He framed my face with his hands, looking intently into my eyes. “It’s not the way I want it. It’s the way it has to be.”
I kissed him and savored the taste of his lips, wondering if it would be the last time while praying it wouldn’t be.
***
Nate’s enthusiasm as he walked us around the building he’d bought should have been infectious, but my heart and mind were still back in New York with Darius. I didn’t know how long it would take for me to be fully present here.
“Are you okay?” Nate asked, nudging my shoulder with his. “You seem kind of distracted.”
I tried to laugh as I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. “Yeah, I guess I’m just a little tired. I haven’t been sleeping all that well. Must be the excitement.”
“On that note,” Daphne said. “Why don’t I run to that café I spotted around the corner and grab us all some coffee?”
“That would be great,” I said, smiling at her. “You’re a lifesaver.” She knew that after my conversation with Darius, I’d been questioning whether to get on the plane long after they’d instructed us to fasten our seat belts for takeoff.
“She’s something else, isn’t she?” Nate asked, watching Daphne walk out the door.
Nate had a thing for my best friend? How had I missed that? They’d met several times when he came to visit Shaun at the club, but I’d had no idea he was attracted to her. I wondered whether he had assumed Daphne and I were a package deal and that was part of the reason he’d made me the offer.
“She sure is.” I struggled with the best way to pose the question and decided the direct approach was best. “You like her?”
He turned his attention back to me, looking confused. “Sure, I like her. Why?”
“No, I mean do you like-like her?”
His cheeks flushed while he tried to hide his smile. “That obvious, huh?”
“You could say that.” I curled my hand around his forearm. “I love Daphne like a sister, but you may want to be careful. I’m not sure she’s ready for anything serious right now.” While Daphne claimed she was just testing the market while waiting for the man of her dreams to show up, I knew she loved all the attention she got from the opposite sex.
He shrugged. “Whatever happens happens. No expectations. I just figured since we’re going to be working together now, and living across the hall from each other, it was a possibility. Has she ever said anything to you about me?”
I walked around the open empty space, trying to visualize it the way Nate had described, filled with furniture and patrons having a good time. “I know she thinks you’re cute and nice.”
He frowned. “Not what a guy wants to hear.”
I laughed. “Sorry. What would you prefer? Hot? Sexy?”
“That would be better,” he agreed, grinning.
There were still moments, especially when he smiled, when I felt a little breathless. It was like looking at Shaun, but Nate wasn’t my husband. Though they were similar in many ways, Nate was fun and spontaneous while Shaun had been darker, more brooding. Except when he was on stage.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, his smile faltering.
“It’s hard not to think about Shaun when I look at you,” I admitted, feeling guilty for mentioning the brother he’d loved and lost when we were supposed to be celebrating and looking forward to the future. “Sorry.”
“Hey, that’s okay. I get it. Shaun’s never far from my mind either.” He hesitated before he asked, “Your boyfriend, how did he take the news you were leaving?”
I felt weird talking to my former brother-in-law about the new man in my life, but it was a fair question and he had every right to be curious. “He understood.” I tried to distract myself by imagining the stage the contractors would start building tomorrow. “He’s very supportive.”
“Does that mean you’re going to try to make the long-distance thing work?”
After my conversation with Darius, I wasn’t sure what the expectation was, but I was hopeful. “I guess we’ll just have to play that by ear. He’s a busy guy, so I’m not sure how often we’d be able to see each other even if we wanted to try.”
“Any regrets?”
I turned to face Nate. “About coming here?” The truth, my inner voice warned. He deserves the truth. “Um, I’m still trying to sort out my feelings. I hated leaving Darius and all my friends, but this is something I’ve always wanted. If I hadn’t given it a chance, I may have always regretted it.”
“I had my lawyer draw up a partnership agreement,” Nate said hesitantly. “Are you ready to sign it?”
No! “Could we hold off on that for a bit? Kind of test things out first? I have no doubt you can make a success of this on your own, and I’ll do my best to help you put together a great team.”
“But?”
“Since it’s your investment, I’d rather wait to see whether I can contribute something of lasting value before I decide whether this is where I belong. Does that make sense?”
He opened his arms. “I love you for wanting to try,” he said, stroking my hair. “Just the fact that you’d uproot your life to do this proves how much Shaun meant to you. Not that you had to prove anything to me. I already knew.”
“He did mean the world to me,” I said, tipping my head back to look him in the eye. Those piercing green eyes, exactly the same shade as his brother’s, nearly did me in. “I’ll never ever forget him. But I do feel it’s time for me to let him go.”
“And you’re not sure if you can do that here, working with me?”
“I’m not sure of anything right now. I’m just really confused.”
He stepped back, looking pensive as he stroked the stubble on his chin. “How about we agree to a trial? You can help me find the right staff and get things up and running. I’ll pay you a salary, and you can have the apartment rent-free. After that, you decide if this is what you want. If it isn’t, you can walk away, no hard feelings.”
“Two months?” I asked, thinking about Darius’s club and the grand reopening he had planned. “Does that sound reasonable?”
“Perfect.”
Two short months. By then I should know for sure where I belonged.
Chapter Twenty-One
Darius
It had only been a month since Chelsea left, but it felt like a year. Every night I rolled over, reaching for her, and was disappointed to find an empty pillow instead. Knowing that she’d lived in my apartment and slept in my bed only made it harder to be there without her.
“Place is really coming together, isn’t it?” Chase asked, slapping me on the back. “Looks like we’ll be on time and on budget. How’s that for a shock?”
I smirked, trying to pretend I was as excited as my friend was about the club’s renovation. His team was doing an incredible job, but without Chelsea to share it with, my enthusiasm for the project had been waning.
“If you’re looking for someone to rent the girls’ apartment upstairs, I may know someone,” Chase said. “One of my employees has a sister who just moved to town. For what it’s worth, she’s hot.”
I shook my head, mumbling, “Not ready.”
“To rent the apartment or give up on Chelsea?”
“Both.”
She and I still talked on the phone a few times a week and texted nearly every day. I’d sent her flowers a couple of times like Cat suggested, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her. I’d been tempted to hop on my family’s plane half a dozen times, but I’d promised myself I’d wait it out. She said she’d promised Nate at least two months, and I was trying to respect that.
“You think she might come back?” Chase asked.
“I sure as hell hope so. I want to leave the apartment open for her just in case.” Of course, if she did return, I wanted to believe she’d be spending more time at my place.
“And the manager’s job? Are you leaving that open for her too?”
I knew it was stupid. I couldn’t move forward until I hired someone to manage
this place, but the thought of giving her job away felt like giving up hope that she’d ever return, and I wasn’t ready to do that yet. “For now. I’m still trying to feel her out, see how things are going there.”
“And?”
“She seems happy when I talk to her, but I can’t tell if she’s just putting on an act. Catia’s going to visit her this weekend. Maybe she’ll be able to get a handle on where Chelsea’s head’s at.” If I’d ever needed my sister to come through for me, it was now. I hated living in limbo, torn between giving up and fighting like hell.
“I didn’t realize she and Cat were so close.” Chase stared straight ahead, watching his men work, but his whole demeanor had changed at the mention of Catia’s name.
“Yeah, they talk a couple of times a week according to Cat.”
“Huh.” He crossed his arms, looking annoyed. “How’s she doing, by the way? Your sister?”
“She’s okay.” She was as stubborn as Chase, but I knew he didn’t want to hear that. “I guess she likes her new job, but I think she misses moving from one spot to another. You know Cat. She loves to travel.”
“Hard to do with a couple of kids and a dog.” He was obviously thinking about all the reasons Cat had told him they weren’t a good fit.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think she’s seeing anyone special.”
He glared at me. “Why the hell should I care what she does?”
“You can pretend you don’t care about her, but I’m not buying it.”
“You’ve got enough going on in your own love life, Starkis. Don’t worry about mine.”
***
I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as I listened to Chelsea tell me about their plans for the grand opening. Apparently the building Nate had bought was newer, and as a former restaurant with apartments above, the renovation wasn’t extensive. They would be ready to open five short weeks after Chelsea had boarded that plane. The plane that took her out of my life.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You’re kind of quiet tonight.”
“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind, I guess. Are you looking forward to my sister’s visit tomorrow?”
“Yeah, it should be fun. Daphne and I are going to take her to a few of our favorite spots, you know, restaurants, cafés, clubs.”
“You’ve had time to go to nightclubs?” Since she didn’t drink, I didn’t know why she’d bother. Unless she was hoping to meet someone…
“Comedy clubs,” she said, laughing. “We’ve been scoping out the competition, trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. You should do the same, you know, in New York. Go to some of the more popular clubs. I’m sure you’ll get some good ideas that could work for you.”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t get excited about going without her. “I’ll try to work it into my schedule.”
“Would you like some help?”
I sat up in bed, feeling hopeful for the first time in weeks. “Are you offering to help me?”
“It’s the least I can do,” she said. “Leaving you without a manager and all. Speaking of which, have you hired anyone?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I haven’t given up on you.” I hoped she realized I was referring to more than just the job.
“Have you, uh, been seeing anyone?”
“What kind of question is that?” I scowled at the white wall adorned with an original abstract oil painting. “You really think I’d be seeing other women while trying to keep this thing going with you?”
“Is that what we’ve been doing?” she asked hesitantly. “Trying to keep our relationship going? Because so far, all of our conversations have revolved around work, your family, my friends at the club, and Maria.”
Only because I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. “I thought that’s the way you wanted it.”
“You haven’t even told me you miss me. Do you?”
With every breath I take, baby. “Of course I miss you, Chels. How about you? Do you miss me?”
“Like crazy. That’s why I was hoping to come to New York next weekend. I’d like for us to spend some time together, maybe figure some things out.”
A slow smile spread across my face as the anticipation of seeing her took root. “I’ll pick you up.”
“What do you mean?”
“We have a private plane, remember?”
She laughed. “How could I forget? But you don’t have to do that. I don’t mind flying coa—”
“Not gonna happen,” I said. “You tell me when you want me to pick you up, and I’ll make sure the plane’s available.”
“Can I get back to you on that?” she asked. “I’d like to try to sneak away on Thursday night so we can have three full days together, but I have to check with Nate first.”
“Sure, just let me know as soon as you can.” I had plans to make. “Speaking of Nate, are he and Daphne still hitting it off?”
She scoffed, and I could practically see her rolling her eyes. “They’re practically living together.”
“Wow, that happened fast, didn’t it?”
“I’ve never seen Daphne like this with anyone. She says she’s in love with him.”
I heard the skepticism in her voice. “You don’t believe her?”
“I want to. I just don’t want to see either of them get hurt.”
“Is it weird for you? Seeing your husband’s face every day?” I asked, finally finding the courage to voice a question that had been on my mind a lot lately. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it would be to see the face of someone you loved long after they were gone.
“No.” She sighed. “It was a little strange at first, but Nate is Nate and Shaun is gone. I’ve come to terms with that now.”
“Have you?” We hadn’t talked about Shaun since she’d left, and I was dying to know whether being there, spending time with his brother and building Shaun’s dream, had helped her to let go.
She was silent for a minute. “I was looking through pictures of him yesterday. Nate wants a picture with a collection of others on the wall, to honor him, and he asked me to select it for him.”
“That must have been hard.” It was still difficult for me to hear her talk about him, but I knew it was important if we were going to see our way through this.
“It made me smile,” she said softly. “There was a time I couldn’t look at a picture of him or us without crying. But now, seeing those pictures makes me smile. I think that’s progress, don’t you?”
I wanted to believe it was. “I think so.”
“I’m ready to let his things go too.”
“His things?”
“When I moved out of our apartment and in with Daphne, I put his things in a small storage unit. It was hard to justify the cost, but I couldn’t bear to let them go, and I didn’t think his family would be ready to deal with them either.”
“Makes sense.” I didn’t know many women who’d be able to give away their husband’s things shortly after his death.
“I think I’ll go through the unit when I’m there. I’ll keep a few things, give some small items to Nate, and donate the rest, I guess.”
“If you need any help, just let me know.”
“You would do that?” She sounded shocked. “Wouldn’t that be weird for you?”
Sure, it would. But I didn’t want her to go through something like that alone. “Whatever you need, Chels. I’m here for you.”
A small sigh escaped before she said, “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that. It’s been driving me crazy, not knowing where we stand.”
I still wasn’t sure I knew, but I felt better than I had in a long while. “So keep my sister out of trouble and call me when she leaves, okay?”
Chelsea laughed. “I can promise to call when she leaves, but I can’t promise to keep her out of trouble. Seems to me trouble finds her.”
I grinned. “You’re right about that.” I love you. That was what I wanted to say, but I
didn’t want to drop the L-bomb over the phone, especially since I knew I’d be seeing her soon. “Well, I’ll talk to you soon. Sweet dreams, beautiful.”
“I’ll be dreaming about you, you know.”
“Me too, babe. Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chelsea
I was having so much fun with Catia I hated to see her leave. The night before she was scheduled to fly out, we were curled up in my living room while Daphne was across the hall with Nate. We talked about everything from life to love, including our regrets and disappointments.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Catia asked, reaching for a handful of trail mix from the bowl I’d set on the table.
“You first,” I said, trying to keep a straight face. “You said you were thinking about going back to New York to tell Chase you haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since you left. When are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tipping her head back. “If it weren’t for his kids, I’d—”
“That’s a cop-out, and you know it,” I said, tossing a peanut at her.
She giggled as she popped the stray peanut in her mouth. “No, it’s not. Kids… that’s serious stuff.”
“You don’t want kids?”
“Do you?” Catia challenged.
One thing I’d learned about my new friend was when she was uncomfortable with a question, she was good at deflecting. I’d told Catia all about my upbringing during one of our late-night phone chats, so she understood why I was reluctant to be a parent. “I don’t know. Never say never, right?”
“You and your husband never talked about starting a family?”
“He didn’t want kids, and I was good with that.” She and I had talked about Shaun a lot over the past couple of days, and each question was a little easier than the last. The sound of his name didn’t make me feel as though someone was trying to rip my heart out anymore.
“What about with my brother? Could you see yourself settling down with him?”
I grinned, shaking my head. Subtle she was not. But I was learning to love her anyway, and that didn’t come easily for me. “Maybe.”
Darius (Starkis Family #5) Page 19