by J. Nichole
Not only did she lose her virginity, she has had sex with two dudes in less than a week. “Wow.” Not another single word can escape my mouth.
Tanya mumbles something into her pillow but I can’t hear her.
Staring at Tanya with a raised brow, I say, “Should you call Randy?” I chuckle, and for a brief moment, Tanya does too.
“No, I need time to think. I would rather not talk to either of them.”
Wait, her reference to Maury must mean that she doesn’t know who could be the daddy. I hope to hell she isn’t telling me that she had unprotected sex with Randy too!
I snatch Tanya’s shoulder and force her to look at me. “Tanya, are you telling me that you didn’t use a condom with Randy either?”
Tanya begins to sob. I lie across the bed with her.
“This morning, my mom told me that I could tell her anything and she would help me through it. It sounded reassuring when she said it, I just can’t disappoint her like this.” She fans her face. “For the record, I did use a condom with Randy. You sat through sex-ed like I did.” I do remember those nasty videos they showed during sex-ed, I hope I never encounter man parts like that.
I nod my head. “Right.”
“Condoms are not one-hundred percent fool proof. For now, I can only deal with myself. I do not need to get the guys involved. I need to rest from all this emotion.” She exhales. “Then I’ll decide when I will tell my parents.”
“You’ve always said you couldn’t have an abortion. But now that you’re pregnant...”
Tanya puts her hand up. “Laila, I still can’t do it.” She touches her belly. “Thank you for being here. I’m going to take a nap and call you later.”
Tanya and I hug, and then I quietly leave out of the house. On my drive home, I try to perk myself up. My mom has a sneaky way of getting information from me, but her mouth is too big for this secret.
Although I try hard to bury the thoughts, I can’t help but think about how things have suddenly changed. I may be at Lee without my best friend. This could have easily been me. I was the one who skipped my pills. Travis going to jail may have been a blessing in disguise.
When I get home, I head directly to the couch, and then I pull out my laptop, which I haven’t played with much since getting it graduation night. Messing around with the programs, a calendar notification pops up. Travis’ court date. Without a second thought, I dismiss the notification.
Opening the Pages application, a blank document appears on the screen. My hands begin to type a few letters, words, and before I know it, a full letter to Travis is on the screen.
Reading it back to myself, my eyes water.
Travis,
As your court date approaches, I think I owe it to you to at least let you know the reasons why I can’t be there to support you. The time we spent together was amazing. You slowly but surely earned my love and respect. Against what all others wanted to happen, I fell for you. Too hard. I want nothing but the best for you. No matter how much potential I saw in you, my dreams were never your dreams. At first, I was so upset about what went down the night of my graduation but now I understand that it happened for a reason. Had it not happened, I would still believe that we had potential to build something special. You’ve proven to me that my love for you far outweighed your feelings for me. As much as I want to hear you apologize and tell me you’ll change, I have to move on, I need to move on. Coming to court will only make things harder for me. I pray that you will one day realize your potential and build dreams for yourself.
Take care, Laila
I flick away each tear before it has a chance to stain my face. Shutting my laptop, I close this chapter of my life.
Chapter 9
“It’s so hard to say goodbye...” as I remember each line of the song, my face is moistened by the trail of tears falling from my eyes. I take one last look at my room before I close the door and head to the car where my parents are waiting.
My mom jumps out of the car and catches me in a full embrace, helping me into the car. “Aw baby, I didn’t think you would cry this hard.” I shake my head and dab the tears away. I can’t believe Tanya won’t be coming with me.
My mom turns around from the front seat. “How was your visit with Tanya last night?”
I sniffle, wiping my nose. I hate crying, my nose gets red and eyes all puffy. Not that elegant cry you see the actresses have in most movies. Mine is that ugly Nettie in the Color Purple cry. “It was tough. Tanya’s parents have suggested she consider adoption. She’s heartbroken because she really wants to keep the baby.” I pause for a few minutes to wipe away a few more tears. “Her emotions are on overdrive.”
“I’m sure they have good reason, Laila. Tanya is young and has the rest of her life ahead of her,” my dad says as he taps out the beat of Before I Let You Go on the steering wheel. The way he is jamming, I think he could be excited I’m leaving the house.
Staring out of the window, I take note of each landmark. Passing the school, fairgrounds, and a few restaurants, I realize Fort Walton Beach has been good to me these past eighteen years. I’m going to miss my favorite spots, especially the beach and restaurants. I wish we could drive through Destin, that route is much more scenic.
My parents are jamming in the front seat to some oldies. As much as I love these songs, I just can’t get into them right now. I read through old text messages, scrolling through my conversation with Josh.
You said you were about to lose your virginity on graduation night... was my sister still a virgin until the Wharf? Now you understand why I was so upset, it only takes one time to get pregnant. If I could have stopped her from leaving, we wouldn’t be here.
I feel bad for Josh, but I couldn’t give him the answers he wanted. My reply was short and sweet.
You have to talk to your sister.
Rolling down the window, I take in the cool breeze. I’m sure when we get to the Hill I’ll be dying from the heat and humidity. The cool breeze slowly puts me to sleep.
“Wake up, Laila, we are finally here.” My mom taps my knee. As I focus my eyes, I glance out the window and see students and parents carrying boxes and suitcases from their cars.
“Looks like this is as close as we can get. Ready to get out?” My dad parks the car. Looking back at me, he gives me a sympathetic look.
“You mean we have to hike from here to Harris Hall?”
“We?” My mom chuckles. “I’m going to leave the heavy lifting for you and your father. I’ll take a few bags and start unpacking them in your room.”
After grabbing my keys from the dorm attendants, we take the first load of boxes to my new room. The halls are painted a warm cream, each door is maroon accented with gold numbers. I don’t smell the stench that lingered at the other dorm, but there isn’t a noticeably pleasant smell either.
Room 215, home away from home. “Hurry, open the door. I’m excited to see your room!” My mom claps her hands.
I open the door and the sunshine immediately catches my eye. The windows are almost bigger than the small room, which is bare, but at least dust bunnies aren’t in the corners. “Better than the dorm from orientation.” The twin beds are separated by two wooden desks, nothing lavish.
My mom walks around touching the furniture. “After a few decorations, it will be nice. Now you and your father can go grab everything else.” She pats me on the back, scooting me out the door.
On our way out, the elevator line is down the hall. “Come on we are strong, let’s take the stairs,” my dad says, grabbing my arm.
I reluctantly drag myself along. Hopefully, the elevator will be available when we get back.
Walking back, I spot a few guys dressed in maroon shirts with Moving Guy embellished on the back. I scan the crowd and find a few cuties to help my dad with my mini fridge and a trunk full of random decorations and school supplies.
Dropping the fridge and trunk in my room, the guys ask me a few questions. “What’s your name? What’s your maj
or?” They were firing questions quicker than I could answer.
I started laughing. “My name is Laila and my major is journalism.” I ignore the other questions I missed and ask, “Moving Guys?”
“We are in a service fraternity. Freshman move-in is one of our events for the campus, but we have things throughout the year. You’ll see us around.” Before leaving out, they each shake my hand and personally welcome me to Lee.
As I walk down the hall to grab the last box from the car, I see our shuttle driver from orientation. He stops me. After staring at me for a few minutes he says, “I remember you. How’s your friend? I remember you all begging me to bring you back from the party early because she was sick,” he says nodding his head.
“Right.” I don’t want to spread Tanya’s business. “She’s good.” That’s all the info he needs to know. “How was the rest of your summer?” I hardly remember his name. How the hell did he remember Tanya was sick?
“It was good. Went by too fast, but I guess I’m glad to be back. What’s your name again?” Good, I’m not the only one bad with names.
“It’s Laila. Yours?”
“Dwayne. Dwayne Simeon. I better get something in my hand before your dorm mother kicks me out. I’ll see you around.” He smiles and waves as he hurries off.
I grab the box and head back to my room. My mom has already claimed my side of the room, next to the window. I’m sure my roommate won’t mind, besides she should have beat me here.
My mom has almost unpacked all of my boxes. I guess that’s the least she can do. My dad and I are both sitting lifeless. Our shirts stained with sweat and my hair looks like I’ve walked through the misting machine at Six Flags. The fifteen-minute walk between the dorms and the car was brutal.
“I think that’s the last thing.” My mom places a framed picture of Tanya and me on my desk. “That wasn’t too hard, even without any help from the two of you.” My mom puts her hand on her waist and shakes her head. My dad and I look at each other, then back to her.
“At least your job was in the air conditioning. You can’t complain. I don’t sweat this hard when I exercise.” My dad wipes the sweat that has dried on his forehead.
“Oh hush. I’ve worked up an appetite. Laila, what would you like for dinner?”
“I’m fine with whatever. Almost too tired to eat.” I sit back in my chair and close my eyes.
After wiping down quickly, we leave out in search for a restaurant. The dorm has settled a bit, and most of the Moving Guys are nowhere to be found. A peace has finally settled in the halls.
Driving down Pensacola Street, we find this little spot called California Chicken Grill. It doesn’t seem to have too many cars parked in front, unlike almost every other restaurant we passed. We order our food from the counter, and then find a table while we wait for our number to be called.
“I spoke with Mrs. Jones this week. I wanted to see how she was doing. I know it had to be hard for her to not be coming down here with Tanya.” Frowning, my mom looks away.
“Yeah, I’m sure that had to be hard. I certainly wish Tanya was moving in on the other side of my room.”
“Laila, whatever you do.” My mom stares in my eyes. “Please do not get pregnant in college. I’m sure Tanya’s pregnancy has been a dose of reality. She will miss out on so much.” She clears her throat. “College is such a good experience, we just want you to enjoy all of it.” My mom pauses and looks down at her hands. I try to change the subject. I’ve cried enough tears for both of us today.
“Mom, I’m going to enjoy all the experiences of college. I just hope it isn’t this hot. I may miss a few classes trying to avoid the heat.” My parents laugh.
“The heat didn’t keep me from class. But that rain, in Louisiana, you know it can be something else. I definitely stayed in when it rained,” my dad says, smiling at my mom, making her blush. I don’t even want to think about what they did while it rained.
I hadn’t considered the fact that I’d have to run across campus in the rain. Heat and rain both will keep me in the room. Hope the professors are understanding.
Driving back to campus, the closer we get, reality begins to hit me. My chest begins to ache and my eyes begin to blur. I can do this, don’t cry. I’m a college freshman now. They will only be a few hours away. I take a few long breaths in an attempt to hold back my tears.
“Laila, let’s make this quick. I don’t want to be in front of the dorms acting a fool. We will only be a few hours away if you need anything.” As if my mom read my thoughts.
Our hug feels too short, but long enough for my tears to leave an imprint on my mother’s shoulder. I quickly hug my dad and turn to walk into the dorm. One last look over my shoulder and I see my dad helping my mother into the car.
Walking to my room, I avoid making eye contact with anyone. I’d hate for anyone to think I’m a big baby, with my tear stained face. I wash my face and relax for a minute before texting Jennifer. She invites me over to meet her family. How rude of me. I should have texted her earlier and we all could have done introductions.
Jennifer’s door is open, but I knock before just walking in. “Hey Laila. C’mon in. Meet my people!”
I immediately spot a woman who appears to be her mother, from whom Jennifer gets all of her looks. Her mother is cocoa brown with not a wrinkle in sight. Her jet-black hair is teased into spikes, exposing her small neck.
On Jennifer’s bed are two miniature versions of herself, only one is a boy. I turn to look at the father, who must have weak genes. Unlike the rest of the family, he has an espresso complexion and age hasn’t been as kind to him. His hair is salt and pepper and the wrinkles on his skin are like a road map.
Jennifer walks over to me and gives me a huge hug. “Let me introduce you to my family.” As she points to each person, they wave and smile.
“Nice to meet you all. Are you all getting settled okay in all this heat?” They all laugh, and Jennifer reminds me she is from Texas and this heat isn’t too bad but the humidity is nothing to joke about.
Both beds are made up and there are pictures hanging on both sides of the room. “Where is your roommate?”
Jennifer looks over at the other bed and shrugs. “I’m not sure, actually. When I got here earlier today, I saw there was stuff already unpacked but she wasn’t in the room. She left a cute little note letting me know she would be back on Sunday, and her name is Nicole.”
“At least you know you have a roommate. I haven’t seen anyone yet so I may be solo.” I grin. “Which would be cool with me.”
“Good for me too. If I get tired of my roommate, I’ll escape to your room.”
I glance at Nicole’s pictures. “I wonder where she could be.”
Jennifer’s mom chimes in, “Maybe at the hotel with her folks. Are your parents still here? I’d love to meet them.”
“No ma’am, they headed back already.” My eyes begin to burn as tears start forming. I turn away to shake them away before they can escape.
“We will be here until Sunday, if you need anything just let Jennifer know.”
“Thank you.” I smile at Jennifer’s mom as I stand to leave. “I’m going to call it a night. It was really nice meeting you all.”
Jennifer walks me a few steps to the door. “I’ll text you later.”
Walking into my room, I’m thinking I’ll be greeted by a stranger. But still no roommate. Better for me, I enjoy my alone time.
I call Tanya, and the phone only rings a couple of times before she picks up. “Laila! I miss you already. How is your dorm room? How’s your roommate?” Tanya sounds excited to hear from me.
“Oh Tanya, I miss you too. I’m so sad you aren’t here unpacking your stuff. I actually don’t have a roommate yet. I’m thinking I may not have one. The dorm is much better than where we stayed during orientation. The real question is, how are you, missy? How are you feeling?”
“I actually feel normal, outside of this nausea. I think I have more stress from the d
ecisions I need to make and how quickly I need to make them. My parents said they would support me if I decide to keep the baby, but I’d need to get a job. You know it has always been my intention to go to school. I just feel if I keep the baby and get a job, I won’t have time for school.”
“You have a wonderful support team though. Have you talked to either of the guys yet?”
“Randy should be up on the Hill with you. He called yesterday. I had to ignore the call though. I’m not sure how I could explain that I’m not going to be at school this semester. As for Devon, he still hasn’t apologized for how he treated me after we had sex, and we’ve only spoken briefly a few times. I’m so hurt, Laila.”
“Shit, thanks for reminding me about Randy. I’ll try my hardest to avoid him on campus. I’d rather not explain why you aren’t around. As for Devon, I’m sure you are extra emotional right now and it’s probably best that you decide things on your own before involving anyone else. I’d hate for you to make a decision based on someone else’s feelings.”
Tanya sighs. “Enough about my issues. Why are you in the room this early, can’t hang?” She laughs.
“This Tallahassee heat is no joke. We couldn’t park near the dorms to unload the car, so we had to hike from down the street with our boxes. I’m drained.”
“Damn, I’m sure you are worn out. I’ll let you get some rest. Call me tomorrow.”
“Talk to you later.”
I lie down and shut my eyes, quickly dozing off.
He whispers in my ear, “Spread your legs a little further.” His hand glides across my thigh as his teeth tug at my nipple. A low moan escapes my throat. My arms are wrapped around his neck. I spread my legs and the moisture is almost dripping down my thigh. I can sense the grin on his face as his hand explores...
My phone vibrates and awakens me from my dream. I move my hand from between my thighs. Damn my panties are soaking wet. That dream had me hot and heavy and I couldn’t even see the guy’s face.