by Maria Duffy
Will sat on a grassy area and looked down sadly at a couple kissing passionately on the beach. He envied them. They seemed completely unaware of everything that was going on around them. It was as though they’d paused the world so that they could become lost in their embrace. That had been him and Silvia only yesterday. He’d taken her in his arms while they were sitting looking out over Sydney Harbour and they’d kissed for what seemed like an eternity. That was before everything had changed.
‘Here you go, grumpy,’ said Silvia, suddenly appearing in front of him holding out a large ice-cream cone. ‘This might cheer you up.’
Will smiled faintly and took the cone. ‘Thanks. But it’s going to take more than ice-cream, even if it does have sprinkles.’
‘Well, it’s a start.’ Silvia sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.
The couple on the beach were still kissing and Will sensed that Silvia saw them too because he noticed her eyes welling up. But he didn’t have the strength to comfort her. After all, it was her fault. It was all her doing. He still felt angry about it but now his anger was mixed with sadness and loneliness and it seemed as though his head might burst from it all.
Silvia wasn’t coming with him. He was leaving for Auckland in New Zealand next week but she wouldn’t be leaving with him. They’d had it all planned. She’d booked a ticket on the same flight as him and they were going to tour around New Zealand together. First the north island and then the south. But that was until Silvia had announced yesterday that she just couldn’t do it. She missed her family and friends too much. She wanted to go home to Perth.
Will had felt like she’d punched him in the stomach. Neither of them had mentioned the ‘L’ word yet but he’d really begun to think he was falling in love with her. He’d always known it wouldn’t be an easy love because they came from two different corners of the globe, but he’d felt they’d work it out. True love always finds a way. Isn’t that what they said? But right now he couldn’t see a way. His visa was almost up which meant he had to leave Australia so even if he’d been willing to go back to Perth with Silvia, he couldn’t.
‘I’m not going to just forget you, you know,’ said Silvia, as if reading his mind. ‘And it’s not that I don’t have strong feelings for you, because I do.’
Will spun around to look at her. ‘Well then reconsider. Come with me. Think of it as a holiday and you can go home at the end of it.’
Silvia shook her head. ‘But that’s just it, Will. I’d still be going home and leaving you. I just don’t see how this could work.’
Will was about to say something again but changed his mind. He sighed. She was right. It just wasn’t going to work, no matter what way he looked at it.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ he said, standing up and holding out his hand for her. ‘Let’s just enjoy the few days we have left before we have to say goodbye.’
They drove in silence back to their hotel and Will found it hard to bite back the tears. But once they entered the foyer and heard the Christmas music playing, things seemed a little brighter. They had five more days in this gorgeous hotel. It had been a Christmas present from Will’s mum and dad. His mum had rung him a few weeks before and had asked him what she could send him over for Christmas. ‘A nice soft bed,’ he’d said, jokingly, regaling her with tales of camping on hard ground and sharing the tent with a lovely array of insects. He’d also told her how his car had been giving him trouble from the time he was in Darwin and he’d had to eventually abandon it in Brisbane. He hadn’t thought any more about it until she’d rung again a few days later and said they’d booked him into a gorgeous four-star hotel close to Sydney Harbour. He’d been really touched by the gesture, especially since his mother really just wanted him back home.
‘Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?’ Will asked, as they got dressed for dinner in the room. ‘I mean, do you really think next week will be goodbye forever?’
Silvia looked at him and this time he saw tears rolling down her face. ‘I don’t know, Will. I wish I had the answers and I wish I could say we’ll definitely see each other again but I honestly don’t know.’
He took her hand and led her over to the bed, where he gently pulled her down and wrapped his arms around her. He just wanted to hold her. He’d always thought he was independent. He’d initially enjoyed being a lone traveller and not having anyone else to think about. But since the day he’d met Silvia, he realised what he’d been missing. Companionship. Friendship. And maybe even love.
As he lay there, he could hear Jack’s voice in his head saying: ‘Don’t let anything hold you back, mate. You need to get out there and live your life to the full.’ And that’s what he was going to do. He’d thought that maybe Silvia was his destiny but life had a habit of playing nasty tricks on him so he was just going to have to wait and see what lay ahead.
He was suddenly aware of soft snores and realised that Silvia had fallen asleep in his arms. He looked at her fondly and smiled. Maybe they wouldn’t bother with dinner after all. So what if it was Christmas. It didn’t matter what they were doing, once they were doing it together. They had just a precious few days left and Will was going to make sure they didn’t waste a single moment.
* * *
Well, it certainly wasn’t that special moment of serendipity, despite what she’d thought earlier on the beach. Donna just felt empty as she glanced at the figure beside her in the bed. Leo was conked out, his head tilted at just the right angle to allow drool to run down the side of his face, dandruff from his hair evident on the navy bedclothes. Somehow he just didn’t look so handsome any more.
After their kiss on the beach, Donna had been in no doubt where the evening was going. They’d gone straight to Leo’s room when they’d arrived back at the hostel and had wasted no time in getting down to business. It had been nice. But there’d been no fanfare or moments of wonderment. It had served a purpose but nothing more. A bitter disappointment.
Donna slipped quietly from the bed and retrieved her clothes from the various corners of the room. She took one last glance at Leo before leaving to head back to the sanctuary of her own room. She felt a little annoyed at herself for letting things go so far today. That moment on the beach had been lovely. If she hadn’t let it go any further, they might have even enjoyed more of those moments. But not now. Not since they’d crossed that line.
She lay back on her own bed and checked the time on her phone. Six o’clock. Marlee had suggested they all go for a nice Christmas meal somewhere but Donna wasn’t feeling like it. A pang of homesickness hit her suddenly and all she wanted was to be back in Ireland, enjoying a cold, rainy Irish Christmas. She wondered what Jan was up to. It was nine in the morning over there so she was probably getting dinner organised and no doubt baking several gorgeous desserts for after.
Just two more months and she’d be heading home. Two more months before she’d be back in that bakery, chatting to Jan over a plate of freshly made scones, and regaling her with stories of her travels. That was it! She needed to talk to her friend. She needed to hear a comforting voice from home. She sat up and grabbed her phone again, dialling the number from memory.
‘Hello, love,’ came Jan’s motherly voice, as clear as though she was in the room beside her. ‘I was just thinking about you.’
And that was all she needed. She hugged her knees to herself as she listened to the other woman’s voice and thanked God for one good and stable thing in her life.
Chapter 17
21 February 2011
Donna threw her book down on the bed and stretched. For the first time in a while she was having a lazy day and was loving every minute of it. She’d arrived in Christchurch in New Zealand’s south island late yesterday evening and when she reached the guesthouse she’d pre-booked, she suddenly felt exhausted. She hadn’t even had the energy to eat anything but instead had collapsed into bed and had been fast asleep by nine o’clock.
She’d been shocked when she’d woken earlier and saw it
was eleven o’clock. She’d slept for fourteen hours straight. Her stomach had been rumbling so she’d reluctantly dragged herself out of bed and found a McDonald’s practically next door. Ten minutes later she’d been back in bed with an Egg McMuffin and a cup of tea, relishing the comfort of her new surroundings.
She took her phone from the locker beside the bed and checked the display. Almost half past two. She should really get herself up and do something. And besides, she was beginning to get really hungry again and had nothing there to eat except a bar of melted chocolate and a few mints.
Humming to herself, she hopped out of bed and went into the little bathroom to take a shower. Although small, this place was pure luxury in comparison to a lot of the hostels she’d stayed in during her travels. She’d been lucky enough to meet a girl in Auckland who’d just come from Christchurch and had given her the phone number of the place. It was a guesthouse right on the main street, just ten minutes from the city centre. It was run by Mrs Garraway, an elderly lady, who prided herself on her hospitality and yet it was only a few dollars per night more expensive than the hostels. The woman had even presented her with a tray of tea and biscuits when she’d arrived the previous evening and Donna had immediately felt she was going to enjoy her stay here.
She switched off the shower and wrapped herself in one of the big fluffy yellow towels that came with the room. Even that was luxury compared to the tatty, threadbare ones that had travelled with her for the last few months. She pulled out her old denim shorts and a top from her rucksack and then suddenly had a change of heart. Today felt like a dress day. She only had a couple of dresses and one pair of kitten heels and these were usually saved for special occasions. But today did feel special. She wasn’t sure why, but it just did. Maybe it was something to do with the fact she’d had such a good sleep and woke up in a great mood or maybe it was because she knew that in just a few short weeks she’d be back home in Ireland.
She stepped into the daisy-patterned sundress and slipped her feet into the shoes. After spending the last couple of months in flip-flops, it felt strange to wear proper shoes again. She took a brush from the pocket of her bag to try and put some order on her unruly hair. She was really looking forward to getting back home. There’d been times during her travels when she wanted to give in – she’d felt alone and scared and had just wanted to be back home where things were familiar. But she felt proud now that she’d continued and visited all the places Tina had on her list. All that remained was New York and, after her few days in Christchurch, she was heading over there for the remaining ten days of her trip.
The piercing ring of her phone interrupted her thoughts and she grabbed it quickly from the locker.
‘Hello.’
‘Hi, Donna. It’s Lexie.’
‘Lexie! It’s great to hear from you. How are things?’
‘Okay, I suppose.’
Donna flopped down on the bed and lay back on the pillow. ‘Right, tell me all.’
‘All what?’
‘Come on, Lexie. I know you so well. “Okay I suppose” isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of how things are going for you. What’s up?’
‘It’s Brendan.’ Lexie sighed. ‘I … I’m just not sure whether he still wants to be with me.’
‘What?’ Donna was genuinely surprised. She thought that they were the perfect couple and that Brendan was head over heels in love with his wife. ‘What’s made you think that? Surely you’re just imagining it.’
‘I’m definitely not imagining it, Donna. You know how I want a baby and Brendan said we should wait a while?’
‘Yes. Go on.’
‘Well, it’s been more than a while and he still won’t consider it. I’m desperate to have a child and he keeps fobbing me off with a different excuse every time. We don’t have the money, we haven’t got the time, we wouldn’t be able to have the fun we have now … honestly, I’m getting really sick of it.’
‘I know it doesn’t seem fair, but you have to respect how he feels too. You’re still both young and he obviously doesn’t feel ready.’
‘Don’t take his side, Donna!’
Donna rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not taking sides. I’m just trying to look at it objectively. I’m sure he’ll come around to the idea.’
‘Well, I’m fed up waiting. I was even thinking of accidentally forgetting to take my pill for a while and see what would happen.’
‘Jesus, Lexie. You can’t do that.’
‘And why not? It’s my body.’
Donna felt enraged. ‘Listen to yourself, will you. You sound like a mad woman. You can’t take things into your own hands like that.’
‘But I’m sure that he’d come around to the idea if he had no choice. If I was pregnant, he’d just have to accept it.’
‘Lexie, you’re deluded. He could either end up leaving you or, worse still, you’d bring a baby into the world that wasn’t wanted. How is that fair on anyone?’
‘But he or she would be wanted. I’d want it.’
‘You can’t do that to Brendan, Lexie – to your marriage. It’s ludicrous. Talk to him again and tell him how strongly you feel.’
‘Hmm. Maybe. But let’s not talk about that any more. Tell me about you. How is Christchurch?’
‘Actually, I haven’t really checked it out yet and I’m already running late for a tour of the city I booked. I’ll have to catch you again.’
They said their goodbyes and Donna was glad the conversation was over. She’d lied about the tour but she hadn’t felt like talking to Lexie after she told her about her plans to fool her husband. Donna knew from bitter experience that it wasn’t good to bring a baby into the world that wasn’t wanted and she’d been surprised that her friend would stoop so low. But she wasn’t going to let Lexie ruin her good mood. She was going to go and get herself something to eat and then get some maps from the tourist office in the city. The lady who owned the guesthouse had given her a few tips for places to visit over the next few days and she wanted to check out what guided tours were available.
She checked her reflection in the mirror and, as a last-minute thought, she rooted in a pocket of her rucksack and pulled out a lipstick that she rarely used. She never wore make-up at all, actually, but every now and then the lipstick would make an appearance for a special occasion. She smacked her lips together and was finally ready. A few minutes later she was walking along the path to the city centre with a spring in her step. There was something magical about this city. She could feel it in the air.
* * *
Will handed the keys to the guy behind the desk and headed back outside into the sunshine. He’d arrived in Christchurch a couple of weeks back but, instead of staying in the city, he’d hired a car and had driven right around the island. He was back now to stay for a few days and explore the city. The guy in the car hire place had pointed him towards the city centre and he headed off in that direction.
He’d managed to get used to being on his own again, after parting ways with Silvia in Sydney. After he’d discovered she wasn’t going to be travelling to New Zealand with him, he’d cancelled his own flight and had stayed on for a few extra weeks. That time together had been bittersweet – he’d savoured every moment they spent talking and laughing and curled up together in bed, but it was stained with the knowledge that they’d have to say goodbye.
But when he’d sat on that plane on the way to New Zealand, one thing had become clear to him. He didn’t love Silvia. Well, maybe he did a little – but he certainly wasn’t in love with her. He’d expected to be devastated – to spend the flight trying to bite back the tears. And, yes, he’d felt empty and lonely and missed her from the time he kissed her goodbye. But he hadn’t felt devastated. Silvia had come along at a time when he was at a low ebb. He’d been feeling bitter at his mother and he’d been thinking a lot about Jack after his visit home. Silvia had filled a void and had helped him to forget his problems. He hadn’t used her. Far from it. He’d really liked her and had loved s
pending time with her. But parting from her had just made him realise that she hadn’t been the one.
Only minutes later he found himself in the centre of the city and checked the directions the guy in the car hire place had given him for the tourist office. He walked out towards Cathedral Square where the beautiful Christchurch Cathedral stood regally in the heart of the city. He was looking forward to exploring the city that boasted both beautiful landscapes and architecture.
He checked his watch and saw it was almost four o’clock. Although he was tempted to go and get something to eat first, he thought he’d better get to the tourist office in case it closed. He checked his map again and headed down a side street, smiling to himself as he heard two women with shopping bags chatting. He’d never been able to distinguish between the Australian and New Zealand accents in the past, thinking they were more or less the same, but now he realised that it would be like saying there was no difference between the Irish and English accents. He found the New Zealand accent uplifting, the way they sang their words, but it was also funny how they pronounced their ‘e’s like ‘i’s. ‘Look at the size of that dick,’ he’d heard a woman shout to her husband during a day cruise he’d taken last week. He’d been shocked to hear the words come out of an elderly woman’s mouth until he’d realised she was pointing at the deck!
He found the tourist office and stepped inside, glad to be out of the heat for a while. The place was buzzing with tourists and the queues to speak to the people behind the counter were long so he decided to browse for a bit and maybe pick up a few maps and brochures. He was glad now that he’d chosen to come to New Zealand’s south island. He’d initially planned to do both north and south but, what with staying on longer than he intended in Sydney, he’d decided to just do one or the other. So far, he’d adored the island and all it had to offer and it looked like Christchurch wouldn’t be any different.
The queues weren’t getting any smaller so when he saw that the office was open until six, he decided to go and get a coffee somewhere nearby and come back. He grabbed a handful of leaflets to read and was just about to head out the door when suddenly a woman came flying in, having tripped on the step, and he only just managed to save her from falling on her face on the floor.