“Oh yeah, the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech. Save it, I’ve heard it all before from guys like you,” she squeaks out.
I sigh and rub a hand down my face. “Truth is, there’s actually someone that I really like and bringing you here tonight has made me realize how much I actually like her. I’m sorry for being an asshole, I never should’ve brought you here.”
I lean forward with my elbows on my knees and she sniffs. “You really like her, huh?”
“I think I do, but I’m not that guy.”
She chuckles and wipes under her eyes, smearing black shit all over her face. “Hey, there’s no shame in admitting the player has been benched, or in your case it looks like he’s retired. You’ve got it bad.”
I nod at her drunken rambling. “You’re right.”
She folds her legs underneath her. “Of course I’m right, I could write a book on players.”
It looks like she still isn’t leaving anytime soon so I get up and walk into the kitchen. “Do you want that coffee now?”
She nods but doesn’t say anything until I hand her the steaming mug, watching her carefully so she doesn’t scold herself. “What’s her name?”
I smile. “Billie. She actually lives in this building so it was really risky bringing you back here.”
“You’re a fucking idiot, do you know that? You have a good thing going for you but you were about to fuck that up,” she snorts.
I blow out a breath. “I know, it’s just hard letting someone else into my life when I’m so used to it being me, myself and I.”
And I have no idea why I’m pouring my heart out to a drunk girl I’ve only just met, but it seems to be clearing my head a little and she sure as shit ain’t holding back on giving me some home truths.
“I know how you feel, but I guess love isn’t meant to be simple,” she sighs.
“Whoa, I never said anything about love,” I retort.
She raises a perfectly shaped brow at me. “You’re delusional if you think you couldn’t get hard from a girl in a tiny dress practically molesting you just because you like her.”
I laugh. “Nah, Billie’s cool and I care about her. I guess she’s just become familiar.”
“Men,” she mumbles, rolling her eyes and drinking up her coffee. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
She moves to stand but stumbles and falls into my lap, making my coffee splash onto the floor. “Or you could stay here? I have a guest bedroom you can stay in and I promise, no funny business. I don’t really like the thought of you trying to get home this late having had so many drinks.”
She eyes me, apparently sizing me up to see if I’m being genuine. “Alright, but if I find you in my bed, I’m outta here.”
I chuckle and guide her toward the guest bedroom that’s beside mine. “Bathroom is through this panel here, just push on it and it opens, but if you can’t find that, go into the kitchen and open the door labeled ‘pantry’ and that’s another way in.”
Her eyes widen. “Are you a spy?”
I laugh. “No, Harley, I just like my privacy. There’s spare toothbrushes in the cabinet under the sink and I’ll throw you in an old t-shirt of mine.”
She smiles lazily and yawns. “Thanks.” I smile, but just before I turn around to go get her a t-shirt to sleep in, she adds, “You’re a real gentleman, don’t be too hard on yourself for having a little lapse in judgement. Billie’s a really lucky girl.”
I didn’t see or hear from Mac all day yesterday, he must’ve been tied up with work so I didn’t want to disturb him. Or so I told myself. If I’m really being honest, I felt like I needed a break away from him to get my head around what happened on the weekend.
I still don’t know how I really feel, but it just feels right with Mac, nothing is forced or unwanted; least of all unwanted. He made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’ve only ever been with Callum before Mac and I thought the sex was good with him, but if I was to compare it with Mac, it’d be like only ever eating plain rice and beans, then suddenly having garlic mushrooms for starters, a juicy bacon cheeseburger with all the trimmings for a main, then moving onto a gooey, warm chocolate brownie with homemade vanilla ice cream. It was that delectable.
I smile as I remember all the sweet moments as well, like when he touched his forehead to mine and told me how incredibly beautiful he thinks I am. My heart flutters and I decide to take the stairs down today, feeling energised, and for a morning without coffee, that’s a pretty hard feat.
I reach the bottom of the stairs and I freeze, my hands balling into fists beside me as I watch Mac walking out of the lift with a leggy brunette in a short, red dress. He doesn’t see me, but she does, her eyes connect with mine and widen as she must see the rage that I’m radiating.
He opens the door for her and gives her a small smile as she whispers something to him before walking out of the building. I know I should turn around and not let him see me like this, but I’m rooted to the spot like my feet have been superglued to the ground just for life’s personal amusement.
He turns around and his eyes widen as he sees me standing here, obviously unaware I was watching him. He clears his throat and nods at me. “Morning, Billie.”
I smirk at him, schooling my features into anything other than jealousy and rage. “You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending they’re me.”
He walks up to me and matches my stance. “Can’t I?”
I scoff. “Don’t kid yourself, Mac. You were losing the bet, that’s why you’re hooking up for meaningless sex again.”
He moves even closer to me, my back pressing against the handrail. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous. That obviously can’t be right, because you don’t feel that way about me, do you, Billie?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t.”
His eyes flick down to my mouth and my tongue involuntarily snakes out to wet my lips. No, don’t think about him kissing you again, this arsehole has made you look like a fucking idiot.
He shrugs but I don’t miss the flash of what looks like disappointment as he steps away from me and heads toward the lift, pointing at me. “See you tonight?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “I don’t know how to put this nicely, so I won’t. Go to hell, Mac.”
“Been there. The devil didn’t like me and spat me back out,” he quips.
I smirk before schooling my features into a neutral look, but I don’t say anything.
“Don’t flake out on me yet, B, the bet’s still on,” he drawls.
I huff and point to the door. “Is it?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “We’re not together, B, none of this is exclusive.”
I snort. “How many other women have you got ‘see who falls in love first’ bets with?”
He shakes his head. “Just you, but we never said we weren’t going to mess around with other people while doing it.”
“Does that not count as cheating, on the bet that is, if you’re using other women to take your mind off me?” I ask, secretly trying to get him to say that’s exactly what was going on.
He shakes his head with a chuckle. “The only rule you made was no kissing, sleeping together and everything in between. You broke your own rule, B, not that I’m complaining, but you upped the game.”
He looks me dead in the eyes and I roll mine and scoff. “You got what you wanted, you don’t have to carry on the bet.”
I don’t wait for an answer as I walk away with tears in my eyes, hoping that he’ll follow me, but he doesn’t. I walk to my car and fumble with the keys, startling and dropping them as someone touches my shoulder. I swirl around and face the brunette that Mac was with last night instead of being with me. It’s not her fault, but I can’t help but feel bitter toward her.
“Billie, right?” she asks and I raise my brow at her in question. “Oh, he told me all about you.”
Fucking brilliant. I bend down to pick up my k
eys without looking at her. “Well isn’t that just like him! Have a good laugh about me, did you?”
She backs up a pace and shakes her head. “You’ve got it all wrong.”
I snort. “Yeah? Did he tell you about me before or after you fucked him?”
Her face drops and she throws a hand on her hip. “He said you were nice, I guess I’ve got the wrong Billie.” She starts to turn around but swirls back quickly. “I didn’t sleep with him you know, he was the perfect gentleman and turned me down. I’m only here now because he let me stay over in his guest bedroom because I was so wasted.” I narrow my eyes at her but she moves her hand over her body in a cross gesture. “Swear on my mom’s life, I have nothing to gain from telling you this, I just couldn’t leave after seeing the distraught look on your face in there.”
I look at my car then back at her. “He really didn’t sleep with you?”
She gives me a small smile. “Didn’t even touch me apart from to help me to my room to keep me steady. I was more wasted than what I thought last night, but I still remember everything. And one thing I remember is that he’s a good guy, he’s just confused, don’t give up on him just yet.”
I nod at the stranger in front of me. “Do you need a lift somewhere?”
She blows out a relieved breath. “That would make my day, I have no money but didn’t want to say anything to…” She sighs. “I didn’t even get his name to be honest.”
“It’s Mac. Get on in, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” I say, gesturing back to my car.
She smiles gratefully and climbs in the passenger side giving me vague directions to her house, but doesn’t say anything more. It’s good to know Mac never slept with her even though I have no doubt about it that he had every intention to. Why else would he bring her back? I know I should be mad but strangely, I’m not. I’ve already been hurt before so I know what real pain feels like.
I still can’t help but wonder why he let me believe he had slept with her back there though, what’s he trying to prove?
When I get back from work later, I’m going to give him hell.
I deserve an award for the biggest act of douchery for my performance this morning. I’m a fucking moron and I know it, so when Billie knocks on my door around six with a pizza in her hands, to say I’m confused would be an understatement. She deserves more than me and how I’ve treated her.
She walks in, seemingly unaffected, and I stand there frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do or say, this is new territory for me.
“Pepperoni with extra mushrooms, your half has jalapenos on too.” She opens the pizza box and places it on my coffee table, sitting down on the edge of my sofa and picking up a slice. “Grab some napkins, would you?”
I snap back to reality and bring her some napkins and turn on the TV.
“How was work?” she asks, acting as if there isn’t a giant fucking elephant in the room.
“Err, yeah, it was alright,” I say back weakly.
She nods enthusiastically. “Good, good. Mine was good too, I think my eighth graders are finally getting the hang of running around the track at a normal pace instead of moving like sloths.” I chuckle at her comment and she continues. “I think I might actually be making friends with one of the teachers as well. She’s a little quiet, but I think I can bring her out of her shell if she’ll just let herself loose a little.”
How is she acting so normal? It only makes me feel guiltier, she doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me.
“What’s with your face?” she asks suddenly.
“Gee, thanks, Billie.”
“No, really. You’re not still stuck on me catching you out this morning, are you?” she retorts sarcastically.
I freeze up and stammer my words. “I… no, I was just… I’m just tired, Billie. Thanks for the pizza, but I think I’m going to get an early night.”
“She keep you up all night?” she taunts.
I screw my eyes shut. “Not now, Billie.”
“Then when? We’ve got to talk about it sometime.”
I stand up and walk over to the kitchen trying to get some space, but she follows me. “Come on, you were big enough to make the decision last night to sleep with her not even twenty-four hours after sleeping with me, so the least you could do is give me a reason why you went all radio silent on me for all of yesterday.”
I sigh at the way the conversation is going, it’s getting deep so I walk back over near my sofa to distance myself from her. I shouldn’t have let her think that I slept with Harley. “I didn’t want you getting too attached so I gave you some space.”
She snorts. “And I suppose this weekend was just letting off some steam? It didn’t mean anything at all to you?”
This is it, I can either make us or break us, but before I even have time to think properly, I blurt out, “You knew the score.”
It feels like he just slapped me, but I don’t believe a word he’s saying, it doesn’t even look like he believes himself. “So, I was just a way of passing the time?”
His face changes from a look of concern to a smirk, that knowing smirk he had pasted on his face when we first met. “Don’t act so surprised, you knew it was just a bet.”
I move closer to him. “And if I was to walk out of that door right now, you wouldn’t follow me? You wouldn’t care if I left?”
He takes a step back and flops down onto his sofa, not looking at me as he says, “Nope,” popping the P.
I laugh sarcastically. “You’re unbelievable, and full of shit apparently. Bye, Mac.”
I hear his nervous tapping on the back of his sofa before he growls and jumps over it, heading toward me. “B…”
I spin around, arms crossed over my chest as I wait for him to say something, anything that’ll make me believe that he isn’t this egotistical dickwad he’s making himself out to be. I’ve seen the real him behind the persona, and it isn’t this guy.
He stands there, mouth opening and closing.
“Well go on then, I’m waiting,” I retort, trying not to lose my shit.
He carries on looking at me awkwardly then rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “I, err... To be honest...” His shoulders sag then he looks me in the eyes, dropping his facade. “I am full of shit, B. I’ve been wanting to kiss you from the moment I first laid my eyes on your peachy ass, but this hot and cold thing you’ve got going on is fucking confusing. How do you expect me to figure out what’s going on in my own mind when you’re sending me all these different signals?” Well I wasn’t expecting that. “And how am I meant to explore that gorgeous little body of yours again when you always keep me at arm’s length?”
By this point he has my back pressed up against the front door and my hand is between us on his chest, indeed keeping him at an arm’s length.
I gulp at the intense look in his eyes as they flick down to my lips. “Don’t you dare try to kiss me if you don’t have plans to make my lips the only ones you kiss after. I’ve worked too hard to build myself back up after my last heartbreak.”
His brow furrows. “And who said I was going to break your heart?”
He curls his thick fingers around my wrist and pulls it away from his chest so he can move closer to me.
“No one needed to tell me, I can feel it radiating off you,” I breathe out as he runs his fingers up my arms.
He chuckles. “I radiate heartbreak?”
I shake my head. “No, you give off a ‘I’ll give you the best orgasm of your life, promise you the world, then leave you’ vibe.”
I didn’t think there was any possibility of his expression to get any more intense than it was, but it does and he seems to be fighting himself to say something. “Not you, B. Not with you.”
I tense up. “You’ve already did it once with your stupid fucking head game this morning. You talk about me running hot and cold? I know you didn’t sleep with that girl, but you still let me think that you did.”
“I was scared,” he murmur
s on a sigh.
“Scared? You’re not scared of anything,” I breathe out.
He cups his hand around my cheek. “Me? Shit scares me all of the time, especially you.”
The crackling tension in the air could be set alight with the slightest spark, so I douse it. “I’m known for my poor impulse control, so I’m going to say that I kinda just want to be friends from here on out. I don’t think I can trust you anymore.”
“Well, I kinda want to be more than friends and earn that trust back,” he retorts.
“I don’t think you know what you want, Mac.”
He sighs and steps back, seemingly agitated. “I’m not proud of my past, B, but I won’t apologize for it either. I’ve done what I’ve done and I’ve not tried to hide that from you. I’ve also told you what I want, albeit poorly I’ll admit, but if you can’t admit it’s the same as what you want too, then I guess we’ll just keep dancing around each other until you eventually give in… and you will. I’ll wait.”
I’m stunned by his arrogant speech, he infuriates me. “I won’t stand here and stroke your ego, so… I’m going to go.”
“I guess the bet’s over then?” he snaps.
I nod. “It was a stupid idea anyway.”
I can tell he wants to say something. Go on, Mac, please give me a reason to stay. But he doesn’t say anything, he takes a step back and lets me walk out of the door, tripping over his doormat on my way out. My face flushes red but I don’t turn around.
I hear him chuckle. “See you very soon, B.”
How arrogant of him.
I’m a fucking asshole. I let her walk out, just like that.
And damn if I don’t instantly miss her.
After I walked out of Mac’s apartment, my heart started breaking, and in typical Billie style, the first thing I could think of to do was run. But not run like you’d think, not even the steady rhythm of the pavement beating underneath my feet was going to help me here.
I pull out my laptop and open it up, typing into the search bar exactly what I’m looking for. Several links pop up and I click on them and send my CV to every single email that’s listed, feeling a slight pang in my chest as a small sliver of doubt creeps in, but I sit back and shake it away.
Betting On Love Page 16