by C. C. Brown
“It’s not like that, Abuelita.”
“Then what? You been doing so good, and now you meet her, and now you lose your career. Me averguenzo de ti, Alejando.” Guadalupe’s hands flew wildly in my direction, and I was sure she would have slapped me if I had been close enough.
“Abuelita,” Adriana chided, offended by whatever her grandmother had just said. “We are not ashamed of Alex. He is still the same guy he’s always been. He just made a bad choice.”
My heart was breaking into a million pieces. I had expected his family to take the news badly, but I guess I hadn’t prepared myself for this. Adriana calling me a bad choice hurt the most. I hadn’t looked at myself in that light, and now that it was shining brightly down on me, I couldn’t escape it.
Perhaps I was a bad choice. If Alex hadn’t met me, he’d still be that straight and narrow Marine that everyone admired. He wouldn’t have lost his friendships, his instructorship, and now the respect of his family. I was the reason for all of this, and it was breaking me.
“I didn’t make a bad choice, Adriana. Cassie is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Alex quickly defended.
“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, Alex. I meant you made a bad choice breaking the rule, that’s all.”
“Well, I don’t care about all of that,” Imelda interrupted.
She had been sitting silently, soaking in all of the information, and I wasn’t sure where she stood on all of this. I was afraid to find out. These three women were the three most important people in Alex’s life. Their opinions mattered to him, and so far, I was the only one on my side.
“I need to know how this all works. That O’Hara man was very adamant that he needed to know information on Cassie, and I wasn’t sure what it was about. I thought maybe she had hurt you, and now I see I might be right.”
What? My eyes just about popped out of my head. What did she mean that I had hurt him? Alex and I had been partners through this ordeal. Neither of us strong armed the other and our relationship was built on mutual, rule breaking, fraternizing grounds. Imelda’s words were the salt in the wound. Guadalupe had cut deep, and Imelda was finishing me off.
“Mama, I am not hurt, and Cassie isn’t to blame for any of this. I met her, I wanted her, and I knew the consequences if we got caught. It was a chance I was willing to take, so I took it, and I wouldn’t change one damn thing about it, not even now.”
“You aren’t physically hurt, Alejandro, but your career is in trouble. And without that, what do you have?” Imelda asked somberly, avoiding my gaze.
“I’ll figure that out, but I have Cassie, and that’s all that matters.”
“Aye, stupido, Alejandro.” Guadalupe chastised. Her wrinkles increased as she scrunched her face out of frustration and anger. She stood, moving so quickly that she almost fell over, then stuck her bony little finger out and pointed in my direction. “This girl will leave you. You are a high Marine for her. She will not stay when you get into trouble.”
“That is not true,” I finally spoke up, done with having my character torn to shreds before my very eyes. “I had no clue who Alex was when I first met him, and I’m being court-martialed just like he is.”
“How did you two meet?” Adriana asked, picking Abel up since he had finally made his way into the living room.
“At a bar in town. Neither of us had any clue who the other was until the next week at work,” Alex answered, seemingly annoyed now.
“So it’s kind of like fate,” Adriana retorted. “I don’t know. I know you guys have these rules and everything, but I think you two should be allowed to be happy.”
“Why are you rushing to get married, Alejandro? If Cassie isn’t pregnant, then why the rush? Why don’t you see what happens with your court-martial?”
“Because, Mama. One, I want to marry her. I love her. And two, I don’t want the Corps separating us. I’ve been pulled from my job as an instructor, so after the court-martial they are going to give me new orders, and I want Cassie with me.”
“Ha! So you have no ring. I see no ring. This is not real marriage, Alejandro. You are marrying this girl for the Marines. You already have one bad marriage, and now you want to get another one. I will not support this,” Guadalupe spoke so quickly that she began choking again. Adriana quickly moved to pat her on the back, then helped her sit down again. “I want you happy, Alejandro, but not like this. Not marrying because you are in trouble.”
Heat flushed over my skin as I debated if I should truly speak my mind, thus disrespecting his grandmother. I didn’t want to cause anymore friction, but I could see that she was not going to let up on me, and I hated being slandered right in front of her. It was worse than any of the bullshit that Alex and I had dealt with over the course of our secretive relationship. And based on the shit thrown at us from Allen, Ruiz, Castillo, and Jensen, this was measuring so much worse.
“With all due respect to you all, none of your fears are true. I didn’t trap Alex. He’s a big boy, and what we have is a mutual thing. We both knew what we had at stake, but went for it anyway, and I don’t apologize for that. I love him, and I won’t sit here and listen to you all drag me through the mud.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed as I spoke. He was probably shocked that I was speaking to his mother and grandmother with so much conviction, but I couldn’t help it. I needed them to know that they had me all wrong, and hopefully, by not backing down and just taking it, they would see that I was to be respected. Quite the opposite happened.
“This girl talk too much, Alejandro. No respect.” Guadalupe stood again and walked over in my direction, but stopped as Alex stepped in her way. “You come in my house. You don’t run your mouth.”
“You’re saying a bunch of shit about me that isn’t true!” I yelled, unable to contain the fire that ignited inside of me. She had successfully pushed me over the edge, and I wasn’t about to hold back any longer. “You claim you want Alex to be happy, but yet you’re doing nothing but making things harder for him. We love each other, why can’t you see that?”
“Alex make bad choices for women! He already divorced once, and it break my heart. I see the same thing when he marry you. You already bring him trouble, and you two are not married yet!” She was yelling, prompting Adriana to take Abel to the back room.
Imelda sat on the couch with tears in her eyes.
“Abuelita, that’s enough,” Alex quipped. He could see the anger from both sides, and his tightened expression and rigid body displayed the discomfort that he was feeling at the moment. “I am marrying Cassie. No questions about it.”
“What about your court case, Alejandro?” Imelda asked through sniffles. My heart hurt for her. She was watching her boy, her knight in shining fucking armor fall from grace, and as ridiculous as I thought it was that they held him in such high regard, I understood it.
“We’ll have the trial, and whatever they find they find, but I’m marrying Cassie this weekend. We are going to be a united front when we face that asshole, O’Hara.”
“You marry this girl and take me away from your life, Alejandro!” Guadalupe shouted, her voice hoarse. “I raise you. I help you become a good man, and now you turn your back on your family.”
“I’m not turning my back on anyone, Abuelita!” Alex shouted back. His normally caramel skin was now a light shade of red as his hazel eyes grew dark in utter frustration. “I’m trying to bring us all onto one side. I love you all, but I also love Cassie, and I’m ready to make her my wife. I wanted you all there to share it with us—”
“I never go to that!” his grandmother shouted, pulling away from him. Her bony finger now made its way into Alex’s face. “She tear you down. You choose her over me. Over tu mama. Over tu hermana. Esta es tu familia. You go to her, and I never know you again, Alejandro.”
I couldn’t breathe. My lungs ached and head hurt. Tears were pricking my eyes, and not because Guadalupe had laid out her disdain for me, but because she was essentially making
Alex choose. Any choice he would make was going to rip him in half, and I knew that he was struggling with the decision. I couldn’t blame him. It was either go with his grandmother who had raised him, or the new girl in his life that he was about to throw everything down the drain for. Selfishly, I hoped that he would choose me, but I knew there was a good chance if pressured enough that he would go with his family. That bond ran deep, and what Alex and I had in comparison only scratched the surface.
“Abuelita, that’s not fair,” Adriana said, making her way back to the living room. “Alex loves Cassie. Can’t you see that?”
“I will not see it. He loved Evelyn too and look at that one. I know bad girls when I see them. Alex is losing his career for this one. That’s not good.”
“I’m losing mine too!” I shouted, almost at a piercing level. All eyes quickly swung to me, shock shrouding everyone’s faces. My chest heaved up and down erratically, sending exhales through my nose like a raging bull. I couldn’t believe I had lost it like that, but I had to admit that it felt good.
“I’m just getting started in the Corps, and my career could already be over. You think I’m making out on top while Alex takes all the heat? No! I had an opportunity to get myself away from all of this even after the fact, and I turned down all deals that came to me. I fell in love with your grandson, Guadalupe, and I’m sorry it was under the wrong circumstances, but I’m not sorry for falling. I’d do it over again if I had the chance.”
Adriana came and stood next to me, placing her hand on my shoulder and smiling up at me. I was still breathing heavily, but it felt good to get my feelings out in the open, regardless of how it made anyone else feel.
“Abuelita, you’re upset, but you’ll see Cassie is a really good girl. And no matter what anyone else says, I am going to make her my wife.”
Guadalupe looked up to Alex and smirked, sending a sinister vibe to him that glided over to me. “You go to jail for this girl, Alejandro. And you lose you career all because you are a man and you can’t keep it in you pants. I will not watch this. You marry this girl, and I do not know you. I raise you to be smart and right now you are stupid. I want no more of this.”
The hacking cough she’d had earlier came roaring back. Imelda ran to her mother’s side, holding her as tears fell down her face and onto the floor below. I could see her internal struggle. She was caught between her mother and her son. I wouldn’t have wished this on anyone because as much as it was hurting me, I could see it was destroying her.
“Let’s get you to bed, Mama,” Imelda softly spoke, trying to move her mother. Guadalupe was still coughing, wheezing a bit as well. The sight of her stunned Alex, making him go to her, holding her in his arms as his mom tried to move her out of the living room and to the back.
“You make a choice, Alejandro. But you remember, I do not accept this. I do not accept you if you go to her.”
“Come, Mama,” Imelda prodded, moving her mother along.
Alex, Adriana, and I stood there, flabbergasted by what had just happened. I knew things would be rough, but I had never imagined it would get to this level. I wished we had never come here, and Alex had just given them the scoop over the phone.
“She’ll come around,” Adriana said, trying to soften the mood.
“How can you say that?” I asked. I was done with everyone trying to make it seem as if Guadalupe would magically have a change of heart, giving Alex and me her blessing to be married. The woman hated my guts, and today had cemented that fact.
“She’s just upset, Cassie. When she sleeps on it and see what she’s done to Alex, she’ll backtrack.”
I looked over to Alex who stood there, still red faced but with a single, solitary tear falling down his face. Naïve or not, when it came to the women in his life, he was hurt, and I hated seeing him in pain.
“Alex?”
“What?” he barked, startling me.
“Are you okay?”
“No, Cassie. My grandmother hates me. My mom questions me. All because I fell in love with you. No, I’m not motherfucking okay.”
“You watch your voice, Alejandro Esteban Cruz, and you keep your voice down. Your grandmother is sick and hurting back there.” Imelda said, walking back towards us, her face stern and motherly.
“And that’s my fault?”
“This isn’t about fault. It’s about a very hurt old woman back there who loves you and is scared for you.”
“What can I do to help that? I tried to smooth things over and look at what happened. She blames Cassie for this, and won’t even let me show her that I had a part in it too.”
“I won’t lie. I’m scared for you. You’ve worked so hard for everything you have, and now it’s going to be gone just like that. I like Cassie, but if it comes down to everything you’ve earned or her, I’m afraid that I want you to have your career. You two have only known each other for a short time—”
“Let’s go,” Alex gruffly said, forcefully pulling me out of the living room by my hand.
“Alejandro, where are you going?” Imelda asked, chasing after us.
“I’m getting out of here. I wanted to come here and fill you all in on what was going on, make us into one united family before I face the biggest event of my life on Monday, and you and Abuelita have done nothing but further add to my anxiety. You think I’m not scared about what could happen to me and my career?”
Imelda stood shocked, eyes bulging as her hand lay firmly over her heart. Alex’s admission was news to me as well, but I wasn’t about to say anything.
“I’m scared shitless, but my family turning their backs on me scares me more than anything that the Marine Corps could do to me. This fucking destroys me, and neither of you seem to care.”
“I only want what’s best for you, Alejandro. I have nothing against Cassie, but—”
“There are no buts. I love her. She’s what keeps me going, what makes me whole. I’m fucking giving that up. I was hoping to add to my family, and instead, you guys are pulling away. So be it. I can’t wait around for you to figure it out.”
“Alex, don’t do this!” Adriana yelled. “Everyone is just tense right now.”
“I don’t have time to wait for their shit, Adriana.”
He pulled us out of the house and over to his truck. Tears pooled in his eyes, but he worked hard at containing them, making sure not to allow any to escape down his face. Imelda stood in the walkway, arms folded as her tears fell in droves. Adriana came running to the truck, pleading with Alex not to leave like this, but he wasn’t having any of it. He had been broken by the people who had worked their entire lives to keep him whole—to strengthen him, to make him who he was. I found it a bit ironic that they had made him this strong, conviction holding person, yet when he held to that, they had a problem with it.
My eyes were bloodshot, my head was spinning, and my heart was beating so roughly that I thought it might come loose and break through my chest. I hadn’t seen Alex like this since the night he rescued me from Allen, and even then he wasn’t broken and battered the way he seemed to be now. This was something more, and it stabbed at me with a dull knife, further torturing me as the sight of him pushed that knife deeper and deeper.
“You figure it out, Adriana. I’m done,” I heard Alex say to his sister. She was now in tears and wiping furiously as she continued to plead with him. “We’re getting married tomorrow. I’ll let you know when and where if you want to come.”
“Of course,” she responded, wrapping her brother in her arms. The bond the two of them shared was special, and in the midst of this fucking hurricane, it was the calm that made everything seem as if it was worth it.
Alex hopped into the truck and pulled off, leaving his crying mother and sister, and hysterically angry and sick grandmother in the dust. I couldn’t believe how badly things had gotten, and how I’d had to defend myself when it was never my intent.
Alex’s white knuckled grip held the steering wheel as we drove off onto the freeway
that looked to be taking us back to Huntington Beach. Neither of us said anything. We stared blankly out the window, and I occasionally wiped away tears as I looked out, pondering how we would move forward from this.
The air grew milder as we inched closer to the beach. My head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, pictures, and confusion. It seemed easier to be skirting the Corps and hiding than it did to be out in the open. Alex didn’t say a word. He pulled into the stall and sat for a moment, head back against the headrest before looking over to me and taking my hand in his.
“I can’t apologize enough to you, Blondie. I knew they would have a hard time with it, but I never expected it to go there.”
Tears ran down my face as I looked into his eyes, so full of hurt and concern. Our world seemed to be unraveling every which way we turned. Nothing seemed to be working in our favor, and the thought of it all had me sick to the point of wanting to vomit.
“I can’t live my life for anyone but me, and I hate not having my fucking family around for this, but I need to move forward. If they want to step out of my life, they’ll just have to.”
His words sliced me to the core. Alex had the family I wished I’d had growing up. They were encouraging, loving, and supportive, and yet, everything they were, they had turned away from. Alex was making a choice that they were forcing him to make, but that didn’t mean it came lightly. It was a silent killer, and even though he was ready to move forward with me, I could tell a large piece of him was dying inside.
He took my hand and kissed the top as more tears streamed down my face. “What’s the matter, Blondie?” I shook my head, unable to formulate words. “Fucking talk to me, Cassie. I hate watching you hurt. Let me help you.”
“I can’t, Alex… I just can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
I looked up into his eyes, the saddened hazel orbs staring into my soul, willing the words out of me. I felt sick and heartbroken, but I couldn’t go on with jumbled feelings any longer. More tears fell as I tried hard to catch my breath. I was floundering, struggling to survive as I watched the man I loved more than anyone else on this earth stare into my soul.