by J. Nichole
I take a deep breath. "I can't imagine how the other freshmen feel right now. A horrible way to start off their college experience."
The mayor of Tallahassee is on the loud speaker, as a former L.U. graduate he empathizes with us. He describes the marches he participated in while he was in school. He confirms none were ever as important as ours today.
Jason squeezes my shoulder and says, "What do you think they were marching about when he was in school?"
My phone vibrates and I look to see who is calling, and it's Josh. The crowd is too noisy for me to hear anything. The phone stops ringing and a text displays.
Josh: How's the march going?
Laila: It's tough. Ready to get home and unwind.
Josh: Alright. Let's go.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and jump. Jason looks down at me with his eyebrow cocked. "You alright?" I nod my head and then turn around.
"Josh?" A smile spreads across his face and then he looks at Jason's arm around my shoulder.
"Thought you could use a break from all of this." He looks me in the eyes then shakes his head. "Maybe I should have told you before making that drive here. Then finding you in the crowd."
Jason looks between the two of us and then says, "Oh shit, sorry man." He moves his arm from around my shoulder and reaches out to shake Josh's hand. "I'm Jason. We have a class together."
Josh shakes his hand and introduces himself. I turn to Jason and say, "I'll see you in class." Jason opens his mouth to say something but closes it and waves as I walk out of the crowd. "This is truly a surprise." I turn to Josh and he wraps me in his arms.
"When I spoke to you earlier I just wanted to be able to see you and make sure you were okay." He kisses the top of my head. "Sorry to just pop up on you."
"I appreciate it. Driving over two hours to check on me." I squeeze him tight. "Wanna give me a ride?" He nods his head. "Let me tell Monica I'll meet her at the apartment." He follows closely behind me.
Jennifer and Nicole are still on the couch where we left them when I walk through the door. When they realize I'm not with Monica they straighten up. Nicole pats her hair down and looks at me with her eyebrows scrunched.
Josh sits on the chair beside them and asks, "How are you two?" I stand with my hands crossed over my chest and lean against the kitchen table.
Nicole looks at Josh and says, "Doing better now." She turns to me and says, "But I think Laila has the right idea."
"What?" I laugh at Nicole and cock my head to wait for her to respond.
"Getting dicked down will distract you from the crazy events of the day." She grabs her phone and walks towards her room, whispering, "Who can I call?" Her bench of ready and willing fuck buddies is always full, and I'm sure she won't have a problem finding someone to keep her busy.
Jennifer stands and says, "Guess that's my cue to go to my room."
Josh throws his arms in the air and says, "I didn't mean to scare everyone away." He pats his leg and calls me over to him. "Come sit with me?" I position myself on his lap and lean against his shoulder. "Nicole has the right idea." He kisses me behind my ear. "Is there anything I can do to occupy your mind?" Moisture pools between my legs and my thighs begin to shake.
I take him by the hand and guide him to my room. After shutting the door I say, "What were you thinking?" I wrap my arms around his neck and look into his hazel eyes.
He looks around my room, gazing over my head at my bed with the covers sliding off the side and my pillows thrown onto the floor. "Did you rush out of the house today?" Josh has never been in my personal space, and today it looks as though it imploded.
"Something like that." I reach down and grab a pillow off the floor throw it on the bed and lie back. I wiggle my eyebrows at him, with my lips puckered up. "Tell me again what you can do to de-stress me?"
He leans down and unlaces my shoes, throwing each one across the room. "I imagined you'd have a clean room. Everything in its place." He massages my foot and works up to my thigh.
"Usually it's fairly clean." I close my eyes as his hand lands between my thighs and eases into my panties. Rubbing circles over my clit my heels dig deep into the mattress and I scoot across the bed. Josh encircles my calf with his free hand and stills my movement. He crawls over me and kisses my neck.
"No biggie." He covers my mouth with his and darts his tongue into my mouth. "We would've made a mess of it anyway," he says before kissing me again. He turns onto his back and pulls me on top of him. "Is this okay?" I moan in response. He reaches into his pocket and I hear the crinkle of plastic.
I pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the floor, and Josh pulls my pants down over my hips. I toe them off and kick them to the floor. I climb off of him as he pulls his clothes off. He's gained a little weight since he graduated but his abs are still intact. He catches me staring at him and flexes his pecks.
His eyes skim my body from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, and then he lies on top of me. His manhood brushes against my clit and I grab his face for a kiss. He dodges my lips and slips down my body, kissing between my legs instead. He stays there until my body begins to quiver and I can no longer sustain the anticipation of the climax. I dig my nails into his back and moan out in release when I finally come. "That moan alone almost sucked everything out of me."
My body relaxes into the bed and he positions himself above me. He lowers himself down with his manhood hovering between my legs. He makes eye contact before inching himself inside of me. When he can't go any further he grunts. Then he moves in and out, in and out, until we are both panting. He wraps his arm around my waist, flips over, and mounts me on top of him.
My hips rock back and forth into a steady rhythm. Josh rubs circles into my lower back and I lean in to kiss him. He thrusts into me and I moan into his mouth. My mind goes numb and my body jerks. I drop my head onto his shoulder and he rolls us onto our sides. "How are you feeling?"
"Great." He rubs my ear between his fingers. "I could take a nap."
"Let's do it." He pulls my blanket off the floor and covers us both. "I have a few hours before I need to head home." I scoot against him while he wraps me in his arms.
A knock at the door wakes me, but Josh doesn't move. I'm still cradled in his arms as he sleeps, breathing deeply. I move his arm and crack the door open.
Nicole looks at me and shakes her head. "Come out for a minute," she whispers.
Chapter Fourteen
I look back at Josh with his eyes closed tight, and then I grab my shirt and throw it over my head. I close the door behind me and say, "What's up?"
Nicole looks at my shirt then says, "Maybe grab some bottoms." She looks towards the front door. When I don't move she waves her hands at me. "Like now."
After I pull on my shorts I tell Nicole, "Alright, what's your issue?" Nicole looks between the front door and my bedroom door. "Nicole, what the hell? You're acting crazy."
"Chris is here." She looks at the front door. "I told him to wait outside." My eyes bulge and I put my hand over my chest to still my fast heartbeat.
"What the fuck?" I close my eyes and pray that Josh is still asleep. "But why is he here?"
Nicole shrugs her shoulders and points towards the door. "Ask him."
I walk to the door and open it. Chris isn't standing in front of the door. I step out and look at the stairs. Chris is walking down the stairs. I try to say his name but the only thing that I can do is clear my throat. He turns around and a smile crosses his face and he hurries back up the steps. When he reaches me I say, "What are you doing here?"
He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I planned on coming next weekend, but with everything going on I wanted to be here sooner."
I look at him with my eyes squinted. "Everything going on?" He convinces me that he couldn't stay away while everyone is here protesting on Jace's behalf. I lean against the door and say, "That explains why you are in Tallahassee. But why are you here?"
He shifts from his right to left f
oot, and back left to right. "I owe you an apology, an explanation."
I shake my head and say, "It's not a good time." Chris reaches out for me and puts his hand on my arm. I move my arm away from him as the door opens. Josh looks between the two of us and says, "Are you okay?"
Nicole pulls the door open and looks around Josh. "Sorry," she mouths to me then stares at Chris.
Chris looks at me and says, "My bad, Nicole didn't tell me you were busy." We all look at Nicole and she hunches her shoulders. "I'll be at the frat house." His mouth downturned, he clears his throat and says, "Come by when you're free?"
I don't respond, and my feet can't move. I'm forced to watch him walk away, back down the stairs out of sight. I stand thinking about what I would've said a few months ago if he showed up on my doorstep. I would like to think I would have cursed him out for showing up, for dragging my heart through hell again at the sight of him, for acting concerned, when before, he showed little compassion for my feelings. But I'm here. Speechless.
"Laila..." Both Josh and Nicole are screaming trying to get my attention. I turn to look at them but before my tears can form streams, I walk into Josh's arms and allow him to take me into the apartment. As we walk back into my room Nicole asks if I'm okay, and just like I ignored Chris, I let her question float in the air.
"I didn't know he would show up here." I look down at my hands. "Today is full of surprises."
Josh grabs my chin and looks me in the eyes. "Laila, I came here because I was concerned about you." He kisses my forehead. "I'm sure he means well too." He sighs. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his lips.
He backs away and takes a seat on my bed. He clears the pillows from beside him and grabs my hand, easing me down beside him. "You know I want you." He licks his lips. "Bad." He traces a circle over my chest. "But I'm willing to wait until you know, without a doubt, you want me too."
My heart aches where his imaginary circle lies. As much as I want to give into my mind and test out being serious with Josh, my heart walked away with Chris. I grab his hand and nod. His eyes close and he leans his forehead against mine. Neither of us moves, not another word is spoken.
Josh stands up and grabs the door handle, and when the door opens he says, "When you're ready, call me." I hear Nicole speak to him before he leaves.
She knocks on my door, although it's wide open. "Laila, I didn't know what to do. It was like I was waiting for the cameras to flash on like it was an episode of the worst plotted reality show."
I laugh and look at her sideways. "Well if we had to boot someone out of the house it would be you. Why wouldn't you just tell him I wasn't home?"
She taps her chin and squints, "Guess I could have said that." She looks away. "Are you okay? Josh didn't seem excited when he left."
Nicole is still lingering in the doorway, and I look around the room at my pillows and comforter sprawled out amongst the piles of books on the floor. "I feel how my room looks right now."
Nicole looks around, taking inventory of the mayhem and says, "What's next?"
"Before Chris came today, I was convinced that I wanted to be with Josh. Driving here to check on me." Nicole puts her hands on her hips. "That was comforting." She cocks her eyebrow at me. "And a panty dropper." She laughs.
"And then Chris shows up, and your panties are already dropped." She looks at my panties on the floor. "Literally."
I palm my face. "When he called a few weeks ago I wanted to be mad. I didn't want feelings to be there still. Seeing him today confirmed that the feelings are still there, but I won't let myself get wrapped up in his bullshit."
"You don't know it's bullshit until you let him explain, right?" She cocks her head. "He may have a good reason for everything that's happened."
"Or maybe I should just stay single." Peeping through my fingers I continue, "The two of them are complicated."
Nicole sucks her teeth. "And give up that dick?" We both laugh. "But really. Go catch up with Chris before he leaves town." I nod and stand up. "Go clean your ass and get out of here." I glance at myself in the mirror and go into the bathroom for a shower.
Cars line the street in front of the frat house, and guys fill the yard. Instead of walking into the lion's den I call Chris to summons him outside. When he doesn't answer I scan the crowd of guys. I don't remember the last time I was lurking outside of the frat house. Since our breakup I've avoided the area entirely. I call Chris again, and still no answer. I look across the yard one last time before I start to pull out of my parking spot. Before I drive off I hear a knock on my passenger window. I push on the brake and look to my right, and see Jason laughing.
I roll down the window and ask, "What the hell?"
He raises his brows at me. "What the hell to me? I was going to ask you the same thing." He tries to open the door then throws his hands in the air when the door doesn't open. "Let me in."
I unlock the doors and he sits beside me. "I was trying to get out of here before anyone noticed me." I look at him and roll my eyes. "I should have known you would have been here."
"I saw Chris earlier. Are you looking for him?" I nod my head. "He told me to look out for you, and let you know he's at Lake Ella. Meet him there." I look down at my phone and Jason responds, "He only wants to talk in person." He pats my hand and steps out of the car.
Last time Chris and I were at Lake Ella it was after Professor Douglas passed away and I escaped there to clear my mind. He hurried to my side to help while I was grieving. It's the last place I want to be with him, too many raw emotions. My heart wins the battle with my mind and I drive towards Lake Ella. Something deep inside wants to know why Chris ended things.
Lake Ella is less saturated than the frat house, and the heat has cooled down since earlier at the march. When I park, I see Chris sitting on a park bench looking out at the lake. I walk towards him, and each footstep feels like it's rooted in cement. What should have been a short distance from my car seems like I walked a few laps around the lake.
I sit beside him but keep space between us. He looks at me and the smile he had earlier when he saw me doesn't return. Instead his face is grief stricken with a straight line replacing his grin.
"Every city should have a lake like this." A family strolls by us and a little girl laughs as ducks splash in the water. "I've only been here for a few minutes and I feel like some of my troubles are lifted." He emphasizes the word some. "I knew seeing you with someone else would tear me apart, but it hurts worse than I ever could imagine." He glances at me then back at the lake. "But maybe because it's Josh."
"But why?" I turn on the bench to face him with my arms crossed over my chest. "If I remember correctly, you broke up with me." I chuckle to myself. "With no explanation."
He looks at me, and his eyes focus onto mine. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But it was necessary. Courtney was sending me threats, and I realized the only way to protect you was for her to think I was over you." Courtney, his deranged ex, would do anything to be back in his life. But I stood in between her and him, and of course she saw me as the problem.
He grabs my hand. "I'm sorry. If there had been any other way I would have done it. The only way I thought I could protect you was to break up with you." My anger begins to boil and I snatch my hand out of his grip.
"You could have told me, and we could have figured something out together." I jab my finger into his chest and say, "You let her stand between us, and let me think our relationship suddenly hit the brakes."
Chris looks around at the people passing and tries to calm me down. Instead of lowering my voice, my anger causes me to speak louder. "Why even tell me now?" The little girl and her parents make their second lap around the lake. The little girl isn't giggling anymore. She looks at me and waves. I wave and watch her as she walks away.
"Laila, it's the last thing I wanted to do. If there were anything else I could have done I would have done it." He looks down. "If losing you to someone else was the worst thing that came of a
ll of this it's better than any harm being done to you."
I turn away and find the little girl has made it to the other side of the lake. Chris places his hand on my knee, and I flinch. "You didn't answer my question." I move his hand from my knee. "Why are you telling me now?"
We turn and face each other. He rubs his chin and says, with a slight smile, "Courtney can't bother you anymore. Her parents will be sure you never have to worry about her." I raise my brows at him. "We'll leave those details for another day."
“Another day? She was such a threat before and I’m supposed to trust her parents who brought her into this world will protect me from her.”
Chris takes a deep breath. “I know it sounds crazy, but when everything went down I had to involve my mom. She told me she would help but I immediately needed to protect you.” Last year, Courtney pulled a knife on Chris and was arrested but somehow the details of the knife were lost and she was released back into the wild. “My mom was worried that things would escalate before she could help.”
“Your mom agreed that breaking up with me was a good option?” I look away from him because although I asked I’d rather not know how his mom was involved with my heartbreak.
“Not exactly. But when I did she did what she could to locate Courtney’s parents.”
“And it took months for them to intervene?”
“No, but it did take her some time to find them, and then once she found them they understood what was going on but they couldn’t find Courtney.”
Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I ask, “How can they guarantee she won’t be back?”
“During all of this my mom got the police of Tennessee involved and a restraining order was filed. Nothing is guaranteed, but they’ve agreed to keep tabs on her until she is better.”
“Better? Like she’s legit crazy?”
“Possibly. They checked her into a facility to get help.”
The events of the day are taking a toll on me and my shoulders slump as I sit back on the bench. Looking at Chris I ask, "Did you think out your plan? This explanation doesn’t just wipe away the months that we’ve been apart.” I look him in the eye and say, “Are we supposed to pick up where we left off?" I shake my head at Chris. "You just stroll back into my life and I’m supposed to drop what I’m doing and fall back into our relationship?"