by C. C. Brown
“With all due respect, sir, I’ve been through too much to wait for this. Cassie and I want to be married, and we’re going to do it. I just wanted to give you the heads up.”
I glanced over to Cassie who lightly smiled.
“I can’t stop you two from getting married, but I need to know where you’re going and how long you plan to be gone.”
“I will call you this evening with all of that information, sir.”
His tightened expression never wavered. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Cassie and me jetting off to get married, but honestly, if I were about to go down for loving this girl, I wanted her to be mine. They could punish me all they fucking wanted, but as long as Cassie was my wife, none of that shit would matter.
We walked out of the legal building and over to the walkway that split in two, sending us both in opposite directions. Cassie’s thoughts were written all over her face, and the look she wore worried me, worried me much more than anything Captain Hedlund had said in his office.
“Alex, Captain Hedlund might be right. Rushing into marriage could backfire. We’re drowning in this shit storm, and we don’t need to add anything else to the mix right now.”
My heart began pounding in my chest hard enough to break free. What was she saying? Had Captain Hedlund successfully planted the seeds of doubt in her mind and she was backing away from—from us? Words were a jumbled mess tumbling around in my head, and I couldn’t string a sentence together. I couldn’t even think.
“Alex—”
“I’ll pick you up this afternoon,” I reminded her before sneaking another quick kiss and turning to walk away. I just had to get through one more day, then we could put this shit behind us, even for the weekend.
++++
Castillo was hovering when I made my way into the Admin office that morning, acting extra fucking sweet as she asked about Cassie and her well-being. Every time something came out of her mouth, it irked me. I knew she was asking to be fucking nosy instead of actually caring about how Cassie was doing. I could see right through her charade, and if I weren’t tied to this piece of shit Admin office, I would let loose on her already and make sure that she stayed the hell away from me. I hadn’t seen Vernon all morning, and oddly, I was a bit disappointed. If I were going to lose my shit on anyone, consequences be damned, it would be that pencil dick. I had no idea where he was, and watching the doors, waiting for him to walk through, made me nervous with anticipation.
“Are you okay, Alex?” Castillo asked.
“I’m fine. Where the fuck is Vernon?”
Her eyes gazed at me, almost with alarm. “Why are you asking? You two don’t get along.”
“Precisely,” I answered.
I walked away from her without another word. She had something up her sleeve, I could feel it, and the fact that Vernon a source of contention brought the unmistakable realization that the common denominator was once again standing before me. How I’d allowed myself to get caught up in her was beyond me. Pussy was pussy, unless it was Cassie, and if I had known then what I knew now, I’d have passed Castillo’s up and never caused myself such headache.
The rest of the day I handled all of the errand running, making sure I could get out of the office and away from the bullshit that was surrounding me. I didn’t give a shit that it was well over one hundred degrees and that the errand running had me sweating like a fucking pig. It was a million times better than being cooped in that office, having to contain irritation while staring at paper after paper. When the work day finally ended and we secured for the weekend, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Nothing and no one was going to hold me back. Every asshole here at Twentynine would just have to wait until after the weekend when I was a married man with a clear head, ready to tackle all of their shit head on.
++++
When we pulled up at the house, Riley’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. Cassie and I would have the house all to ourselves which was a welcome sign for me. I wanted as much alone time with her as possible. I carried her into the house and back into our bedroom, laying her down and undressing her before I kissed up and down her beautiful, sun-kissed legs. She was smooth and enticing, and she pulled me up to meet her mouth as she overpowered me with her swirling tongue.
I felt my dick harden, then tingles coated my skin. I had been without her for so long that it was physically hurting, but I was afraid of taking her too far; afraid that it might trigger something for her and set her back, and I couldn’t bear to be the cause of that. I gently pulled back from her, then undressed my upper torso and laid down next to her.
“Why do you keep running from me?” she asked. The tone of her voice—the innocence mixed with her hurt in her eyes—sliced me in half.
“I’m not running, Blondie—”
“Yes, you are. We haven’t had sex since I was released, and it’s almost as if you’re afraid to touch me. As if I disgust you.”
My heart stopped. Her words, filled with such agony, were ripping me apart. I took her chin in my hands and turned her so that we met face to face.
“Let me tell you something. You are not fucking disgusting to me, and I don’t ever want to hear you say that again, you understand me?”
She didn’t respond. She held my gaze, staring at me as if she were waiting for me to crack and tell her what she had suspected.
“You are the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me, without a doubt. Nothing matters to me besides making you happy and keeping you happy. If that’s all I have left in this life, then that’s what I’m going to spend the rest of my time doing.”
A small tear ran down her face, prompting me to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.
“We’ve been through a lot, Cassie, and as crazy as it is to think, we’ve only scratched the surface of what is to come, but I have to get through my own head, and I’m asking you to bear with me and help me get through it.”
She sniffled, then nodded her head before taking my face in her delicate little hands. “I just want to make sure you still love me the way you did before all of that shit happened. Because from where I’m sitting, I can’t understand how you can love me, but be physically unable to be with me.”
“Cassie, I love you more than I did before all of that shit happened.”
“Then how is it that you can’t be intimate with me? You can’t see yourself making love to me. Hell, you can’t even fuck me.”
The hurt was shining through her bright green eyes, stabbing me in the chest with every word she spoke. I was so caught up in my own head that I wasn’t seeing what all of this was doing to her. I hated that she felt as if the physical stuff was the glue that held us together because it wasn’t—it was more like the fucking icing on the cake. Somehow, I had to make her see that, to understand. And even more so, to be okay with it.
“You need to listen to me, Cassie. I stopped fucking you a while ago. Those days are over. When you took me, and loved me out on that beach, I loved you right back. I don’t ever want you to think of us as just fucking because that ship has sailed. I’m in love with you. In. Fucking. Love. With. You. And I’ll be damned if sex is the only thing that keeps us together. It’s a part of us, but it isn’t us.”
She lay quietly for a moment, taking everything in. “I just have a hard time figuring you out. Sex is what brought us together, and it’s a major factor in our relationship. You wanted to fuck me above all else—”
“Wanted. Past tense. Then I got to know you for the fucking awesome and amazing person that you are. And yes, I enjoy making love to you because that’s what it is, but it isn’t the end all for us. What Allen did to you ripped me to the fucking core, and I didn’t realize it until now. I want to sever that motherfucker’s balls off and suffocate him with them because he hurt us. I promise you, Cassie, if you’ll just bear with me, I will rid that dipshit from my mind, from us.”
A faint, almost nervous smile caressed her lips as she snuggled into me, her swee
t vanilla scent lingering in the air, bringing a sense of calm over the two of us. I took down her bun, giving myself the space to run my fingers through her hair, when she stopped me.
“Are you going to tell me about Vernon?”
I knew that was coming. I had hoped she would hold off, but I saw that it wasn’t going to happen. “You don’t want to wait on this?”
She vehemently shook her head, letting me know that the time was here and now.
I blew out a breath, not wanting to dig into such bullshit at the moment. “Well, Vernon and I met while I was in the middle of my divorce from Evelyn. He had just checked in to the schoolhouse, and he seemed like a cool guy, so we let him roll with us. It was during the time that Castillo and I started sleeping together. What I didn’t fucking know was that she had been sleeping with him as well. So here we were, hanging out like fucking buds, not knowing that we were sleeping with the same fucking chick, but it didn’t take long for it to get out because she’s sloppy as shit. He had a problem with it, just as I did. He asked why I was sleeping with her if I was still married, and I let him know that I was in the middle of a divorce, but I didn’t want Leti anyway. He seemed all right with that.”
“Did you stop sleeping with her?”
“Yes, I was just sleeping with her in hopes that it would get back to Evelyn, so when my mission was accomplished, I was done, but my friendship with her somehow gave the impression that we were going to rekindle something, so she broke things off with Vernon, saying I was the person she was truly in love with. He distanced himself from all of us after that.”
“Were you in love with her?”
“Fuck no. And you already know that.”
Cassie’s eyes had me pinned, and I hated having to rehash this very embarrassing part of me, but it had to be done. I wanted to take the next step with her with a closet free of skeletons.
“Leti and I became platonic friends again, but she never let Vernon know that, and quite honestly, it wasn’t my fucking place to tell him shit. I didn’t owe the dude anything, but his hate for me grew. He was telling people that he loved her and shit. Whatever. He hasn’t liked me ever since. That’s why he’d be eager to rat me out the second he got anything on me.”
Cassie swallowed, and I felt her head shake against my chest. “Alex, can’t you see what she’s doing?”
“What?”
An annoyed laugh barrelled out of Cassie. “Castillo is using Vernon to do her dirty work. Why else would she have this dude around again? From what I can tell, she knows he loves her, and she doesn’t love him, but she will gladly use him so that she stays clean. How can you not see this?”
Cassie had a good point. Castillo was manipulative, and I wouldn’t put something like this past her. “I didn’t even think of that, but now that you mention it, it does sound like something she would cook up.”
Cassie looked up, melting me with those sparkling eyes of hers. “At this point Alex, I know all about your sordid past, the scorned lovers, the angry ex-friends, and all I want is for us to be happy. I just want to be your wife and start fresh.”
“I want all of that too, except I don’t want to be your wife.” She hit my chest, then laughed. “And I’ve been giving it some thought. I have too much history, too much baggage here, and I think it’s best that we unload it all.”
“What are you saying?” she asked, shock filling her voice.
“I’m saying I think it’s best that we get out of here. Leave Twentynine behind. If I can request orders, I’m going to request that they PCS us to another base. We need it.”
“No!” she shrieked.
I was caught off guard, and certainly not expecting that reaction. “Why not? I thought you’d be happy to get away.”
“No, Alex, I was so happy when my Lejeune orders got cancelled, and I got to stay here.”
“Yeah, and that was when we thought we’d be split up. Now we’re both stuck here, sitting around in this cesspool of fake fucking people, trying to under mind every fucking thing we’ve worked so hard for. We need to get away from here, Cassie.”
“I don’t want to leave. I figured me getting to stay with you was what we wanted.”
“Us being together is what I wanted. I don’t really give a shit where it is as long as it’s away from here.” She sat up, looking down on me as if she couldn’t conceive what I was saying. “Cassie, let me remind you that you have orders to the fucking wing. And not just any wing unit, but you’ll be back with Ruiz. That bitch hates you, no matter how nice she tried to play at the end of it all.”
“This has nothing to do with her, Alex. I hate the shit going on with these idiots, but Dalton is here. I don’t want to leave him either. What happens if you deploy, leaving me here? At least I’d have my best friend to help me through it.”
“Or he’ll deploy, and you’ll be alone with a bunch of fucking vultures. It makes no sense to stay here.”
“And you didn’t even ask me. You just decided that it would be best for us, and you’re running with it.”
“Cassie, it is what’s best for us. I know you’ll miss Dalton, but that’s the Corps. Friends come and go. That doesn’t mean your friendship has to end, and anyway, me and you, we’re the focus here. We’re the priority. What becomes of us is what you should be worrying about.”
“Don’t try that, Alex. Of course, I worry about us. You’re my rock, but I do love my best friend, and I’m a little pissed that you casually threw out that you’d be requesting orders for us without even discussing it with me first. We’re getting married, Alex. Marriage is about give and take, it’s about compromising, and if you think you can just bulldoze your way through everything, it’s not going to work.”
She was breathing a little heavy, noticeably showing her distress and irritation. The front door closed, signaling Riley was home. I was hoping to go out and smooth things over with Nat, but when I walked out into the living room Riley was alone on the couch, drinking a beer.
“Hey man, where’s Nat?”
Riley turned around, rubbed his head, then sipped on his beer. “She’s at the parlor.”
“Will she be over tonight? I figured I’d go ahead and smooth shit out.”
He stood, then rubbed his head again before finishing off his beer. “No, she said she’s uncomfortable coming over here right now, so I’ll be going over there once she’s off work.”
He seemed a bit bothered by that, and truthfully, I was as well. Nat and I had a pretty cool relationship, shit talking one another while I passed on her flirtations. I’d lost my shit with her, but I was ready to make amends for it, and the fact that she was staying away just didn’t seem like her.
“Did you tell her I was hoping to clear this shit up?”
“Yeah, man, I did, but I’m not going to force her to come around. You really hurt her, Alex. You and your shitty ass temper.”
Cassie came strolling out of the room, wearing a tank top and a pair of PT shorts. “What’s going on?” she asked, her eyes fixated on a rigid Riley.
“Nat’s not comfortable coming over here, and Riley’s pissed about it,” I answered, hoping to ease him back into talking.
“Did you let her know that Alex knew he was an ass and that he was hoping to fix it?”
“Yes, I did. Doesn’t change the fact that she was hurt and blindsided by it. She had no fucking clue that she was doing anything wrong, and I’m sorry Cassie, but if anyone had spoken to you the way he spoke to Nat, he would have cut their balls off and fucking fried them. A simple sorry may not fix this, and yes, I’m fucking pissed about it.”
“Do you want me to go and see her, or call her? I don’t want your and Alex’s friendship to suffer over this.”
“I don’t know. I’m gonna take her some food, and I’ll see what’s up.”
“You still planning on rolling with us tomorrow?” I asked, growing agitated that this was becoming a much bigger deal than it needed to be.
“I don’t know. I need to get s
hit straight with Nat.”
I couldn’t fucking believe what I was hearing. Riley, the guy who had been my right hand through all of this, who had saved me from mistake after mistake, was now turning his back on me even though I had acknowledged my wrong and was trying to make it right. If I didn’t think it would be another colossal mistake, I would have gone up to the tattoo parlor myself, but I was sure that would only add more fuel to this already burning fire.
“Well, let me know. Cassie and I are getting married tomorrow, and we need a witness.”
“I said I’ll let you know,” he murmured under his breath. “I need to go. I’ll let you know later on tonight after I have a chance to talk to her.”
“You can’t go without her?”
Riley was beginning to walk away, but paused after hearing my question. “Are you really fucking asking me that? Would you go off without Cassie? I should have decked your ass when you talked to her like that, but I stopped myself. If she isn’t comfortable around you, Alex, then I’m going to stay by her side.”
He turned to Cassie, lowering his voice and softening his tone. “Nothing against you, Cassie, but I think you get it a little more than he does.”
Cassie nodded her head.
Riley grabbed his keys and walked out. The roar of the engine filled my ears as he started his truck, then the barreling sounds of the exhaust as he peeled out of the driveway, leaving me and Cassie standing there.
“You have to understand, Alex—”
“Orders. Now do you see? We fucking need them, Cassie. We need a fresh start, away from this stupid bullshit. I was wrong, yes, I fucking was, but I wanted to make it right with Nat and now this. Fuck it. I’m not kissing ass. When she’s ready to talk to me, she can come to me. The only person I’m chasing is the one I’m fucking, and she sure as shit isn’t it.”
“Alex…I thought you didn’t fuck me anymore.”
Fuck! I was so caught up that the words came out all wrong.