by C. C. Brown
With a quick pause, Alex worked my shirt over my head and hurriedly removed my bra, sending my breasts springing to life with rock solid nipples aching for his touch. Alex pulled back, our eyes meeting and sticking like glue as he ran the tongue that had successfully broken me down over his bottom lip. He laid me back down in the bed of the truck, and his tongue was once again front and center, sending my chest heaving, my breaths ragged, and my hands through his hair. He ran his tongue down the middle of my chest, down to my belly button, then stopped at the hem of my pants. His laugh was haunting as he worked his fingers inside the hem and looked up at me.
“These seem to be in the way,” he commented in a rather condescending manner.
I wanted to rip them off for him and allow him to follow through with whatever plan it was that he had for me, but a glimpse into our previous encounters hit me like lightening, sending the fear of rejection coursing through me. I stopped him, wide eyed and breathing heavily, afraid of what might happen next. As badly as I wanted him, I had been sexually shunned by him and it had taken a toll on me.
“Alex, I can’t handle this,” I breathed, trying to gain control of myself.
His eyes darkened as he took in my flustered state, and he smiled, confusing me much like he always did. “Can’t handle what? I’d say you were handling things just fine.”
“You know what I mean, Alex,” I said, motioning down to where his hand rested inside the hem of my pants.
That cavalier smile that he possessed came back, and he worked his hands further into my pants and began tugging them downward. “Baby steps, Blondie. I’ve asked you to bear with me. I’m working on it… baby steps.”
Alex was certainly an enigma, but I didn’t have long to think about it before he was off the bed of the truck and pulling my pants down. A spark went off in his eyes and his smile turned sinister.
“Either this is for me, or I need to fucking kill someone,” he growled.
“Just wanted to be free.”
“I can fucking see that,” he quickly retorted, looking down at the nakedness between my legs.
Alex grabbed firmly onto my thighs as he dropped to his knees, kissed his way up my legs, over and around my thighs, then stopped at my core. One hand worked underneath me and squeezed my ass as he continued to breathe into me. I needed him badly, but I wanted to let him work his way through it. If we were going to move forward, this was going to be a big part of that process.
Tingles went off inside of me as I placed my fingers on my clit and began massaging. A light moan escaped me, catching Alex’s attention. He pulled my hand away, kissing it as he placed it back down beside me.
“Baby steps, Blondie. My baby steps,” he whispered, then replaced my fingers over my clit with his own and rubbed, sending my body into an instant state of euphoria.
His fingers gently circled my clit, just enough to leave me speechless while only allowing lustful breaths to leave my body. I could feel the build-up coming when the distinct feel of a wet finger slipped into me, followed by another, and my body curled up beneath him.
“You’re so fucking wet, Blondie. I can’t wait to slurp you up.”
His fingers continued to work in and out, moving a tortuously slow pace that left me near tears as the need to come all over him was beginning to torture my soul. His fingers worked my core while his thumb continued the massage of my clit. My body had been deprived for far too long, and the feel of what Alex was doing to it was beginning to make me come undone.
“You better not come,” he warned. “I’ll punish that ass if you do.”
His words sent a chill down my spine. I knew he would make good on the threat, but a part of me almost wanted to test it just to see how far and how creative he would get with his punishment. My mind didn’t have much time to process the thoughts as the thickness of Alex’s tongue invaded my core, sending me jolting as he continued to hold me down firmly.
Soft, strokes of his tongues filled me as his thumb continued to caress my clit. Those earlier tingles now turned into sharp bursts as they went off inside of me. I could feel the orgasm beginning to rise, and my legs went numb as Alex picked up the pace.
Slurping and lapping.
Twisting and turning.
Sucking and tugging.
My body began to convulse violently as thick, creamy spurts erupted from inside of me and onto Alex. He continued to lick, suck, and rub away until he milked me dry.
I stared at the star-filled night sky as I tried to catch my breath and bring feeling back into my lower extremities. He slowed his movements, took a couple more sucks, then stood from his position.
“Are you okay with baby steps?” he asked, smiling at me as he licked the remnants of me away. “I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to.”
I smiled back. The sated feeling overtook me, and I relished it, even if it was only his tongue and fingers instead of his cock.
“I like the idea of baby steps because I’ll get to enjoy getting to know your body all over again,” Alex said. “And you best believe I am going to explore every inch of this treasure.”
He helped me to my feet, then leaned down and pulled my pants back up. I reached behind me for my shirt after clasping my bra, then turned and was surprisingly met with Alex’s warm mouth. He kissed me hard and fierce, extending his tongue deep into my mouth with vigor. He finally pulled away, rubbing the back of his hand over the side of my face.
“It’s been a while. And I thought I would share my favorite taste with you since it’s not something you have access to on your own,” he remarked, smiling while showing off his perfect set of pearly whites. “I want you to stay with me tonight because I’ll be gone all weekend.”
“Gone? Where are you going?”
“I have to go back to Santa Ana. This next week is going to be crazy, and I leave for Iraq next Saturday, so I’m going to spend time with my family before I go.”
I stood quietly, completely understanding, but feeling the sting of our situation once again. Before all of the shit that had crash landed at our feet, there would have been no question about me tagging along. But now…now I was an after-thought, and for good reason, but it didn’t make the blaring realization any less painful.
“You’re quiet. What’s going on in there?” Alex asked, gently poking at my head.
“Nothing. Let’s just go. I’m ready for a warm shower and bed,” I replied, walking back to the passenger side of the truck. Alex stopped me just before I could open the door.
“Cassie, you need to start talking right the fuck now.”
“There’s nothing to say, Alex. Let’s go back to your place so we can get some sleep.”
He stood back, then took me by the hand and led me away from the truck. “We’re not going anywhere until you start talking. I’ll keep us out here all night if I have to.”
I was beginning to fume, but didn’t want to show it. As it was, Alex could already tell that something was wrong, but I didn’t want my pissiness to ruin our perfectly good evening.
“Cassie—”
“Alex, stop. Wake the hell up. Look at what we have become. We’re still hiding, even though we’ve come out. We’ve gone from one dark closet to the other.”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m not fucking hiding. We’re out, we have every right to be, and that’s how we’ll continue to be.”
“Oh yeah? Then why am I not going with you?”
His eyes narrowed as he stared into my eyes. “Is this what this is about? You’re mad because I’m going off to see my family without you? Do I need to remind you about the last gathering we all had?”
“No, you don’t!” I shouted, finally allowing the frustration to erupt. “You do not need to remind me of the heinous time I had with your family and what it led to. I just want you to fucking realize that everything isn’t peachy keen or rosy as you want to believe. There is a large part of your life that I have to stay away from, much like when I had to hide out
from the Marine Corps, only now it’s your family. This is no way to have a relationship, Alex. That’s all I want you to see.”
A flush of red filled Alex’s normally caramel skin as he pouted his lips before stepping closer to me. His eyes, narrowed and dark, impaled me, leaving me no wriggle room to move away from the storm that was brewing inside of him.
“There isn’t much that you can say to offend me, Cassie, but insinuating that I am hiding you, keeping you away from my family as if I’m afraid or ashamed of you definitely hit the fucking spot. This bullshit with my family is nothing like the Corps, and regardless of what they may think, I’m going to do whatever it is I want to do because that’s who I am and I don’t give two shits about who doesn’t like it.
“You want to know why I’m running off without you as you say? I’m doing it because the last time I had you all in a room, goddamned World War Three almost broke loose. I don’t need any more bullshit before I go and step into a battle zone that I may not return home from. So before you accuse me of trying to hide you, remember that I’m leaving to go and fight in a war, and I don’t need a precursor before I even get there.”
My heart sped with his morbid explanation. Had I become so jaded by everything that I failed to see the severity of what was happening to us? Alex had actually acknowledged the possibility that he wouldn’t make it home from war, and of all of the emotions swirling around in my head at the moment, fear stood out loud and clear. A tear fell down my cheek as I stood, looking into the eyes of the man that I loved but felt so many different emotions for.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” I croaked, my words lodged in my throat.
“I don’t want your apology, Cassie. I want you to wake up and see that you are the most important thing in my life, and your insinuation that I would be hiding you cuts fucking deep. I’m goddamned lucky to have you, and the world needs to know it, but I don’t want to subject you to any more bullshit where my family is concerned.”
“I know. I…I just got caught up in everything.”
“Everything like what?”
He wasn’t going to let this go, and I could tell this was about to open up another can of worms that we really didn’t need right now.
“Cassie…”
“Just everything, Alex. We had to break up before you realized what you were doing to us. Your family, our baby steps…everything. And now you say you might not make it home. I never want to hear you say that again.”
“It’s a fucking possibility, Cassie. We’re Marines.”
“Right. But if it were me going out there and I said that, would you be okay with it?”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
He sighed an exasperated sigh. “It just is.”
“Why? Because I’m a female? Because I won’t be on the front lines kicking in doors like you and the boys? I’m a Marine too, Alex. I’ll carry that same M-16 when I get out there, and I’ll have the same possibility…maybe not probability, but the possibility, yes.”
“Just fucking stop. You’re trying to pick fights now. We didn’t goddamn break up, we took a break. My family is a massive headache for both of us, but it’s something we’ll deal with together when the time is right. And the baby steps are necessary. I expect you to understand that.”
“A break? Alex, we’re not fifteen. We were engaged. We don’t take breaks.”
“So what would you call us right now? Because while I had my head up my ass, you said you still wanted to marry me, just not right now. So which is it?”
“You’re being an asshole right now. You don’t get to end things, and then turn them around on me. You don’t get to fucking do that.”
“Answer the question, Cassie.”
I stood glaring at him, completely unnerved at the fact that he had thrown a schoolboy temper tantrum when I put the wedding on hold, and now, weeks later, he was insinuating that it was me who put the kibosh on us.
“You tell me,” I replied, folding my arms in front of my chest.
He sighed again, then rubbed his hand over his head. “This is fucking stupid. We’re standing out in the middle of the desert, fighting over stupid shit after I just gave you the orgasm of your life. We should be basking in all of that, but instead, you’re picking fights over nothing.”
“That’s not an answer, Alex.”
“You want an answer? Here’s your goddamned answer. You’re still mine!” he yelled. His breathing escalated as he moved closer to me. “You’ve always been mine, even when I was a stupid prick and allowed my ego to get the best of me. You’re mine, Cassie. I didn’t let you go, and I’m not letting you go, so punish me… kick my ass, berate me. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself realize that I fuck up… a lot, and I more than likely will fuck up again. But at the root of all of it is you and this insane amount of love that I have for you. It drives me to do really stupid, irrational fucking shit, and I need to get it under control, but until I do, just know that not having you is not an option. So there is your answer. You’re fucking mine. And whether it’s tomorrow or months from now, I’m going to slip a ring on that beautiful little finger, and I’m going to prove it to you. Until then—”
“I’m yours,” I said, completing his sentence.
Alex took me in his arms, encasing me in his solid frame. His intoxicating aroma infiltrated my senses, making me hold tight to him as another tear slid down my cheek. There were times when I knew he was all I needed to get by, and then there were those times when I wondered if I deserved him… if he deserved me… if we deserved one another.
I pulled back, staring into sun glazed eyes that seemed to grow brighter with every passing minute. “You’re a stupid, selfish prick. You think about yourself far too much, and you’re a loose fucking cannon!” I yelled back, startling him. “But at the end of all of that, your craziness has become a part of what I crave.”
His face softened, a wry smile spreading across his lips.
“And don’t fucking smile at me, Cruz. You’re an idiotic child when things don’t go your way, and I hate you for it.”
“But when we make up, you love me for it,” he threw in, then kissed me passionately.
I reveled in the kiss, then pulled away and went back at him. “You need to be taught a few things about how to survive in relationships because we are so damn far in here that failure might kill us. It’s time that you learn to—”
“Compromise! I know. I see now that I need to fix a whole lot of shit to make and keep you happy. I’m willing to do it. But like I said, I’m going to fuck up. It’s in my nature.”
“I’ll call you on your bullshit.”
“Every time, Blondie. Every fucking time.”
Alex took my hand and led me over to the truck. We drove off into the night, windows down, blaring Disturbed’s Land of Confusion. We were two confused people all right. Two people who were so utterly infatuated with the other that hurting one another was just another side effect of our predicament. I knew it wouldn’t be simple to walk away from him, and the masochist inside of me wouldn’t let it happen anyway. I knew that we’d find our way back to one another, although the timing was a surprise.
I needed him like an addict needed her drug. I knew that if we crashed and burned it would be the end of me, but I wouldn’t allow myself to go there. We were on good terms, us against the world, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Chapter 15
Alex
I still wasn’t sure how in the world I deserved to have Cassie in my life, but she was there, smart ass mouth and all. I’d been a dick, a stupid prick, yet somehow she had enough room in her heart to welcome me back. I had nothing to do but grow from here, and grow I intended to do.
I had to hit the road early the next morning, leaving to head off to Santa Ana to see my family for the day before shipping out. Dropping Cassie off at her barracks room and seeing the sadness on her face as I kissed her goodbye tugged at me a little, but the last thing I wante
d was to have a repeat of the last time she’d been around my family. I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d be walking into when I got there, but I didn’t really give two shits either. It had taken every ounce of self-control that I didn’t even know I had to walk out of that house without completely losing all manners that had been instilled in me.
It hurt more than anything to see my family, the people who were supposed to love me more than anyone else, turn on me the way they had. Regardless of the fact, there was no way I would be leaving without seeing them. They still held a huge part of me and anything else wouldn’t have felt right.
Pulling up in front of my mom’s house, a sudden wave of anxiety coursed over me. I had spoken to my mom and Adriana over the phone, but my grandma refused to speak to me, and in my stubbornness I’d refused to push the issue. It was where we were identical—lost in our own worlds, and always trying to keep the upper hand.
I rang the doorbell. Usually I walked right in, but right now it didn’t feel natural. My mom opened the door, smiling and pulling me in for a hug without saying a word. Adriana was right behind her with Abel in her hands. She took me in with her free hand as she balanced him on her hip. We stood holding on to one another, never muttering a word, when Abel finally broke the moment.
“Hola, Nino!”
“Hey, little dude,” I responded, taking him from Adriana and kissing him on the forehead.
“My mama made you enchiladas, Nino.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re hungry, Alejando. Let’s get some food in you,” my mom remarked, wiping a couple of tears away.
I’d expected our encounter to be a bit awkward, but I hadn’t expected the tears that were streaking down her face. After an extended stare, she finally took Abel and walked into the kitchen. Adriana tugged my arm, signaling for me to stay behind with her.
“What’s up?”
“Where’s Cassie?”
“Are you serious? Why would I bring Cassie here?”
“Because she’s your woman, Alex. Because if she’s going to be a part of this family, then you two have to face everything head on.”