by Lyz Kelley
“That month we got orders to teach the locals how to remove mines. Every day we’d clear dozens, and the next morning there would be a dozen more in different spots. Steve was joking around, talking shit. He had just suggested we play Russian Roulette, that it would be safer, then, boom.” He knew she wouldn’t get the sick humor every soldier used to get through the day. “Ike and I were on point, and Steve was a couple of yards away. The sun was a bastard, and all I wanted to do was get back and take a cold shower.”
“Whatever happened, it’s not your fault, Thad.”
He didn’t want to hear her reassurances, her conviction. He shook his head to shake them off.
She reached for his hand and tugged on it. “No. Don’t. You need to hear me. Steve’s death is not your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame the person who planted that bomb.”
The confusion. The blood. The gut-wrenching fear invaded his mind again while gruesome memories rewound and started playing from the beginning. Disoriented, he’d rolled, his trained instincts kicking in. He had to secure the area. Get to Steve. That’s when he saw Ike. Steve lay just a few feet beyond. He closed his eyes to shake off the image. His left side began to ache as he remembered the hundreds of pebbles shredding his skin. “I should have found that bomb. It was my job.”
She ran her fingers down his back. “How long until help arrived?”
“Seconds. Minutes. I don’t know. I was pretty out of it.”
She shifted, and tugged the blanket higher.
“I couldn’t hear anything but this noise in my head,” he continued. “I was disoriented. Everything was moving in slow motion. Then I saw him.” He choked down the taste of dirt.
“You saw Steve,” Karly prompted.
“No, Ike.” Shit, I don’t want to talk about this.
“Ike? Who’s Ike?”
“Ike was the best dog I ever had. We spent months training together to find bombs. Every look, whine, twitch of his fur was familiar. If I’d been watching Ike instead of listening to Steve…” Thad took a long gulp of his beer, then set it aside. Images of being on his hands and knees, a cloud of dust all around him came into focus. The feeling someone had set him on fire. Ike’s eyes were open, staring at him. However, from mid-chest back, Ike’s back end was missing. Thad swallowed hard to open his throat to breathe.
“He died, like your friend. He didn’t make it, did he?”
“No. He didn't survive.” Thad clenched his hands, teeth, jaw—anything to keep the tears from falling.
“Oh, God. And I dropped off Custer without even asking.”
He reached to squeeze her hand. “You didn’t know.” She squeezed back, but he wasn’t sure who was giving and who was receiving comfort.
“It doesn’t matter. You told me you couldn’t train him. I just thought— I believed you didn’t want to train him because of me.” She reached to his face. “I want you to promise me something. You have to promise me.”
He wanted to pull away. In fact, he should leave Elkridge. Let her live her peaceful life. She didn’t need him, and all he was doing was making her worry. A tug of his shirt drew his attention.
“Look at me. I want your word. You don’t hide from me, or leave, or do something stupid. You have to promise.”
Leaving town wasn’t what she was worried about. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
“I can’t make any promises.”
“That’s crap. I know you, Thad Lopez. I want your word. You want to leave, do something stupid again, fine, but this time you have to talk to me first. And I mean face-to-face, none of that wimpy note-leaving stuff.” She tugged on his sleeve.
His throat clogged with emotion. “I promise. I’ll come to you first.” Custer stuck his nose under his arm and whined.
“I know, Custer. You’re a good boy. Yes, you are.” He tipped his head back and located the Big Dipper, then Orion’s Belt. “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here,” he whispered to the moon.
She gasped. “You hate Shakespeare.”
He rolled his head toward her. “I don’t hate Shakespeare, although I didn’t want Mrs. Campbell to know. She was having way too much fun forcing us to play Romeo and Juliet in the school play. With you coming from the rich side of town, and me the poor—too ironic, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, she did it on purpose, so did Mrs. Boyd. She made the Home Ec class make our costumes. Mine was a bit low cut, and my dad forced me to wear an undershirt. I was so embarrassed. I can’t believe she wanted you to wear tights.”
“My dad dragged me into the principal’s office. He made it clear no son of his was going to wear women’s clothes, as if I was the one who wanted to wear them in the first place.”
Thad suddenly smiled, and pointed. “Did you notice Custer’s bringing you presents? He doesn’t like that you’re upset.”
Karly shifted to see the ground by the chair’s leg. At her feet was a mound of pinecones.
“He started that a few days ago. When he thinks I’m sad or not feeling well, he finds a pinecone or a stick or something and brings it to me, but I’ve never seen him make a pile like that.”
Custer lifted his muzzle to lick her face. “I’m okay.” She scratched behind his ear and eased back into the chair. “I need another beer.”
He got up to put another log on the fire, then fished a beer out of the melting ice. When Thad was halfway to the chair, Custer picked up one of the pinecones. With his ears back, he pressed his cold nose into Thad’s empty hand.
“I’m good too.” He leaned over to run a hand down the dog’s back.
Karly tucked her fleece up over her nose. “Animals always know.”
“Know what?” Thad sat and continued to rub Custer’s chest.
“When we’re sad or hurting, or when we need to play.”
She looked adorable. Instead of handing her the beer, he leaned in. “You always knew what I needed.” She licked her lips, and completely melted his resolve. He inched forward. “Are you going to let me kiss you?”
“Why are you asking? You never have before.”
The lingering smell of her honey-vanilla lotion, the taste of barley, a gentle breeze blowing, the softness of her lips. He dipped his head, aiming for her sweet mouth, only this time it wasn’t as sweet as he remembered. It was hot. Sizzling hot. When her tongue pressed in, searching for his, he encountered the bitter taste of hops, and the control he’d tried to master all night ceased. He dove headfirst into the deep end of the sexiest, wettest, most fulfilling kiss he’d ever experienced. His pounding heart questioned his objectivity. What the hell am I thinking?
He wasn’t. #BrainDrain. That’s the problem.
He lifted his head, his thumb still caressing the side of her jaw, as her head dropped back.
He could see her mind trying to engage, and when she gave up. She fisted his shirt and pulled him closer.
Oh, baby. My sweet woman.
When she broke off the kiss, her eyes opened slowly. Her mouth was trembling and still moist from the intimacy. She drew in a labored breath and stared at him. She touched her lips. “What-what were we talking about?”
He rolled his thumb unhurriedly over the tip of her erect nipple.
He eased back just a bit to rest his forehead on hers. “I’ve missed you.”
She shifted and pushed him back. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“You and me. Things will never be the same. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
We’ll see about that.
Every day, he used to wait to walk her home. He’d leave little notes in her backpack, and flowers in her schoolbooks, until she couldn’t resist anymore. He could wait again.
“Is it time for marshmallows?” He took a step back. “I’ll even burn one for you.”
The corners of her eyes creased for a second before flattening. “I’m okay.” She drew into a tight ball.
“Whoa. Where did you go just then?”
&n
bsp; She shrugged. “Last night, I was over at Mara and Joe’s, and we were playing a game.” She curled and propped her chin on her knee. “I just remembered one of the questions. That’s all.”
“What was it?”
“If you could change one thing in your past, what would it be?”
He sat on the arm of his chair, not wanting to be too far away. “And what was your answer?”
“I gave some answer, and Mara called bulldonkey.”
He set his beer down. “Mara said bulldonkey?”
“No, that was my word, not hers.”
“Ah. Thought so…so what was your answer?”
“After a lot of prodding by both of them, I said I’d have hunted you down and asked why you dumped me. Right then. I wouldn’t have waited ten years.” She stared at him for a long time. “Brad seems like an excuse. I’m still trying to figure out the real reason you stayed away.”
With a finger, he swept her bangs back to get a better look at her face. He folded his hands in his lap, then looked at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He swallowed and tried again. “I got scared.”
He rubbed at the scars on his hand to ease the ache. “What did I have to offer? Boot camp. Basic training. Deployment. Your life was here.” He shrugged. “Would you have agreed to become an Army wife if I had asked?”
“I’m not sure I can answer that question.” She shifted and tugged her shirt cuff down to loop her thumbs into the finger holes. “Back then you didn’t ask. Now things have changed.”
“What’s changed?”
She shrugged and looked away. “There are things I don’t want to talk about either.”
“Why not? Is it so terrible?”
“No, it just hurts too much, and no one here knows.”
“Not a single person? Not even Mara or Kym?”
“Nope.” Her whispered voice sounded far away, almost hypnotic.
Interesting. She curled her arms in tighter and folded them under her chin.
“You sure you don’t want to tell me?” he asked.
She threw off the blanket and jumped out of the chair. “I have to go.”
His alarm bells went off. He reached for her arm. “Karly?”
She pushed back, but he didn’t let go. He stood and gently wrapped his arms around her. Reluctantly, she turned into his arms.
Please, tell me.
Her shoulders shook and breath hitched while her tears soaked through his shirt. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and held on.
Please, trust me, and tell me what happened.
You must already know my secret.
I still love you. Always have. Always will.
He closed his eyes to cherish the feeling of the woman he loved in his arms, because he was certain that if she was rested and thinking straight, she wouldn’t go anywhere near him.
“Come on.” He brushed his thumbs underneath her eyes. “Let’s go inside.”
“I should go home.”
“That's a bad idea. You’re tired. You’ve been drinking, and these mountain roads, especially at night, are not forgiving.”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“No, you won’t. You can barely walk without a limp most days. A cold floor won’t help.” She leaned her head against his chest. “Sleeping with someone... I just…” She stiffened and started to pull away.
“Nothing will happen, Karly, and if it did, I can promise you it wouldn’t be as awkward, or fast, as our first time.”
“You mean our only time.”
“Okay, our only time. I just want to assure you I can keep up with the other guys.”
“What other guys? Has your sister been exaggerating again?”
Wait a minute. He lifted her chin, and he could see her expression. “Karly? Are you saying there haven’t been any other guys?”
She shrugged and looked at the ground, rubbing her foot into the dirt. “I just… I just haven’t seen the need to date anyone else. Besides, who would date any of the jackasses in this town?”
Something wasn’t right. The way she wouldn’t look at him. The way she scratched at the side of her neck. “What are you not telling me?”
“I have my shelter. The animals require all my time and love.”
“Try saying that again, this time looking at me.”
She stepped out of his arms. “I need to go.”
He took two steps and wrapped his arms around her again. A pulsating pain knotted his gut. He’d done this. He’d permanently wounded her with his carelessness. “Please don’t go. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t.” The rawness almost choked her.
Her body went limp in his arms. “Come on. Let’s go inside. Let me hold you.”
She shrugged out of his arms. “Why don’t you bank the fire?”
“Will you stay?”
“I’ll stay, as long as you don’t ask me any more questions.”
Her melancholy was his responsibility. “If you ever want to talk about what’s tearing you apart, let me know. I’ll buy a two-liter bottle of margaritas. You won’t feel a thing.”
She cupped his face in her hands. “I wish you would believe me when I say you’re a good man, Thad Lopez.”
His heart stuttered as he tried to summon the energy to understand. “I need you to remind me of that every once in a while.”
Her hands fell to her sides. “I don’t think it will do any good. It didn’t work before.”
He lifted her chin so he could see into her eyes. “Things change.”
Her mouth collapsed into a thin line. “Yes, change happens whether we like it or not. That’s why we can’t go back.”
She walked, her feet smudging the dirt with each step, toward the cabin. He signaled to Custer to follow her, and the dog trotted to catch up, slowing when he reached her side.
What are you hiding? He wished she would confide her secret.
Because whatever she was hiding was a lot stronger than her mistrust of him.
Chapter Seven
Karly awoke slowly, drifting out of semi-consciousness. The nasty little men drilling holes in her temples made her groan.
Plus, someone had put a big rock in her bed, and it was poking her in the back. When the rock suddenly rolled over, her eyes popped open, and she inspected the intruding lump. The effect was dizzying, and the room began to spin.
Thad. Oh, no. What have I done? Another panicked groan released. “Why did you open that bottle of tequila?” She flopped a forearm over her eyes.
“I believe you were the one who challenged me to strip poker.”
“I always won before. That was a stupid assumption.”
“Especially since Army dudes play a lot of cards,” the all-too-smug and sexy voice informed her.
He sounded way, way, way too chipper. Was that a wow-just-got-laid chipper? Or a nice-to-see-you chipper? Or a told-you-so chipper? She couldn’t tell.
Her chest tightened. She flipped up the covers, finding bra and underwear still in place. Which didn't necessarily mean nothing happened. “We didn't… I mean… How did I get undressed?”
“One piece of clothing at a time. I see you got a tattoo. Nice.”
Brat. She would swat him if only her brain could figure out where her arms were without triggering more stabbing pains.
He stretched, slowly, thoroughly, like a cat waking from a nap. He rubbed both hands back and forth over the top of his head while glancing toward the bedroom window. “Looks like it’ll be a nice day.”
“How drunk did I get last night?”
“Wasted. You kept losing and taking shots.” He brushed the tangled mat of hair off her face. “It was kinda funny, actually. Do you do that often?”
She squinted against the sunlight. “Not since I was twenty-one and swore I’d never get that drunk again.”
He rolled out of bed and tilted the blinds to block a substantial portion of the li
ght.
“Better?”
Yes. Freaking fantastic. Every ripped muscle in his torso made her want to run her hands across the waves. The side view of his white butt cheeks made her smile. When her scrutiny reached his jaw with its cover-model dark stubble, she nearly melted. His spikes of hair flying in every direction made her want to run her fingers through the short strands and play. He was casual about being naked in a way he hadn’t been previously, and that was just plain fun.
“If you don’t stop looking at me like I’m an ice cream cone you want to lick, I’m crawling back in that bed and doing some licking of my own.”
Her sexy parts heated, but she couldn’t allow him to get close. If he got close to her heart, she might abandon ship and swim on over to his side. She needed to find a life raft, and fast. Her eyes skimmed down his torso, and the empathy kicked in. Tiptoeing around his injury would just make matters worse. She sucked up some courage.
“I don’t remember if I asked last night about your wounds. Your left side is one big scar,” she murmured gently, to ease into the painful reality.
His eyes darkened. He leaned to pick up a pair of boxers and quickly stepped into them while she mentally gave herself another swift kick.
“Thad, I—”
“You always were one for telling it like it is. My scars are pretty ugly and hard to miss.”
“Sorry. My question was clumsy. The scars are just a small part of you. I’m more worried about you as a whole.”
She sat up and pushed the comforter back, but the room began to spin, and her stomach lurched. She swallowed acidy saliva. “God. Please let me get through this day, and I promise I’ll never, ever get drunk again.” She opened one eyelid to see if the room had settled into a stationary position.
His amber eyes studied her for a long moment before he moved to his duffel bag to retrieve a pair of jeans and a clean T-shirt. “I suggest you drink every drop of water in that bottle on the night stand, and then go back to sleep. I’ll go feed and water your animals. There’s no need to get up. Stay as long as you want.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Who will feed them, then?”
She pulled her hands down her face. “I guess you are. There are volunteers coming in, but not until later.”