by Maria Duffy
He let himself in to his mobile home and threw his keys on the table. He quickly undressed and hopped into the tiny shower. As the water sluiced over his body, he thought about Laura and wondered how she was. He hoped she was okay. She’d been very upset at their break-up and he’d felt awful letting her down like that. But he knew she wasn’t the right woman for him. He was a bit of a romantic really and felt that there was someone for everyone in the world. He knew that his soulmate was out there somewhere and he looked forward to meeting her one day. He still had some things he wanted to do with his life but one thing was for sure – his ultimate dream was to find love.
* * *
‘Come on in, love,’ said Jan, opening the door wide. ‘I’ve put the kettle on and I have a batch of scones just out of the oven.’
Donna hugged the other woman tightly. ‘Thanks, Jan. You’re a life-saver. I just needed to get out of that house.’
Jan led the way into the kitchen where the heat from the stove and the waft of baking made it the most inviting place you could imagine. Not for the first time, Donna imagined what it would have been like to grow up in a house like this, with a mother like Jan. Her life would have been so much different to the one she lived now.
‘Right, here we go.’ Jan placed a teapot on the table, followed by a large plate of warm scones. ‘Dig in and, when you’re ready, you can tell me what happened.’
‘Any of those for me?’ Jan’s son, Bob, appeared at the door, bringing a waft of pungent aftershave with him.
Jan smiled and Donna noticed how her face lit up at the sight of her son. ‘When have you ever known me not to have enough cake? Come on, sit yourself down. There’s plenty to go around.’
‘Sorry, Ma. I’ve got to fly. I’m meeting the lads in town and I’m already late. I’ll just take one of those on the run.’ He reached over and grabbed one and flashed Donna a huge white smile. ‘Hiya, Donna. I’m glad you’re here. You might be able to stop Ma from baking any more. My stomach is expanding by the minute.’
Donna glanced at his washboard stomach that could be seen through his thin white T-shirt and involuntarily sucked her own in. ‘You could never be fat, Bob. Just like your ma could never stop baking. Have a good night.’
‘He’s a pet, isn’t he?’ said Jan, when the front door had slammed behind her son. ‘And he’s so good to me and his dad.’
‘You’re very lucky with him alright,’ Donna agreed. ‘And I’m surprised he doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s so handsome.’
Jan stared at Donna for a moment. ‘Handsome? Do you think so? It’s funny, I’ve never really thought about it before because of the age gap but four years isn’t much really, when you think about it.’
‘Four years for what?’ Donna was confused.
‘Between you two. There’s a four-year age gap. Bob is twenty-seven.’
Realisation suddenly dawned on Donna. ‘No way! You can get that out of your head once and for all.’
Jan’s face dropped. ‘What? What’s wrong with him?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with him, Jan, but it’s just … it’s just …’ She couldn’t really think of an answer. Bob was gorgeous. He was polite, kind and he loved his mammy, which was always a good thing. But she’d honestly never thought of him in that way.
‘Well?’ Jan was still waiting for an answer.
‘It’s just he’s more like a brother to me. And I’m sure he doesn’t think of me in that way either.’
Jan sighed. ‘It was just a thought. I’d love to see him settled and happy.’
‘But he is settled and happy. He’ll find someone one day but for now, it looks like he’s perfectly happy to be here with you and Chris.’
‘Thanks for saying that, love. You know he’s the apple of my eye, that one. I’d do anything for him. Now enough about me and my family. Tell me what’s been happening at home that made you want to get out.’
They chatted for a while in the kitchen before bringing a fresh pot of tea into the sitting room where Jan’s husband, Chris, had lit a blazing fire. Chris was a lovely, quiet man and adored Jan. When he’d realised the two women were deep in conversation, he’d told them he was having an early night and they could have the sitting room to themselves. Bob was very lucky to have two such wonderful parents.
The time passed quickly as Donna poured her heart out to Jan. Jan was a brilliant listener and seemed to know when the time was right to give her opinion and when to just nod in agreement.
‘No family is perfect, love. And I can tell you that from experience.’
Jan never spoke about her own family and Donna never asked, but now seemed like the right time. ‘Whatever happened between you and your brother, Jan? I mean, tell me to mind my own business if you like, but you said you had just one brother, is that right?’
Jan nodded slowly. ‘That’s right, Donna love. We fell out years ago but it’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it some day but have you seen the time?’
Donna glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece and couldn’t believe it was already after midnight. She felt bad for having monopolised the conversation all night but it was obvious that Jan didn’t really want to talk about her own situation. She made a mental note to ask her about it again. Donna hoped she could be as good a listener as Jan was.
‘You head off to bed, Jan. I’m sure your head is bursting from everything I’ve told you tonight.’
‘Not at all, Donna love. I always enjoy our little chats. But you could probably do with a good sleep yourself. At least tomorrow is Sunday and neither of us has to work.’
‘Thank God for that,’ said Donna, yawning herself and realising that she was exhausted. ‘And thanks so much for everything. You’re a star.’
‘The feeling is mutual.’ Jan stretched and stood up from the deep armchair.
Just then, Donna’s phone began to ring, startling both of them. She jumped up to grab it off the mantelpiece and looked at the display.
‘It’s Tina. That’s strange for her to be ringing at this time.’ She pressed the green button. ‘Hi, Tina. What’s up?’
It wasn’t Tina. It was Detective Joseph Simpson ringing from Tina’s phone. The words were all a blur. A house fire … her mother asleep with a cigarette … whole place filled with smoke … fire-fighters did all they could … no hope … dead … dead … dead …
The last thing Donna remembered was screaming, ‘Nooooooooo,’ as the world began to spin and she felt herself sliding downwards into oblivion. She needed to remove herself from the grim reality that was going to change the rest of her life.
Chapter 10
April 2010
Will hopped out of the shower and walked out into his little kitchen, allowing the heat in the air to dry his naked body. There was no need for modesty because there was nobody there to see him. He loved the freedom of living on his own – being the king of his castle, the master of his own destiny.
Things were going well for him in Perth. He’d given up the fruit picking and was now working full-time in the bar, which he loved. He still rented the little mobile home on the beach and had grown to think of it as home. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he was still there, sixteen months after leaving Ireland. He’d been so sure he wouldn’t settle anywhere for more than a couple of months but there was something about the city that made him want to stay.
He flicked the switch on the kettle to make a cup of tea. There were still two hours before he had to be at Brendan’s for dinner so he might just sit outside and read for a bit. April was a lovely time of year because the stifling heat of the summer had passed and, although there was still heat in the air, there was a cooling breeze that came with it. It was funny to see the locals beginning to wrap up warmer in their long sleeves and ditching the shorts in favour of jeans. To Will, it was still warmer than any summer months in Ireland.
Stepping into his little bedroom, he caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror attached to his wardrobe. Not bad. He’d been working
out on the beach every morning before going for a run and it was really beginning to show. He ran his hand over his tanned stomach and could definitely feel the beginnings of a six pack. He’d always been relatively fit but had never cared much about how toned his body was. But spending time on the beach and seeing tanned muscular surfers with their white blond hair blowing in the breeze had made him feel completely invisible and he’d vowed to do something about it.
He stepped into a pair of tight jersey Calvin Klein boxers and checked himself out again. Nice! He pulled a Diesel T-shirt over his head and slipped on a pair of cargo shorts and he was good to go. He’d enjoy an hour of the evening sun before heading out. Part of him was tempted to have a beer and just get a taxi tonight but he fancied taking the car so he made do with his cup of tea.
He and Brendan had become firm friends this last year and Will was really grateful to him for his friendship. Brendan had taken him out on a number of occasions to meet the lads and they’d enjoyed many good nights on the town. He’d met Brendan’s wife a couple of times too but had never really gotten to have a proper chat with her. It was usually just a quick hello when he’d call to the house to pick Brendan up to go somewhere or in a noisy bar when Brendan would bring her out with them. Since she was Irish too, Will was looking forward to having a good chat with her over dinner. From what he’d seen of her so far, she was bubbly, sweet and a lot of fun.
He adjusted his chair outside to face the hazy sun and balanced his mug of tea on the arm. His mother had sent him over a supply of Barry’s teabags and, he had to admit, he was really grateful for them. The tea over here wasn’t a patch on the Irish tea and, once he’d had his first sip of Barry’s, thoughts of home had filled his head.
His dad would be sixty soon but he wouldn’t be home for it. He remembered that phone call back in November, when his mother asked what date he’d be home and he’d had to tell her that he was extending his visa for another year. ‘But what about your job?’ she’d cried. ‘I was keeping it open for you for a year. And what will you do for money? That bar job couldn’t be paying you much. And what about your daddy’s birthday? How am I going to tell him his only son is going to miss his big sixtieth birthday?’ Will knew his father wouldn’t care whether he was there for his birthday or not. He didn’t go much for the ceremony of birthdays. He said that it just reminded him he was getting old. But of course his mother would use every trick in the book to get Will to change his mind and come home.
But he’d remained firm in his resolve to stay away for two years. He knew he’d go home eventually but the time just wasn’t right yet. Will was living with a constant belief that there was something missing from his life. He didn’t know what it was, but he always believed that he’d know when he found it. Maybe it was a job, maybe it was a place or maybe it was the love of his life. It was just a feeling that his life was a puzzle and there was a piece missing. When his one year had been almost up, he’d known that it just wasn’t enough. But he also knew now that he’d have to think out his next few months very carefully. Much as he loved Perth, he was going to have to see more of Australia before his second year ran out, because he’d always regret it if he didn’t.
He checked his watch. Six o’clock. Maybe he’d just close his eyes for a bit. It wouldn’t take him long to drive to Will’s home in Joondalup, a lovely, vibrant cosmopolitan area twenty minutes from Perth city centre. If Will was ever going to settle in Perth, Joondalup would be one of the places he’d consider and he often felt a pang of envy when he’d drive up the street towards Brendan’s lovely four-bed detached house. But then he’d tell himself off for thinking like that when settling down really wasn’t an option for him at the moment. Maybe some day, he mused, as he closed his eyes. Whenever all the pieces fit together.
* * *
‘I’ve done it, Jan. I’ve booked the tickets. Can you believe it?’
‘Ah, love, that’s brilliant. I’m delighted for you. Really I am.’ Jan wrapped her chubby arms around Donna and hugged her tightly. ‘And you’re doing the right thing, you know.’
‘I know,’ said Donna, hanging her coat up on a hook and walking with Jan into the bakery out back. ‘It’s taken me a while to realise that but it’s what she’d want me to do.’
‘Come on. This calls for a celebration. You go and stick the kettle on and I’ll bring us in a couple of jam tarts. I’m just about to take them out of the oven.’
Donna headed into the little staff kitchen and filled the kettle with water. Yesterday had been full of mixed emotions. She’d been filled with trepidation about what she was about to do but once she’d bought the tickets she’d begun to get excited.
The last fourteen months had been hell for Donna. After the fire, she’d found it very hard to pick herself up. She’d spent most of her life trying not to hate her mother for the way she was, telling herself that it really wasn’t her fault and that alcoholism was a disease. But in one night, one fateful night, her years of compassion had been thrown out the window when her mother had managed to destroy everything Donna loved. It was ironic. Usually people let go of hate after someone dies but, for Donna, it was really only after her mother’s death that she felt she truly hated her.
Most of the house had escaped the flames but the smoke had seeped right through every air vent, every pipe and even the insulation in the walls. Every room had been filled with a disgusting black, sticky substance and the stench had been unbearable. Apparently they could make it as good as new again. Nothing had been structurally damaged so it was a case of months of intense cleaning. But Donna never wanted to set foot in the place again, other than to salvage as much of their personal stuff as she could. After staying with Jan for a few weeks, she’d decided to rent herself a little flat on Dorset Street. It was perfect. It was within walking distance of the city centre – and, more importantly, the bakery.
The switch of the kettle clicked and Donna jumped with fright. A shiver ran down her spine and she had to give herself a mental shake to try and focus on the future and not the past. She’d spent too long being angry and bitter but now she was going to do something productive.
She stood up and popped two teabags in the little yellow teapot. She slowly poured the boiling water in and gave it a little stir. As she carried it over to the table, she smiled to herself. The next year was going to be an adventure – not something she would have planned if circumstances were different, but she was going to embrace it, nonetheless.
When she’d collected their things from the smoke-damaged house, she’d spent all night sitting on Jan’s little sofa going through boxes of stuff. Most of it had been junk but then she’d found it. It was a piece of paper covered in Tina’s handwriting. It was the one she’d shown her that day at the kitchen table when she’d revealed her dream itinerary for the places she’d love to travel to. ‘It’s just a dream at the moment,’ Tina had said that night. ‘But one day I might make it happen.’ So from that moment on, Donna had vowed to do it for her. It had taken her fourteen months to save the money and to pluck up the courage to do it, but she’d finally bought the tickets the previous evening.
‘Here we go,’ said Jan, placing a plate of steaming hot jam pies on the table. ‘It’s a new recipe so let me know what you think. My Bob made the jam, would you believe? A dab hand at it, he is.’
‘Wow. He’s a man of hidden talents. He’ll make some woman very happy some day.’
Jan shook her head. ‘I’m beginning to think I’m spoiling him too much at home. He might just stay with me forever. But anyway, enough about him. Tell me what your plans are.’
‘Well, I’m not heading over until the end of August so I still have a few months left. I have bits and pieces to sort out but I’d still like to keep the job for as long as I can, if that’s okay.’
‘Of course it is, love. You hardly thought I was going to turf you out now, did you? So are you stopping off anywhere or heading straight over to Lexie?’
Donna took a sip of her tea.
‘Straight to Lexie. I want to spend a bit of time with her first before I go travelling. I can’t believe it’s been three years since she’s been home.’
‘You must really miss her. Especially since … well, you know …’
‘I really do. And I can’t think of a better tonic than spending a few weeks with her.’
‘It’ll do you the world of good, Donna. Your life hasn’t been much fun these last few years,’ Jan said.
Donna nodded and all of a sudden, she felt tears well up in her eyes. ‘You’ll look after things here for me, Jan, won’t you? I mean, you know, the visits and everything. I know it’s a lot to ask of you but …’
‘Of course I will, love.’ Jan reached over and took her hand. ‘You know you can rely on me.’
‘I know I can, Jan. But I keep having doubts about whether or not I’m doing the right thing.’
‘Listen, love, I want this to be the last time you doubt yourself. You’re doing this for Tina. You love her and miss her and you can think of her fondly as you travel to all the places she wanted to see. It will be hard at times but it’s the right thing to do.’
‘You’re right, Jan. I’m looking ahead to the future now. No more lingering on the past.’ She wiped her tears and smiled at the other woman. But Donna knew that she could never really be rid of the past as pictures of her mother kept flooding her brain. Her mother. Catherine O’Neill. Catherine had never given her much when she was alive and even as she died she’d managed to take away the thing that Donna had loved more than anything else in the world. It was hard to forget that.
* * *
‘Hiya, Will.’ Brendan opened the door, looking relaxed and casual in swimming shorts and a tank top. ‘We’ve decided to stick on the barbie rather than cooking inside. I hope that’s okay with you?’
Will stepped inside and handed Brendan a bottle of red wine and a six pack of beer. ‘That’s perfect for me, thanks. It smells divine.’