by J. L. Beck
“I’m right, aren’t I?” He didn’t question me, it was more so a question to himself. I couldn’t answer him. My throat felt dry, and the longer I stood there, the deeper I felt myself falling. A hole was growing around me, and I was on the verge of falling into it head first.
“Tell me,” he growled. His hands moved so fast I hardly realized it until I felt them gripping me by the arms. His fingernails bit into my flesh… and as I looked at him… the color of his eyes, the small scar on the top of his head, the curve of his lips, and the darkness that shadowed his face… it made me realize reminding him of the past wouldn’t do any good. Even if he remembered, it wouldn’t make him the person I used to know. The person I had once loved. PGI Corp had taken that from me—from him.
My mind reeled for an answer, an excuse... anything. I could feel his grip growing tighter and tighter. The blood flow to my arms was gone as numbness took over my limbs. I needed to say something. The feral look in his eyes said if I didn’t, I would very well be dead.
“I—” My voice stopped. What was I to tell him? I couldn’t possibly tell him who I was. It was too early.
“Don’t even think of lying to me because if you do, I will know. Then, when I find out that you did, I won’t think to ask you what it was you lied about. I’ll just make you bleed and make you hurt in the worst imaginable ways until your heart is no longer beating.” There was nothing in the words he said to tell me he wasn’t being honest.
I could feel my heart rate pick up, my mind scrambling for an answer. “You don’t know me. You assume you do. It’s obvious you’re confused between your current memories and your past. I never met you before in my life.” I lied through my teeth, trying to show honesty in my eyes. If I shook even the slightest bit, if my eyes drifted away from his for a second, he would know it was a lie. In fact, I could bet anything that he expected me to lie.
“If you’re lying to me…” He grit his teeth together, and I could hear the grinding of his molars. “I will fucking end you. Do you understand?”
I nodded my head, unable to say another word. I was too afraid I would confess the truth and my life would end in that instance. Looking at Killer, I desperately wanted to see Diesel. I wanted him to appear before me like the person he was before all of this.
He released me, and I watched his arms fall to his sides. His face was full of emotions that I was sure he didn’t understand. He looked conflicted as if he wanted to hurt me, but something was telling him not to.
“I remember you though, you’re in my mind…” his voice was a whisper.
“I’m not in your mind, you’re just confused. Come on. We can talk about this on the way. Gauge gave us clearance to leave the building, but only together.”
He grunted in anger. “When is he going to realize that whatever it is he is doing isn’t fucking working? Talking to you annoys me and makes me angrier.” He was irritated as usual, this scenario being a good example of said anger.
“It’s not like I love being shackled up with you either,” I murmured to him as we shuffled out of the room. The tension between us was back to normal. It was then I wondered if I would ever be able to love him again. Even more so, if the man I had fallen in love with to begin with was still in there.
Killer was just that… A killer. And Diesel was gone.
I had to come to grips with that.
thirteen
KILLER
I COULDN’T KEEP my eyes from watching the sway of her ass or the curve of her hips. God, I needed to fuck someone, and I needed to fuck them hard. I ran a hand through my hair. I knew Maggie was lying to me. She had to be. I didn’t know what about or what it was she knew that she was clearly okay with dying over, but I wanted to know—and that alone kept her breathing.
“We can go get something to eat and then talk about these memories of yours.” Her voice was soft, like the small cat they had given me in the holding cells at the treatment center. They wanted to see if we could handle something living without killing it. I strangled it. I remember its soft struggles against my hands as I squeezed the life out of it.
I grunted in response to her comment as she forced us through a crowd of people. The walls surrounding me were starting to break. I hated crowds, and I hated people just as much if not more.
“About these memories, what happens in them?” she asked as she curiously eyed me. We had spoken about the memories a time or two. Most of our time spent together was arguing or just not speaking. We tended to watch one another as we tried to gauge one another’s expressions more than talking, though.
“You know what they’re about…” She played dumb when she wanted to. That’s what a lot of females would do. I realized it once we were released out into the regular population. She guided us to a hot dog stand that was on the curb. I found it strange to eat and order food in such a public environment. Maggie ordered for both of us knowing I wouldn’t talk if she made me order my own.
With our food in hand we headed to a bench. It was nice to be free of the walls, but at the same time those walls were what protected me from losing it. They not only protected me from the people that hurt us, but they protected those outside of it. I was dangerous. It didn’t matter what way you looked at it.
I ate the food Maggie gave me in less than two bites, all while she nibbled on hers nervously. Her eyes glided across the park. Would she try and make a run for it? Gauge had told me to keep an eye on her, that she might try to escape us. If she was thinking that she could out run me, or even out power me she had another think coming. I wasn’t against hurting her in public again, even if I should’ve been. When it came to stopping someone from doing something I would do whatever I could.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked without evening thinking. Not once had I ever cared to ask her about her feelings or what it was that she was going through. Truthfully I didn’t care, but more than that I didn’t like the small talk associated with it. I learned that caring for others while in the cages did no good for me.
Her eyes shot up as if she had been caught thinking something she shouldn’t. I could feel the smile forming on my face. I had caught her thinking of something that she knew would get her in trouble.
“Nothing, just that it’s nice to be able to finally breathe air, to see the sun, and to feel the wind. Being held at that facility made me feel like I would never see another ounce of sunlight.” Her voice faded out… as memories of my time in the cages surfaced.
“Inject him with more. I want to see blood seep from his hands. I want to create a monster that is so unstable no one will ever be able to reach him.” The lab assistant said. I hated her. No, it was more than hate. I wanted her dead. I wanted her to suffer. To break her bones.
I watched as they entered the cage. I tried to step forward, but the darts they had used on me earlier caused me to grow weak. I strained against the chains that linked me to the wall. I wanted to laugh and scream all at the same time. If only I could get my hands on them, I would rip them to pieces.
“Killer…” The assistant smiled, and it was sickening. Even being the person I was right now, I knew how wrong it was for them to be doing this. To be taking those who were on their deathbeds and morphing them into something they never wanted to be.
Once you reach a certain level in your training, they give you a name. That name erases the number and to others, signifies your brutality. Only the best of us are named, the rest… well, the rest are stuck with their numbers as names.
“I now understand why they call you that. Dark hair, dark eyes. I would think you were good looking if you weren’t a fucking monster.” Her voice purred in satisfaction. I flexed my fingers praying she would step just a little bit closer to me. Just close enough that I could wrap my hand around her throat and snuff out her pathetic life. Monster. She had no fucking clue what I was capable of doing.
I growled as I watched them load the gun full of one of their drugs of choice, the shit that would have me flying off the
rails… I was sure, and as much as I hated it, I loved being able to let go. If only these chains would come undone.
“This won’t hurt but a bit, Killer. Then you’ll be back to your destructive ways.” She smiled, but it didn’t meet her eyes. She aimed the gun at me and pulled the trigger.
I stared at her smiling as the dart landed on my exposed thigh. They would have another thing coming if I ever got out. Oh, how I would kill them, all of them. Their blood would spray against these walls. Their bones breaking would echo throughout this facility. Everyone would know the brutality they had caused once I was done.
Something was wrong. I blinked my eyes open and looked to the spot next to me.
Maggie. She was gone, no sign of her. Fuck. I clenched my fists surveying the area. She must’ve waited for a memory to hit me. It made sense now, why she had asked me questions about the past. She wanted a way out.
I sniffed the air like a rabid dog as butterflies filled my stomach. Blood pumped to my cock at the thought of chasing her. I could take her. She had disobeyed me and disobeyed the very people who had saved my life. She was a liability, and now she would suffer whatever I felt was fit. I jumped from the bench, adrenaline from the memory and the hunt filling me.
I scanned the park looking for the nearest alley. If she were smart, she would try to stay low. I didn’t know the city nearly as well as she did, but I had an advantage. I was made to kill, to hunt, and prey on those who failed to follow the rules. Right now, she was that prey. My eyes landed on the alleyway far off to the right. The park was situated between two buildings, and I knew she would’ve gone one of two ways.
I walked to the alleyway, and once I was out of sight, I started to run. My senses were heightened and were on the lookout for anything that could and would catch my attention. My breaths were precise, my fists locked and loaded. I could feel the need to kill creeping to the surface.
I hurried down another corridor and into another alleyway. I waited one second, then two… I could hear harsh breathing up ahead.
I smiled. A sick desire to mutilate and allow the monster just under the surface to break free. My steps were nimble as I moved. The breaths grew harsher and harsher. I could taste her fear in the air. Why had she run if she didn’t want to be hurt?
“Maggie…” I taunted her. I wasn’t sure why. It was the sick, fucked up part of me that wanted to drive her fear up and it did. I could feel the spike of energy in the air. Her breaths coming in and out, more like pants. Her hands were probably sweaty, and her eyes would be large brown orbs if I could see her right now.
Silence.
“If you didn’t want me to hurt you, why did you run?” I cracked my knuckles, creeping over to the dumpster where I knew she was hiding. I circled around it before jumping forward and straight into her space. A startled scream threatened to leave her throat, but I ended it by placing a hand over her mouth. I cocked my head, examining her. She was beautiful, but she had to pay. She had broken the rules.
I gripped her tight around the waist pulling her body into my own as she bit at my hand. I pulled away out of reflex with an evil smile spread across my face. “Let go of me,” she growled, her fear now replaced with rage that mirrored my own. Her chest jutted out, and her body seemed to melt into mine. Didn’t she know that I craved sex and pain? Blood and destruction?
My dick rose to attention at the very thought of fucking her senseless against this brick wall. Something inside of me said it was wrong, but with my hands on her hips, and her mouth moving, I couldn’t think of anything better to do.
My grip on her grew harder. I could see her fighting against me. I could feel her trying to break free, and it just caused me to become harder. I would take, and continue to take until there was nothing left to take.
I shook my head as I gazed up into her eyes. Tears fell from them, her usual shade of brown growing darker. Pain marred her face as she continued to struggle against me.
“You’re hurting me, Diesel,” she screamed.
I bent down to her face, the scent of fear, sweat, and something else lingered in the air. That name! She said it again.
“Who is he?” I growled, shaking her. Her head bounced off the wall and a louder scream left her throat. I didn’t care about anything other than the answers I needed.
“Please stop, please…” She whimpered. She was growing weak. Good, then I could get the answers I sought from her without having to worry about her trying anything that would make me want to kill her.
“WHO IS HE?” My chest heaved against hers as I pushed her against the wall. She shook her head as the fear came off her in waves. I was done playing nice. I was done trying to ask.
I gripped her chin hard, forcing her to stare into my eyes. “If you don’t tell me who he is, I will kill you. I won’t threaten you anymore. I will wrap my hands around your beautiful neck and take in the scent of you as I trail my nose up and down it. Once I have your smell embedded into every aspect of who I am, I will suffocate you until you wish for death to take you. I will take from you what you’re taking from me.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice.
“He….” The word left her lips, but I failed to hear the rest because a wave of nausea hit me, and then a memory so strong there was no letting go of it.
“They keep hurting me, Diesel.” Her voice. I knew that voice. I looked down at the woman I was holding against the wall. Maggie.
“Let go, you’re hurting me,” she said again. I looked down at her arms, gazing at the red marks from where my fingers had dug into her delicate skin.
“I know….” The words fell from my lips but seemed to stop there. What was going on? I felt the prick of a needle in my back and the surge of drugs entering my blood stream. My body began to grow heavy, my eyelids closing on their own.
“Killer…” Her cry hit my ears just as the darkness took me.
fourteen
MAGGIE
“LISTEN. DO YOU know how to do that, Maggie? Open your ears, and listen to what it is that I have to say.” His words were forced, and I could see the straining of his muscles through the back of his shirt... I wiped the tears from my eyes. He was mad as hell as he had every right to be. He had saved my ass yet again, all because I was stupid enough to think that I could do this alone.
Tension formed between us as we walked further from the school and closer to the edge of the parking lot. He whirled around on me, and I almost fell over losing my balance.
“Why don’t you see that your actions have consequences?” He reached out gripping my arm. His touch was harmless compared to the look he was giving me.
“I do see they have consequences, why don’t you see that someday I will have to do it all alone anyway?” I threw my words at him hoping they hurt.
He was fuming angry, as was I. I could practically see the steam blowing out of his ears.
“That someday isn’t right fucking now. Can’t you—” he released me, walking away to the front of the car, where he landed a hard punch against the frame. I took a breath of air, filling my lungs. Violence wasn’t the answer and wouldn’t solve anything, just like acting out couldn’t change the future. God had granted us limited time with one another, and I didn’t want to spend the next hour arguing about who was right and who was wrong.
“Its fine, Diesel, you’re right…” I trailed off.
“Get in the car,” Diesel said gruffly, his back still to me.
“What? I drove here, I can take myself home,” I told him, letting him know I didn’t need his pity ride. He had saved me from Roger, but that didn’t mean he owned me at every single turn.
“Get in the fucking car right now, or I will put you in the fucking car,” he seethed. I took a step back and then rethought my actions.
He will just come and get you, I told myself.
Tucking my tail between my legs, I walked over to the passenger side door not even lifting my gaze to his. He unlocked it with the click of his key fob, and I slid into the seat.
He shoved the key into the ignition bringing the engine to life. Diesel was like a broken piece of glass. Beautiful when the light reflected off it, but very capable of causing significant pain. All it would take was something small for him to cut you deep enough to bleed. You would feel the pain for a lifetime, the wound seeping blood with every pump of your heart.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mea—”
“Shut up, Maggie.” He sounded as if he was just about to fall off that crazy train. I shivered in my seat forcing my attention out the window. I could feel the tears wanting to escape my eyes, but I forced them away. I wouldn’t let him see the sadness that threatened to come undone every single day.
Ten minutes of silence had passed before I forced the words out of my mouth.
“You’re an asshole, just so you know.”
“As if I didn’t know that already.” His laugh filled the air.
“No, I honestly mean it. You’re an asshole for expecting me to wait until you were long gone to move on with my life.” The words left my mouth without a thought. He jerked the wheel forcing the car onto a gravel road. Once we were far enough from the road where no one could see us, he pulled over and threw the car into park.
He turned his body toward mine; hurt and betrayal could be found in his eyes. I wanted to reach out and to tell him I was sorry… but was I really?
“I’m an asshole for protecting you? Are you fucking kidding me?” I was confident he wanted to wring my neck. Or at least he looked like he wanted to anyway. Hell, I kind of wanted to wring my own neck for thinking that any of this could work.