“Yeah, but no students have left…”
“We don’t know that. We’ve had a few leave, and of course their culture is such that they would never say why. Maybe it’s you. Maybe not. Dunno. I can’t take that risk. I’m sorry, Danny. I have to let you go. You do great work, but we need more. If you clean yourself up and want to come back, come see me. I’ll also give you a reference if you wish.”
Danny sat there for a moment. Looking down. He was busy wondering how a once solid healthcare professional could find himself getting fired from a mall job.
“Danny?”
“Yeah?”
“You okay?”
“Uh…yeah…I’m good.” He looked around, feeling a bit disoriented. He had nodded off for just a second.
“Lek will give you your final check. Remember, if you want a reference, just ask. There are many schools that aren’t as concerned with appearance and all that…and I know you’re a great teacher. No doubt about that.”
“Thanks, Mister Quinlan.”
“And Danny, do you mind if I tell you something…something you may not want to hear?”
“Uh…sure, I guess.” He actually didn’t want to hear it, but he wanted a reference and didn’t want to blow it by telling him to go fuck himself.
“Danny, Thailand eats some people up. I’ve seen a lot of great people get here and fall into the wrong lifestyle. I’m worried that you’re going down that path.”
“I’m fine.”
“Please let me finish. It would seem to me that you’re drinking way too much. When you’re coming into work on no sleep and reeking of alcohol, you have an issue you need to address. I’ve seen lots of guys self-destruct from drinking and ‘other temptations’ here in Bangkok. I hope you won’t let that happen to you, Danny. I care about you, and want what’s best for you.”
Danny was now impatient, and no longer wanted to hear it. “Okay…we finished?”
“Sorry, Danny. Of course.” Large, professional smile. Offered hand. “I wish you the very best. You’re a great…” but Danny stood up and walked out before he could finish. He walked out to Lek’s desk, and stood beside her while she finished a phone call. His twitchiness caused her to look up while she spoke, and end the call abruptly.
“Danny, here’s an envelope for you. Please sign here.” She pointed to the signature block of a memo. He signed, resigned to his fate. He took the envelope, smiled at Lek, and walked out the door.
Back out in the mall, he stood for a moment. He considered his existence. He considered how he had let himself lose such an easy job. After all, he was hired simply because he was an Anglo in Thailand. He had held much more complex jobs than this. Were his skills deteriorating, or did he just not care any longer? What would Melissa think about him getting fired like this? He looked down at his shabby, wrinkled shirt. His shoes were worn and scuffed. He was a mess.
Then he thought of the Thai phrase mai pen rai. This phrase was how Thais faced challenging situations and things out of their control. It roughly translated to “oh well, never mind.”
He decided he would mai pen rai.
He walked two storefronts down to the Loving Language Center, and walked in. He was hired on the spot, and began teaching that same day.
Mai pen rai, motherfuckers!
XXXI
Over the deafening thump of bass drum, he shouted, “I got fired today.”
“Yeah?” Malkie seemed surprised, and leaned back to regard him.
“Yeah.”
“Cocks! Did you tell them to fuck themselves?”
“Nah…the boss was nice enough about it. It’s all your fault, you know?”
“My fault?”
“Yeah, I came in hung over and looking like shyte -- just the way you left me.” Danny was laughing.
“Ya git…you should’ve called in sick…or come in late or something…”
“It’s okay, I got hired at the next school over. I’m a farang after all.” He pronounced the word for “foreigner” as the Thais did: “fah-lahng.”
“Ha! Had me worried, Danny. Then fuck you, you owe me a beer! I’ll get the waitress.”
“Yeah, okay.”
And they did drink. They listened to AC/DC playing at ear-splitting levels. Crunchy guitar intro. Thunderous drums driving the rhythm.
Livin’ easy…livin’ free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Askin’ nuthin’, leave me be
Takin’ everything in my stride
“What’s up yer ass then, Danny? Why are you so quiet tonight?”
“Dunno. Just feel a bit weird.”
“Weird? Why?” Malkie actually seemed concerned. Very unlike him.
“I don’t really know, man. Something about today. I felt off-balance. Just felt like something was telling me something. I’ve never been fired from a job in my life. I’ve always traded up. Or quit. Felt…yeah, just felt weird. Not that I cared about this job. I didn’t. It was just…weird…”
“Those old jobs. Were you happy then?”
“Whaddya mean?”
“You were happy then? In your old life? Felt satisfied? You felt whole and complete? Went to work every day with a smile on yer gob?” Innocent eye batting, feigning genuine concern.
“Well…”
“C’mon then.”
“Honestly?”
“Is there any other way?”
“Honestly, no, though I was so happy with my wife.”
“Ya…sorry ‘bout the wife, mate. But were you happy otherwise?”
“It’s hard to say…”
“Fuck that! Were you happy? In yer freakin’ job? Did you look forward to work every day?”
“No. Not the job.”
“And why not?”
“Dunno. Kaiser felt…empty…soulless. They were just about making money…the place sucked the life out of you sometimes.”
“How soulless?”
“Everybody there was grinding every day. Nobody took joy from their work. It was like being a slave on a ship, forced to row for a crust of bread.”
“And that’s every business, isn’t it? Just making money. Treating their workers like shit. Spending the hours of your life for some pennies here and there. For many people that’s fine. Not for me, mate. Not for me…”
“But I’m working for money now, right?”
“Are you? Or are you working to make money so you can enjoy it and live for now?”
“There’s a difference?”
“Fuck ya, there’s a difference. Before, you owned a house yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Car?”
“Yeah.”
“Furniture? Big TV?”
Hey Momma! Look at me! I’m on my way to the Promised Land
“Sure. The good stuff.”
“You were working for stuff. Probably saving money in investment accounts. Money you would see fifty years later?”
“Well…we spent some on us…”
“Trip to Egypt then? Norway?”
“More like Reno.” And Mexico.
“So think back then…think about all those hours ye spent at work. Do you remember them? What did you used to do ev’ry day? Do you remember the work you did? What forms did ye fill out? What meetings did ye attend? Can you tell me the agenda of one single meeting you had last year?”
Danny thought for a second. He couldn’t. All those work lunches and meetings and hours filling out paperwork and more meetings and briefings were gone. He knew he attended regular meetings, but right now couldn’t name a single one or what its purpose was.
Malkie’s accent was strong now. “Everythin’ in ye life before was about stuff and preparin’ for a future ye might never see. Preparin’ fer meetings and havin’ lunch. Which movie ye’d see on the weekend. How to fill out the newest batch of forms, or which regulations yer now responsible for. Now ye live in the ‘now.’ Live for today. Fack tomorrow…bollocks…you’ll prob’ly be dead. Live in the now, and you’ll
have no regrets.”
“Sure, I’m doing that.” He felt a bit defensive.
“Yer got one foot in and one foot out sometimes, Danny, you don’t seem too committed sometimes. Like right fuckin’ now. Yer makin’ me cry, you pussy!” Malkie clinked his bottle against Danny’s and took a long drink.
“Okay, man, okay!”
“Look, I’ve learned two things living here: first, never trust a fart in Thailand. Second, live in the fuckin’ now. There is no tomorrow. Tomorrow is a lying cunt. Get into the now with everything you have. Both feet. All in.”
And I’m goin’ down….aaaaaany waaaaay!
“I guess I’m still adjusting, sometimes. Big changes…”
“Well, get on with it then. Either all the way in or all the way out. Life’s too short, Danny. Life’s too bloody short.”
“I guess I’m still letting that old life die sometimes.”
“Sure ya are. I see it in ye. Part of you wants to be back in your old house with yer old car givin’ it to the missus twice a week. Sorry, but that old life is dead. Ya gotta get into the now. Yer had yer funeral, but yer living at the cemetery. Like she’s gonna wake up from a long nap. Sorry, Danny, but it’s true. I know ya still miss her. I know part of ye always will. But ya have a funeral in yer head every day, when ye should be thinking about now.”
“I’m getting there, but I haven’t been able to turn it all off yet.”
“Make yer heart a desert. Sahara-fuckin’-desert. Kill all those old emotions with the boiling hot sun in yer mind. Let that sun crack the bones of the life. If a rat of emotion sticks its fucking little head up, send a snake to chase it back down its little hole. When ye kill everything from the past, ye make a new landscape, and new plants and trees will grow.”
“Plants and trees?”
“It’s a metaphor, ye cunt! Don’t they teach ye Yanks anything in school?”
“Ha ha ha! Okay, man, okay…got it…end of lecture, okay?” Danny’s turn to take a long swallow of warming beer.
“Ya got it. Now let’s get fucking legless. I want to punish me fucking brain for all the thinkin’ I just did…I need to show it who’s boss!”
“Right! Get the next round then, you twat!” His arm raised for the waitress.
“That’s it, Danny-me-boy…that’s the little fellah I love so much! Yer as cute as a pig’s curly little tail you are! Give it a little wiggle, eh?”
Danny’s voice went high, and he rolled baby eyes at Malkie. “Thanks, Daddy!”
“If ye were me kid, I’d kill us both!”
“Could you do yourself first?”
“I’d kill meself, rise from the dead, kill the fuck out of ye, and then kill meself again!”
“Get on with it then!” Danny’s smile was wide.
“Fack off!”
“Two beers!” Danny shouted at the approaching waitress.
XXXII
“I love Walking Street, Malkie! Fucking sick of sucking car exhaust when I stumble around drunk off my ass!” After an overnight to Laos for a visa-run, Danny and Malkie stopped at the beach resort of Pattaya, just a couple hours east of Bangkok.
“Are ye drunk already, ya little girl?”
“Not yet, but I will be!”
“Thatta boy! Cheers!”
The humidity was stifling, and though both had their shirts open they were sweating down to their sandals. It was a typical, never-ending tropical evening. Hot nights where no amount of liquid could cool the blanketing swelter laying on your body like a coating of oil. The sweat never stopped, but the movement was all around. People who lay dormant, avoiding sunlight all day, came out when the sun went down. Those nights never ended because the bars stayed open late. You could buy food on any corner. The professional girls plied their wares, and the men sought comfort in cool arms and welcoming hips. It wouldn’t do to be inside on a night like tonight. It wouldn’t abide to waste newfound energy. Sweating in an Asia-sized apartment was to waste the greatest gift given to man. Outside. That’s where things occurred. This was life in Southeast Asia.
“You know, Malkie…someday I’m going to be telling stories about the shit we do, and you know what?”
“Wha’?”
“Nobody is going to fucking believe me.”
“I don’t believe you, and I’m here with you!”
“See? You prick!”
“Let’s get to some drinkin’ then. Hot as fuck out here!”
“Soon, man…I just want to take it all in. I don’t get out here enough.” Danny was enjoying the sights of the new go-go clubs, and the women beckoning him in, calling inaudibly from their dancing poles. Each new club offered its own thumping music, and between clubs this blend was vertiginous.
“C’mon then…fucking melting!” As a big man, Malkie was putting out sweat faster than he could wipe it off with the small towel he carried.
“Dude, I don’t have much money left after the visa run…my funds are running low. Gotta stretch them a bit.”
“Won’t do me much good if I end up in the bloody hospital…I don’t think my NHS plan will cover much out here.” Malkie seemed agitated.
“Okay, man, but I gotta nurse my beers a bit. I don’t get paid until next week.”
“Your bank account running low then? Did ye spend all yer savings?”
“No, but I’m keeping the last bit for emergencies. I’ve spent way too much though.”
“Right. Well this is an emergency, ye Yankee twat! Unless ye want to give me CPR, I need a cold beer in an air-conditioned bar. By meself if need be.”
“Okay, okay…let’s go into Insomnia…I don’t want to be tempted by a go-go.”
“Right, in we go. Here, take two of these, Danny.” He handed him two light-green pills. Danny popped them and dry-swallowed. Malkie took four in hand.
They walked to the back of the club, despite the blaring House music. They found the spot with the most air conditioning and ordered beers.
As Malkie took the first drink to wash down his pills, he let out a sigh of relief. “That’s what this ol’ fat man needed! Fack if beer isn’t the greatest drink ever.”
“Yeah, that hit it. Remember, I gotta nurse this.”
“Right, right… yer out of money, Danny?”
“No, like I said I have some. I need to keep an equilibrium. I blew through a lot of money in Cambodia. I wasn’t working and traveled too much and bought drinks for too many people.”
“You didn’t buy any for me, ya slut! But yeah, ye gotta live on what ye make…”
“Like you, yeah?”
“Hey, I can’t help that I get a pension…Her Majesty’s government is kind enough to bestow it on this humble civil servant…” and he ended with a flourish of his hand.
“I wish I had thought of faking disability before I left.”
“Not too late…”
“I’d have to go back, file paperwork, get a lawyer…who would take care of Malkie the Alkie while I’m gone?”
“Yer Mum would do a great job!”
“She’s dead, man!”
“Well, she wouldn’t put up much of a fight then, yeah?”
“You perv! Gross man!”
They both laughed, and took long drinks. Danny was watching the street traffic moving by. He loved people-watching, especially near bars. It was fun to watch the show. He took a few drinks, and noted the mix of locals and foreigners parading past the open doorway of the club. Girls balanced on heels. Couples looking for adventure. Tourists of all sizes, shapes, and colors.
He took a long swallow, nearing the bottom of the bottle, already thinking of the next one…and that was when he saw a familiar face look into the bar as he walked by.
“I don’t fucking believe it…I don’t fucking believe it!”
“Wha?”
“C’mon…hurry…” Danny put three hundred baht on the table and hurried for the door, with Malkie behind him.
“We gonna fuck somebody up?”
“Maybe!”
As they went back into the heat of the Thailand evening, he saw the man had stopped in front of the go-go next to Insomnia. There he stood watching the girls dance, and was smiling broadly at their flirtatious calls.
“Lee! Lee!” Danny called, but the man didn’t turn. “Lee!” He was beside him, and Lee only turned when Danny placed a hand on his shoulder. He started.
“Oh!” Eyes wide.
“Lee, hey man…how are you?”
“Fuck…man…hey. I don’t want…” Eyes darting, backing away. He eyed Malkie’s bulk.
“Lee, how are you?” Lee took another step back, ready to turn and run. Danny softly grabbed his arm, holding his other hand open, palm facing him. “Lee…it’s okay…I’m not mad. Lee! Don’t take off man…” Lee stopped moving backwards, just before stepping on two men behind him. “Lee…it’s okay, man…I’m not pissed.”
“Look, let me explain what happened…”
“You don’t have to explain, man. You did me a favor…”
“A favor?” Lee’s eyes darted between Malkie’s large frame and Danny’s eyes. He was trying to read Danny’s motions for threats.
“Yes, a favor…” and Danny put his hand on Lee’s shoulder. “That car was my old life, pulling me down. You taking it freed me. I wouldn’t have freed myself if I’d kept that car. You did me a favor, Lee.”
“So you’re really not pissed?”
“I was then, but not now. No…not pissed at all. Thankful.”
“Thankful?”
“Yeah. Let me show you how much. Come have a beer with us. My treat. Oh, and this is Malkie…my good friend.” Lee and Malkie shook hands. “C’mon, we’re back here at Insomnia.”
Lee followed, a bit hesitantly. He noted Danny’s relaxed strides and expression. He had made a living reading people, and Danny was too calm for violence…no twitching betraying the adrenalin rush. He would watch Malkie, though.
He followed and they entered the club, back to the table where the three hundred baht and two nearly empty beers still sat.
“Three beers!” Danny shouted to the waitress as they entered. “DJ, play something us old guys would like” he shouted to the young man behind the turntable, who was up high on a platform overlooking the bar. The DJ nodded his head but ignored his request. As the beers arrived, they clinked bottles and drank.
The One Way (Changes Book 1) Page 16