by C. C. Brown
The veins in his neck began to bulge, and his breathing picked up. He’d just had his ego ripped away from him, then stomped on, so there was no telling what he was capable of at the moment. Before he jumped off the deep end, he turned on his heel and angrily marched out of the courtroom.
I turned back to Cassie, who hadn’t moved or said a word during the standoff. She had relaxed, but there was still something amiss with her. Something I couldn’t quite figure out.
“What’s wrong, Blondie?”
Her eyes opened. “Are you fucking stupid? Alex, we’ve beat the fraternization charges, but your family hates me, and you broke up with me. Now you’re acting like everything is fine. What is wrong with you?”
“My family doesn’t fucking hate you, Cassie. And I did not break up with you. I believe that was the other way around.”
“Really?” she shrieked. Now I could see hints of anger flaring up inside of her. “I told you I didn’t think it was best to get married right now. I never said anything about not wanting to be with you. That was your doing. It’s all or nothing with you, with no regard for anyone else. You ripped my heart out when you walked out on me, Alex, and you didn’t even fucking care about how I felt.”
She was right. I had done everything she had just said. I just didn’t see any other way to move forward after being rejected in the worst way possible. I ran my hand over my face and exhaled harshly. Before I could make out any sort of explanation, she was right back at me, tearing into my ass, and not holding back.
“You’ve done some incredible things to me, and then you have done some incredibly fucked up things to me. I forgave you once for fucking me over, but this…this feels so much worse. I love you, Alex. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, but I think you did me a favor when you walked out on me. You made me see that you are indeed a selfish prick who has to have things done his way. Well, relationships and especially marriages require compromise, and I’m glad that I see you have no fucking clue about the meaning of the word before I let you slip a ring on my finger.”
Air escaped me, and I found it hard to breathe. One of the things that I adored about Cassie was the fact that she was firecracker and didn’t take any shit, but in this moment, I wish she didn’t possess those qualities. Her words whooped my ass and left me hurting more so than any physical pain ever could. She was hurt, upset, and I had made it that way. I had put this wall up between us, and I knew I stood the possibility of losing her for good. The thought was worse than being convicted in that courtroom today.
“Cassie—“
“I need to get going. I want out of this fucking unit, and I need my orders to make that happen.”
Without another word, she turned and walked out of the courtroom, leaving me feeling like I had just lost everything important to me. Taking a seat on the chair in front of me, I let my head rest on the table while I thought long and hard about what I had done, and how the fuck I would fix it.
If I could fix it.
++++
I didn’t head straight for the Admin office. After I’d left the courtroom, I’d had to walk—to think and figure out what the fuck I had allowed myself to do in my moment of temporary insanity. I had to be insane if I thought letting Cassie go was the best option for me. I had successfully backed her into a corner, and she wasn’t giving in. I had fucked up…royally.
When I just couldn’t walk anymore, I found myself at my instructor office. It had been a while since I’d been there, and knowing that I was about to enter and leave for the last time sent a wave of melancholy over me. I hadn’t wanted to become an instructor, but I’d relished the opportunity, fallen in love with it, and taken pride in it. It was who I was, but now it was just an after-thought.
I took out my key and unlocked the door, then turned the knob and walked in. My eyes instantly met with Jensen. He was reading through roll sheets, probably preparing for his next class of students arriving within the next few days. Awkwardness didn’t begin to describe the feeling of the room. Our friendship had crumbled during my relationship with Cassie. We had fought, said some pretty fucked up shit to one another, and were barely on speaking terms. I didn’t know how to approach him, so rather than try, I just avoided him and pretended he wasn’t there.
There were a few boxes sitting on my desk, and I took the liberty of throwing things inside of them, trying to hurry up and get the hell out before any problems could arise.
“I thought you had court today,” Jensen asked, no emotion whatsoever in his voice.
I turned to look at him, holding a stone face as he sat glaring at me. “I did, and it’s over,” I coldly answered.
“You’re free?” he asked. The slight trace of disappointment in his words made my temper flare.
“Yes, I’m free. Anything else you’d like to know?”
He stared at me in disbelief.
“You look stunned, Jensen. You okay?”
“I just didn’t expect that.”
He was baiting me, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t falling for it. His smug and condescending attitude since finding out about me and Cassie had rubbed me raw. He was looking for a fight, and I was ready to give him one.
“Well, what the fuck were you expecting? Did you think that running to O’Hara and spilling your fucking guts to him was going to make you look good? Did you think a meritorious promotion would be in the cards? What the fuck, Jensen?”
A flash went off in his eyes, and he was in my face in a hurry. “Get the fuck off your high and mighty, paranoid horse, Alex. I didn’t have to say anything to O’Hara. Your stupid ass did you in long before that was necessary. You feel guilty for breaking the code, for stepping out of the fucking boundaries, and turning yourself into one of the motherfucking turds that we have come to despise. You want to know what I was expecting? I’ll fucking tell you what I was expecting. I was expecting for you to step up, be a man, and own your shit. I was expecting for you to walk into that courtroom with your head held high and tell them that you are a Marine, and that you believe in what that title stands for, and that you deserve to be punished because you have dishonored yourself, your unit, but most of all you’ve dishonored the Corps. That’s what the fuck I expected.”
He spoke so passionately that he stopped to catch his breath, all the while glaring at me. “I guess my expectations were too fucking high,” he resumed. “You’re a coward, and beating your charges or not, you will always know it because it is forever a piece of what makes you.”
“I ought to whoop your ass right here and now,” I lowly grumbled, feeling the heat rise within my body. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You stand there, looking down on me, passing judgment and thinking that you are somehow better than me. Well, let me remind you of something. I am everything you want to be, everything you hope to become. You’ve been shadowing me since we got here because you see what you know you will never be. Fraternizer or not, I’m still light years ahead of you and it pains you to no end. Hate me, call me a fucking turd, but remember this. I have convictions. If I say or do something it’s because I believe in it. It’s too fucking bad that I can’t say the same for you.”
I threw a few more things into my box, then picked it up and headed for the door. “Think long and hard about throwing the coward word around, Jensen. Take a look in the fucking mirror before you use that again.”
Before he could say another word to me, I walked out of the office and instantly felt the first feel of gratification since Cassie had emotionally shattered me.
The thick layer of hot sweltering heat that hit my face as I strode outside was surprisingly refreshing. Jensen had made my blood boil, but satisfaction had hit me as I pinned him with his own insult. Our friendship had blossomed because we were so much alike, but he found himself shadowing me, trying to emulate the things that I was doing to get noticed. No matter what my indiscretions were, I knew I still held a level of dignity that he would never achieve. He had sold his sou
l to the devil, and that was a guilt that he would have to live with.
++++
I picked up my orders on the lunch hour, making sure to avoid certain people who served as nothing but constant annoyance to me. Even with the promising start, this day had turned sour in a hurry, and I didn’t need any more fuel being added to an already burning fire.
I was shocked when the Admin clerk handed me my orders, and I found that I would be going to 3/11, an Artillery Battalion. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about the orders or not, but they were what they were, so I took them and analyzed what this meant as far as me and my career. Were these orders a punishment? Artillery did a hell of a lot of field time, and if O’Hara had any say in where I shipped off to next, maybe he saw this as a way to get something on me finally. Of course with this, I was no longer in a position of power over females. It was a combat MOS, and there were no females in the unit. I mentally told myself to fucking forget about it, take the orders, and move on.
When I checked in with the OOD, he gave me a quizzical look, but didn’t allude to whatever it was that he was thinking. He explained that I would be heading to Kilo Battery and that I would be under the command of Master Sergeant Finey. I nodded, got my shit stamped, then headed over to my new workspace and get settled into my new home.
Master Sergeant Finey was a large man, and if I were unsure of myself, he could come off as intimidating. His dark chocolate skin, bulging black eyes, and Hulk-like muscles comprised every inch of the excessively tall man. His shake was bone crushing, but I returned it, showing that I wasn’t cowering and that I could be a force just as he could.
“I’m Sergeant Cruz, Master Sergeant—”
“I know who the fuck you are,” he roared. His voice almost matched the rumble of my fucking truck. “I got a call from O’Hara, so I know all about you.”
This wasn’t going to be good. O’Hara hated me, and I was sure he had slandered me in some way or another.
“There are no females here, so I don’t have to worry about that shit you got yourself caught up in. Do your fucking job and we won’t have any goddamn problems. You understand that?”
“Yes, Master Sergeant,” I responded, looking him square in the eye.
“Good. Let me show you around the shop and introduce you to a few people.”
I followed his lead, meeting the Battery XO, a few Staff Sergeants, and a couple of junior Marines. All in all, this unit felt more like a benefit than a punishment for me. If O’Hara had meant to make 3/11 my consequence, he had just fucked himself once again. The element, the camaraderie, the fighting spirit, and the testosterone filling those walls was exactly where I needed to be.
“I’m going to go ahead and let you call it a day, but I expect to see you at zero five tomorrow morning. We have a lot of planning to get through, and unfortunately for you, you’ll be in the thick of it.”
There was code in his words that he wasn’t letting on to. I stopped and looked him in the eye, trying hard to read him, but otherwise finding a stern and expressionless glare staring back at me.
“What are the plans, Master Sergeant?”
He stared long and hard before speaking. I could tell this was not something that I wanted to hear, but I quickly prepared myself for it anyway.
“Fallujah is in the throes of civil unrest. Our brothers have been supplementing the infantry units out there, and unfortunately, we’ve been taking heavy casualties. We’re sending extra manpower, and you’ve come just in time.”
I was caught off guard. I knew the war wasn’t going well, but I didn’t think I’d be heading of for it again so quickly.
“When should I expect to ship out, Master Sergeant?”
“Two weeks, Sergeant, so make sure your ass is here, on time, so we can get through the paperwork and get all of your screenings done. Welcome to the party.” He promptly turned and walked away.
I let his words sink in. I thought about my life and everything that was so fucked up in it here. I didn’t want to leave Cassie, but in a sense, I had already done that. I thought about calling her, but I quickly squashed the idea. I needed a clear mind to move on and get myself right before heading off for battle.
My fucking life back in Twentynine was already fractured, so it only made sense to go off to a place where all of the destitute feelings had no place. At some point, I would let Cassie know that I’d be leaving and see how she received the news. Either way, right now just didn’t feel right.
I walked out to my truck and hopped in, feeling the bittersweet sensations of my new life. I was happy to find my place and fight alongside my brothers, but I was also sad that I would be doing so without the support of the one person back home who meant the absolute fucking world to me.
Chapter 12
Cassie
Stepping out of the courtroom, the blazing sun hit my face, the thick air filled my lungs, and I immediately felt life breathe into me again. How in the world had I just escaped possible brig time, adverse paperwork, demotion, and anything else that could have destroyed my burgeoning career?
I wanted to scream and fist pump.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to wrap my arms around Alex and have him whisk me away for a celebratory love making session.
I wanted all of it, and sadly, I couldn’t have any of it.
The judge ruling in our favor wasn’t because we had been exonerated, but because First Sergeant O’Hara had jumped the gun and tried to cover his tracks after the fact. His lust for punishment, and his need to make Alex an example was his undoing.
And at the end of all of it, I had nothing to show for it.
Sure, I was intact, and nothing about my standing in the Corps had changed, but my heart was broken. It felt as if someone had ripped it out and left it there to die. I had no clue what was going to become of Alex and me, and that thought alone grappled me with a world of hurt. I loved him more than I could recall loving anyone else in my life. I stood by the fact that we shouldn’t have rushed into marriage, but I never thought he would pull the plug on us with such an extreme ultimatum. Now, I was left to go on and figure out my life without him. If he told me he was wrong, dropped on his knees and promised to do right by me…if he apologized for flying off the hinges, I’d take him back in the blink of an eye. But I was no idiot; I knew the real Alex Cruz, and like it or not, his ego was a massive part of his being, and those thoughts would only live in my dreams.
I picked up my orders from the Admin office, running into Sergeant Castillo while I waited. She had a smug look about her, but it didn’t bother me. I knew she didn’t like me, and I damn sure didn’t like her, so no love was lost.
“So you managed to beat it, huh?”
With a roll of my eyes, I coldly answered, “I didn’t beat anything, Sergeant.”
She smiled, tight lipped as her eyes glared at me. The villainous look in her eyes was not surprising, but the way she stood erect and rigid with the entrance of another Marine caught me off guard.
“Did Cruz come and pick up his orders?” the guy asked. “His ass is off to Iraq soon.”
My breath caught, and my hand immediately went for my chest. Had I heard him correctly? Alex would be leaving Twentynine and deploying to Iraq? I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to rewind the last couple of minutes, take my orders, then walk out of the building without ever hearing those horrid words.
Castillo’s eyes widened at the guy, almost as if she were giving off a warning.
“Oh, hey!” the guy said. I instantly recognized him as Vernon. “Picking up your orders, Pfc. Bennett? You must be so excited to be moving on unscathed after having beat such an obvious fraternization charge.”
I tried hard to smile, but it wouldn’t come to me. Everything Alex had told me about this guy let me know that he was trouble with a capital T and he was not to be trusted.
“If you would excuse me, Sergeants, I need to get going.”
They both nodded, their eyes hooded and low like
snakes in high grass. Castillo I could deal with, but Vernon, I was unfamiliar with. I had heard nothing but bad things about him. Seeing him in the chow hall, then again at the pool, had definitely rubbed me wrong and he was adding to it now. I turned with orders in hand and walked out of the building, feeling their eyes burning into me the entire way out. These two seemed as if they were made for each other—they were both conniving assholes. I had never been so happy to get away.
Iraq? That didn’t necessarily tell me anything about Alex’s orders. All that meant was that he would be deploying. But from where? Was he still going to be here in Twentynine? Or had they shipped him clear across the country and would deploy him from there?
My first inclination was to call him and find out because my mind was racing and I needed to know, but after thinking it over, I decided I would wait. I wasn’t sure if Alex had picked up his orders, and if he hadn’t, I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. When he found out, he would tell me.
I let my mind settle with that, then walked off in the direction of the air wing, readying myself to be a real Marine.
++++
I checked in with Staff Sergeant Rapert. She was a tall, husky looking female, with short blond hair, and a rugged face that held a friendly smile. She took me around the shop, pointing out all of the important people within the squadron. I tried to take in all of the information she quickly passed my way, but I decided not to fret. I’d be in this unit for the next thirty-six months, and I had plenty of time to figure all of that out.
“You will work directly under me,” she said with a jovial smile. “I have another female radio operator under my command, Pfc. Ruiz. I think you two will get along.”
Angelica’s name jolted me. With everything that had happened, I had forgotten that she was in this unit, and dread flooded me. She had apologized for everything she had done, but that didn’t mean that everything was copasetic between us, and from where I was standing, we certainly weren’t friends. I didn’t know how I’d feel or react to seeing her again. It had been a while, and her reaction towards me had caused a bit of anxiety.