by C. C. Brown
She’d confirmed it for the man who had Alex and me in his crosshairs.
“He started asking questions about Cassie, but I realized that something about his questioning was off, so I stopped answering them and told him I had to get back to work. I didn’t know what he was up to, but the feeling I got just wasn’t good.”
“Did you think to maybe fucking tell us, or Riley?” Alex yelled out from across the room.
“I didn’t think there was much to tell. I didn’t give him much.”
“You gave him plenty, Nat. Fucking plenty.”
Nat began shaking her head as a tear streaked down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Cassie. I had no idea. I would have never—”
“It’s okay, Nat. I know.”
The bedroom door to Alex’s room slammed as I looked up and realized that he was no longer there with us. I knew he was pissed, but he was being completely irrational, and while I wished that Nat wasn’t so loose with her lips, she had no clue that by speaking about us, she was ultimately doing us in. We hadn’t filled her in, so if anyone was at fault, it was Alex and me.
“Cassie, I know we’ve just recently met, but I really like you and Alex together, and I would never try to break you guys up.”
“I know, Nat. Alex is just very high strung, but he knows it too.”
She seemed to calm down with my words, but the fear of the damage her words may have caused was still written all over her face.
“I’m gonna take Nat home. I think it’s best if she has some distance from Alex,” Riley said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “I’m just gonna stay at her house tonight. Let you and Alex have the house to yourselves so you can work through whatever you need to.”
I nodded my head. “Thanks, Riley. I don’t even know what I’m about to walk in on in that room.”
“I know Alex, Cassie. He’s a stubborn motherfucker, but you can be the one to let a little bit of sanity seep into that thick head of his. Talk to him.”
“I will. I promise.”
I gave Nat a hug, letting her know that I wasn’t angry with her. She squeezed me tight, and I instantly felt sorry for her. She wasn’t to blame for this, yet Alex had laid it all at her feet. He was wrong, so wrong for it, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with the way he had treated her.
I pulled away from her and waved goodbye to them. Nat looked like a lost puppy—sad, yet eager to get away. When I walked back into the room, Alex was sitting at his desk, still fuming as he worked on his laptop.
“Alex,” I said, shutting the door behind me.
“Don’t start, Cassie.”
“No, you need to listen to me.”
He shut his laptop and laid it down on the bed next to him, then looked up as I sat down at the end of the bed.
“I know you’re all sorts of angry right now, Alex, but going after Nat like that was completely unnecessary.”
“You think everything is fine, Cassie?”
“I didn’t say that. I know everything isn’t fine. But Nat isn’t the culprit here. We are. We got into this relationship knowing it was wrong, and didn’t fill her in.”
“Her mouth runs like fucking water.”
“Right. And knowing that, we should have told her that we couldn’t come out as a couple. But we didn’t, so it’s our fault, not hers.”
“And the fact that she didn’t tell anyone. You’re okay with that?”
“Alex, listen to yourself. Nat is a civilian who happens to work at a tattoo shop whose patrons are a bunch of Marines. She is not a Marine, and she has no idea about the archaic rules of the Corps. Stop fucking blaming her. It isn’t her fault.”
“You’re much too forgiving and naïve, Cassie.”
“And you’re much too stubborn and a hard ass. Now what? How do we compromise and find a middle ground because I hate dealing with you when you get upset and jump off the fucking deep end.”
“What are you saying?”
“Just that, Alex. I love you, but you have to loosen up. You struck fear into that poor girl. And call me naïve if you want to, but she is not out get us. I can see that. If you’d saddle some of your rage, you’d see it too.”
He stood and began walking the room. I could tell the anger deep inside of him was clearly trying to make its way out, but he was working hard at holding it in.
“Alex. It’s out. It was out from the moment you held me in that barracks room. So whatever Nat may or may not have said is really irrelevant at this point.”
He stopped walking, then turned and burned that hazel gaze in my direction. “Cassie, it’s one thing for O’Hara to have his suspicions, but to go to someone who is unaffiliated with the Corps and have them basically give him everything he wanted, that’s some fucking damage that we can’t undo.”
“Then we deal with it. We face it head on. I don’t understand why you’re so mad when you said yourself that what we had was worth risking everything. How are you now shocked by the fall out?”
“Don’t question my love for you. I would walk through fucking fire to be with you, Cassie. I just don’t want shit to come so easily for O’Hara. And if people are willing to talk, it just makes his job that much easier.”
“You can’t worry about that.”
“Then what should I worry about? Tell me because to say I am a little confused by your reaction to all of this is an understatement.”
“You should worry about me, us, our wedding, how we move forward from all of this. You should worry about your friendship with Riley because you treated his girl like shit, and you pissed him off. There are plenty of other things that you could be worried about that you actually have some control over.”
He softened a bit, seemingly allowing common sense to creep back into him. He walked over and sat down next to me, then took me in his arms. “Cassie, the last thing I want to do with all of this shit is fight with you. You just got out of the hospital, and you don’t need this.”
“I’m not fighting with you, Alex, but I’m not going to play dumb and naïve when you’re being an irrational jackass.”
“Don’t call me that, Blondie. It hurts coming from your beautiful, little mouth.”
“Then stop acting like one.”
He tilted my head up and kissed me, hard. It always seemed as if the feel of Alex--his mouth, his hands, his body—were all it took to erase the unpleasant thoughts and feelings whenever they surfaced. He knew exactly what to do to make it all go away, to ease me back into comfort, and make me put the claws away. As out of control as he had been only a few short minutes before, he was still Alex.
The man who loved me with every fiber of his being.
The man who came to my rescue when a savage animal had attacked me.
The same man that wanted to put a ring on my finger.
Our reactions to Nat’s news were on two completely different ends of the spectrum. We had to find a middle ground, and we had to find it in a hurry if we wanted to see our relationship go for the long haul.
“I’m gonna run us a bath. It’s been a long fucking day,” Alex said, running his hands through my hair, pushing it back from my face. “Relax. I’ll come back for you when it’s ready.”
He kissed me again, then stalked off towards the bathroom. I had no idea how we would fix things with Nat and Riley, but I was hoping that a long, hot bath, would give Alex a bit of clarity, and he would take the initiative to fix things himself. He was a bulldog, a one man wrecking crew when he wanted to be, but I wasn’t going to allow him to destroy our friendship with Riley and Nat. Riley had been nothing but good to us, and he deserved it back on our end.
++++
The sweet aroma of vanilla and jasmine filled the room. Alex was naked when he reentered the bedroom. He slowly undressed me, then took me in his arms and placed me into the tub. The water was hot, sending needle-like stings covering my skin, but after a short while, I acclimated to it and basked in the luxurious feel of the water, the bubbles, and most importantly, Alex.
>
He gathered water in his hands and poured it over my head, slicking my hair back, before leaning forward and kissing me.
“One day without you was far too many. I was beginning to lose my fucking mind.”
I laughed. “Beginning? I’d say you lost it a long time ago.”
“Okay, you might be right. But that jackass knew what he was doing keeping us apart. He figured I’d talk, give him more of what he wanted.”
“O’Hara figures quite a bit. He figured I’d just run my mouth to get myself off the hook. Dude is quite presumptuous. And speaking of him, why do you think he charged me but didn’t put me on barracks restriction? Why were you let off?”
“I was let off because of my living situation and Captain Hedlund went to bat for me. As for you…I don’t know, but I would assume Captain Hedlund probably spoke on your behalf as well. That motherfucker makes me want to spit nails.”
“Turn around. You need to relax.”
Alex turned and gave me his back. The big cross tattoo beaming brightly in front of me. The look of the name, Guadalupe momentarily seized me as I was fully aware that his grandmother was sure to hate me if she ever found out what sort of trouble Alex had found himself in.
I tried to push her from my mind and focus on relieving the tension lodged within Alex. I could feel it as I pressed into his shoulders, rubbing out knots the size of golf balls. He allowed his head to fall forward as he softly moaned with every rub. The sound of it, the look of him at my disposal, briefly took my attention away from the woman tatted on his back who would probably want me dead and gone once she found out what we’d done.
I continued to rub, trying hard to focus on Alex and less on his grandmother. I was scared. Not necessarily because I thought she would cause me bodily harm, but because I knew her approval would be a giant leap for our relationship, and without it there would always be something missing.
His cell phone rang, breaking us from our moment.
“Damn!” He groaned, sitting straight once again.
“What’s the matter?”
“My phone had not stopped ringing all fucking day.”
“By the way, while you were in here, your mom called. I didn’t want to answer it, so I just let it go to voicemail.”
“I’ll call her back later. I’ve got too much shit to deal with.”
“Alex, maybe it’s important.”
“I’ll call back in a bit.”
He reached back and grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to him. When our bodies were once again touching, he took both of my arms around his midsection, linking my hands in front of him as he placed his hands on top of them. I leaned forward and rested my cheek on his back, humming softly.
Alex rubbed my hands with his, and the big, masculine feel of it was uniquely sensual against my skin. He was so gentle when he wanted to be, making me forget about the loud, rough and gruff bulldog that he often times presented himself to be.
“I’ve missed you so much, Alex. Every second of every day that we were apart was pure pain and torture.”
“I know, baby. I know.”
I broke free from his hold and gently yanked on his shoulder, prompting him to turn around. When he did, I took the liberty of sitting down on top of him, gathering water in my own hands and pouring it over his head. Honey-hued eyes stared back at me when he opened them, a sly grin accompanying it. I leaned forward and softly traced the outer linings of his moist, plump lips, then placed soft, kisses on them. He held tight to my ass as I felt his cock begin to harden underneath me. It had been so long since we’d had one another, and the ache forming between my legs was making me painfully aware. I swiveled my hips, sending his cock to full blown erection. I loved how it didn’t take much to get him worked up for me, and I was planning to take full advantage of his weakness.
I didn’t relent on the hip movements, and as the ache I felt grew more intense, Alex worked his hands up my back, then placed his hands under my arms and pulled me back.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, shocked by his movement.
He painfully closed his eyes, then let out a sigh. “Nothing, I just think you need a little more time.”
“Time for what? It’s been plenty of time. I need you, Alex.”
“I know. Trust me, I need you too. But your well-being comes first. We have each other Blondie. We’re not going anywhere.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying—what he was doing. I thought the absence would have made him want to tear into me and fuck my brains out. Instead, he seemed to be dreading it as if he were afraid or something. Then it hit me.
“Alex!”
He didn’t answer.
“Alex…”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think Allen raped me?”
Silence filled our tiny space. My heart ached with a heavy throb. Alex didn’t believe me when I’d told him that Allen hadn’t gotten his cock inside of me. A tear slipped from my eye as I looked at the pain etched into Alex’s face. He was battling himself and losing.
“Alex, I told you. Allen did not get his cock inside of me.”
“I know you told me that, Cassie, and I believe you, but there is something in the back of my mind that wonders if you truly know. That animal slammed your head down. Do you remember everything? Maybe you blacked out.”
He pulled me closer and held me tight. I hated the pain that was inside of him, but I hated being doubted even more.
“Alex, I’m pretty sure I stayed conscious. That firewatch got to him in time.”
He pulled me back and stared into my eyes. “But his fucking fingers. They were inside of you, weren’t they?”
“Yes.”
He winced. It was as if he were hearing the information for the first time.
“But that was it, Alex. I promise you.”
“I know, but you have to be in pain.”
“I’m not in pain. I was, but that’s long gone. I need you, Alex. Erase him from my body.” I paused as I stared into his worrisome eyes. “Don’t let him take anything away from us.”
“I won’t, Blondie, I promise. But not right now. Right now you need a minute. I need a minute. Please don’t hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” I whispered as I lay my head down on his shoulder.
It was true. How could I hate the one person who had actually loved me? No one else in my life had ever shown me the amount of love and care that Alex did, and even though this new act was a mix of his care for me, and his own psyche playing tricks on him, I knew it was coming from love. I knew it, so I had to make myself accept it. It didn’t take the sting of rejection away though.
“Cassie, I’m not repulsed by you or any shit like that, so get that out of your head. I just think you need to heal, and I know I need some time.”
“I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
He held me tight and gently kissed my neck as I cried on his shoulder. As troublesome as our hidden and forbidden relationship was it seemed the real trouble was brewing in the aftermath, and it was going to take every ounce of love for us to wade through these rocky waters. I missed my Alex, I missed the way we were, and even in my state of sadness I was more determined than ever to get all of that back.
Chapter 5
Alex
The absolute last thing I wanted to do was hurt Cassie, and I had to admit that my reaction to her trying to have sex was shocking. I’d had plenty of time to think about what Allen had done to her, and I damn sure believed her when she’d told me that he hadn’t stuck his dick inside of her, but that still didn’t erase the fact that some part of him had been in there. It not only pissed me off to the highest degree, but it also triggered a hurt and a shame that left me weak.
I’d been sitting around, wallowing in my own self-pity, and instead of utilizing every single second that I’d had with her, I’d taken the time to try and clear my head, alone, leaving her in harm’s way. And when harm struck, it hit with the force of a fucking wrecking ball.
I listened to her try and tell me that it wasn’t my fault—that if Allen was out to get her, he was going to get her—but I couldn’t believe that. If I hadn’t had my head stuck so far up my own ass, I would have had Cassie with me, and this bullshit wouldn’t have happened.
I held Cassie close to me in the bathtub, hoping to show her that I was still very much in love with her, even if I couldn’t jump head first into sex. Each tear that slid down my shoulder was another cut, at my heart. Her hurt was mine. It was shared. And when she allowed herself to be vulnerable, it was a slow death for me.
After the bath, I softly lathered her in lotion, using it as another opportunity to be intimate with her, even if I couldn’t be the way that she had wanted me to be. She seemed to settle in after that, then we shared the duties of making dinner.
Now, as she lay sleeping in the bed, I could do nothing but stare at the beauty of her, and the fact that I was able to have her all to myself without having to hide or lie.
I took my phone out into the living room and called my mom back. She’d been fucking blowing my phone up, and there were a shit ton of messages too, but listening to those would have been a waste of time.
“Alejandro,” she answered, sounding overly anxious.
“Yes, Mama, what’s wrong?”
“Alejandro, what have you done? What have you gotten yourself into?”
“Mama, slow down. What are you talking about?”
“There was a man who called here. He spoke to Mama, then to me. He was asking questions about Cassie and if we knew her.”
Anger flared like raging flames. That motherfucker was now involving my family. I wanted to bring hell to his doorstep. I wanted to dismantle him. More than anything, I wanted to bash his fucking brains in. He had crossed a fucking boundary. If he wanted to keep me in a strangle hold with information from people in our community, fine, have at it. But to go through my files and call my next of kin…it was sick and fucking disturbing.