by Black Olivia
“It was an accident, man.”
Duncan shook his head. “It’s too convenient.”
He refused to believe that Thomas was gone. This had to be some sort of sick joke at his expense, but why? He couldn’t think. His mind was spinning in a million different directions. What more did they want from him? Duncan was behind bars. He had already given up all his sources and contacts. He was done. As far as he was concerned, this was his chance to change, to go straight and be the man that Thomas deserved.
“I’ll see what I can find out.”
“Don’t stop searching.”
Duncan hung up the phone. He turned his back on Niall and marched back to his cell. Dropping down onto the twin-sized mattress, Duncan stared up at the ceiling.
“Thomas,” he sighed.
He closed his eyes, and an image of Thomas instantly appeared. Duncan could still remember the first time he’d laid eyes on the young man. With his short copper-colored hair, cornflower blue eyes, and angelic face, Thomas was the most beautiful man Duncan had ever seen. The time he’d spent with Thomas had changed his life forever. Thomas loved him. Nobody in his life had ever truly cared and accepted him.
Rolling to his side, Duncan grabbed his pillow and covered his face, blocking the sob that spilled from his lips. He didn’t want anyone to hear him as he cried, mourning the loss of the man he loved.
Chapter Fifteen
Present Day
Toby opened the window and climbed inside Duncan’s safe house. Since moving to New York City, he’d been making daily visits to this place, hoping that Duncan might eventually show up. The need to be close to his mate was overwhelming, and after three years of separation, Toby decided it was time for a change of scenery. The move across the country was partly due to Graham and the case the lion shifter was working when he’d left California. But if Toby was completely honest, he knew the move was more for personal reasons.
The pain inside his chest never faded away. It was a constant throb. It didn’t matter how much time passed. Duncan was always at the forefront of his mind. Toby replayed the time he’d spent with Duncan over and over inside his mind, wishing there was a way to go back and make different decisions. Now that he was twenty-one, Toby realized he’d made quite a few mistakes.
He should’ve marked and claimed his mate. He should’ve been honest from the start. Maybe then, the FPA could’ve stepped in and done something before it was too late.
After all this time, Toby still didn’t know what had happened to his mate. The last he’d heard was that Duncan was somewhere safe, whatever the hell that meant. The agents from Interpol and Scotland Yard wouldn’t divulge any other information. Bruno continued to check in with his sources and assured Toby that he would call if there were any changes.
Making his way through Duncan’s home, Toby went to his mate’s bedroom. The closet was his first stop. He grabbed one of Duncan’s shirts and lifted it his nose, inhaling deeply. His mate’s unique scent clung to the material—leather, black orchid, vanilla, and sandalwood. It was light, but he could still smell Duncan’s presence. It brought a little bit of peace to Toby and his fox.
Duncan.
The strain of being apart from his mate for so long made it almost impossible to live. There were times when food lost its flavor, Toby couldn’t get out of bed, and he’d contemplated killing himself. He was ashamed to admit that he’d come close to ending his life. It wasn’t something he was proud of.
Toby sat down on the floor. Lifting his knees to his chest, Toby wrapped his arms around his shins and curled into a tight ball. He put Duncan’s shirt against his face and closed his eyes, breathing in the man’s scent.
What would Duncan think of him now? What would the other man say if he saw Toby again?
He wasn’t the same innocent, young man he’d been a few years ago. He wasn’t happy. He rarely smiled. It wasn’t just emotional changes. Physically he wasn’t the same either. Toby had lost weight, dark circles had become permanent fixtures around his hollow blue eyes, and his hair had become an unruly mop of copper-colored curls. Without Duncan in his life, Toby couldn’t find the energy to care. Each day was a struggle. He woke up feeling incomplete, almost as if an important piece of his heart and soul were missing.
Duncan.
His whole world revolved around a man he hadn’t seen in three years, three long, excruciatingly painful years. The time they had spent together had been brief, but it only took a moment for him to fall in love. It was the curse of being a shifter. Now that he knew who his mate was, he couldn’t move on with his life without Duncan. The man was impossible to forget.
Falling to his side, Toby covered his face with Duncan’s shirt. His eyes filled with moisture, tears silently falling down his cheeks. He didn’t know how it was possible to continue crying. He had an endless supply of tears.
Duncan.
Nobody knew the extent of his pain.
After the first year, he’d stopped talking about Duncan to the other FPA agents. His new team here in New York didn’t know anything about his past. Graham was the only one who knew Toby, and he trusted the other shifter to keep his secrets.
Rolling onto his belly, Toby wiped his eyes on Duncan’s shirt. He took a few deep breathes before slowly rising to his feet. He folded the T-shirt back up and placed it on the shelf before stepping out of the closet. He shuffled his feet against the carpet as he strolled through Duncan’s bedroom.
Toby paused in front of a collage of pictures hanging on the wall. His eyes bounced from frame to frame, staring at the smiling faces. He lifted his favorite off the wall and held it, running his thumb over Duncan’s face. The pain in his heart doubled, making it hard to breathe. Opening his mouth, Toby sucked in a mouthful of air. A fat tear dropped onto the glass surface, and Toby wiped it off.
Duncan. His heart cried out. Why didn’t I mark and claim you? Why didn’t I tell you the truth? Why didn’t I ask for help?
Toby put the frame against his chest and wrapped his arms around it, holding tight. He would give anything to feel Duncan’s embrace once again. Whenever the man touched him, Toby felt safe and loved. And now he was lost and alone. He sighed heavily. Toby lifted the picture and put it back on the wall where it belonged.
He had to force himself to leave Duncan’s bedroom. Placing one foot in front of the other seemed like a ridiculously hard chore. When he reached the threshold, Toby glanced over his shoulder one more time. He made his way through the rest of the house, walking along the same route. Toby did the same thing on each visit. He spent a few hours inside Duncan’s house, hoping it would fill the hole in his heart.
Duncan.
When his phone started ringing, Toby shoved his hand into his pocket and retrieved the device. Graham’s name flashed across the screen. Hitting the talk button, he held the phone up to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey, kid. Are you home?”
Toby’s initial response was to say yes. He felt more at home here than he did at the large glass and steel building where the other FPA agents lived.
“No, I’m out exploring the city.”
“Do you want to meet up and grab something to eat?”
No. He wanted to stay hidden. He wanted to be surrounded by Duncan’s possessions. Being here was the next best thing to having his mate.
“Sure.”
“Where are you?” Graham asked.
Toby wasn’t going to reveal his secret. Nobody knew about Duncan’s house, and he planned on keeping it that way. This was his little hideaway.
“Tell me where you want to meet. I’ll grab a cab.”
“Are you sure? I can pick you up. It’s not a big deal.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll meet you,” Toby told him.
After a moment of silence, Graham sighed. “I’m worried about you, kid.”
“Don’t.”
“Toby,” he growled in warning.
“Graham, I’m sorry. I just…I can’t…”
“You don’t understand.”
“You’re right,” Graham whispered. “I don’t. I wish there was something I could do for you, but I don’t know how to make things better. I want my old Toby back.”
Toby closed his eyes. He couldn’t even remember the old him. This new version was beaten and broken. Toby feared that he would never be normal again. He’d never heard of destined mates being separated for so long. If this was the outcome, he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. The pain. It was so intense that his entire being ached. Duncan.
“I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.”
“I’m here for you. If you need anything at all, I’m here.”
“I know.”
There wasn’t anything to say that hadn’t already been said at one point or another. Even though Graham and Bruno were always willing to listen, they couldn’t really understand what he was going through. Toby had tried everything to forget, but nothing worked.
“I’ll talk to you later.” Toby ended the call before Graham could say another word. He shut his phone off and shoved his cellphone into his back pocket.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Toby dropped down onto the couch. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering how much more he could take. He didn’t have the strength to continue on. If something didn’t give soon, there was a good chance that he’d lose himself completely. How was he supposed to go on living without his heart?
Toby stayed on the couch until the sun started to drop below the horizon. Bright shards of light broke through slits along the blinds, painting rainbows on the walls. Pushing himself up, Toby made his way over to the window. He slid it open and climbed out. When his feet hit the ground, Toby closed the window.
It took a minute to convince himself to leave, but he somehow managed to turn and walk away. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Toby got lost in the crowd as he strolled down the busy sidewalk.
Loud noise surrounded him— horns honking, sirens blaring, and the indistinct chatter of people in various conversations. He ignored all of it. Toby kept his head down, staring at his feet as they carried him away from Duncan’s house.
By the time he reached the tall condo building on Leonard Street where all the FPA agents lived, it was dark. He pushed the door open and came to an abrupt stop when he saw Graham leaning against the wall beside the elevators.
“Hi,” he mumbled.
“Hey,” Graham said, pushing himself off the wall. “I tried calling you a few times, but your phone kept going to voicemail.”
“The battery died,” Toby lied. He pressed the call button for the elevator and waited, hoping the damn thing would hurry.
“Are you hungry?” Graham asked. “Since you stood me up before, do you want to grab some dinner?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m tired. I think I’m gonna go to bed.”
The elevator doors slid open, and Toby stepped in along with Graham. He pressed number eighteen, and the doors closed.
“Please, Toby. Talk to me.”
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“You used to confide in me, remember?”
Toby turned toward Graham. He grasped his friend’s hand and stared into his warm brown eyes. “I need my mate. I’ve been without him for three years. I don’t know how much more I can take. I cry myself to sleep, and when I wake up, I’m in so much pain I can barely breathe. Trust me when I say that you can’t help me.” He shook his head for emphasis. “Nobody can.”
When the elevator doors slid open once again, Toby dropped Graham’s hand.
“Is that what you wanted to hear?” Toby asked.
Graham’s eyes filled with pity. “I’m sorry you’re in pain. I wish there was something I could do. If you ever want to talk, you’re not alone. I’ll always be here for you.”
“Good night,” Toby said as the elevator doors closed.
Chapter Sixteen
The familiar jingle coming from his cell phone pulled Toby away from his dream. Slowly sitting up, he grabbed the device off the nightstand. Bruno Fischer’s name flashed across the screen, and Toby clicked the talk button.
“Hey,” he said with a yawn.
“Duncan Ó Branagáin is MIA,” Bruno said in place of a greeting.
Toby’s heart flipped inside his chest, the organ coming to life at the mere mention of his mate’s name. “What do you mean? What’s going on?”
“They released him, but now he’s wanted for questioning, and they can’t find him.”
“Why?”
“My sources say that he left Ireland and he’s searching for you. He wants payback.”
“I don’t understand.” Toby kicked the blanket away and climbed out of bed. He started pacing around his bedroom. “Do you really think I’m in danger?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Does he know who I am?”
Toby had been waiting for this day to come since being forcibly dragged from Duncan’s home in Ireland. He’d never expected to hear that his mate would come searching for him though. In all of his daydreams, it had been the other way around, Toby jumping on a plane and rushing to Duncan’s side. In those fantasies, Duncan always forgave him and welcomed him back with open arms.
“Like I said, I don’t know. He was told that Thomas Doyle was killed in a car accident, but other than that, nobody knows for certain if he found out your true identity.”
“Weren’t the charges supposed to be dropped against him? Did you talk to the other agents?”
Bruno sighed. “That’s where things get worse for Duncan. The agents we worked with—Lionel, Griffeth, and Conall—they’re dead.”
“No.” Toby shook his head. “Duncan wouldn’t kill them. He may have been a weapons dealer, but he’s not a murderer.”
“He’s their primary suspect.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense.”
“An alert went out to all the agencies. They’re hunting for him.”
“Fuck,” Toby breathed out. He needed to find Duncan before anyone else did. “Thanks for calling.”
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Bruno warned.
“He’s my mate.” This meant that Toby would do everything in his power to protect Duncan, regardless of the consequences.
“I know.”
He needed to find Duncan before anyone else did. Most agents shot first and asked questions later. He wouldn’t allow Duncan to go down like that. His mate was innocent. There was no way that Duncan would have killed those agents. He had nothing to gain from their deaths. It didn’t make any sense.
“How long ago did they lose track of him?”
“Three days.”
“He could already be here,” Toby muttered.
Duncan had access to a lot of money, but more than that, he knew people.
“He could be anywhere,” Bruno said. “I’ll make a few more calls. If I hear anything else, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay.”
Toby ended the call. He stood rooted to the ground as a wave of emotion crashed over him. After three years, he was finally going to see his mate again. He didn’t know if Duncan would be pleased to see him or not, and at this point, Toby didn’t care. The drive to be near Duncan overruled every other logical thought.
Was Duncan in New York? Did he know Toby’s true identity? Had Duncan killed the other agents for information? Did he want revenge? Was he looking for Toby in order to get payback? Questions ran through his mind so fast he was barely able to think straight.
One thing was for certain. Toby refused to believe that Duncan was a killer.
Toby glanced toward the clock on the bedside table. It was only a little after midnight, and there was only one place he wanted to be
, Duncan’s house. Marching into the nearby closet, Toby pulled on a pair of worn jeans and a T-shirt. He put on his tennis shoes and tied the laces before grabbing his black duffel bag off the top shelf.
He hustled toward the kitchen and dropped his cell phone onto the counter beside his badge. That way nobody could track his movements. He stared at the piece of metal, and his heart clenched. He’d spent most of his life trying to earn the right to join the FPA, but his first solo mission had changed everything. He didn’t belong here anymore. His place was beside Duncan, and Toby knew he would do whatever was necessary to protect the man. Three years ago, Toby had made the biggest mistake of his life. He hadn’t followed his natural instincts where his mate was concerned.
Reaching out a shaky hand, Toby ran his fingers over the engraved letters one last time. Department of Justice, Federal Paranormal Agency.
Turning on his heel, Toby strode toward the elevator. He made his way to FPA headquarters located underneath the federal building. When the doors opened, Toby stepped into the hallway and looked around, hoping he was alone. A whispered voice caught his attention, and Toby paused, listening closely.
“One-two cha-cha-cha…three-four cha-cha-cha…One-two cha-cha-cha…three-four cha-cha-cha…”
Instead of heading straight for the armory, his original destination, Toby took a detour. He followed the voice toward the tech room. When he reached the threshold, he stopped and stared at Axel Lee. The tech guru was dancing. He moved around the center of the room gracefully, as he continued mumbling to himself.
“One-two cha-cha-cha…three-four cha-cha-cha…”
When Axel saw him, the lion shifter stopped suddenly. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and he looked down at his feet as if he was hoping the ground might open up and swallow him whole.
“Do you mind if I cut in?” Toby asked.
Axel’s head jerked up, and his eyes widened in surprise. A small smile teased the corner of his lips, and he nodded. Toby dropped his duffel bag and walked into the room. He put his left hand on Axel’s shoulder and held out his right. Axel wrapped his right hand around Toby’s waist and took his hand.