by Lara Archer
And Nick’s face went hard and dark, and now Amber’s stomach turned into a lump of lava rock. A big, hard, horrible, guilty, stupid lump of lava rock.
“Oh, God,” she blurted out. “I’m sorry. That was a totally middle school thing to say.”
And no, no no no no—the inside of her nose started to have that hot, achy, prickly feeling, and tears were suddenly pushing their way up in her eyes.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said, and the tears flowed right over. “I’m just fucking everything up right now. I mean screwing it up.” Her hands flailed. “I mean—oh, bad choice of words. Forget I said that. I mean—I’m just a mess.”
“Amber.” Nick started to reach towards her, but clearly thought better of it, and let his arm fall back to his side. “Look, I’m really sorry. About the way things have gone the last couple of days. When you walked in on me and Ruby—”
She put up a hand to block his words. “No, it’s fine, Nick,” she said, keeping her voice low so the sound wouldn’t carry to any of the others. “You can be with whoever you want. Ruby Torres…I mean, come on, what man wouldn't want to be with her? You’d have to have a testosterone deficiency to turn her down.” She swiped at her eyes with her wrists. “And I know for a fact you don’t have a testosterone deficiency.”
A rueful look crossed Nick’s face. “Maybe an excess.”
And for just a second his brow knit like he was wrestling with a decision, like he was about to tell her something more.
But then he just shrugged. “Definitely an excess.” He shook his head. “If anybody’s a mess, it’s me, kiddo. I’m—I’m not exactly loyal boyfriend material. You know how I am. I’m just...I’m sorry you had to experience that side of me.”
Amber blew out a hard breath. A testosterone excess. Yeah, maybe that was it.
Poor Nick—he looked as miserable as she did.
And, to be fair, he’d never made her any promises. She’d been the one to jump him up in the meadow. So, he wasn’t pond scum. Or at least not lying pond scum. Just a really, really physical guy. Who didn’t do relationships. None of this was personally directed at her.
She wasn’t sure that knowledge made it hurt any less.
Before she had to figure out something else sensible to say, Jake and Ruby walked back out into the open, holding hands of all things, very tight. It didn’t look romantic, more like fairy-tale children holding hands while lost in the woods.
Which made Amber the Big Bad Wolf, apparently.
“Okay,” said Jake. “We’re ready to try that again.”
Ruby had a deer caught in the headlights look, but she nodded.
Amber bit her lip. Nick was right—Ruby needed reassurance now, not criticism.
“Great,” said Amber. “And, look, I’m really sorry if I jumped down your throat before. I’m just gonna hang back this time, and let you play with the scene, okay? Any way you want to. We’ll let the cameras roll, and you try out whatever you feel like trying, and we’ll see where it takes us. Deal?”
“Deal,” Jake and Ruby said together.
So Amber waved Eli and Onyx back up into their positions, and Nick did some adjusting of the lenses and the reflective screens to account for the movement of the sun, and then Jake and Ruby took it from the top.
Whatever Jake had said to Ruby during the break, it definitely seemed to have helped. Before they started, he looked into her eyes hard and long, and she nodded. This time the dialogue sounded much more like actual conversation, and something more interesting than before was happening on Ruby’s face.
It still wasn’t really right—it was still a little tentative, a little muted, but it was progress.
And then Jake kissed her. And that was definitely different. Ruby seemed to melt in against him this time, and she didn’t seem to worrying about whether or not her booty was posed in exactly the right position. She was just kissing him...and making little sighing noises. And tangling her fingers in his hair.
Well. It was certainly authentic.
Maybe Ruby Torres wasn’t much of a monogamous type herself.
Though Jake Hultensaalt was about Nick’s height, and had very similar dark hair, and similar broad shoulders, so maybe Ruby’s sudden burst of motivation had nothing to do with Jake at all. Had she maybe told Jake about Nick during their little heart-to-heart behind the boulder? Had Jake advised her to pretend he was Nick?
Suddenly, this was all too much like watching Ruby Torres naked in Nick’s arms.
Nick’s mouth on her mouth. Nick’s hands stroking down over that fabulous, famous ass.
The seething ball of jealousy was turning into a freaking volcano. And was being joined by a regular tsunami of humiliation.
Wouldn’t this scene make much more sense if the characters were, say, wearing four or five layers of clothing? With parkas on top?
Or were standing at least three feet away from each other?
Oh, this is not working. This is not working at all.
Amber’s heart was about to split open. It took every bit of restraint she had not to yell, “Cut!” just to make it all stop.
But she didn’t have to yell “Cut.”
Without warning, Ruby Torres suddenly pushed Jake away from her, backing up several feet, and waving her hands in front of her like she was trying to ward him off. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry,” she said in a choked voice. As soon as she glanced over at Amber, it was perfectly obvious that she was about to burst into tears. “I thought I could pull it off. But I can’t. I just can’t do this today.”
She dove for her bathrobe and went charging back down the trail towards the cabins, pulling it on over her nakedness as she went.
“Shit,” said Jake, grabbing his robe and taking off after her at a run.
Eli watched them go, blinking in confusion, his boom mike swinging over nothing but grass and flowers.
“Shit on a cracker,” said Onyx.
Nick didn’t even say anything. He just blew out a long, low breath, then started dismantling the ARRI Alexa set-up with a look that said he didn’t think Ruby Torres was likely to be able to pull this off anytime in the near future either.
The sky was still blue above them; the mountains in the distance were pristine and majestic. An eagle screeched somewhere overhead. The day could not be more beautiful.
But everything was a disaster.
Amber pressed the heels of her hands against her eyeballs, and rubbed them back and forth, trying to ease the ache that was starting to pound through her temples.
Ah, well, what was the point of screwing up just one part of your life at a time?
Might as well go in for the complete catastrophe.
She scooped up Jake’s and Ruby’s abandoned street clothes, and turned and headed back down the path herself. She couldn’t seem to help seeking out every rock in the trail and kicking it downhill as hard and mercilessly as she could.
Chapter Four
At least Amber knocked this time before barging into his cabin. Pounded actually. And then, with the door just barely cracked, yelled, “All clear in there? I know Ruby’s taking a walk with Jake, but I didn’t want to assume you were alone.”
Nick couldn’t help smiling a little at that, ruefully—Amber’s sarcasm was back.
And Sarcastic Amber was a damn sight preferable to the Apologetic Weepy Amber he’d seen up at the shoot today. That Amber had about shredded his heart.
“It’s safe,” he called back. Though it didn’t feel safe. Not for him.
But they had to talk. They had to figure out how to work together again.
Amber peeked in around the door, scanning the room like he might actually have a couple catering girls naked in here with him.
Finally she stepped inside, but kept one hand on the door latch. “So,” she said, eyeballing him suspiciously. “What exactly did you do to Ruby?”
His eyebrows rose, and she broke off, grimacing.
“Wait, no!” she said. “I don�
��t want any of those lurid details. Let me rephrase the question: what did you do to upset her? Because it occurred to me on the way back down the mountain that she probably didn’t burst into tears up in the meadow just because I was a little brusque with her.” She crossed her arms over her chest, looking fierce. “If you broke my star, Nick Turner, I’m skinning you alive.”
He had to stop and think before answering. Whether it made her weepy or not, it really was best for Amber to go on thinking he’d actually slept with Ruby.
“You know she’s coming off that nasty breakup with Vinnie La Russa,” he said. “I’d bet that’s got a lot more to do with her mood than anything that happened with me.” There. Just ambiguous enough—he wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t clarifying the truth, either. “Maybe kissing a new co-star reminded her of the whole fiasco with him.”
Amber looked at Nick skeptically. In the past, she’d have flopped down in the armchair by now and put her feet up, probably have appropriated his coffee mug and complained like usual about how he never used enough sugar. Instead, she was hovering by the door as if she might need to make a hasty escape. “Vin La Russa is a cheating asshole, and Jake Hultensaalt is a total sweetheart. I can’t imagine one reminds her of the other.”
Nick shrugged. “That close up and naked, one man’s pretty much the same as another.”
“Really?” A wash of pink color crossed Amber’s face. “Same with one woman and another? When you get up close and naked? I think I’m starting to understand how your mind really works.” She picked up a little carved wooden eagle that was sitting on the desk to her left and fiddled with it nervously, turning it upside down and spinning it on its head. “I prefer to think of each person as unique.”
He was tempted to defend himself, but it was better to just let it go—let her get it off her chest. At least she was speaking to him. They’d work their way through this somehow, and once it didn’t feel so raw, maybe she’d actually like him again. Or tolerate him. Whatever.
As long as he didn’t have to deal with life without her.
Amber leaned her hip against the desk now, flipping the eagle over, round and round, her mouth tight.
And then without any warning at all, her fierce façade just cracked wide open.
Her eyes welled with tears, and her angry expression crumpled, and the eagle thudded on the floor. “Oh, shit,” she said, and buried her face in her hands. “Two days ago, everything was fine, perfectly fine, and now it’s all going to hell at once. I’m not getting married, and my movie’s ruined, so my career is shot, and I slept with my best friend and now he’s acting like I’m radioactive....”
Oh, Jesus. This was not going to be okay.
Before he had a chance to think, he’d moved to her, put his arms around her. And he seemed to be kissing her forehead and her temples and the top of her hair. “Amber, hey,” he was murmuring. “It’s okay, kiddo. It’s fine. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
He thought she might push him away or maybe punch him, but she didn’t. She leaned in hard instead, dug her fingers into the material of his t-shirt, pressed her face into his shoulder, and burst out sobbing.
And everything inside his chest dissolved, like a sandcastle hit by a wave.
“Shh, shh, Amber,” he said against her ear. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not! I ruined it. Completely fucked it all up. And I don’t even understand how.”
Another kiss against her temple. “No you didn’t ruin anything. Shh. Stop. This isn’t like you.” His hands stroked her back, his thumbs massaging the bunched-up muscles. “C’mon, we both know that you’re basically the perfect human being. You do everything right, sweetheart.”
And he would do anything, anything, to make her feel like her usual happy self again.
“I don’t know what was up with Ruby today,” he said. “But it wasn’t your fault. All this is a tiny bump in the road. You’ll pick yourself up and just get stronger. Because that’s what you do.”
She was still crying in this horrible, shuddering way that made his stomach turn over. And he couldn’t stand it. Amber was fearless, confident. At least she always had been those things, before he crossed the line with her in the meadow yesterday.
“Come on, Amber,” he begged. “Please, come on. Look at me.”
She shook her head no, her hair brushing back and forth across his neck. But she put her arms around him, her hands gripping his ribcage now.
“Please, baby. Look up.” He kissed her forehead. Maybe a little humor would work. “At least take some Kleenex. You’re getting snot all over my shirt.”
“I am not!” she protested, and pulled back to glare at him indignantly, and it was good to see the spark back in her eyes. “I’ve never gotten snot on anybody in my life! And I’ve been very careful not to get any leakage on you whatsoever.” She took the tissue he’d pulled out of the box on the desk and wiped her nose, still sniffling. Then frowned and scrubbed briefly at his shirt with her fingers. “Except a couple spots from the tears. That was inevitable.”
“I don’t mind,” he said. “Either way.” His arms still seemed to be around her.
She didn’t seem to be pulling away.
“Listen to me, okay?” he said, gazing down into her eyes, willing her to keep looking straight at him. “You are amazing. You are smart and capable and creative. And I could never in a million years think you’re—God, what did you say—radioactive?”
“Radioactive,” she said, miserably.
“That’s just—that’s crazy.” His heart felt like a big hard fist jammed in his throat. “For pity’s sake, Amber, you’re—you are the most important person in the world to me.”
He hadn’t really quite planned on saying that, but there it was.
She let out another sudden sob. “Really?”
He didn’t see the point in trying to deny it. “Absolutely.” His hands rubbed soothingly up and down her spine, one of them going to the nape of her neck to ease away the tension there. “I’m the idiot, okay? I’m the fucked-up one.”
“You are not—”
“Yes, I am. I really am. Ask anybody. You’re the only person I’ve ever been...not fucked up with.” He let go with one of his hands so he could tap his chest with his fist, just above where his heart was. “I’ve got something broken in here. And I should never have let things go where they went yesterday, okay? That was so stupid of me. Because I can’t—I can’t risk...you.”
The tears brimmed again. “Oh, God, Nick! Please, you can never, never hate me, okay?” Her hands gripped his shoulder blades like she’d fall off a mountainside if she let go. “Or stop talking to me. No matter who you’re sleeping with. Please? Promise? Because you’re the most important person in the world to me, too.”
Her words sent a wash of emotion through him. She was looking up at him steadily now, the gold of her hair framing her face with a halo, her bright blue eyes so open and vulnerable. She was the one person on this planet that made him feel like he was a halfway decent human being.
She was so, so beautiful. So lovely. So perfect.
And he had to be the biggest idiot in the history of the universe, because the next thing he knew he was kissing her.
Kissing her hard.
His arms pulled her against him, and his mouth slanted over hers. Someplace deep in his mind, his conscience was shrieking at him, trying to drag him back and away, but he shut it up with a hard mental shove.
He just needed to feel Amber against him right now, needed to get closer to her.
And Amber wasn’t being any more sensible than he was, because she molded herself against him, her belly to his, her hands curving around the backs of his shoulders now, clinging, and she opened her lips to the pressure of his tongue.
Goddamn, at least one of them should have been smart enough to push away and say, This can only lead to disaster. This is exactly how we went off the rails in the first place.
But Amber wasn’t saying anything, and all he wan
ted to say was, I never touched Ruby, never wanted to touch her. It was you I wanted, only you, only you. Though at least he managed to keep those words inside.
Somehow, he maneuvered her around so they were moving towards the bed—which thankfully was a substantial oak one, not a little cot, because he didn’t think he could be careful with the wild energy suddenly surging through him.
Almost painfully hard already, he pushed her down beneath him, and she shifted her weight to cradle his body, her arms slipping up to wind around his neck. Her legs wriggled under him as she kicked off her shoes. She clearly meant for this to go forward—thank God.
And it was sweet, so sweet, to feel her and taste her and sense her desire for him, too.
Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and he was frantic to feel it loose in his hands, so he worked his fingers under the elastic and slid it free, combing out the gorgeous golden curls with his fingers, spreading them across his pillow, then kissing her neck so he could feel the silken waves brush against his face. Her throat smelled delicious, clean and warm, with just that hint of wildflower and coconut, and she sighed as his mouth moved against her.
His hands stroked over her throat and then skimmed the sweet curves of her shoulders and breasts and waist, reaching for the hem of her shirt, his fingers desperate to touch the silk of her breasts again. She helped him, arching her back so he could slip her shirt up and over her head, her sighs changing to little gasps.
He reared up on his knees for a moment so he could haul off his own shirt and kick off his shoes.
And he looked at her body sprawled out beneath him, and damn. They weren’t lying down in wildflowers this time, but she looked just as beautiful and radiant on a navy blue comforter. Garden of Eden or a prison cell, it wouldn’t make any difference—she would always look like heaven to him.