down again. Jason helped him stand and kept hold of his arm. “Thanks, man.”
Michaela had long been asleep when Jason got Chris home. He thought she might come out when she heard Chris crashing around, but her door stayed firmly shut. He hadn’t seen her all week. Frankly, he didn’t know what to say when he did see her. When he kissed her at the party, he thought she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And that was before the alcohol. But sleeping with drunk chicks was not his style. If Michaela decided she wanted him, it would be so much more than that. When she offered no strings attached, that cut deep. If other guys knew what he was thinking, Jason thought they’d take away his man card. He chuckled to himself. When did I become so soft? Oh, that’s right, the moment he took the crying mess of a girl into his arms. No, not soft. Anyone would have done the same thing.
The minute he thought it, he knew it wasn’t true. Michaela had a pull on him from the very first moment he saw her. Not love. He didn’t believe in love at first sight. Just… something else. He’d wanted to make that crying girl smile.
Things were winding down for the night at Jason’s when he got back. Aaron had closing handled, so Jason headed up to his apartment. He stopped when he saw a girl passed out at a table.
“Katie.” Jason lifted her head. She opened her eyes, and it took her a moment to register where she was.
“You’re still at the bar. We need to get you home. Where do you live?” She mumbled her address and he let out a low whistle. “You won’t get a cab to take you there at this time of night.” He straightened up and looked down at her before sighing. “Come on. I have a couch.”
“Mmmm, okay,” she slurred. Jason helped her up and lent her his strength as they walked outside and around the corner.
“Can you walk upstairs?” he asked.
“Mmm hmm,” she answered. That wasn’t entirely true. Jason had to go behind her and keep his hands on her back so she didn’t fall into him.
Once inside, he set her on the couch and went to grab her a pillow and blanket. “Here. I’ll just be through that door in my room. Get some sleep.” He looked at her once more and left.
Jason threw his shirt into his pile of laundry and pulled the drawstring on the sweatpants he’d put on before climbing into bed and shutting his eyes.
He was woken a little while later when he felt a hand on his bare chest. He sat up quickly when he realized Katie was lying next to him without a stitch of clothing anywhere on her body.
“I wanted to thank you,” she purred, trying to pull him back towards her.
“For what?” He swallowed noisily.
“For inviting me to stay. I know you’ve resisted before-”
“You think I let you stay only for this?”
“I don’t object.” She sat up and he felt her bare breasts on his back.
“Well, I do!” Jason scrambled out of bed.
“I can see you don’t.” She grinned.
It was true. He was turned on. What guy wouldn’t be when an incredibly gorgeous girl was naked in his bed? But he didn’t want to do that whether certain body parts knew it or not.
“You stay here,” he growled. “I’m taking the couch.”
Enough was enough. Embarrassed or not, Michaela missed Jason and was going to tell him so. She didn’t know what other feelings she had for him yet, but she did know that not having him around really sucked.
She needed to kiss him. That was the only way. No alcohol. No Ethan to make jealous. Just Jason and Michaela. She needed to know what she felt for him. She had a plan. It was Saturday morning and Jason would probably still be sleeping after closing the bar the night before. She thought she’d heard him bring Chris home at one point but hadn’t been ready to face him, so she’d stayed hidden in her room.
This time, she’d march right over there and pound on the door. He’d be sleeping, so he’d be slow to answer, giving her the time to get the courage. When he answered, he’d look confused. Why was she there so early when he hadn’t seen her all week? She wouldn’t give him enough time to say anything. Instead, she’d grab his shirt and pull him close. Before he knew what was happening, her lips would be on his. He’d respond immediately by pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. His other hand would tangle itself in her hair while she snaked her arms around his neck.
It would be perfect. Or it would ruin everything. Just last week, Michaela was sure she still loved Ethan. Now she couldn’t get Jason out of her head. She never thought there’d be room enough in there for both of them.
Nothing ever goes according to plan.
There was purpose to Michaela’s step as she rounded the corner of the deserted bar. She stopped when she saw Jason’s door, gathering her courage. Then it opened. Michaela didn’t know what made her do it, but she hid around the corner and watched.
Jason stepped out, his bare skin shining in the morning light. He looked delicious. His sweatpants hung low on his hips and his hair was still mussed from sleep. He wore no shoes so Michaela knew he wasn’t leaving. She watched as he looked back into the apartment and said something. He grinned and then Katie appeared. Michaela flattened herself against the wall. She felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on her stomach. A car horn blared on the street nearby, drowning out the sound of Michaela’s pounding heart.
I lost my chance. Michaela knew Jason wasn’t hers, but sh
e thought he wasn’t the type of guy to become one of Katie’s conquests. She considered confronting him. Everything he had told her about knowing a person was right for you turned out to be crap. Unless, he felt that way about Katie. Even if he did, Michaela was sure Katie wouldn’t feel that way about him. No, she couldn’t see him. She lowered her eyes to the ground, turned away from the alley that held the door to his place, and walked away.
Chapter Nine
Michaela’s feet pounded into the pavement, sending shocks up her legs with every step. She hated running in the city. She’d only done it once since moving there. Someone stepped into her way, and she skirted around them as they gave her a dirty look for getting too close. She turned back without stopping and flipped them off. That was the kind of mood she was in.
She reached the park and took off down the running path. There were people everywhere, and Michaela suddenly couldn’t stand the city she’d loved so much. It was crowded, and noisy, and dirty. People were rude, and the air always felt thick with the exhaust of cars and stale from being stuck between the buildings. She missed her beach so violently that she screamed. She’d kill to hear waves crashing on the rocks or for a stiff, salty breeze to come in and lift the hair from her skin. But it was the peace she missed most. Even in your own home, there was never a moment of true peace in the city.
Michaela passed a couple who were strolling down the path, hand in hand. She sped up to put as much distance between her and them as possible.
Running was the only time Michaela didn’t have to think. She focused on the sound of her feet when they made contact with the ground, and her pulse thrumming in her ears. She spent most of her brain power keeping her breaths even. In and out. It was calming.
Choices Page 8