by Gail Hart
“He knew who I am and what I am when he married me. He won’t try to change me.” At least she hoped not. Although Steve had asked one or two pointed questions about whether she planned to adjust her schedule once the baby came... No, why look for trouble? She shoved the thought to the back of her mind.
Brubaker leaned forward. “This discussion will be academic if things don’t go well in San Diego next week. The promise to name you as my successor was contingent on your winning the new Navy contract.”
She jutted her chin forward. “Our technical and pricing proposals are both superior. Consider it a done deal.”
“We’ll see.” He rose and let himself out of her office.
Well, at least that was over. Kathryn grabbed her briefcase and purse, glad that she’d arranged to meet Amanda at Gallagher’s after work. This would be her last chance to socialize for a while. With her make-or-break presentation to the Navy only a week away, no doubt she’d be in the office until nine or ten at night for the rest of the week.
Kathryn stepped into her outer office. Janelle had left for the day, but a new pink phone message slip waited on the desk blotter. Someone must have called while Brubaker was in her office. She grabbed the paper, and felt a painful tightening in her chest as she read.
Jeff Cameron called. Will be in San Diego representing client at Navy formal discussions. Wants to meet for drinks.
* * *
Amanda was waiting for Kathryn in Gallagher’s, perched on a barstool. She squinted at her friend. “You look like hell.”
Kathryn plopped her briefcase onto the floor and her rear end onto the stool next to Amanda’s. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I couldn’t have fit much more suckage into one day if I tried, and the sad part is, I can’t even get drunk.” She shook her head. “What I wouldn’t give for a glass of wine.”
“I ordered you a ginger ale. What’s up?”
“Well, for starters, Jeff is making a competing presentation in San Diego.” Kathryn handed her friend the toxic slip of pink paper.
Amanda glanced at the message and then at Kathryn’s face, her expression confused. “Does this surprise you?”
“Not particularly. I know he has clients in the same field as B&W.”
“But it bothers you.”
Kathryn shrugged. “There’s no reason it should. We’re both with other people now.
“But it does.”
“Yes. I need to stay focused on the task at hand. Being around him and all the bad memories he dredges up may be a distraction.”
“With any luck you won’t run into him. It’s not like you’re going to accept his drink invitation, right?”
Kathryn felt the color rise on her cheeks. “I have to. Otherwise he’ll know he gets to me, and that will give him an edge. It’s all gamesmanship.”
Amanda frowned. “Meeting him sounds like bad karma. What happened to ‘we’re both with other people now’?”
“This is just business.”
Amanda looked as though she wanted to say more, but instead changed the subject. “So what else happened today?”
“Brubaker found out I’m pregnant.”
“How did he take it?”
“About as well as could be expected, which is to say, not very well. First he made it clear he was disappointed in me, and then he questioned whether I’d stay with the company after I have the baby. Which of course is illegal, but I couldn’t say anything. I’m going to have to work twice as hard to prove I haven’t jumped onto the mommy track.”
Amanda looked thoughtful. “B&W isn’t a nurturing environment. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you’re trying to do too much?”
“Don’t you start in on me. I love my job. I love the validation I get from people recognizing me for my accomplishments, and from taking a tough problem and finding a solution.”
“No one wants you to stop being who you are. But you don’t love the office politics, so give that up.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. You’re the problem solver, you figure it out.”
“I suppose in an ideal world, I’d like to be an independent contractor to B&W rather than an employee. Work from home and send in my reports from my laptop and go back to breastfeeding my baby. Let someone else take care of billing and keeping the staff in line and schmoozing the clients.” She shook her head. ”But I’d miss the people at B&W.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow. “You’d miss Bruce Whitley?”
“Okay, maybe not Bruce, but Marty. Sure, he was a pain in the posterior today, but over the years I’ve learned a lot from him.”
“Marty took you under his wing when you were just starting out in the business world. He’s been a substitute father to you. I get that. But he’s leaving.”
“And Janelle. She’s like a little sister to me.”
“She’s also very talented, and eventually she’ll take what you’ve taught her and move on to another job, in or out of B&W. She won’t be your assistant forever.”
“If I left, people would think I couldn’t handle both the job and a baby.”
“So you’re willing to make yourself miserable instead? You care that much what other people think?”
“You know I do. I need other people’s approval to feel good about myself.”
As she heard the words come out of her mouth, she did a double take. “Wow. I’ve never said that out loud before. I’m not sure I’ve even said it to myself.”
Amanda laid her hand on Kathryn’s in a gesture of comfort. “I approve of you. Your husband approves of you. And a lot of other people will approve of you, hell, even admire you for doing what you want to do, instead of what some corporate culture says you should do.”
“Nearly my whole adult life, my long-term goal has been to run B&W. How can I change my plan now, when I’m so close to achieving that goal?”
“It’s never too late to change your destiny, if you have the nerve.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Honey, I’m home,” Steve called out in a piss-poor Ricky Ricardo imitation as he burst through the front door of the condo that still felt more like Katie’s place than like home. He’d been pleasantly surprised to see her Corvette in its parking spot at only six in the evening. During the week since they’d returned from visiting their parents, her routine had been to stumble in close to midnight, grunt at him, and go straight to bed. He knew this was a crucial time for Katie at work, but damn it, he was lonely.
“I need to pack, and I thought we should have dinner together tonight, since I won’t be here tomorrow,” she answered from her seat on the couch. The dark circles under her eyes, as well as her subdued tone, revealed her physical exhaustion. It hurt to see her looking so worn out.
“Yes. You’ll be gone for the first Valentine’s Day since we got together, and for my squadron party on Thursday.”
She frowned. “I had no control over the timing of this trip.”
“I know, baby. I’m just saying.” He sat down next to her and draped an arm across her shoulders. “I wouldn’t have gone out with Murph after work if I’d known you were home.”
She let out a small sigh. “I should have talked to you about my plans, but talking isn’t our best event.”
“It sure hasn’t been this week.” He knew he shouldn’t go there, but somehow he couldn’t help himself. “You’re working too hard. I wish you’d take better care of yourself.”
She grew rigid in his arms. “I’m not doing anything that could hurt the baby.”
He grabbed both of her shoulders and rested his cheek against hers. “I’m not just worried about the baby. I’m worried about you too. I love you, Katie.”
“I know, sweetie.”
Steve’s jaw tightened. Why couldn’t she say those words, I love you? She probably would if he asked her to, but the words wouldn’t mean jack if he had to beg. He began giving her a massage, his thumbs kneading her knotted shoulder muscles.
She slumped into him and he felt s
ome of the tension leave her body. “Mmm, that feels good.”
“There’s plenty more where that came from.” He redoubled his efforts. Her shoulders were painfully tight. Hopefully this would help her to relax.
The phone rang and Katie groaned. “Don’t you dare stop,” she whimpered. “Let the answering machine get it.
“No problem.” His fingers dug deeper into her muscles as Katie’s voice instructed the caller about waiting for the beep, yada yada yada.
Then a man’s voice came through the speaker. “Hi, Kit Kat, it’s Jeff. Got your message through Jan. I’ll see you in the hotel bar at eight tomorrow night. Looking forward to it.”
Pain slammed into Steve’s chest, and he dropped his hands from Katie’s shoulders as if he’d touched the third rail of the subway. He tried not to yell but didn’t totally succeed. “Jeff, your ex-lover?”
At least she had the decency to blush. She let her gaze meet his. “No, Jeff a business associate who I just happen to have dated a long time ago.”
“He called you Kit Kat.”
“An old nickname. I’m sure he used it out of habit.”
“Is he planning to go back to any other old habits? You’re meeting him in a bar.”
“In a public place. Other people who’re in town on the same Navy business will probably drop by too.”
“But you weren’t going to mention this meeting to me.”
“Because it’s not important.”
His pulse pounded in his ears. “It’s not important that you’re spending Valentine’s Day with him instead of me?”
She reached out a hand and touched his arm, but he jerked away from her. Her voice took on a pleading quality. “I’m spending part of a Tuesday night with him. We’ve both moved on. I swear, it has no emotional significance. It’s just business.”
All this time he’d assumed Katie loved him and was committed to him but was just too scared to admit it. Maybe he’d been fooling himself. Maybe she was still in love with her ex. All he knew for sure was that if he didn’t get out of the condo right now, he was going to lose it big time. He bolted off the couch. “I’m going to watch Monday night football with the guys. Don’t wait up. I’m sleeping on the couch.”
* * *
Despite the fact that her seat was in first class, Kathryn couldn’t get comfortable in the Boeing 757. Her body wanted to shut down and get some well earned rest, but her mind wouldn’t cooperate.
She pictured Martin Brubaker asking if a nanny would raise her child. She pictured Sandy Tyler hugging her and telling her she didn’t need to be embarrassed. She pictured Steve’s face lit up with joy on their wedding night—and then in ugly contrast, twisted in pain as he listened to Jeff’s voice on their answering machine. He hadn’t returned to the condo that night, or answered his cell phone since.
She’d screwed up. She couldn’t blame Steve for doubting her when she’d given so many signs her commitment to him was as thin as the paper their marriage license was printed on. She’d avoided meeting his co-workers. She’d acted as if her job mattered more to her than he did. And worst of all, she hadn’t told him what she now knew beyond any doubt—that she loved him.
She’d wanted to protect her heart. Somewhere inside she’d believed that if she pretended her feelings for Steve were about lust, or about duty, she wouldn’t get hurt. But she’d been a fool. The ache in her chest now was so intense it was physical. She had to find a way to make things right.
Why did happiness have to be so hard? There had to be a way to keep her career on track without jeopardizing her new family. Maybe Amanda was right, maybe it was time to think outside the box. Once the pilot announced that it was safe to use electronic devices, she took out her cell phone and made a series of calls, FAA regulations be damned. Then, her shoulders set in determination, she took out her laptop and opened a spreadsheet.
* * *
The flight from Dulles to San Diego and the cab ride to the nondescript business hotel were uneventful. In her hotel room, as she showered and dressed to meet the wrong man, Kathryn considered calling Steve again, but decided against it. She didn’t want to risk being banished to voicemail again, or worse, hearing anger and disappointment in his voice. Better to let him call when he was ready.
Walking into the hotel restaurant, she heard her name called out from a nearby table. “Kathryn St. John. Of all the gin joints in all the world, you had to walk into this one.”
She turned to see the smiling face of Jeff Cameron. Except his expression wasn’t really a smile. It was more like a superior smirk. Funny, she’d never noticed how phony his smile was when they’d been a couple.
Kathryn’s heart didn’t start pounding, and not so much as a single butterfly took wing in her stomach. All she thought was that she’d rather sit at the bar, where it was less private. Jeff still looked GQ perfect in his Armani suit and his monochromatic tailored shirt and silk tie, but the package no longer seemed appealing. And was she imagining things, or was that a touch of gray at his temples?
Kathryn made her way to his table and sat down in the chair next to his. “Nice to see you again.” She kept her voice uninflected, not bothering to fake enthusiasm. “By the way, I’m Kathryn Tyler now. I got married.”
“So I heard.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Rumor has it you have socks older than your husband.”
Who was Jeff to judge her, when his wife was several years younger than Steve? Kathryn would have loved to smack him, but she wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of a violent reaction. “Having a younger spouse helps a person stay young. You know all about that.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I assume you’re representing the incumbent contractor in the discussions tomorrow?”
“That’s right.”
Kathryn noticed a faint tightness around his mouth. He was worried. Whereas Kathryn had total confidence in both the written proposal in her briefcase, and the explanatory PowerPoint presentation on her laptop. She didn’t need to hire a mouthpiece to deliver B&W’s presentation. This was her time; she could feel it. She pinned him down with the Ice Queen stare. “Your client is toast.”
“You’ve never lacked self-confidence. We’ll see if you’re as good as you think you are when the winner is announced.” Jeff’s face wore the expression she recognized as the one he adopted when he was trying to fake out an opponent.
As if he could fake out the woman who’d spent a decade as his lover. She shrugged. “Hear me now, believe me later.”
“Same old Kathryn. Your eyes sparkle when you talk business. I’ve missed that.”
Without warning, he leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. Hard.
She drew back as if she’d been stung by a sea nettle. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
He didn’t have the grace to look ashamed. “Don’t be that way. Come up to my room for a nightcap. For old times’ sake.”
“You must be joking. I’m married. You’re married.”
“And we’re on the road, so why not have a little harmless fun? What our trophy spouses don’t know won’t hurt them.”
Steve had been wrong about Kathryn’s intentions, but he’d understood Jeff’s perfectly. She shook her head, wondering what she’d ever seen in this jerk. “How could I have been with you for so long without realizing you had so little character? I respect my husband too much to cheat on him.”
Jeff held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Sorry. I got caught up in old feelings, and I thought maybe you felt the same way. After all, you agreed to meet me tonight.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. This is just business. I’ve moved on. I’m someone else’s wife and about to be a mother.”
His eyes widened. “So it’s true. I heard a rumor you were knocked up, but I didn’t believe it. You never wanted a baby when we were together.”
“Not so. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a baby; it was just that I didn’t want one with you.” Not entirely true, but she wasn’t under oath.
/> The look on his face told her she’d scored a direct hit. He was mad and hurt and amazed all at once. Though he recovered quickly and tucked his feelings back behind a mask of smugness and superiority. “I’m sorry I offended you. I’ll make it up to you by buying you dinner tomorrow night. Absolutely no funny stuff, I promise.”
“I have zero interest in spending any more time with you. Besides, I’ll be leaving for the airport the minute my presentation is over. I have a plane to catch.”
Jeff frowned. “By the time we finish, it’ll be too late to make it onto any of the commercial flights for the east coast.”
“I chartered a private plane.”
“That will cost an arm and a leg. Why would you want to spend so much money to get home one day earlier?”
“So I can attend my husband’s office function. I want him to see how important he is to me.”
“Damn. You always did go to extremes. I hope this guy knows how lucky he is to have you.”
Kathryn stuck her chin forward. “If he doesn’t know yet, he will.”
* * *
A neon Budweiser sign flashed from the wall as Steve sat in a sports bar a few blocks from the main gate of the base, nursing a beer. God, this place was a dump. Definitely not where he wanted to spend Valentine’s Day. On the big screen, the Wizards were getting their butts kicked by the Spurs. Tough night all around.
“Hey, dude,” a voice called from behind him. He turned and saw Murph. “Didn’t expect to see you here tonight. Where’s your old lady?”
“In San Diego on business.”
“Lucky break. With the old ball and chain out of town, you don’t have to spring for flowers and candy and all that romantic crap women expect on Valentine’s Day. ‘Course you won’t get any action either.”
“No joke.” Steve slugged down the last of his beer and thumped the empty glass on the bar.
“Ready for another?” Murph asked.
He didn’t want to get wasted with the guys. He wanted to go home. But what would be the point? Katie wasn’t there. And it didn’t seem like she missed him. He’d expected her to call and apologize, but his cell phone was as silent as a morgue. He shrugged. “Hell, why not.”