by LENA DIAZ,
She wasn’t sure why doing this was suddenly so important. After all, living in the past had never done anything for her before. But with the present so painful, maybe this was just the thing, to remember better times and pretend, if only for a moment, that all the bad had never happened.
“Where are you, where are you?” she muttered, peering through the trees on the right side of the road. Just when she thought she’d have to give up and turn around, she saw it—an old, weathered barn hundreds of yards away, perched upon a slight rise.
She slowed the Taurus, mildly surprised she was able to make the turnoff without wrecking the ancient car. The trees fell away as she accelerated across the fallow field, dried-up remnants of cornstalks, long since harvested, the only evidence of the last crop that had been planted here.
In her mind’s eye, the barn was like a familiar Norman Rockwell painting, a beacon of happier times, welcoming her home. But she couldn’t ignore reality for long. The barn was dilapidated, crouching like an evil gargoyle against the dead land surrounding it. Time had not been kind to the abandoned building. Holes had been punched in its rotten walls, probably by animals that had made their homes inside. She parked beside it, not too close, for fear a stiff breeze might blow the building over on top of her car.
Leaving her purse and keys in the Taurus, she made a slow circuit around to the front of the barn and stopped. Funny how so much had changed, and yet, everything was the same. The red paint that had once graced the structure was nearly gone. But the initials carved into one of the boards to the right of the door remained—MR + BK, with a Cupid’s arrow running through the middle.
Max’s words at the lawyer’s office echoed in her mind.
Ancient history. It meant nothing.
That last part was what hurt the most. It meant nothing. What had he meant by “it”? The seven years they’d been best friends? The three years they’d been serious boyfriend and girlfriend? That last year, when they’d finally gone all the way? They’d pledged their love to each other. Had it all been a lie on Max’s part? Had everything he’d said in her mother’s kitchen been a ploy to get her to talk?
It shouldn’t matter. Good grief, she was approaching thirty now. A small-business owner with an established life in another town, with friends who didn’t care about whatever past she’d left behind. This barn, those initials carved in the wood, they were the part of her life that really was ancient history, just as Max had said.
But it was her history, a very important part that had made her the person she was today, for better or for worse. And she’d never realized until now just how stuck in the past she was, and that she’d never really cut the tether to Destiny. To Max. Part of her was still here. Part of her had never left.
Until now, she’d never wondered whether the love between her and Max had been real or not. Just thinking that what she’d thought of as the very best part of her life, as a beautiful experience, might have meant nothing to him twisted a knife deeper into her heart.
Angrily brushing at the tears running down her cheeks again, she sent up a quick prayer that the building was sturdier than it looked and headed toward the enormous double doors built to accommodate a small tractor, or maybe a pair of draft horses in older times.
The rusty chain looped from one door handle to the other was more of a suggestion than an impediment to her getting inside. All she had to do was squeeze in the opening between the two doors after ducking beneath the chain. And suddenly it was ten years ago, as if she’d never left.
The missing and damaged boards allowed enough light to seep in for her to see that little had changed inside since she and Max had sneaked into this old barn that first night, and again several more times after that. He’d laid a blanket and pillow down onto a bed of fresh hay. They’d introduced each other to a world of passion that neither of them had ever experienced before. It was the most wonderful moment of her young life up to that point. She’d been so naive, believing that love would last forever. But nothing lasted forever, if indeed it had ever existed.
She wrapped her arms around her waist and stepped farther into the barn.
“What are you doing in here, Bex? It’s dangerous. Didn’t you see the No Trespassing signs out front?”
She whirled around, pressing a hand against her heart even as she recognized Max’s voice.
His eyes narrowed as he stepped closer. “You’ve been crying.”
“I’m fine. What are you doing here? This can’t be a coincidence.”
“I tailed you out of town.” He held up his hands as if to stop any angry words. “I wasn’t trying to be intrusive or nosy. But you seemed upset and I was worried about you driving while upset. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.” He looked around the barn. “Imagine my surprise when you turned in here.”
She wasn’t feeling charitable enough at the moment to believe that he’d followed her out of worry. In fact, she was more inclined to believe something else entirely.
“I didn’t wreck. Yay me. But I’m thinking your true reason for following me is that your chief ordered you to. Well, you can turn around and go back to the station. Tell him you did your duty, tried once again to convince me to go to the station, and once again I refused. Go on. I don’t need you here. And we both know you sure as hell don’t want to be here. Not with me. If you ever did.”
She turned her back on him and waited to hear his boots make a path to the doors. Instead, he moved closer. She could feel the heat of his body at her back even through her sweater. And she hated that what she wanted to do, what she really craved, was to take one step back and lean into him. She wanted to feel his arms come down around her, hold her and this time never let her go. And she hated herself for it.
“Bex, what’s wrong?” His deep voice curled itself around her like an invitation.
It was insane that being this close to him could have such an impact on her. He was setting her on fire, making her body yearn for him, as if it remembered him and ached to be with him again. How could she want him when she hurt so much inside and her mind was screaming at her that she was a fool?
She didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, without revealing the war going on inside her.
His heavy sigh seemed loud in the quiet barn. “How long are you going to stand there? What did you plan on doing when you came in here?”
She shrugged. Let him think she was being difficult instead of that she was paralyzed by her own traitorous emotions. If he touched her right now, she knew she wouldn’t be able to walk away. Perhaps it was the emotional roller coaster she’d been on since getting that shocking call that her mother had passed unexpectedly that made her so vulnerable. Maybe it was coming so close to death herself that had her yearning for what she’d once had but could never have again. A sob built in her throat. She ruthlessly held it back, clenching her hands into fists at her side.
Go away, Max. Can’t you see you’re killing me?
“At least let me escort you back to your mom’s.”
The confusion and irritation in his voice was exactly what she’d needed. It helped her snap out of her pity party and gave her enough of a flash of irritation at him to finally speak.
“No, thank you. I’m not ready to go back.”
There. That had sounded strong, unaffected, confident. Hadn’t it? Surely he hadn’t heard the little wobble in her voice. It had only been a tiny little wobble.
“Bex?” His voice was softer this time. “Are you all right?”
She squeezed her eyes shut, drew two deep, bracing breaths. “Just go, okay? You don’t owe me anything. It’s not like we’re in a relationship anymore.”
Her voice was thick with tears, but there was nothing she could do about it. She just needed him to stop torturing her and leave before she melted into a puddle of misery. His hurtful words from back in town poured out of
her in a sea of bitterness. “Whatever happened in the past was ancient history anyway. Didn’t even matter.”
“I knew it. I knew you heard that stupid phone call.” He turned her around and put his hand beneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I’m sorry, Bex. I was a jerk back there, okay?”
“Back where? At the grocery store deli, when you ignored me? Or the lawyer’s office, where you basically told your boss—or whoever was on the phone—that I wasn’t even a blip on your life’s radar? I’m guessing when we made love here that never mattered, either.” Tears ran down her cheeks and she swiped them away. She swore. “I did not come here for this. I don’t want to do this. Please, Max. Just go.”
He grabbed her shoulders, his eyes dark with anger and frustration. “You’re the one who turned down my proposal. You’re the one who left. So why are you so angry at me?”
She shook her head, her throat tight.
He started to say something else, then stopped. Started again, then swore and yanked her against him. He wanted to kiss her. She could see it in the way his mouth tightened, the way his gaze dropped to her lips. And for one crazy minute, she wanted the same thing. She wanted his mouth swooping down on hers, consuming her in a wild, angry kiss that was nothing like the tender kisses they’d shared as teenagers. She wanted—needed—crazy right now. A kiss so unexpected and incredibly hot that they’d both be panting by the time they broke apart.
She blinked up at him, her shaking fingers pressing against her lips. Just the thought of him kissing her had her mouth tingling.
His nostrils flared as he watched her fingers. Then he shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind. And the moment, the spell, whatever it was, was gone. But the anger, the hurt, wasn’t.
“Just because I don’t want to share every intimate detail of my life with my boss doesn’t mean our past was a lie. It meant something, Bex,” he rasped, his voice ragged. “We meant something.”
And then he was gone.
She didn’t know how long she stood there, his words repeating themselves over and over in her mind, confusing her even more than she was before.
We meant something.
She stood there for a long time, until the shadows began to lengthen, until a noise in the loft spooked her and she berated herself for being silly. No telling what kinds of animals made their home here in this old, abandoned barn.
She slipped between the chains and headed to the Taurus. She’d just started to circle back toward the road when something in her rearview mirror had her slamming on the brakes. She stared long and hard at the mirror, which showed the front of the barn. But several minutes passed and she didn’t see anything else.
Laughing nervously, she told herself her mind was playing tricks on her. The roof overhang must have cast a shadow across the doors to make it look like a man had slipped through the chains and run around the side of the building.
Chapter Ten
After wolfing down a hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits and gravy at Eva-Marie’s diner, Max leaned back against the corner booth. And settled in to wait.
He glanced at his watch, then at the door to the diner, dreading the upcoming conversation. He still wasn’t sure why he was doing this. Then again, who was he kidding? He was doing this because of what had happened last night with Bex, or, what had almost happened. And how badly he’d wanted it to happen.
That alone, the fact that it had nearly killed him not to kiss her, told him that this meeting he’d set up this morning was the right thing to do. The honorable thing to do. Even though he had no intention of pursuing a relationship with Bex again. Thoughts of her were consuming his days, his nights, no matter how hard he tried to push them out of his head. And that made it impossible, and wrong, to remain in a relationship with someone else. It was time to end his three-week dating spree with police intern Monica Stevens.
Breaking up with someone in a diner made him cringe. He’d tried to schedule this discussion at her place, or his. But as soon as he’d called her this morning, saying they needed to talk, it was as if her sixth sense had kicked in. She’d become distant, defensive, and insisted that they meet here. In public. Why she wanted to do that, he had no idea.
Then again, as the door opened and she strutted inside, he realized exactly why she’d chosen this particular place. He’d wanted to spare her feelings and not make a scene. But she obviously had no such intentions toward him.
Monica strode down the center aisle, her heavily made-up eyes tracking him like a radar-guided missile. Her long, blond hair bounced around her shoulders. Impossibly tight jeans outlined her curvy figure, tapering down her long legs to a pair of bloodred stilettos that clicked across the black-and-white tiled floor. Every head turned her way, watching her deliberate progress until she stopped beside Max’s booth.
He started to stand but she waved him back down.
“Don’t bother acting the gentleman now.” She put her hands on her hips. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? This whole town is talking about your little girlfriend and how you carried her out of the grocery store all lovey-dovey.” She rolled her eyes. “Now you’re breaking up with me so you can go screw that boyfriend-stealer again. Admit it.”
A gasp of outrage sounded behind her. Monica looked over her shoulder to see Sally, the waitress, holding a pot of coffee, her mouth hanging open.
“Go away.” Monica made a shooing motion with her hand. “We’re busy.”
Max shot Sally an apologetic look before rising to his feet. “I’m sorry.”
Monica rolled her eyes again. “It’s a little late for that.”
“I was talking to Sally.”
Monica narrowed her eyes.
Sally glared at Monica’s back and whirled around.
Max tossed some bills onto the table. “Let’s go somewhere private.”
Her hands went back to her hips. “Are you breaking up with me or not?”
He didn’t have to look past her to know that everyone was listening for his response. She’d practically yelled her question. And the place had gone completely silent.
“Monica—”
“Answer me,” she shouted.
He winced. “We’ve only been dating for a few weeks. I hardly think it qualifies as a breakup. But, yes, I’ve got a lot of things going on with the investigation and all. You deserve someone who can focus on you and right now that’s not me. I think we should stop seeing each other—”
Whap!
Her hand slapped his cheek. The sting was nothing compared to the sting to his pride as she pivoted on her stilettos and marched out of the diner. He’d never made a woman angry enough to slap him before, and it bothered him that he’d done so now.
“Good riddance is all I can say.” Sally stopped in front of him and refilled his coffee cup. “I could tell she was trouble from the minute the chief hired her. You never should’ve taken up with the likes of her.”
Max sat back down, figuring another cup of coffee might do him some good. Since Sally was still standing there, expecting a reply, he shrugged.
“She’s an intelligent, nice woman. I can’t blame her for being upset. As soon as I knew that Bex was back in town I should have told Monica about our past. Obviously she heard the rumors from someone else. That had to embarrass her.”
“Right. When would you have talked to her? After the first shooting or the second?” She shook her head in disgust. “The woman was a police intern, for goodness’ sake. She had to know you were busy with the investigations and didn’t have time to coddle her. Not that you should anyway.” She looked past him, out the window, and her mouth quirked up in a smile. “You been wasting years on types like that Monica woman. When all along you should have been spending time with someone of quality, like her.”
She waved toward the window, the
n took her coffeepot with her as she headed to the counter.
Max looked out at the parking lot, worried that Sally might be trying to fix him up with someone. Then he saw her. Bex. She’d just parked her mom’s Taurus in the only space left at the end of the packed lot and was heading toward the diner.
A quick glance at the street confirmed that one of the bodyguards that he’d hired to keep an eye on her was sitting in his car at the curb. He must have seen Max’s truck outside and figured she’d be safe inside.
About five inches shorter than Monica, without the stilettos, Bex had lush, dark-brown hair that fell just past her shoulders. And even though he couldn’t see them this far away, he knew her eyes were an incredible sky blue that could darken like a storm whenever she was mad. Or when she was writhing beneath him in passion.
He frowned and shoved that dangerous memory far away. It wouldn’t do to dwell on the past. He’d done enough of that yesterday. Seeing her go into that barn where they’d first made love had brought up all kinds of memories he didn’t want to deal with again. He’d thought they’d been locked away somewhere tight all this time, or were gone altogether. And yet it had only taken one trip to a ramshackle barn to bring them all back again.
Who was he kidding?
Those feelings had been dredged up the moment he’d seen her standing at the deli counter at the Piggly Wiggly, her dark hair reaching past her shoulders. When he’d rounded the end of the aisle, the shock of seeing her had nearly driven him to his knees. But even though his mind ordered him to stop, turn around, get out of the store before she saw him, his body had other ideas.
His legs had continued to carry him forward like a starving man drawn to an incredible bounty that would either save him or destroy him. He’d been fighting his insane attraction to her ever since. And when he’d followed her into the barn, heard the tears in her voice, the hurt that he’d caused, he’d been lost. He hadn’t wanted to leave her there. He hadn’t been lying when he said he was worried about her. But at the same time, he knew that if he’d stood there even a second more, he’d have dragged her to the ground and made love to her.